“HE WAS so good to me in the beginning,” Wyatt cried. He thought of pizza at The Watering Hole when he was hungry. And seeing Howard’s altar for the first time. Happily discovering that there were people out there who really did have personal altars, just like Scott Cunningham, the gay witch, said in his books! He thought about how kind Howard had been and the way he taught him to make love. He thought about how Howard had introduced him to the gay community—but even better, the pagan community. And even better! The Radical Faerie community—queer pagans and witches and just plain old worshippers of nature. He thought about how Howard was a big strong bear and how Wyatt had always thought bears were sexy—before he even knew what “bears” were. He thought about how good the sex was. He thought about them buying a house together and making it their own.
And how when Howard wouldn’t give him the fairy tale, the monogamy, that seemed a small price to pay. He’d seen the desperate, lonely people who would do anything—anything—to have what he had with Howard. And so he had paid the price.
He told Kevin all of that. He sat up in the big bed—relatively big, at least compared to that small cot Kevin was curled up in.
Wyatt covered his face with his hands even though it was too dark to see anything.
And then he told Kevin all about his friends. He told Kevin about how in the last year they had all found lovers—it took him a long time, and Kevin never once stopped him except for an “uh-huh” or some other noise that let him know Kevin hadn’t fallen asleep—about how they had all found lovers who wanted only them.
He told Kevin about how he thought that maybe the Universe only allowed so much love, and that maybe he needed to be single so that they could have love.
And then…
AND THEN Kevin couldn’t stand it anymore.
He got out of that damned fucking cramped cot—how could anyone sleep in that thing?—and went to Wyatt’s bed. He climbed into it, and he pulled the sweet injured gorgeous beautiful kind adorable perfect harmed delightful belittled bear into his arms.
Their bodies fit perfectly together.
Kevin was wearing his long underwear and Wyatt—surprise, surprise—Wyatt wasn’t completely naked but wearing a big baggy T-shirt.
“Oh, sweet little one,” Kevin said. “There is no Cosmic Universal Scale demanding that you be alone so your friends can have love. I don’t know how they all ‘suddenly’ found love like that. But I know this….”
“Yes, Kevin?” Wyatt cried, trembling in Kevin’s arms.
“The Universe is Love. That’s what the Universe is! That’s what God is. Beyond being a candle or fire or wood or this cabin and this bed and the sky and the snow—”
…and the snow on my eyelashes.
“—God is Love. Unlimited love. Love isn’t an ocean—even as big as the ocean is, it has limits. But not love. Love is limitless. There is no ‘amount’ of love. It is endless, forever and ever and ever, and there is plenty for sweet little Wyatt. And it isn’t your job to be alone. It’s your job to open yourself for some man—”
Me! Make it me!
“—who will love you unconditionally and the way you want to be loved. Don’t settle. Wait for just what you want.”
Like I am going to wait for what I want, Kevin thought.
“Do not settle, Wyatt! Don’t ever settle again!”
“Oh, Kevin,” Wyatt cried. “Really? You believe this?”
“I do, Wyatt. I have to. Believe, Wyatt. Ask. Believe. Receive. It will happen.”
“Oh, Kevin,” Wyatt said.
And because telling someone else was reminding him to believe himself, he said, “Leap, my sweet little bear. Leap and the net will appear.”
Then, knowing it could be a mistake, Kevin kissed Wyatt.
Really kissed him.
Kissed him in a way that his body responded to, and he could feel Wyatt’s had too. He could feel Wyatt’s hard cock pressed against his lower tummy, and his own erection was wedged beneath the shorter man’s balls.
He opened his mouth, and Wyatt opened his, and their tongues came together in quiet desperation—neither gently and sweetly nor hard and rough. It was more like a dance than a duel, with each partner perfectly knowing their part.
And this is where I will do it. I will cast caution to the wind. We’ll have sex now, and it will kill me when Wyatt goes home and I go back to New York and I am more alone than I’ve ever been in my life.
And then…
Wyatt snuggled closer. Shoved his erection against Kevin. A couple of times.
And then…
Pulled his mouth ever so gently from Kevin’s.
And then…
He settled.
He stopped his little thrusts.
And said, “Okay. If it’s real, then let’s don’t have sex.”
Wait. What had Wyatt just said?
“I’m so hard my balls hurt, Kevin. But I want to believe what you say is real.”
It’s real, Kevin thought. And maybe…
“And I don’t want to settle. And I don’t know if I’m ready. And as good as you feel, Kevin, I don’t want to be hurt again. And if we make love now and you decide you don’t want me—”
Like that could happen.
“—it will kill me.”
Wyatt kissed him then, again. But gently and lightly.
“I can’t have you tell me something I don’t want to hear a week from now, Kevin,” Wyatt said.
Kevin suppressed a gasp. Wait. Those were his words. He was the one who always thought that way. Wyatt was always saying monogamy wasn’t natural. What had happened?
“Not again,” Wyatt went on. “And if you were some guy just wanting to fuck? I would probably be fucking with you right now. But you’ve made me believe that something more is possible. And that’s what I want.”
Kevin’s heart was pounding, and he both heard and felt Wyatt sob against his chest. Wyatt was crying. His tears were wetting Kevin’s chest where the buttons of his long johns were undone.
Oh God, Wyatt!
“I feel your cock, Kevin. God, I want it. But I want something more.”
Oh God, Wyatt.
“I’m going to do it. What you say. I’m going to goddamn leap.”
Oh, sweet Wyatt…. And then Kevin realized he was crying too.
“I’m asking, Kevin.”
Kevin took a deep, long breath.
“I am believing, Kevin.”
He knew the ache in his own balls would relax.
“Now wait and receive,” Kevin told the love of his life.
And he knew then that’s what Wyatt was. Wyatt was the love of his life.
Now all he had to do was believe.
Ask.
Believe.
And wait and see if this was what he was supposed to receive.
Then he heard Wyatt’s gentle snores, and he pulled Wyatt even closer.
He waited.