For the rest of the week, I make up my mind not to think of what will now be referred to as “the situation,” and instead, I will focus on my classes. The situation is obviously the fact that Keni is evil and plans to tell the sheriff we killed his brother.
Why would she do that? There’s no evidence to support it. The sheriff won’t believe her. No one will. I hope?
I’ll have to talk to Kyle about what he thinks when I fly home Friday night. I bought a ticket with my emergency credit card. “Use it anytime to come home, for any reason,” Mom said.
Well, I’ve got a reason. What do you think of my guns, Mom? No, I’m not ready for the outcome, but it’s my only option. Until I look Mom and Dad in the eyes and ask them if I’m really different, I won’t know for sure if I’ve lost my mind. They’re the only people I can trust with this.
Tuesday I attend my first prelaw course, Legal Analysis, and it’s in one of these lecture halls with stadium seating. My heart is racing. It’s exciting knowing this is my first day of a new journey—a journey I never imagined I’d take because I could never imagine myself standing in front of a jury or a room full of people. Now, I see it. I see myself in a suit, making eye contact with everyone, and laying out the facts. I see myself putting bad people behind bars.
The professor comes in and takes roll call. I’m sitting way up in the nosebleed section because I want the full experience. I want to drink the moment in and get the full view.
Only problem is that people start turning around and looking at me. First it’s only two girls in the front row. Then another girl. And a guy. Before I know it, everyone’s checking me out.
My face flushes red. I immediately think it has to do with Keni. Maybe she posted something online about me, telling the world I’m a killer.
But then the girl next to me leans in and says, “Hey, what’s your name?”
“Why?”
She flashes a flirty grin and does a hair toss. “Party this weekend. My place. Wanna come?”
“Errr…yeah, but I’ll be out of town. Maybe next time?”
She winks. “I’ll give you my number in case your plans change.”
The professor finally gets to the Fs and calls my name. “Hudson Ferris?”
“Here.” I raise my hand, and words fail to fully describe what happens next. Eyes lock on my face; everyone is silent. And smiling. It’s creepy as hell. Even the professor stares with a stoned-out zombie-like expression.
“Why is everyone staring?” I say.
Like it never happened, the students turn around, and class goes on. Meanwhile, I’m sweating bullets. Before the other night, I was invisible to the world except when people went out of their way to be incredibly mean. Now, I’m being good-attentioned to death.
When the hour is over, I swiftly make my way into the hallway, but I’m swarmed by a small army with requests to join study groups, attend a fundraiser, join a frat, and party hard. I don’t know what else to do, so I say thank you and rush to my next class.
By the end of the day, I’m losing hope I can attend school like a normal student, but I refuse to accept this is real. My life is not getting weirder by the minute. Nope. Not happening.
By Thursday afternoon, my hope is on a rocket ship to the moon. Gone forever. My psychosis is spreading like a disease to the entire student body.
That night, I’m drained. Done. Toast. I need to sleep. River texts and says she has to talk to me in person. “New info.”
Me: I can’t right now. I have to…
I look up at the stained ceiling of my room, phone in hand, thumbs ready to lie. But I don’t want to lie to her, yet I don’t have the energy to confront these feelings I’ve been having about her.
Me: Rough week. Have early class. Talk Sunday night after I get back?
She knows I’m heading straight to the airport after my last class tomorrow.
Riv: ~ . ~ . ~
The dots wiggle on my screen longer than they should. Finally she replies.
Riv: Yeah. But it has to be Sunday night. No later.
Me: Cool. Be safe. Stay away from Keni.
Riv: She moved out of the house.
I know there’s more to the story, but I’m emotionally tapped. I have just enough energy to crawl into bed and pull up the covers.
Me: Just tell me you’re OK.
Riv: I’m OK.
Me: And you’re safe?
Riv: Yeah. Say hi to your parents. Love you.
I stare at the words on my screen, and for the first time ever, I don’t want to say them back to her. Not seeing her this past week has made me realize that I can’t imagine my life without her in it. And I don’t mean having her somewhere in the background. I’m talking fixture. I can’t imagine not hearing her stupid voice or seeing her smile every day.
But what does it mean? We’re best friends. Yeah, she’s my hot best friend for sure. And I won’t lie; her body really does it for me. But I can’t consider crossing that line.
Say she was into a little “exploration,” and we both decided to screw around. Or, let’s take it to another level: Say we decided to date. Boyfriend, girlfriend.
Then what?
People our age break up all the time. They get bored. They figure out the other person isn’t a fit. Hell, someone like me hasn’t even kissed a girl before, so how would I know what I need in a girlfriend?
Then there’s River. She can have any guy she wants. She’s smart, fun, loyal, and drop-dead gorgeous. But let’s be optimistic for a second and pretend that River had a moment of temporary insanity and decided she wanted me. The chances of it lasting are one in a hundred. Maybe in a thousand.
In the end, I’d lose her, the only woman I can’t live without.
The words ring through my head: The only woman I can’t live without.
I pause for a long moment, contemplating taking the risk and testing the waters by texting back something like, Love me how? I even type it in, but my thumb refuses to press SEND.
I’m not doing it. I backspace, erasing the message and typing in I love you, too.
I hit send and stare proudly at the screen. There. Status quo. Moment of stupidity averted. I mean, come on. I can’t risk what I have with River. No way.
What I really need is to find a new dream girl.
The thought pushes my mind toward Keni. I have to question what I saw in a person who accuses River and me of murder. I’d say I was under the influence, and she was the first hot girl to pay attention to me—besides River—but that’s not it. There was something dark inside her I connected with.
Why?