ADELINE DIDN’T GET back to the apartment until early in the morning. Back-to-back surgeries had wreaked havoc on her.
She was glad to do a one-on-one surgery with Dr. Wilder. Especially after Elias had poached the twin-to-twin surgery.
Still, everywhere ached.
And then Dr. Wilder had stuck around a bit longer to check on the progress of the twin-to-twin transfusion surgery, which had been done by endoscopic laser ablation. And then there had been charting and reports.
Then she had seen Dr. Wilder off to the airport before heading back to the apartment.
Elias was in bed when she got back, but in the fridge was a small plate of pasta and a salad that he’d left for her.
It was so thoughtful, tears stung her eyes.
What’re you doing? Why are you crying over spaghetti?
No one had ever done something like this for her before.
Except her mom.
Ever since she’d been hurt by Gregory, she’d relied on herself.
She never let herself down.
But this dinner left for her, it was so sweet.
Adeline brushed the tears away. These hormones drove her bonkers.
This was getting ridiculous. This was not like her, but then again, she had never been pregnant before either.
It was a whole new scope of stuff to think about. She remembered how, long before she went to medical school, she had been this vulnerable, happy, full of hope.
She’d been focused on her goals, but they hadn’t completely defined her.
When Gregory had betrayed her trust and broken her heart, it had nearly ruined everything. At that moment, all she had been able to think about was how she’d let her mother down, because for one brief moment back then she had thought it would be easier to step away from her career.
She had been so ashamed at what had happened, she had wanted to give up medicine.
Which would have meant giving up on finding a cure for TTP.
It would have meant giving up on her mother. But then she had come to her senses, girded her loins and gone back to school.
She never had told her parents what had actually happened when she had taken that small leave from medical school and then switched schools.
It still ate away at her all these years later, but that was her problem. Not her mother’s. Everything Adeline had ever done in her career was for her mother, as it was Adeline’s pregnancy that had caused that recessive gene in her mother to kick in.
Adeline heated up her food and then wandered over to the little table and chairs by the window. The park was dark, but that didn’t bother her. There was a window open in the apartment and she could hear the wind whispering through the trees.
It was calming.
There had been a lot of times when she was a teenager that she had come to either the Panhandle or the larger Golden Gate Park, which the Panhandle attached to, and she had listened to the trees.
That was something she missed in San Diego, but she did like being close to the water.
Her phone buzzed with a text message. It was from her mom.
Saw you on the news. Big surgery. Didn’t know you were here. Call when you get a chance. Love you.
Adeline hit the speed dial for her mother.
“Hi, Mom,” she said.
“I thought you might still be awake,” her mother said brightly.
“What’re you doing up this late?” Adeline asked.
“Couldn’t sleep. I had a flare-up earlier this week, so I’ve been on TPE again.”
Adeline’s throat constricted. “You haven’t had a flare-up in so long.”
“I know. I guess I was due.” Her mother sighed. “I’m okay, but I thought I would remind you about genetic testing. I know that you said you never wanted to get it done...”
“I got it done, Mom,” Adeline said gently.
“You did?” There was both relief and worry in her voice.
“Still don’t have the results, but I did get it done.”
“I’m so glad you did. What made you change your mind? You were so dead against it.”
“My...” Adeline hesitated. She didn’t want to tell her mother about the pregnancy, especially when she didn’t know the outcome of the genetic testing. And she certainly didn’t want her mother to think that there was something going on with Elias.
Mom had been one of the people pushing her to move and try again since Gregory. She may not have told her mom the whole story about Gregory, only that she saw someone and when the relationship ended it broke her heart. That’s all her mother needed to know. Adeline didn’t want to get her hopes up.
“My?” her mother asked.
“One of my roommates in San Diego made me see sense, you know? I may not want a family, but what if it is genetic and just hits one day? It would be good for my doctors to know.”
“Exactly,” her mother said, but Adeline could hear that disappointment in her voice. The disappointment her mother always had when Adeline talked about not wanting a family.
It stung her to lie to her mom.
It stung her to lie to herself.
“I’m so glad you got the test done, Adeline.”
“I am too. I hate the waiting, even though I know genetic testing can take time.”
Her mother laughed. “Doctors can be so patient and impatient at the same time.”
“I know.” Adeline smiled.
“So, when are you coming to see me?”
“I’m busy this weekend. We’re here for a couple of weeks, so I hope that I can come and see you next week one night. I can come over for dinner.”
“Where are you staying? Are you in a hotel? Because if you are, I’m sending your father over there now. There’s no sense in you being in a hotel.”
Adeline chuckled. “I’m not in a hotel, Mom. There’s an apartment across from the Panhandle. The hospital owns it and it’s close by.”
Her mother sighed. “You’re right, that’s better. But I do hope you come and see me soon.”
“I will, Mom. I promise.”
“Night, Adeline.”
“Night, Mom.”
Adeline hung up the phone and then looked up to see Elias standing in the kitchen.
“Sorry, did I wake you?”
“No. I was only dozing. I was half listening for you,” he said. He still sounded tired.
“Dude, you weren’t dozing when I went to check on you. You were flat on your back snoring.” Which was true. It was kind of cute.
“I don’t snore,” he said with indignation.
“You so do,” Adeline teased.
“I’m insulted. I make you a nice dinner, and you don’t come home until late and accuse me of snoring.”
“You sound like an unhappy spouse.”
Elias chuckled. “I suppose I do. How was the surgery?”
Adeline sighed. “Long. It was long, and I’m beat.”
“Well, you need to forget about cleaning those dishes and get to bed, because you’re going to need your strength dealing with my family tomorrow.”
“Okay. That sounds kind of ominous.”
Elias nodded and headed back down the hall to his bedroom.
Adeline finished her dinner, which had gotten cold again after talking to her mother.
It was so easy to fall into a routine with Elias. It was so easy to talk to him. He got through her barriers. He took care of her.
He cared about her.
Or it seemed that way. She was worried about her heart, her baby.
It was one thing to put her heart on the line, but she had her baby to think about.
She had to protect her child from being hurt.
Her rules protected her from heartache, but when it came to Elias, she was doing a horrible job of disobeying the rules she had set for herself since Gregory broke her heart.
Was it her adaptability that was trying to hijack her consistent life?
Either way, she had to regain control, but Adeline knew that was trying to hold on to sand in the water. It was just slipping away.
Elias was tense when he rented a car. He had been dreading this drive, but Adeline seemed in good spirits, so thankfully Dr. Spiner hadn’t let it slip that he knew Adeline was pregnant.
“I wish you had rented a convertible,” Adeline teased as Elias pulled up in an SUV.
“They didn’t have any and it’s really windy today. Why would you want a convertible?” he asked, puzzled.
“I don’t know. I’ve always wanted to take a trip in one.”
He smiled. “You need to rent a convertible to go down the coast, not up it.”
“Who says?” she asked, tossing her overnight bag into the back.
He eyed the bag with misgivings. “Why did you pack a bag?”
“I have a feeling we won’t be leaving tonight.”
“What gives you that idea? Napa is only an hour away.”
“Your sister is due and I think that she will likely give birth in the next forty-eight hours.”
Elias’s eyes widened. “Shouldn’t we get her admitted?”
“There’s no medical reason to admit her, but since we’re off the next two days, I thought it would be wise to bring an overnight bag on the off chance. I know for a fact that Napa has a hospital and I can get privileges there. That’s if she still wants me to be her doctor.”
“Okay. I’ll be back.”
He was going with Adeline’s gut instinct on this, as so far her instincts had never been wrong.
Except for when she thought that she had a cold and was actually pregnant.
Adeline had even thought it was absurd at first.
He knew she didn’t want a family, that she was scared of the genetic condition, but she seemed almost at peace with it all now and Elias couldn’t help but wonder if there was more. She was holding something back, but he didn’t know what.
Something that scared her.
He didn’t know much about her previous relationship.
Only that it had almost cost her her career.
What happened?
He wanted to know more, but he was so afraid of pushing her away. He hated feeling this uncertainty. He was already on edge at the thought of going to see his family. At the thought he might run into Aidan.
This is what his family did to him and he hadn’t even left San Francisco yet. He quickly packed an overnight bag and locked up.
Adeline was leaning against the side of the SUV, and she looked so cute in her oversized cardigan and big sunglasses. He loved it when her hair was down and loose. He could remember how soft and luxurious it felt when they had made love.
“You ready?” she asked, smiling. She seemed so at ease in San Francisco. As if she was at peace here, and he couldn’t blame her.
He’d forgotten how much he loved this city too.
It had been too long since he’d been back.
And he heard his father’s voice in his head.
Always wandering. You need to put down roots. Settle down.
He couldn’t come back to San Francisco until he had the fellowship.
There were fine doctors here and he would be proud to be counted among them, but he wasn’t going to abandon his child or the fellowship. He’d worked too hard.
Even though he had never really wanted to be trapped by marriage, he was sort of trapped. Wherever Adeline went, he would go, because wherever she went, that’s where his child would be. The feeling of anxiety rose up in him again, like a heavy weight hovering over him, threatening to drop on him at any moment.
He glanced at Adeline and that heavy feeling dissipated.
Being near Adeline calmed him as well as terrified him.
“You okay?” she asked, frowning. “You look a bit introspective.”
“Just preparing for this car ride up to my family’s place.” Which wasn’t a total lie. He wasn’t exactly excited about driving up to Napa either, but he didn’t want to tell Adeline what he was actually worried about.
Losing her.
Losing his child.
“It’ll be okay. It may be windy, but it’s a sunny day!”
“When did you become so positive?” Elias teased as he opened the door for her.
“I can blame that on pregnancy.” She winked.
“Perhaps. You’re usually so uptight and serious. Now you seem carefree. I like it.”
“See, I guess the hormones are helping me relax.”
“Well, I should get you pregnant more often.”
“Ha ha,” she said dryly.
Elias chuckled and then walked around to the other side of the car and opened the door. “So, what you’re really saying is that I’m responsible for your happiness now, rather than your anger or wrath or whatever else you thought of me when we first met.”
“I suppose so.”
“Well, then I’ll take that as a compliment.” He pulled out of the parking spot and they headed down through the hilly streets of San Francisco, making their way to the Golden Gate Bridge. It would be a beautiful drive, but it was also busy, as everyone seemed to have the same idea on Saturday to drive out of the city and head north up the coast.
The hour-long ride was taking a bit longer than he thought, so that by the time they got to Silverado Springs, they had already been in the car for two hours and it was lunchtime. He found a small bistro just off the main route and parked out front.
“What’re we doing here?” Adeline asked.
“Getting you something to eat. We’ve been in the car two hours and we’re only in Silverado Springs. We should be to my parents’ place by now. I think we need a break.”
She nodded. “Text your sister and tell her why we’re late. I have a feeling she’s a worrier.”
Elias snorted. “You don’t know the half of it.”
And when he pulled out his phone, he could see there were already several texts from his sister, wondering where he was.
He texted her back that they were stuck in traffic and taking a quick break in Silverado Springs and that they would be there in about forty minutes or so.
They found a little table outside and ordered a light lunch.
Elias had a hard time holding on to any thread of a conversation, because he was thinking about what was waiting for him at his family’s estate.
It had been two years, as his sister liked to remind him, since he had been home.
And even before that, once he had started college, his visits home had been sporadic at best. His father and he had never seen eye to eye. His father saw duty, family, and family history, also known as the vineyard, as the most important things.
Elias valued his education.
He and his dad saw things very differently.
But maybe not that differently. His father valued the land and Elias valued education and medicine. Both of them worked hard.
Perhaps Elias had been too tough on him.
He’s always been tough on you.
Still, there was a part of Elias that wished things were different and he hadn’t spent so many years rejecting the vineyard, rejecting everything his father offered.
He hated himself a bit for that.
His stomach sank and dread crept down his spine.
He was not looking forward to any part of this reunion.
“You’re looking pensive again,” Adeline said.
“I feel pensive.” Elias scrubbed a hand over his face.
“Tell me what I’m getting into. You’ve told me a bit but...”
“My dad and I don’t really talk. My brother married my ex-fiancée. Do I need to go on?”
A strange look crossed her face, but it was a brief flicker, almost as if she was jealous. He didn’t intend it to be that way.
“That’s going to be hard,” she finally said, but she wasn’t looking at him. Instead she was pushing a radish around with her fork on her plate.
Elias reached out and took her hand. “Hey, I’m over her. I’m over Shea.”
Adeline’s cheeks flushed pink and she took back her hand. “Okay. I’m glad to hear that.”
An awkward silence fell between them.
He hated the way that the subject of Shea had caused this tension between them.
That the easiness between them had gone.
He missed it.
He had thought for a moment that Adeline might be jealous, thinking that he was still in love with Shea. He wanted to reassure her. He wasn’t in love with Shea anymore. They had drifted apart. He had put medical school first.
Why her? Elias had shouted.
I love her, Aidan had snapped. You were never there for her. I was there when you weren’t. Face it: school is so important to you, you even threw away the woman you loved.
How dare you?
You only care about yourself, Elias. You don’t see other people.
That thought sobered him. Perhaps Adeline didn’t care, or didn’t care romantically, at least. And he was only seeing what he wanted to see.
She doesn’t want a relationship with you.
He had to keep telling himself that. Adeline had made it perfectly clear that she didn’t want them to be a couple. That their relationship was just platonic, except for the one time that had resulted in their baby.
“Well, we’d better get going or my sister will be texting again,” he teased, trying to brush off the awkward silence.
“Sounds good. I’m kind of hoping she’ll let me examine her. I’m concerned that she’ll go into labor soon.”
“I think she will. She’s not a fool. Any chance to have her own private doctor for the weekend.”
They split the bill and headed back to the car, neither of them saying anything. Not that there was much to say after that awkward moment.
He didn’t love Shea anymore. She had made her choice. And as far as Elias was concerned, she and Aidan deserved each other. Nothing had changed, and he wasn’t going to open his heart to anyone.
Only, the inner monologue he was telling himself over and over again wasn’t cutting it anymore. As he looked at Adeline, he was hoping for more of a reaction. He wanted to see that she cared for him. That he wasn’t making it up in his head.
That she needed him as much as he needed her.
He wanted her to care, because even though he hated to admit it, even though he couldn’t face it, his heart was telling him that he was losing a battle.
And that he was falling for Adeline.
The problem was, he knew that it was going to end with his heart broken.