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WHEN GEORGETTE WICKHAM fired her gun into the air, bits of the ceiling rained down on the shrieking guests of Netherfield Park. As the notorious sky pirate sashayed into the room, she was followed by the twins and Gladys, who was carrying her usual massive cannon.
“Hello, ladies and gentlemen!” Georgette raised her dual pistols as she walked between rows of gasping guests. “How is everyone this evening? I was in the area, so I thought I would say hello. Perhaps you've heard of me?” She pointed one of her guns at a freckled young lady, who warbled with panic when the pistol was pointed at her. “Have you ever heard of Georgette Wickham, my lady?”
The girl shook her head and cowered behind her mother.
“Have you heard of me?” Georgette's gun pointed at a portly gentlemen with thinning hair.
The man's voice trembled as he replied, “N-No, my lady...”
“Has anyone ever heard of me?” When Georgette spun in a circle and her guns whirled with her, several spectators ducked and shielded their heads.
After a short pause, Georgette's question was answered by a woman in a dark gray top hat. “I have heard of Georgette Wickham, ma'am. You're a sky pirate.”
“Aha! We have a winner!” Georgette exclaimed. “Tell me, lovely, what's your name?”
“I-I-I-I... I'm Mary Walburton, Miss Wickham,” the woman stuttered. As she leaned away from Georgette's pistol, she gave herself a double chin.
“It's lovely to meet you, Miss Warburton. Now... I'm afraid I have to steal your necklace.” Georgette held out her palm and flicked her fingers. “And your ring, if you don't mind.”
“I do mind!” Miss Warburton shrilled. “This ring was a gift from my fiance! If I lose it, he'll be crushed.”
“What's your fiance's name, lovely?” Georgette asked. In the corner of her eye, she could see Gladys struggling to keep her cannon aloft. Even with all her strength, it was a difficult weapon to carry.
“Cecil.”
“Well, I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news... but sweet Cecil is going to be crushed, because I am taking your ring... even if I have to cut off your finger to seize it.” Georgette aimed her gun between Miss Warburton's eyes. “So... what'll it be? Do I take your ring, or do I take your ring and your finger? It's your choice, sweetheart.”
Mary surrendered her ring with an exasperated whimper.
Georgette tossed her spoils to one of the twins and turned her attention to a beak-nosed man with thin, frowning lips. With her pistol pointed at his pocket, she asked, “Is that real gold?”
“What?” He tried to follow her gaze, but his confusion stayed on his face.
“Your pocket watch,” Georgette explained herself. “Is it real gold, or is it a... pardon my language...a piece of shit?” With a chuckle, she added, “I shouldn't use such language around a gentleman, should I? Shame on me.”
“M-My watch is fake,” the man said. “It's fake gold!”
“Y'see... I think you might be lying.” Georgette snatched the watch from his pocket and held it out to Gladys. “What do you think?”
As she hefted her heavy cannon, Gladys replied, “If it's fake, it's the best damn fake I've ever seen.”
“Gladys!” Georgette gasped, feigning shock. “You need to watch your language as well! How dare you expose this gentleman's ears to a word like...” The pirate captain lowered her voice and finished, “damn.”
Georgette dropped the watch in Gladys' pocket and spun around, facing her next victim—which happened to be Mr. Bennet. “I remember you!” the pirate exclaimed. “I robbed you the other night. How have you been?”
Mr. Bennet slunk behind his wife and tried to make himself look as small as possible.
“Don't hide from me!” Georgette chuckled. “I'm not going to rob you again, mate. That would be cruel, wouldn't it?” A few seconds later, she changed her mind. “Actually, I probably would rob from you again... but I don't see anything that catches my eye, so I'm moving on.”
Elisander wasn't far from his father, so he wasn't surprised when Georgette Wickham's gaze drifted to him. “Elisander!” the pirate exclaimed. “Handsome lad! I trust you haven't forgotten me? How are you?
Elisander's eyes narrowed into slits. “Oh, I'm positively wonderful,” he coolly replied.
“Are you?” The playful pirate brushed her hand across his cheek. When Elisander leaned away from her caress, she snorted with laughter. “I bet you've been thinking about me a lot, haven't you? You can't stop dreaming about my face?”
Elisander shook his head. “Actually, I've been trying very hard to forget your face.”
“Well... that isn't very kind.” Georgette gave him her most pitiful pout. “So, do you have anything in your pockets? Turn them inside out, please.” When the young man didn't obey, Georgette dipped a hand into his breeches' pocket and checked. Her brazen behavior earned her a chorus of gasps from onlookers. “Hmm. It seems you don't have anything. How boring. Oh well... who's next?”
When Georgette's eyes landed on Darcy Fitzwilliam, both ladies glared at each other.
“Captain Fitzwilliam... my my my. Now there is a face I didn't expect to see again!” Georgette exclaimed. “How have you been? How is your lovely little sister?”
Darcy croaked in response, “Go to hell.”
“Aww. Well, that's not very nice!” Georgette admonishingly clicked her tongue. “And it's unladylike to resort to such language when you're standing next to sweet, young Elisander. You shouldn't curse in front of a lad. Did your mother teach you nothing?”
“My mother taught you to be a decent human being... or at least, she made a valiant attempt,” Captain Fitzwilliam retorted. “Unfortunately, you learned nothing.”
“Aye. I'm an awful person,” Wickham agreed. She could sense Elisander's bewilderment, so the pirate explained, “I was Allana Fitzwilliam's ward. Allana is Darcy's mother, you see... and when the lady died, she left me with nothing, and Darcy didn't give me a single penny. That is when I turned to a life of piracy, so... every time you're robbed, you really have the captain to thank for it.”
“I recall a slightly different version of the story.” Darcy's chin raised as she added to the tale. “Georgette turned to a life of piracy before my mother's death, and I didn't give her a penny because she was trying to tempt my sister to join her crew!”
When a few bystanders tried to slip through the door, Gladys fired her cannon. There was a symphony of shrieks when a statue of Psyche and Cupid was blown to bits. The destruction didn't seem to effect Georgette, who continued their conversation with a smile.
“We would've been a good team, though, eh? Georgiana and Georgette. It really rolls off the tongue.”
“Georgiana was only fourteen years old!” Darcy roared. “You ruined her life!”
“And...?” A grin curled across Georgette's lips as she studied Gladys' smoking cannon. After the statue exploded, no one else tried to escape. “Her age doesn't matter. I was only twelve when I fired my first gun. I think Georgiana would have been an excellent pirate! It's a shame her aspirations ended in tragedy.”
“You ruined her life!” Darcy repeated.
Georgette's gloved hand shielded her mouth as her lips were stretched by a yawn. “This is getting tiresome. You are getting tiresome. Must you always be so serious and boring, Captain Fitzwilliam?”
Georgette Wickham drifted around the Assembly Room with her crew, who helped her collect bracelets, necklaces, watches and baubles. Her favorite haul was a pocket-sized model airship. It was made of pure silver, and it fit in the palm of her hand. She stole it from an old woman in a feathered turban—who was surprisingly an airship enthusiast.
When the pirates were satisfied with their loot, Wickham moved to the door and tipped her top hat to the guests.
“Well, it was lovely to see you all!” the pirate captain exclaimed. “You can all get back to dancing, now... or whatever you do at these intolerable balls. Pardon the interruption. I really hate to spoil your fun... but do you know what I hate even more?” Georgette winked at Bin Li, the ball's scowling host. “I hate people who are so disgustingly rich, they throw fancy parties to cure their boredom.”