“NO, YOU’RE NOT. You can’t be.”
“Excuse me?”
He’d heard what she’d said, but it made no sense at all. Unless... “Okay, maybe I missed something. You’re pregnant, but who’s the—?”
“Don’t.” She held up her hand, a flash of anger crossing her face. “Don’t even try to do that.”
His brain hadn’t fully recovered from what they’d just done, but of all the things she could have said, “I’m pregnant” had not even been on his radar. “We just now had sex, and we used protection. There’s no way you can claim to be carrying our child without sounding totally crazy.”
Maybe she was crazy. Had she wanted to meet in one of their offices for just this purpose? To have sex and then say she was pregnant? Why? Did she want something from him?
His ex-fiancée’s desire to marry a plastic surgeon spewed back into his mind. But as bad as that was, she’d never pretended to be pregnant to get what she wanted.
It made everything he’d done with Nicola seem tainted now. When he thought of what he’d said. Of what they’d done...
“Sorry to disappoint you, Kaleb. But even your sperm doesn’t wear a Superman cape and make me magically aware of the moment of conception. I did a pregnancy test at home several days ago that came back positive. And my appointment was with a friend in New Jersey to confirm the news.” Her lips tightened. “It’s from that night at the hotel. Not today.”
The pieces fell into place with a thump that made his head rattle. Hell, how could he not have figured out what she was trying to say? That’s why she’d seemed so strange when she left the hospital.
She was pregnant. And it was his baby. So why had she had sex with him just now?
Unless she was softening him up. Manipulating him, hoping to get the reaction she wanted.
His ex had used sex, too, right before asking him do a little work on her face.
“Did you plan to have sex with me? Is that why you wanted to go back to your office rather than talk somewhere in the open?”
“No!” She cleared her throat before continuing. “No, of course not. And this shouldn’t have happened at all. It’s just that I knew once I told you... Never mind. I’m sorry. Truly I am. And I don’t expect you to do anything about the baby. I just felt like you should know. And you were bound to figure it out, since Immaculate Conception hasn’t happened in a very long time.”
“The baby.” His brain latched on to those two words. “So you’re keeping it.”
“I am. I’m sorry if that makes you uncomfortable. I’m not planning on telling anyone who the father is. I’ll even leave you off the birth certificate. I just didn’t want you to put two and two together and start asking awkward questions.”
“This goes a little beyond awkward, don’t you think? How did this happen, anyway?”
She gave a laugh that sounded pained. “How does it normally happen? It starts off with a man and a woman doing what we did here in this bathroom.”
“Hell. And I need to be somewhere in fifteen minutes. We need to talk. Outside of the hospital this time.”
“There’s no need. Like I said, I don’t expect anything out of you.”
He felt like an idiot now. He’d suspected all kinds of nefarious motives that had no place in reality. Who was crazy now?
“Well, you might not expect anything, but I expect something from myself. This is my child. And I’d appreciate not being cut out of his or her life.” His anger flared, but this time at himself. At the way he’d just dragged her into the bathroom as if he had no self-control at all. Maybe he didn’t. Not where she was concerned. After all, hadn’t he cuddled her close in that hotel room, as if there was something more between them than sex? And he wasn’t quite sure what to do with that thought.
He and Snow had made a pact, dammit. One that he knew was for the best.
And yet here he was, expecting a child with someone he didn’t love. It was crazy to be expecting a child with anyone, for that matter. He didn’t have the picture-perfect marriage that his parents had and probably never would. His track record in that department was so seriously flawed it was laughable. This latest foray just drove that point home.
This poor kid.
But it was what it was. There was a baby, and along with the reality that was staring him in the face came responsibility. A responsibility he couldn’t turn his back on. Nor did he want to. If Nicola was having this baby, he was damn well going to make sure the child had a father he could be proud of. No more acting like nothing could touch him. No more dwelling on that damn pledge between him and Snow.
He was going to play a part in this baby’s life. A big part. Whether Nicola wanted him there or not.
She told you about it, didn’t she? That had to account for something.
“Meet me after work, and we’ll go somewhere and talk.”
“There’s no need to—”
“Yes, Nicola, there is. And if you think otherwise, you’re very much mistaken. This baby is going to grow up with a mother and a father.”
She stiffened. “I’m not getting married.”
“Then that makes it easier.” He gave a hard smile, ignoring the inference in her words. If she could pretend she didn’t remember their first night together, he could damn well pretend he didn’t understand. Because she was right. She wasn’t getting married. Not to him, anyway.
The vision of her standing in a wedding dress smiling at some man who wasn’t him made his gut twist sideways. But he’d better face facts. To marry her without love would only be setting them both up for disaster. Or for an ending like Snowden’s marriage. His wife had cheated on him and then filed for divorce. There was no way he was putting a child of his through that. So no marriage. Not today. And probably not ever. But there had to be other ways of making sure their baby knew his father loved him or her.
But would he even be able to love a child?
At the thought of a baby, cradled in his arms, his gut shifted again. Along with his heart. Yes, he would. He was sure of it.
As if reading his thoughts, her eyes moistened and she turned away. “I’m so sorry, Kaleb. I didn’t plan for any of this to happen.”
Of course, she hadn’t. And he had been a royal jerk. He went over and cupped her arms, his thumbs stroking her soft skin. He didn’t dare hug her. “I know. I’m not sure quite how this came about, but we’ll get through it. We’ll figure out how we’re going to handle the prenatal appointments, the birth and what comes afterward.”
“Prenatal?” Her face went very still. “Oh, but—”
“We can talk about it after work.” He glanced at his phone. “I really do need to go, before my patient wonders what happened to me. What time do you get off?”
There was a pause, and at first he thought she wasn’t going to tell him. Then she closed her eyes. “I get off at six.”
“I get off at five thirty. I’ll do a little work in my office while I’m waiting for you.”
“You want me to meet you...here?”
He glanced around. That was so not a good idea. Especially after all that had happened. “I think it’s better if we do this in a more neutral setting. Maybe one of the parks.”
“Okay.” The relief in her voice was obvious. “I’ll meet you just outside the hospital at six fifteen, okay? It’ll give me time to change into some jeans and sandals.”
That was probably a good idea, since her skirt had been far too convenient. Plus, seeing her in it would immediately bring up images he needed to file away for good. “All right. I’ll meet you at the west exit. The one you left through to go to your appointment.” Lord, that seemed like forever ago, when in reality it had been just yesterday. And he’d gone from thinking she might be leaving NYC Memorial to finding out he was going to father a child.
His world was pretty much in shambles right now. But as soon as he had time, he was going to sit down and figure out how to put it all to rights. At least he hoped that was possible. Because if not, it was going to be a very rough nine months. “You can stay in the office for as long as you need to.”
Right now, he needed to be anywhere but here. So with a quick wave, he headed out.
Waiting impatiently for the elevator doors to open, he pushed the button again. When they did, they revealed the last person he wanted to see right now. Snow. And unfortunately, his friend was the only one in the elevator.
“Just the man I’ve been looking for.”
“Not in the mood, Snow. I’m already late for an appointment with a patient.” And he definitely did not want to get into why he was late. Not to mention the aftermath of that ‘why’ with its accompanying revelation.
“That’s okay, I’ll ride down with you.” His friend grinned, completely ignoring what Kaleb had just said. “Interesting woman at the restaurant with you the other day. She’s new here, isn’t she?”
His jaw tightened enough to send a spear of pain through his skull. “Yes. And don’t get any ideas.” At least not yet. Not until he’d had a chance to sort through all of this and figure how to best deal with things. And he knew without a doubt that Snow was going to have an opinion or two of his own, once news of the pregnancy got out. Right now, though, he couldn’t deal with seeing his friend gloat. Or offer words of condolence that would make him feel even worse about the situation. Nothing was going to make this go away, so right now, he just needed time, and lots of it.
“I’m not getting any ideas. I was just curious about how you met her. I’d never seen her before that day at the restaurant. And you’re not exactly a social butterfly.”
No, he wasn’t. And that was definitely not a story he was going to get in to. “Nothing to be curious about. Harvey introduced us, since I happened to be there when she was getting the grand tour.”
That was actually the truth, since Harvey had indeed made those formal introductions. And the less formal ones?
Well, those were not something he was going to talk about. Not to his friend. Not to anyone, if he could help it. Kaleb had no idea what Nicola had told her friends or relatives. And right now, he didn’t care as long as none of them knew Snow personally.
The elevator came to a stop and Kaleb got off. Unfortunately, so did Snow. “Any chance we could meet up for drinks after work?” his friend said.
Since he was supposed to be meeting Nicola, he didn’t think so. “I can’t tonight.”
“Hot date?”
That made him stop and glare at his friend. “No date at all. I just have some stuff to do, that’s all.”
Like figure out how he and Nicola were going to make this whole thing work.
“Okay. No need to get all hot under the collar about it.”
“Sorry. It just hasn’t been a good day. How about Friday or Saturday for drinks?”
“Either of those works, since unlike you, I don’t have any special plans. Then again, we both agreed that was something we wouldn’t miss, right? The dating? The relationships?”
“Right.”
So how did he explain to his friend that while he might have technically kept the terms of their toast, he’d had sex with the newest member of NYC Memorial’s staff? Not once, but twice. And had fathered a child with her. Hell. He couldn’t even explain it to himself, much less anyone else. At least not right now. Not until he’d had a chance to sit down with Nicola and come up with a plan they could both agree on.
And right now, he was at a loss as to how that was even possible. How any of it was possible. Other than to say that she’d somehow bewitched him and made him forget that he was a rational man who was supposed to have had a rational new outlook on life. And love.
Not that love was involved here. At all. And when Nicola had mentioned marriage, the feelings of how things had been with Melanie—and then after her, Candice—came roaring back. The slyness. The hints. Thank God Mel had never gotten pregnant, or the split would have been that much harder. And Candice... Well, she’d been looking for something in addition to love.
But Kaleb was no longer under the pressure of medical school the way he’d been when Melanie wanted to start a family. So maybe now wasn’t such a bad time to have a baby.
But with Nicola? He pulled up outside of one of the exam rooms. “Well, this is my stop. Let me know when you want to have those drinks.”
“How about tomorrow? Seven at our usual place.”
“Let’s try somewhere new.” Kaleb didn’t know why, but he didn’t want to go back to the bar where he’d met Nicola. Not with the way things were right now.
“Okay. How about that place in east Manhattan. I’m too old to go clubbing.”
“Define old.” He said it with a strained grin.
“Too old to stay out until two when I have to be back here at five in the morning.”
That he could definitely relate to. “Okay, east Manhattan it is. I’ll meet you at the bar on the corner of Sunset and Brewer.”
“Sounds good.” Snowden headed down the hallway.
Giving himself a moment or two to regain his composure, Kaleb finally pushed through the door to meet his first patient of the day. Or he should say his patient’s parents, since the person he was actually here to see was an infant who’d been born with a cleft lip.
As he took in the scene, he found a very young man and woman sitting in the two seats in the exam room. The man was holding a wrapped bundle. The sight made his chest squeeze. Why did he have to be dealing with a baby, now of all times?
Kaleb forced a friendly smile. “Hello, I’m Dr. Sabat. You must be Mr. and Mrs. Taylor?”
“Yes. Jim and Terra. And this is Trey.”
Trey.
If he and Nicola had this baby, what would they name him or her? Would he even be given a chance to help decide?
He set the chart on the bed and peered down at the swaddled baby, the squeezing in his chest growing tighter.
He needed to get his mind back on his job, for his patient’s sake. He tried to look at the baby in terms of the cleft defect, which was clearly visible on the right side of the infant’s face. According to the chart, the hard palate wasn’t affected, just the lip. It would be a fairly straightforward repair. He would just have to make sure he lined the lip margins up perfectly. It might not be noticeable now, but any deviation would become obvious as the child grew and the skin on his lips stretched.
Trey’s mom looked at him. “Can this be fixed? I don’t want anyone to...” Her voice cracked and she had to try again. “I don’t want anyone to make fun of him.”
He could well understand her fear. And it was his job to help quell any fear. And in this case it was easy to give reassurance.
“Babies have a remarkable ability to heal. If all goes well, in six months this will be barely noticeable. Maybe a slight redness as the scar heals. But by the time he starts school? It will be a very narrow white line. Certainly not something his peers will notice when they’re out on the playground. On the off chance there is a problem, we can do revision surgery a little bit later.”
Jim Taylor looked at him for a long time, a muscle in his jaw working, then he spoke. “Is Trey paying the price for being...unplanned?”
Shock went through him, and Kaleb had to work hard to make sure neither of his parents saw it. “Of course not. This was a simply a glitch that happened during cell division. Your baby is going to be fine.” He normally didn’t give reassurances like this, because nothing was ever certain when it came to surgery, but the baby’s dad seemed so beaten down by guilt that Kaleb hadn’t been able to help himself. “I’m sorry if someone told you that.”
“No,” Terra said. “No one said that, but when I first got pregnant...” She closed her eyes. “I didn’t want the baby. It was only a couple of weeks later, when I’d decided against getting an abortion, that I allowed myself to care for him. Maybe my rejecting him ended up doing something to him. Maybe it caused that ‘glitch’ you talked about.”
While there were certainly studies that seemed to indicate that high levels of stress early in pregnancy could play a part in some types of birth defects, cleft lip being one of those, the stress would have to be something sudden and profound to disrupt development.
“That’s highly unlikely, Terra. I wouldn’t worry about that. And Trey’s lip should be easy to repair.”
It made him think, though. It had to have been stressful for Nicola to tell him about her pregnancy. Were damaging hormones even now flooding her system? He needed to make sure he didn’t add to her stress, even though what he’d said was true, that it was unlikely anything he said or did would contribute to his own baby having developmental challenges. And he was pretty sure she would be furious if he treated her with kid gloves.
Pulling up a stool, he said, “Let’s take a look.” Taking the baby from his father, he laid the infant on his lap, tummy facing up to do a mini exam of his own. Blue eyes stared up at him, blinking as they did an examination of his own. “Hey there, little one. How are you?” He touched a finger to the baby’s nose, a feeling of longing going through him. Would he hold his own baby like this, their eyes studying each other?
Swallowing and trying to corral his wayward emotions, he took his stethoscope and listened to Trey’s breathing, and especially to his heart, since sometimes cardiac problems accompanied cleft lips and palates. But everything looked and sounded good.
“He’s had an EKG, has he not?”
“Yes. His pediatrician said his heart was normal. His lungs are good, too. It seems to be just his lip and nothing else.”
Just his lip and nothing else.
Something rattled around in the back of his head. His melanoma patient had thought she just had a deviated septum. Simple. Easy fix. What if this wasn’t as cut-and-dried as it looked? What if he was giving them an assurance that didn’t match the situation?
Where was this uncertainty coming from?
Maybe because now he was expecting a baby of his own. What if he was in the situation these parents were? Wouldn’t he want the doctors to check and double-check until there was no other possible answer?
Lines that all culminated in a single diagnosis.
Like the ones that Nicola drew for herself. Maybe he should call her in on this case, just to be sure.
“That’s good news.” Kaleb studied the lip, taking measurements of the length and position of the gap. “Any problems suckling?”
He needed to figure out how to broach the subject of Nicola coming to examine the baby without worrying the parents any more than necessary. Especially since under normal circumstances he wouldn’t have asked for another consult. The baby’s pediatrician had cleared him. Wasn’t that enough?
Not right this second, it wasn’t.
“No problems. He seems to have figured out what to do.”
Since the palate wasn’t affected, there wasn’t the problem of having fluid traveling into the baby’s nose instead of being swallowed. “That’s also good. Once the lip is repaired, nursing will be even easier, on both of you.”
“How many stitches will he need?”
“I can’t give you an exact number. We’ll do the sutures in sections. We can’t just sew up the outside, because it would still leave a gap behind the lip. So we normally do the stitching in layers. One layer in the back. One in the middle, and then the final stitches on top, where the repair will be the most visible.”
“How soon can Trey have the surgery?” Jim asked.
“Let me look at my schedule. I’d also like to call in a colleague to look the baby over, if that’s okay.”
“Is something else wrong?” Mrs. Taylor asked.
“I’m not seeing anything else, but I would just like another set of eyes to make sure we don’t miss anything.”
She glanced at her husband and nodded. “We want that, as well.”
“Let me call her and see if she’s available. I’ll be right back.”
He handed the baby back to Jim and stepped into the hallway. Dialing her number, he put the phone to his ear. The second her voice came across the line, his gut clenched. What was he doing here? Was this about Trey? Or about talking to the mother of his child?
“Hi, Nicola, are you busy?”
“Aren’t we meeting later?”
There was no irritation in her voice, just puzzlement. “Yes, but I have a patient that I’d like you to take a look at, if you have a few moments.”
“Yes, of course. I’m just in my office writing up some notes. Where are you?”
He had no idea. Somewhere between stupid and clueless. “I’m down in Pediatrics, room five.”
“It’s a child?”
“Yes.”
Before he could tell her the details, she said, “On my way,” and then hung up.
He entered the room again, still holding his phone. Flipping to his calendar, he saw he was pretty booked up, meaning he might need to put off his drink with Snow until another time. Which didn’t make Kaleb unhappy. And at least his friend would understand him canceling due to a patient, whereas if he put off their trip to the bar due to going somewhere with Nicola... Well, Snow would probably ask questions he’d rather not answer.
“My colleague will be here in a few minutes, so let’s talk dates. I think I can work you into my surgical schedule tomorrow or Saturday, how’s that?” Insurance had already preapproved the surgery, so they wouldn’t need to wait for that.
“Would Saturday work? I’m pretty sure my mom and dad will want to fly in for the surgery.” Terra glanced at Jim, who nodded.
“Saturday afternoon will be great, if my colleague concurs. I’ll call it in and if there are any scheduling conflicts with the surgical suites, I’ll let you know later this afternoon.”
A knock at the door signaled Nicola had arrived. “Come in.”
She came in, hair now pulled back in a ponytail with tendrils trailing the sides of her face. She looked clean-faced and far too beautiful. This was probably a huge mistake. But he wanted to be sure.
“Dr. Bradley, this is Mr. and Mrs. Taylor.”
Nicola shook hands with both of them. When she saw the bundle, her eyes widened.
Mrs. Taylor must have noticed, because she said, “This is Trey.”
Lowering herself into the chair next to the baby’s mom, the diagnostician reached her arms out for him. “May I?”
Settling the wrapped infant in the crook of her arm, she looked far more comfortable holding the baby than he’d felt.
She looked down at the infant and smiled, and hell, that smile...
It was real and warm, with a softness unlike anything he’d seen in her. The image of her holding their baby like this swam behind his eyes. Gorgeous. Why had he said marriage was out of the question?
Because it was. She didn’t love him. And even when love was present, things didn’t always work out.
But sometimes they did. Like his parents’ marriage. And his sister’s.
You’re not your parents or your sister. You’ve tried twice and failed.
“Hi, Trey. You’re a big, handsome boy,” Nicola crooned, her voice a melodic blend that perfectly blended comfort with reassurance. He watched as Mrs. Taylor visibly relaxed. Kaleb wasn’t sure what she expected, but whatever it was, the other woman seemed relieved.
So was he. This wasn’t a mistake. At least not as far as the baby was concerned.
How about as far as he was concerned?
Well, the jury was still out on that one.
Nicola’s finger traced Trey’s lip, then she angled the baby up and uncoiled her stethoscope, doing her own listening before nodding. “I like what I’m hearing.”
Unfortunately, so did Kaleb.
She continued, “I haven’t studied his chart yet, but I’ll do that in a bit, but are you okay if I ask you a few questions?”
“Of course,” said Mr. Taylor. “Anything that will help.”
She handed the baby back to his mother and pulled out the sketchbook. The one that held her brother’s page in it. He was surprised she hadn’t started a new book after his death. But maybe it was a reminder of what to look for. What could happen.
She asked about the pregnancy, touching Mrs. Taylor’s hand when she talked about not wanting the baby as the woman related the same story she’d told Kaleb. “That must have been hard. But it’s very obvious you love your baby. And nothing you did caused that. That’s not what I’m looking for. I just want to make sure that surgery goes as planned without any surprises.”
“That’s what we want, as well.”
Nicola was busy drawing her boxes and filling them in, leaving the extra ones blank. A few minutes later, she closed the book. “I think I have all I need. Let me review the chart and see if I find any surprises, given what you’ve told me. I’ll have Kaleb... Dr. Sabat notify you if I see any areas of concern.”
“Thank you. We appreciate you coming down on short notice.”
“It’s not a problem. I was happy to come.” She glanced at Kaleb. “Can I get those charts from you?”
“Yep, let me get them from the nurse’s station.”
“Okay.” She glanced at the parents. “I’ll say goodbye for now. And congratulations on your baby. He must bring you a lot of happiness.”
“Yes, he does.”
With that, Kaleb and Nicola went into the hallway.
“I don’t see anything out of the ordinary. Were you concerned about something?”
Did he tell her he was suddenly afraid of missing something? Or just lie and pretend that asking for a second opinion was routine?
He decided to go with the truth. “I find myself second-guessing myself sometimes. Because of my other patient. I just wanted to see what you thought.”
“Me, too.”
“Sorry?”
She sighed, tucking her sketchbook under her arm. “I find myself afraid of missing something important, too. Especially after what happened to my brother.”
She understood. Had felt exactly what he had.
“It’s hard.”
“I know.” She glanced down the hallway. “I didn’t realize your patient was a baby.”
Something in her voice told him that she was feeling the same thing he had when he’d looked into that infant’s face.
“It makes it different when you have one of your own coming, doesn’t it?”
She nodded. “It does. It’s hard not to put myself in their shoes and wonder what I would do. It makes me want to check and double-check the findings.”
“Yes. Which is exactly why I called you in.”
“I’m glad you did.” She smiled, and although the curve of her lips wasn’t quite as high as the one she’d given the baby, it still hit him in the solar plexus.
“I’ll email you the charts, if that’s okay?”
“That’s fine. Are we still meeting after work?”
“I would like to, yes.”
“Okay, then I won’t hold you up.” She hesitated. “I’d like to observe the surgery, if I could.”
That shocked him. She wanted to watch him work? Or was this about the baby, more than it was about him. Yes, of course it was. There was no way it came out of any kind of interest over his surgical strategies.
“That’s fine. There an observation area over all of the surgical suites except for number three. I haven’t called to reserve a room yet, but when I do I’ll let you know where to come.”
That didn’t sound quite right. It almost sounded like he was reserving a hotel room rather than a surgical room.
“All right. That sounds good. I’ll let you know at the park if I find something else in the charts.”
“Okay, thanks. See you later.”
He watched as she turned and walked down the hall, her back straight, hips softly swaying.
He knew one thing. He really hoped he was in any room other than surgical room three. He could handle her watching from a distance, but to be in the same room with him? That would be something he’d rather not do.
To keep from staring at her, he swiftly turned and walked back into the room to say his goodbyes to Mr. and Mrs. Taylor.
“Okay, she’s going to call me later and tell me what she thinks.”
“Thank you so much. You don’t know how much this means to us. One of my coworkers said you were the best in the area. He has a friend who split his head open in a motorcycle accident. You did his surgery, and he said the scar is barely visible.”
Kaleb was pretty sure he remembered that case. It had taken over a hundred stitches to coax the skin to cover the repaired skull fracture. But the outcome had been a good one.
“We’ll get Trey fixed up.”
“Thanks again. We’re so happy you were here when we needed you.”
Kaleb was, too. Once the shock had worn off over seeing his tiny new patient, working with the parents had helped take a little of the edge off. Nicola’s pregnancy revelation coming on the heels of having sex with her had done a number on him. But it was neither of their faults. It had happened. And it was their new reality. Both his and Nicola’s. What they did from here would lay the groundwork for all their future interactions. So these first few weeks needed to be carefully managed.
If his parents could survive raising him and his sister, surely he could survive having a baby of his own. Couldn’t he? He and Nicola might not be together in the way his mom and dad were, but they could be together in a different way, couldn’t they? They could be united in purpose, even if they weren’t necessarily united in matrimony. So, yes, carefully managed. That was the name of this particular game.
The shade was heavenly this time of summer. And the walk through Central Park to get here hadn’t been bad, either. Nicola had been right. The relief she’d felt for the rest of the day after laying her news in front of Kaleb had been wonderful.
Maybe not quite as wonderful as the sex had been, but that part had been a mistake. It would have been a whole lot less complicated to have told him without worrying about their attraction getting in the way.
And it was attraction. She could admit that. Their first time together could be blamed on the alcohol and heightened emotions that loss had brought to the table.
But the time in his office? No. That tension had been crackling since the moment they sat down. She’d thought it would be okay. That she needed to feel him next to her one last time.
But the horror on his face afterward—when he finally realized what she was trying to say to him—had been pretty unmistakable. And it had been pretty unshakable, as well. It had followed her into the room when she’d done her examination of Trey. She’d felt his eyes on her as she’d looked over the tiny infant, and tried to hide the shock of tender emotions that had gone through her.
She looked for signs of the horror from earlier in his face now, but she was having a hard time reading him.
“I’m going to get us a couple of drinks. What would you like?”
“Sweet tea. Or lemonade if they don’t have that. But I can come with you.”
“Why don’t you wait here and save our places on the bench. And then we can talk about Trey’s case and...that other thing.”
That other thing? Wow, the horror might not be in his face for all to see, but she was pretty sure it was in his voice. In his thoughts. “Okay.”
As he headed down the path to the vendor across the way, she sank onto a nearby bench. At least she had a few minutes alone to try to compose her thoughts. She’d opted to drive here separately so she could go straight home afterward. And to reduce the awkwardness of being together under these circumstances.
Someone whizzed by on a bicycle, helmet buckled in place looking like he had somewhere to be. Or maybe he was training for an upcoming race. Whatever it was, the rider looked carefree and relaxed. The opposite of what she felt right now. While she was relieved that Kaleb knew the truth, she wasn’t quite as relieved that he hadn’t simply said, “Do what you want. It’s nothing to do with me.”
That would have been the easier road. One where she made all the decisions for her child without any interference from him or anyone else.
Instead, he’d insisted he wanted to be a part of this baby’s life. His baby’s life. He did not want to be just a sperm donor. Which was why Nicola was experiencing a mixture of dread and excitement. Dread that Kaleb would be in her life despite the fact that he turned her insides to mush and made her want to drag him back to her apartment and eat him up. And not the sexual kind of excitement that was part of her “dread” statement, but excitement that her baby would have a father who wanted to be involved.
Those two emotions were vying for top spot, but so far there was no clear winner. It changed from day to day, from minute to minute. Right now the needle was pointed toward the excitement part of the equation.
She saw Kaleb returning. And sure enough, he was carrying two cups.
He sank on to the bench next to her, handing her one of the cups. “They did have sweet tea.”
“Perfect, thanks. I’ll need to be careful with what I eat soon enough. But for today? Sweet tea sounded wonderful. What’d you get?” Since it was illegal to drink alcohol in any of New York’s parks, it probably wasn’t beer.
“Lemonade.”
That surprised her. Although she wasn’t sure why.
One side of his mouth quirked. “There was a kid in the booth who talked me into a glass. Said he was raising money for a camping trip with a boys club.”
Okay, so that didn’t surprise her. But it did touch her. “I would have helped him, too.”
“Well, since sweet tea was your first choice, I decided to stick with what I knew.”
That just emphasized how little they actually knew about each other. Her earlier optimism faded, the needle swinging back toward dread. What if the more they learned about the other, the more they would come to despise each other?
She couldn’t see that happening at the moment, but with the divorce rate in today’s world...
They weren’t getting married. So that was one thing they didn’t have to worry about. And if they hated each other? Well, they could simply do a type of shared custody where Kaleb picked up their child every other weekend. If worse came to worst, they could do the exchange at a neutral location.
And if one of them moved out of state?
Ugh. Too much thinking! She needed to focus on the here and now and leave those kinds of worry for another day.
She took a sip of her tea, letting the cold, sweet liquid roll around on her tongue. She wasn’t exactly sure what they were here to discuss other than the case. She was only eight weeks along. There was still a long time before the baby was born. But Kaleb had been in a hurry this morning and had seemed insistent. He hadn’t changed his mind when she’d been examining Trey.
She pulled out her sketchbook. “So I’ve been going over the stuff about the baby.”
“Baby? As in Trey or...”
“Trey, of course.” She set her tea on the bench next to her and flipped open her book, placing it at an angle across her lap so that he could see. “So I compiled everything we know and everything I asked the Taylors about.” She followed the path of the lines down several rows of boxes. “They came to the same conclusion you and his pediatrician did. Unless there’s something that’s not presenting any symptoms, it looks like Trey’s diagnosis is right on target.”
Kaleb took a huge sip of his lemonade before making a face.
“What’s wrong? You don’t agree?”
His throat moved as he swallowed, a bitter look on his face. “I agree that this lemonade doesn’t have any sugar. No wonder he offered me packets of sweetener.”
She laughed. “I thought you’d suddenly decided the case wasn’t as simple after all.”
“No. That case is simple.” He put his own lemonade on the seat. “And unfortunately I’m stuck with surgical suite three.”
“The one without the observation deck?”
“That’s the one.” His mouth was still making these funny-looking movements, as if trying to rid itself of the sour taste.
“Here, take a drink of mine.” She held out her cup.
He glanced at her. “Are you sure?”
“Yes. I think we’ve already shared any germs we have.” Her face heated as soon as the words were out of her mouth.
One side of his mouth went up. “Yes, I guess we have. And they were definitely a whole lot sweeter than that lemonade.”
The low tones slid over her, making her belly shimmy with need. A need that was going to have to sit there unattended. She was not going down that road again.
He took the glass and swallowed some of the liquid. “You definitely made the right choice as far as that goes.”
Did that mean she hadn’t made the right choice as far as keeping the baby? No, if that was the case he wouldn’t want to be part of the child’s life, would he? She decided to skip that topic for now.
“So if you’re in surgical suite three, what does that mean? Can I still come in and observe as long as I stay out of the way?”
“Yes. I just wasn’t sure if you would want to.”
She blinked. “Why not?” Now that she’d seen baby Trey, she found she wanted to see his case to the end. Maybe it was the look in his parents’ eyes when they looked at each other, the love so obvious that it hurt.
What would it be like to have that? She and Bill had been friends, but what she’d thought was love had turned out to be simple affection. The inferno that raged between her and Kaleb made what she’d had with Bill look like soggy embers. Warm, but with little fuel to keep it going.
At first she thought Kaleb wasn’t going to answer her question, but then he said, “It was hard to hold that baby and not think about...”
She got it. Because she’d had the exact same feeling. “And not think about ours?”
“Yes.”
“I know. I felt it, too. Especially when I held him. It was hard to hand him back.”
“Yes, it was. Which brings us back to the reason why we’re here.” He settled back, stretching his legs out in front of them and crossing them at the ankles. “I wanted to go through a few things.”
The man was tall. Really tall. She was five foot six and wasn’t used to only coming up to a man’s shoulders. But she did. And when he’d stretched out on the bed, she felt enveloped by him. The memory sent a shiver over her. Would their baby be tall? Would he or she have their daddy’s looks?
She hoped so.
“Okay. Go ahead. I’m listening.”
“I’d like to go to your prenatal appointments. Be there for the birth.”
“What?” Shock speared through her, making her grab a couple of quick breaths. Any thoughts of her somehow doing her own thing until after the baby was born went out the window.
He frowned, turning to look at her. “Is that a problem? I’m letting you into my surgical suite.”
“That’s hardly the same thing.” The thought of him being there when the doctor did intimate exams made her squirm. But why? What they’d done in his office had been about as personal as things got.
Maybe it was because this was in the cold light of day and the time in his office, she’d been...drunk. Again. Not with alcohol, but drunk with wanting him. Needing him.
Parts of her twitched to life, and she hurriedly moved her thoughts to less dangerous territory. “I guess I hadn’t really thought about it. Is there a particular reason why you’d want to be there?”
“If I’m going to be a part of this baby’s life—and I intend to, don’t get me wrong—the earlier I can see the reality of what’s happening and bond with him or her, the better, don’t you agree?”
How could she not agree when he put it that way?
“B-but what about your job?”
“I’ll do the same as you will, rearrange my schedule to fit in with those appointments.”
“Are you sure, Kaleb? We could keep this a secret from people at the hospital. Keep this part of our lives private. My doctor will be at Grace Central.”
“You’ve already chosen a doctor?”
“Yes, my ex, Bill, is an ob-gyn over there, and he—”
He stiffened beside her. “A man you were involved with is going to deliver our baby?”
She wasn’t sure why he was getting upset. “Bill and I are still good friends. But, no, he’s not delivering the baby. He did the initial pregnancy test and then referred me to another doctor.” She smiled. “Who happens to be a woman, although that doesn’t matter.”
He was still frowning and a small thread of tension went through her. “Listen, this baby may be yours, but access to my private life is not. I’ll do what I want, with whom I want.”
After she said it, she realized how it sounded, but there was no way to take back the words. And she wouldn’t even if she could.
“I think you’ve made that perfectly clear.”
The chill in his voice made her cringe. “I won’t do anything to harm the baby. I need you to know that. But we’re not a couple, Kaleb. You don’t have the right to try to direct my life.”
He muttered something under his breath that she didn’t catch. She was beginning to feel like this was a mistake. Maybe she should walk back a couple of steps and tell him he wasn’t welcome in the exam room with her. But that didn’t seem fair. Or maybe it did. She wasn’t sure of anything right now. On some plane, she’d realized this was going to be complicated, but she hadn’t realized how complicated until this very moment.
She kept her voice as calm as she could. “Do we need to lay down some ground rules?”
“I don’t know about that, but...”
Just then a teenager on a hoverboard glided by, his phone to his ear as he argued with someone. A girlfriend, judging from the heated tones. Nicola spied the bicycle from earlier coming back down the trail in the opposite direction. He, too, was on a phone. Except he wasn’t talking. He was looking down at his screen driving with one hand.
“Kaleb!” She stood in a hurry.
He realized, too, and just as he opened his mouth to yell at them, the kid on the hoverboard saw the bike and used his weight to swerve out of the way. It worked, except he’d overcorrected, and before anyone could do anything, his board turned and plowed right into a nearby tree, knocking him backward onto the concrete. His head hit the hard surface with a dull thud. And then he was still.
Too still.