Sleep.
It was the only thing I required after a day like this. The only thing that would keep me sane. As my world was spinning out of control around me, as the forces that had governed me gave way to different, more whimsical things...sleep was the answer.
Sleep would keep me whole. Would allow me to see reason. Would provide me a simple anchor amidst these chaotic, confounding seas.
Unfortunately...sleep never exactly came.
“For fuck’s sake...”
I turned over again and again, creating an Armageddon-worthy crater in the middle of my mattress. A cocoon of sheets in which I was the unwilling center.
It should have been easy. I should have been able to see the situation for what it was, compartmentalize it into the ‘things done for the company’ folder of my life, then move on with some sort of sense of purpose.
But that didn’t happen either. If anything, the longer I lay there—chasing the ever-elusive respite of sleep—the more I was thoroughly undone by my present situation.
Nick KISSED me.
The man who had been my client for a little over two years. The man whose exploits I had endeavored to paint more favorably to the press. The same man who I had recently set up on a date with the worst of the worst just to appease his father’s board and company.
That was the man who had kissed me. That was the man who was keeping me from sleep that night. The man whose perfect, addictive face I couldn’t seem to get out of my head.
...with good fucking reason.
The kiss itself left me speechless. The kiss itself left me completely undone.
Nick kissed the same way he did everything.
With reckless abandon. With his whole heart. Without any kind of restraint.
It caught me off guard, I’m not going to lie. No matter how I’d been bracing for it. No matter how many times I’d seen him do it to someone else. On the cover of tabloids and more legitimate magazines. At awards shows and late-night dinner dates. From princesses to super models. The passion was the same.
There was simply no way not to be overwhelmed by it.
Possibly it was the combination.
It was strong, yet vulnerable. Laying himself bare, while sweeping me away with a feeling of utter helplessness at the same time. He took complete control, but also left room for active participation. The whole thing felt like an invitation. A precursor for even more delightful things yet to come. The whole time, I held my breath.
Hoping it would last another second, another minute.
Another lifetime.
But truth be told, that’s not what kept me awake that night. What kept me awake was a repeating question, as simple as it was utterly outrageous. Alone in my bedroom, without even a house plant to witness, it still somehow managed to make me blush.
If that was how Nick kissed...
I bit my lip.
...how did Nick fuck?
“Unbelievable. Fucking unbelievable.”
I actually leapt awake, landing somewhere in the center of the bed—pulling the lilac sheets up around me. I had no idea when, in the last hour and a half, I had actually managed to close my eyes. But at the moment, that was the very least of my problems.
Just a few feet away, Nick himself was perched on the edge of the mattress, holding out a steaming cup of coffee, identical to the one he was holding against his chest.
“What—what are you doing here?!”
I strung all the words together, unable to separate them. Unable to stop the guilty blush that had sprung up the second it seemed as though he was answering my embarrassing sexual question. Guessing at the guilty little speculation that had been running around my brain.
“This bed,” Nick replied, completely ignoring my exclamation in light of what he’d deemed a weightier issue, “this is the most uncomfortable bed I have ever come across. And for the record, I used to sleep with an understudy in Miss Saigon—their standards aren’t very high.”
I stared at him for an incredulous second, before trilling out in a high pitched voice:
“What the hell are you doing in my room?!”
He stared back down at me, completely unconcerned, as the words bounced back and forth within the four tiny walls.
“What am I doing in my girlfriend’s room?” he repeated sarcastically. “In the naughty hours before the sun comes up?”
I held my breath as his lips curled up in a devilish, wicked smile. But as quickly as they did, his entire face washed clean with the sort of wide-eyed innocence you only saw on nuns and other people who had preemptively devoted their entire lives to the convent.
“I’m bringing you coffee, of course.”
He held it out with that same blameless smile—purposely wafting the steam my way in the hopes that I would smell it and start to wake up.
...it worked.
My fingers closed around it, nervously avoiding his, and I pulled myself up to a tentative sitting position—relieved beyond words that I’d fallen asleep that night wearing an actual shirt.
“Um...thank you, I guess.” I took my first halting sip—locking eyes with him all the while. “You know, you didn’t have to break into my place. We could have met somewhere.”
“Where’s the fun in that?” he countered without hesitation. His sparkling blue eyes swept me up and down, before that twinkle translated into a smile. “I deserve at least a few perks of this fake relationship, don’t I? Breaking and entering should be one.”
He stressed the word ‘fake’ in a way that told me he didn’t believe it, and smirked at the words ‘breaking and entering’ in a way that told me he had done them many, many times before.
I tried to come up with something to say, but in the end, settled on silently drinking my espresso—wondering why in the world Nicholas Hunter was standing in my apartment.
“So,” I finally managed, giving him a once-over as well whilst I simultaneously tried to determine what time it was, “this is what it’s like to date you, huh? A continuous, seemingly innocuous stream of light felonies?”
“Oh Abby,” his eyes flashed in the early morning dawn, “I’d be happy to show you what it’s like to date me. But no,” his face resolved all at once, “it usually doesn’t lean so much toward the misdemeanors. I simply didn’t have your key.”
I snorted and began to pull back the covers—only to realize a second later that I wasn’t wearing any pants. The blankets shot right back up in an embarrassing burst of speed, and Nick’s eyes swept innocently from the headboard all the way down—dancing with such an absurd intensity, I could swear the man had x-ray vision.
“What’s wrong?” he asked casually, keeping his voice as innocent as his face.
It was a well-delivered performance, but I had known him too long for that. My eyes narrowed suspiciously as I tucked the comforter firmly around my legs.
“Nothing at all, thank you.”
My voice went up a bit on the ‘you,’ emphasizing it with that girlish petulance that women used to tease and harass their men. It was an accidental gesture, but one that was met with what looked like genuine appreciation from Nick. His lips curled up in yet another smile, as he took a deliberate sip of coffee—changing the conversation in its tracks.
“So, I actually came here because I wanted to apologize...for last night.”
My breath caught in my chest, as I stared in wide-eyed anticipation. In all the million times I had replayed the kiss in the hours since it happened, the one emotion I didn’t feel was regret. It didn’t matter to me if it was courteous or made some kind of logical sense—I didn’t want to hear him apologize. I certainly wasn’t sorry it had happened. Just surprised.
“You do?” Much to my great surprise, a sinking wave of disappointment settled in my stomach. I tried to keep it from my voice. “Well that’s fine, you don’t have to—”
“For the press.”
Our eyes met, and I could have sworn, he was hiding a secret smile. I started nodding quickly, hoping like hell that I looked as casual as him.
“Right—the press. Yeah, that...that caught me a little off guard.”
For the first time, a look of genuine remorse flashed across his face. Followed almost immediately by a sympathetic grimace.
“When I called them, I had completely forgot...” He trailed off, then shook his head. “It does get easier—the cameras. In a few weeks, you’ll hardly notice them. I promise.”
It was a kind thing to say, but we both knew it was a lie.
The constant fury, attack, and recoil of the paparazzi didn’t fade over time. As long as you were alive and a celebrity, you lived in a constant state of siege. When I was first coming up the ranks in the PR world, there wasn’t a single week that went by, when I didn’t get a screaming client on the phone demanding that I do something about the unrelenting pursuit of the press. Of course, such interventions were damn near impossible, and on most such days, I would simply sit and listen—interjecting at all the appropriate times—until the client had calmed themselves down, or tired themselves out, or simply gotten bored and wanted to move on to something else.
Nick was a lot better than most. It was a rare day indeed when you would see a crack in the perpetual armor. He hid the constant stress and anger beneath a carefully crafted smile, one that he had been perfecting since he was about four years old.
“That’s easy for you to say,” I muttered, remembering my near epileptic break down in the swarm of flashing lights. “I seem to remember a picture of you as a child comforting the Secretary General of NATO when the cameras got too intense.”
By now, in the folklore of our fair city, it was an iconic picture. Like the returning WWII soldier sweeping that woman off her feet. Lennon in his glasses. Things like that.
The two of them were on the steps of the MET. One kneeling down to his knee to be at the same height as the other. Nick, in his miniature tuxedo, giving sage advice to one of the leaders of the free world.
At least, that’s how the picture was captioned in the New York Times.
“Are you kidding?” Nick laughed softly and shook his head. “If anything, that picture proves my point. I was having a full-blown panic attack. Javier Solana took pity on me, knelt there and told me stories until I was able to calm down.”
My jaw dropped open as my messy bed-curls tumbled into my face—completely aghast at the debunking of such a famous pose. It was like hearing that Marilyn Monroe wasn’t really the one in the white dress. That Elizabeth Taylor didn’t really like diamonds.
“Seriously? You’re not just saying that?”
“Take a closer look.” He downed the rest of his coffee and tossed the empty cup onto my nightstand. “It’s why he kept a hand on my jacket—he was holding me steady.”
I clapped a hand to my chest, overwhelmed by the adorable tragedy of it all.
“...he was holding you steady?”
Nick shrugged dismissively.
“I was six. I got scared.”
Yeah. He was six. Then why was it that right now, I was feeling so protective of him?
“I should have been there,” I murmured without thinking.
Nick’s face lit up with a bemused grin. “What? Four-year-old Abigail Wilder swoops in to the rescue? Pelts the paparazzi with her building blocks?”
I raised my eyebrows knowingly.
“You’d be surprised what damage I could do with those things...”
He chuckled.
“I think the Royal Navy had it covered.”
It was my turn to laugh. But then something he’d said suddenly clicked.
“Wait a minute...you know how old I am?”
For a second, we both just stared. Me—pale as a ghost as my faithful ‘I’m twenty-nine’ cover story blew up in smoke. Nick—with the world’s most inscrutable poker face.
...a face that cracked into a smile.
“Of course I know how old you are.” He shot me a chiding grin, as if I’d been a fool to underestimate him. “I’ve known since the minute we started working together.”
Working together. Not, from the minute you started working for me.
That was one of the things I loved about Nick. To most people—especially the high-caliber clients that filled my day-book—it was a huge distinction. But Nick didn’t think twice.
“I actually happen to like that you’re a little younger than me.” His smile twisted up into a confident smirk. “Makes me want to show you the ropes.”
“I am not that much younger,” I replied with a matching grin.
But a part of me was thrilled to know he was in on the secret. I wasn’t sure how much longer I could keep up the façade of hovering just a year before thirty. Besides, something about the way he said show you the ropes made me want to know exactly what that meant.
In a moment of rare bravery, I was actually about to summon up the courage to ask, when there was a sudden metallic scrape in the living room. A second later, the front door opened and a man’s voice rang out through the apartment.
“Abigail? Are you home?”
Nick leapt back like he had been burned. Creating an instant distance between himself and the bed. His muscles tensed, and his eyes locked onto mine with a silent accusation.
“I’m sorry,” he muttered in a clipped voice, “I didn’t realize I was interrupting.”
I stared up in shock, as thoroughly taken aback by the situation as he was. As had been previously established, my work life didn’t leave much room for a social one. I couldn’t remember the last time there had been one man in my apartment, let alone two.
...it really made me wish I was wearing pants.
“I don’t...you’re not—”
“Abigail?” the man called again. There was a rustling in the kitchen, followed by the sound of footsteps coming down the hall. “You in here? How come your door isn’t locked?”
Then the voice clicked and I clapped a hand to my forehead.
“Jake?”
“Yeah.”
“I’m in the bedroom.” I then glared at Nick. “I guess it’s not meant for me to sleep in.”
The footsteps paused, then quickened.
I peered at Nick. “Did you forget to lock my door?”
“Sorry. Who is this guy? Are you dating someone?”
“Goodness, no. He’s on my team,” I hissed to Nick. “You’ve met him a dozen times—he’s the one who did your initial interview with Ella.”
Nick remained expressionless as the door pushed open and Jake Harmon spilled inside. In hindsight, I didn’t know why I was surprised to see him. After Nick’s coffee maker walked the plank out the penthouse window, neither one of us had been seen or heard of since.
...until our kiss on live television last night.
He knocked. “Hey, is everything okay? Are you dressed? Just meet me in the living room. We have a lot to talk about.”
“It’s okay. Just come in.”
“Hey—there you are!”
Jake was the kind of guy who would play the cousin, or bumbling big brother if my life was cast as a TV show. A bit too tall. A bit too gangly. And a bit too old to have not mastered the combination by now.
That being said, he was a total sweetheart and damn good at his job. Together, the two of us had single-handedly got my little PR operation off the ground. I handled the clients, and he handled things back on the home front. A perfect combination.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to just burst in on you—it’s just that none of us had any idea where you went, and for the first time since we’ve met, you’re not picking up your phones.”
I glanced guilty at my briefcase, as he shoved his rain-drenched hair out of his eyes and pushed his glasses farther up the bridge of his nose. From the way he was panting, he had literally run all the way from the office. He had yet to notice Nick (which had to be a first for the both of them), and was staring at me like I’d just beamed down from Mars.
“And then I saw the...” He hesitated, as if there was somehow a chance that I hadn’t seen it yet myself. “Abigail...you know that you kissed our only client, right?”
The entire speech had been said in one breathless burst, and by now, poor Jake was so disheveled and out of sorts, that even Nick was beginning to smile. The difference between the two men couldn’t have been more striking, but Nick was nice about it—tilting his head to the side with an infinitely patient expression, waiting for the man to glance over and notice him.
“Yeah, Jake,” I pulled the blankets up higher around me, “about that—”
“And I know you said never to come to your apartment, but at this point, I thought that emergency protocols were in order.” He held up both of this hands in that calming/bracing way that we did sometimes with clients who had ceased to see reason. “So let me start by first asking you this: did you realize that you were doing it?”
Nick pursed his lips with a bemused frown, while my skin blushed scarlet.
“Jake, I really need you to shut up now—”
But Jake was beyond hearing me. Waves of adrenaline were still coursing in his eyes, and he seemed absolutely determined to save his beloved boss from career suicide.
“I mean, you didn’t think he was someone else, did you?” he asked desperately. “Closed your eyes too soon? Or maybe you were just so drunk, you had no idea what you were doing?”
“Jake, please—”
“Allison guessed that you had elevation sickness from the plane, but I thought that was a bit of a stretch. It was probably something much simpler, right? Something that made sense.”
By now, Nick was shaking with silent laughter in the corner. Jake had dripped an entire puddle onto my hardwood floor. And I was beginning to think I was going to have to move to the west coast just to escape the embarrassment of this one, impossible morning.
“Did you just not see him?”
At this point, even I had to take a step back. My head snapped up, and for a moment, I stopped trying to silence him. I simply wanted to understand.
“...I’m sorry?” I shook my head incredulously, trying to follow his convoluted line of thought. “Did I just not see him? Like...did I trip or something and land on his mouth? How, in your deluded little mind, does that possibly make sense?”
Jake threw up his hands.
“Don’t ask me to unravel the impossible reasoning of you women! Maybe in the dark, he looked like someone else. Maybe, you thought you were being kidnapped and were trying to make the best of a bad situation. Maybe you were struck with temporary amnesia and had no earthly clue that you were making the biggest mistake of your life!”
His voice had risen in volume with each accusation. So that by the time he got to the last one, he was basically shouting.
Let me be clear: my employees do not get to speak to me this way. There’s a clear pecking order at the office, and I happen to reside at the undisputed top of it.
That being said...Jake kind of had a point.
Nick raised his eyebrows, mouthing the words biggest mistake with a rather delighted look on his face. I rolled my eyes and avoided his gaze.
“Because I can’t possibly believe that the woman I know, the woman who taught me everything I know, would possibly be so foolish. I can’t even begin to comprehend how you could throw everything away just to share a kiss with—”
“Nicholas Hunter.” The little rant came to a screeching halt as Nick stepped forward and offered out his hand. “It’s Jake, right? I think the two of us have met once or twice?”
Jake, for all his previous bluster, was stunned silent. He simply stared at Nick with his mouth hanging open, until a pointed ahem from me, made him reach down and shake.
“Yeah, it’s...Jake, I’m...I mean...” He pulled in shaky breath, trembling all over like a recently deflated balloon. “That’s my name.”
To his extreme credit, Nick didn’t laugh. (It was another thing I loved about him, the fact that despite his social status, he took great care to address everyone he met as an equal.) Instead, he pursed his lips and shook the man’s hand, offering him a kind smile when they were through.
“Well, Jake, please allow me to explain things: you see, Abby here would do it herself, but she’s at the slight disadvantage of not wearing any pants.”
I closed my eyes with a pained grimace, as Nick moved cheerfully onward.
“Things fell rather permanently apart with Ella Campbell, and since I was reluctant to continue on with anyone who I didn’t sincerely know, Abby kindly stepped in to take her place.”
That British accent was coming through again. Clear and strong.
“Which I’m hoping will explain our televised kiss, as well as everything else I’m planning to do with your friend.” His lips twitched up in a faint smile, as a look of pure mischief danced through his eyes. “I’m also hoping it will relieve your obvious concern that Abby was making...how did you phrase it? Ah yes. The biggest mistake of her life.”
Jake paled, glanced helplessly at me, then paled again.
“I meant of...of her professional life,” he tried to amend.
Nick nodded graciously.
“Of course, of course.”
Kill me. Just kill me right now.
With a supreme amount of effort, I straightened up as much as I could and smoothed back my hair with my best business-like smile.
“Well Jake, if that will be all...” I prompted.
He couldn’t get out the door fast enough.
“Yes—right, right!” There was a slight crack as he stepped on a pair of my fallen sunglasses, but all of us were too eager to put the moment behind us to much care. All of us except Nick, of course, who looked like he was rather enjoying himself. “I’ll just...I’ll just call you later from the office, then?”
I closed my eyes and nodded again. The beginnings of a migraine were beginning to take shape—building up a constant, pulsing pressure at the base of my neck.
“Sounds good.”
There was the sound of shuffling footsteps, and a second later, the door closed shut. Jake even managed to lock it behind himself for good measure, before hurrying away—probably off to the nearest bar to purge the entire experience from his memory.
If only all of us could be so lucky.
“So...” Nick walked back across the room and re-perched on the edge of my mattress, looking more and more at home all the while, “he seems a bit high-strung, doesn’t he?”
I ignored this, bringing my hand to the back of my neck with a withering glare.
“You had to tell him that I wasn’t wearing any pants?” I asked flatly. “I’m not even going to ask how you knew that—but you just had to add it into the conversation?”
Nick nodded pragmatically. “Oh yes, I think so.”
My cheeks flushed, but at this point, I was so far beyond embarrassment that it didn’t really register. Instead, I stretched out my legs beneath the comforter—pushing and kicking against him with all my might.
“Well in that case, I think you should probably go too. I’m sure you have a whole list of other people’s lives to ruin. And I’m going to need to get started finding a good therapist to guide me through this damn—”
“Abby?”
I looked up to see that he hadn’t moved an inch from where he’d started. Not only had my feeble attempts to kick him off gone completely unnoticed, but his every attention was now focused one hundred percent on me—freezing me in place again with that x-ray vision of his.
“I want to add on another condition to our arrangement.”
I stared back at him for a second, sure that I’d heard wrong. Then, in the first bout of relief I’d gotten all morning, I threw back my head with a giant laugh.
“You do, do you?” I managed, when I finally resurfaced. “After all the shit you’ve put me through, after this little stunt you pulled this morning...you want to add another condition?”
He didn’t even blink.
“I do.”
His lack of banter made me pause, as did that unflinching, undaunted look simmering in his eyes. Finally, when the silence could go on no longer, I had to ask.
“Okay...what is it?”
He smiled, but when he spoke, his voice was as steady and serious as I’d ever heard it.
“You don’t cheat on me either.”