Goong Goong’s BMW was like an icy refrigerator. Outside, palm trees stood like sentinels along the roadside and the canals shimmered in the heat, but inside the car it was freezing. Maeve felt as though she was travelling across another planet in a weird ice bubble, not just another state. Everything looked strangely dry for the tropics and the grass along the verge was brown and crisp.
She pushed her iPod earphones tighter and focused on the beat of the music. She didn’t want to think about the new school yet. McCabe had said that – don’t worry about it until you’ve actually arrived. But everything was happening too quickly. Maeve hadn’t even finished up the year at St Philomena’s when Goong Goong and Por Por decided to bring her to Queensland. She didn’t mind missing the end-of-year school events but it had been tough having to give up on the Christmas dance concert. Every time she thought of Steph and Bianca dancing without her, her heart skipped a beat. Now she was having to face not only dancing without them but spending the rest of her school life among strangers.
The driveway of Ingleside College seemed to go on for ever. The buildings stood on a rise above playing fields where the grass lay green and spongy, and deep-set verandahs made the school look cool and inviting. But when Maeve opened the car door, the heat hit her like a fiery wall.
The school was nothing like St Philomena’s. Maeve noticed how new everything was, from the wide, open walkways to the shiny surfaces in the classrooms. Even the chapel was modern, with a sharp, spiky tower and an abstract stained-glass window. As she followed Goong Goong and Por Por around, Maeve kept picturing the dark chapel and shady grounds of St Philomena’s and all the places she and Steph and Bianca used to sit. There was nowhere to hide in this school, nowhere that friends could share their secrets. But maybe there wouldn’t be anyone she’d want to confide in. She thought of Steph and Bianca with sharp longing.
They left the Vice-Principal’s office with a thick shiny brochure that explained everything the school had to offer and a wad of pale green forms to fill out.
‘You’ll like this school, Maeve,’ said Por Por. ‘Much more than that old St Philomena’s.’
‘I loved St Philomena’s,’ said Maeve. Quietly, she took out her mobile and sent a text message to Bianca and Steph. New school has boys but who cares? St Phils rocks. Miss u. M.
Maeve woke with a start. For a moment she lay absolutely still in the dark, listening to her pounding heartbeat, so loud, so urgent, above the roar of the surf. She got out of bed and pushed the filmy curtains aside. Even though there was only a sliver of a moon, the cresting waves shone white in the darkness of the ocean.
She flicked on her bedside lamp and reached for the silky green notebook.
Secret Facts from the Secret life of Maeve Lee Kwong On 12 September 2001, me and Mum were staying at Surfers. We had the whole apartment to ourselves. I was sneaky when I was a kid. I got out of bed at dawn and tiptoed into the living room to watch MTV. But when I turned on the telly, the World Trade Centre was falling down. It was like a bad movie. I panicked. What if planes everywhere started flying into tall buildings? What if I had to jump out the window? We were on the 16th floor! I started crying and Mum came running into the living room, still in her pyjamas. When she saw what I was watching, she started to cry too, but she picked up the remote and turned off the TV.
She took my hand and led me out to the balcony. I was freaking out but she made me follow her. The ocean was pink and gold in the early morning light and the air was sweet and clean. Mum told me take a deep breath. We were alive and we were safe.
It feels like that happened in another life – my life with Mum before Andy and Ned came along.
So the secret fact is if you look at the sunrise and take a deep breath it helps you feel brave.
She went to the balcony to watch the sun inching its way over the horizon and took a very deep breath. It was Christmas morning. Her first Christmas without her mother.
Goong Goong and Por Por weren’t very interested in Christmas, so Maeve was surprised to see a huge box wrapped in pink paper and gold ribbon sitting on the coffee table in the living room. There was even a mini Christmas tree beside it. She wished it didn’t remind her of the live pine tree that she and Sue had decorated together the year before. Goong Goong looked up from his newspaper and tried to smile as Por Por raced out of the kitchen.
‘Happy Christmas, Siu Siu,’ said Por Por, kissing Maeve on the cheek.
Maeve gave her a hug back and then knelt down beside the coffee table, staring at the present.
‘Aren’t you going to open it?’ asked Goong Goong.
Slowly, Maeve peeled away the layers of wrapping paper.
‘Wow!’ she said, when the last piece of pink paper lay on the floor beside the box. ‘My own laptop! Cool! Thanks.’
‘And there’s a connection in your room with broadband so you can send those email things to your friends whenever you want,’ added Por Por, looking to Goong Goong as if to affirm that ‘email’ was the right word to use.
Maeve stared at the laptop. She knew Por Por was unhappy about how much time she’d been spending in the Internet café at the end of the street. Now she’d have no excuses to leave the apartment.
‘Would you like me to assist you in setting it up?’ asked Goong Goong, folding his newspaper neatly.
‘Thanks, Goong Goong, but I can figure it out.’
She picked up the silvery laptop in one hand and carried the box with all the accompanying computer cords in the other. In her room, she quickly worked out how to get the laptop running. In Sydney she’d always had to argue with Andy or Sue to get any time on the family computer. It gave her a weird feeling to open all the different applications and license them to herself. As soon as she’d worked out how to get the computer connected, she logged onto MSN as Warrior Princess Kicks Arse. No one else was online. Why would any of her friends be sitting at a computer on Christmas morning?
She was scrolling through some of her old messages when the computer peeped to let her know another person had come online.
It was someone called ‘Dancing Man’. Maeve frowned. Who the hell was Dancing Man? She checked his profile and then remembered that Bianca had met him in a chat-room and insisted everyone had to include him on their MSN. Maeve looked at his message and wondered if she should ignore it.
Hey ’ s’up, WPKA?
Maeve hesitated before responding.
Asl?
14mSYD – U?
13fQLD.
Hey, Merry Xmas! What’d u get?
A laptop. U?
A mobile – but my baby bro hammered it and it’s broke already.
Crap.
My bad – I let him hold it. He’s cool.
Maeve imagined Ned on her knee, playing with her new laptop. She wouldn’t want him to break it, but she would so love to have him around. This was probably his best Christmas yet and she’d missed it. His first Christmas, he’d been too little to appreciate any of it and Maeve had unwrapped all his presents. Last year he was only getting the hang of it, and this year should have been perfect. She tried not to think of all the fun she could have had with him. Suddenly, the new laptop lost its appeal and Dancing Man didn’t interest her.
Gtg. Cya she signed off.
If only she could hear the sound of Ned’s voice, maybe Christmas wouldn’t feel so depressing. She listened for the sound of her grandparents in the next room. She knew they were in the living room but the apartment was as quiet as a chapel. She went out on the balcony and put her iPod on, spinning to a song by Ashley Ballard called ‘Don’t Get Lost in the Crowd’.
Slowly she started to dance, in smooth, melancholy movements. It felt like a good song for her mood. But when Ballard sang about ‘finding your own voice’ Maeve turned off the music. She stood on the balcony listening to the sound of the surf breaking on the white beach. From far away came the sound of a child laughing. More sharply than ever, Maeve knew her old life was lost. She drew a deep breath.