Amelia has this happy look on her face while we pull on our clothes.
“Sorry I have to go,” I croak with a raw throat, because dammit, I am sad as hell that I can’t wait around to rally and do that again. Instead, I need to go get my kiddo from his mom’s.
“No sweat,” she says easily. “Congrats again on passing your test, Captain Jacobs.”
I plant a kiss on her forehead, and her brow twitches in question. “Yes?” I invite her question.
“Can I just ask, what’s changed today that you wanted to sleep with me? I mean, I’m not complaining, I’ve been picturing giving that pony a ride since I first laid eyes on you…”
“You have?” I gasp and push a hand to my chest, blinking my eyes rapidly. “Why Ms. Amelia, I’m scandalized.”
She chuckles. “Shush. You know I have. But what’s changed? Surely not just celebrating your license, are we?”
I shake my head. “I don’t really want to say until I have my pants on.” Holding the garment, I step into each leg at an excruciatingly slow pace that has her laughing.
“Hurry up!” she chastises, and I pull up the pants the rest of the way.
“It was your dad,” I answer with a cringing smile on my face.
Pulling her into my arms, I plant another kiss on her temple. “He said to ask you on a date. He approves of us being a thing.”
“Well duh, I told you as much.”
“Yeah, but I couldn’t trust your word, you were dick-crazed.” I open my eyes wide, waiting for her protest that never comes. “Call it like you see it, Jacobs.”
“If you’re down to take a break, you can come pick up Theo with me. I’m taking him ice skating today, and you should see the tiny ice skates he wears. Heart-melting.”
Just then, her phone starts to chime and she grabs it, pressing the alarm button.
“What’s that for?” I ask like the nosy possessive boyfriend I’m clearly about to become.
My brow drops into my eyes. “For…”
She sucks in a sharp breath, and her face crumbles. “Well, it’s probably nothing, and I just have to take it because it was offered, you know? I’m sure I won’t get it anyway, but one of the places I applied to a few weeks back finally called, and I have a video conference with them today.”
“An interview?” I snap, my voice raising higher than I mean it to. “I mean, um, that’s great. Good luck.” Red flashing lights and bells are ringing in my head so loudly I can barely focus. It feels like the ground is tilting under my feet, and I grab onto the doorframe to steady myself.
“West, it’s not like I’m trying to leave or anything, but I do live in New York, and I’m getting closer on The Daff and everything, and I’m just… I was never really sure I was going to stay here and_”
“You don’t need to explain,” I cut her off. “You’re right. Anyway, thanks for the fuck. Good luck on the interview. I have to go pick up my kid.” My hand stays planted on the wall as I use it to steady myself and disappear from the room. Son of a bitch. I just gave myself to her, and I wouldn’t have if I’d known, because now I know what I’m missing, and I can’t just be fucking random girls to get my rocks off. Plus, I’m pretty sure no women compare to Amelia, and she’s now spoiled me for other girls.
Slamming the door harder than I should, the glass rattles in the frame, and I take a glance back just to be sure I didn’t break it. Thankfully, I didn’t, but that means I have to look back at Amelia’s wrecked face, which is wholly unfair because she’s the one who got my hopes up and screwed me over.
Fuck, what I wouldn’t do to go down to the bar and shout my troubles into a bottle of whiskey right now. But I can’t even do that. Instead, I have to get in the car and put on a happy face. Well, not just yet though. Halfway to Abby’s, I pull off behind the seven eleven and let the hot tears spill down my face for three minutes, because that’s all the time I have to spare.
I use the rest of the short drive to Abby’s to breathe through the pain, and by the time I arrive, I’ve managed to crumple all my feelings down into a ball that I’ve smashed into the pit of my stomach. My face stretches into a forced smile as I knock on the door and Theo crashes his little body into me. “I missed you like crazy,” I say into his hair as I lift him from the ground.
Abby hands me a bag of his favorite things, and we conclude our handoff as usual, wordless except for speaking to Theo. Someday he might notice, but for now I don’t think he knows what it means.
When I get him back into the car, I continue my rally. “Ready to go ice skating today?” I ask with all the faux enthusiasm I can muster.
His eyes get that sweet wide look of excitement, and it takes away just a little bit of the sting in my heart. “Ice skate?” he repeats as I finish buckling him and walk around to get into the driver’s seat. Looking at him in the mirror, I put the car in gear and back down the driveway. “That’s right. There’s a rink indoors, so it’s nice and warm, and we can wear our t-shirts while we glide across the ice.”
“I go ice skate?” Man, his little voice always lifts my spirits. How can I be mad when I have this sweet little man to brighten my days? If only that still felt like enough.
“Yup. And I’ll hold onto you so you don’t fall and get hurt.” If only there was someone to do the same for me. But it’s too late for me now. I’m already hurt, broken more than before, more than I even knew possible.
For the rest of the ride, I listen as Theo tries to tell me about his week, and even though most of it doesn’t make any sense, I nod along and ask questions to keep him talking. Listening is a lot easier than talking right now. Hell, I might burst into tears again if I try to talk, and that’d really scare my kid. He’s empathetic to other people. Always has been. If you cry, he cries. If you laugh, he laughs.
“Meala ice skate?” Theo suddenly asks, and the question makes my teeth rattle.
“Call Meala,” he persists.
“She’s busy,” I say plainly. I can’t talk about her right now. I’m too pissed, and Theo’s desire to be around her stabs at my heart even more.
“Want Meala,” he shouts, a deep scowl forming on his face. Since when did he get so spoiled?
“I said no!” I roar, and immediately tears start to stream down his face. Fuck, I am such an asshole.
Finally, we pull into the rink, and I’m pissed that today didn’t go differently, that my celebration didn’t end with Amelia skating hand-in-hand with me and little Teddie. Instead, it’s me fuming and Theo crying because his dad is a dickhead.
I want to call her a bitch to make myself feel better, but she’s not. She’s just a twenty-two-year-old trying to find her place in the world, and I was stupid to think that place was going to ever be with me. She just wanted to hook up all along. That’s all it ever was, and I was too flattered by being pursued by her to see that. Now it’s too late.
“Hey, guys,” Chloe calls out as she steps out from her car. Henry is pulling Sunny out of the backseat, and they all wave in unison. Good one, universe. Rub the happy family in my face why don’t you.
I forgot I invited them until just this moment, but maybe a distraction will be good for me.
Once we get inside and get the kids situated, even the adorably tiny skates don’t cheer me up. Henry holds their hands and walks them to the ice as Chloe and I stash our stuff into a locker.
“You look grumpier than usual, what’s going on?” she asks while we have a second alone.
“You’re a shit matchmaker, that’s what’s happened,” I snap, happy to blame anyone willing to step into the line of fire.
“What did I do?” she groans and slams the locker shut.
I turn the key and pocket it. “You were all like, go after Amelia, ’cause that will work out great and won’t at all rip your heart out.”
“Uh-oh, what happened?” Chloe is completely unfazed by my outburst as we wobble toward the rink in our skates, and I feel fucking ridiculous on top of everything else.
“Just when I finally decided to give things a real shot with her, I find out she’s going back to New York.”
Chloe’s brow pinches, her eyes boring into me in challenge. “Did she say that?”
“Well, not officially, but she might as well have. She’s interviewing right now with a restaurant there. And she said The Daff is almost done, so that’s it. She’ll be gone before I know it. And no woman will ever measure up to her.” I guess my feelings weren’t crammed down in a tight ball, because right now it feels like I’m trapped in a consuming cocoon of pain.
She wraps me in a little hug as we reach the rink again. Henry’s out with both our toddlers, dragging them around as they try to walk on their skates. “I didn’t realize you loved her so much.”
“I don’t love her,” I spit the words as if they are poison that I need to get out of my mouth.
“Did you tell her you loved her?”
“What did I just say?” I give her a pointed look. Why doesn’t she listen? She is unsufferable right now. Maybe I should have talked to Henry instead. “Ugh, you’re infuriating.”
“You don’t fool me. You’d only be this mad if you actually loved her. And if you do, you should totally tell her, because that might sway her thinking. I mean, hell, West, it’s been how long since she found out that you wanted to try a relationship with her finally, and you just blew up on her. Did I get that right?”
My brain feels scrambled as I follow her logic. Maybe she has like a teeny tiny point. But if Amelia felt the same way as I feel, why would she have taken the interview at all?
“But you just want to be mad right now, don’t you?” Her finger pokes hard into my chest. Henry’s finishing the first lap with the kids and approaching us.
“Maybe,” I grunt and step out into the rink, skating over to Teddie and grabbing his hand because Chloe might have a point, and I’m feeling like an idiot for not seeing it before.
After I take a few laps with Teddie, Henry catches up to us while Chloe takes Sunny off the rink for a break. “So, my wife got me up to speed and uh, I thought you didn’t ever want um, apple pie again?”
“Apple pie?” I question, almost ready to laugh at the ridiculousness of the metaphor Henry is attempting.
“Yeah, work with me here.”
“Can’t we just talk about this later?” I nod toward Theo whose eyes are focused in concentration as he fights to push on the skates rather than just take a bunch of tiny steps that get him nowhere.
“Of course we could, but answer me anyway.” Henry grabs Theo’s other hand, and we both lift him off the ice in unison. Theo giggles with joy and then lets us pull him like he’s on a sled, keeping his feet locked to the ice.
“Fine. You’re right. I thought I didn’t. And then I found out I passed my test today, and I had this talk with Dale a few days ago, and he sort of gave his blessing, and I realized I didn’t really have a reason to fight it anymore so_”
Theo’s little voice cuts me off. “Pilot test?” he questions, looking up at me.
A big smile tugs on my cheeks, this time it’s real. “Yeah, buddy. I passed. I’m a pilot now.”
The admiration on his face is so fucking sweet my heart melts just enough to soften the edges, even if the center is frozen solid.
“Bro, congrats. I can’t believe you didn’t lead with that.” Henry manages to both congratulate and scold me in the same sentence.
“Yeah, thanks. I was on cloud nine until, um, apple pie rotted.”
“Rotted?” Henry questions, arching a brow at me.
I look down at Theo as if to remind him my kid is here.
“Okay, rotted. Can you like, talk to the apple pie and try to see if maybe you were jumping to conclusions and the apple pie really does love you back?”
“Subtle,” I groan, but Theo seems oblivious. “Maybe.”