“So what happened?” River asks when I call her Saturday morning, eager to hear her voice and talk. Yes, I’m referring to talking about that—the thing I was thinking about last night. Stop it. Don’t be ridiculous. I’m not actually going to do it.
That thing needs to wait until River and I are face-to-face, which is why I settle for hearing her sweet voice.
“Which part?” I ask. “The one where I confronted Manda at the resort, the one where I told my brother he’s an epic asshole for even considering settling out of court, or the part where my dad fainted when he saw me?”
“Jesus! It’s a hot-mess buffet, and I want to sample every dish. Okay, I choose Manda. What did you say, and how is she not dead right now?”
I hear a crash on River’s end of the phone. “What was that?”
“The storm. The lightning is nasty, but all the big heavy rain is supposed to hit down the coast. Now stop wasting time and tell me what happened.”
I give River the short version of what happened, leaving out the part about Pen. I don’t need River laughing at me for showing my abs to some stranger.
“So Manda’s really sick?”
I lean against my headboard, stretching my long legs on the bed, feeling like it’s old times (aka last week). Me in my nerdy room, talking to River on the phone and missing her. I just wish I’d had the balls to leave home sooner and be with her two years ago as freshmen.
But who knows? Maybe I wouldn’t have been dumped in a pool of MJP and discovered that my body actually does make testosterone. Lots of it.
“She looked extremely unhealthy,” I say.
“Did you try to give her the whammy?”
“Whammy?”
“You know, that thing you did to Blake?”
“Riv, I know what I said the night he died, but let’s be real. It was a total coincidence.”
“Okay, but you’re not answering my question. Did you try?”
I stall. I feel a little stupid for admitting that I lost my shit over someone as pathetic and unworthy as Manda. “I guess? A little?”
“Explain.”
“She spit in my face and called Joy a white-trash cunt. So yeah, I wished her dead.”
“Gasp! She didn’t.”
“Gasp,” I say flatly. “She did. And then she tripped and started vomiting on her hands and knees.”
“Whoa. Do you think you had anyth—”
“Doesn’t matter anymore. I don’t want to kill people, so the weapon is irrelevant.”
“You say that now, but there’s a whole confidence factor. Right? Knowing you can make people’s hearts explode would make you a real-life badass.”
“Or a villain.”
“Huffy, for the record, I’m with you. I think there’s a logical explanation for why you look like a mini-Terminator—”
“Mini?”
“Arnold was larger than life in that movie, so don’t even try to go there. But I know there’s a reason for what’s happened to you. We may never find out what that reason is, but the cause doesn’t change the outcome. You have a responsibility to understand how the new equipment works. People change in your presence.”
I promised myself not to bring this up until we were face-to-face, but I can’t help it now. She opened the door. “What about you?”
“What about me?”
“Do you change, or is the attraction real?” I ask.
“Huff, seriously? You’re not actually asking if I’m into you. Right?”
The disdain in her voice tells me everything I need to know. Me and her together has never entered her mind, so why ruin a perfectly good friendship?
“Well, you keep looking at me,” I say with a heaping helping of snark. “Wanted to let you down easy, ya know? I got my eye on someone else. But I could pencil you in my calendar for a threesome if you ask nicely.”
She chuckles. “You keep that elephant-sized dick away from my lady parts. I need them for having kids someday. Can’t have you all up in there, punching holes in my baby barn.”
I can’t help laughing, even if I’m feeling more than disappointed. I was getting used to the idea that maybe she and I could be more, which, I won’t lie, felt right. “Sorry, Riv, but you have to pay extra for the barn-busting special. It’s on an exclusive menu I only show to serious lovers.”
River cracks up, laughing hysterically. The sound kinda lights me up. Not good. The last thing I need is a forbidden-fruit complex. “Hey, I gotta go. I need to—”
“Wait. You didn’t tell me how the rest of the drama-buffet tastes!”
“I’ll tell you tomorrow. Gotta go.” I rush my words.
“But we need to talk about Keni. I think she’s—”
“Let you know when I’m at the airport. Bye, Riv.” I end the call. If River needs to tell me something important, I know she’ll text me. Otherwise, it can wait.
“Huff!” my mom’s voice calls from somewhere in the house. “Breakfast is ready. And your father and I want to speak with you.”
I let out a sigh. Last night was rough. After my parents hyperventilated—and I gave them a watered-down version of what happened the night of the party—they made me swear to see our family doctor.
“Are you healthy? How did this happen? What are the side effects?” Mom asked.
All reasonable questions, but trust me, my seventy-year-old doctor isn’t going to come close to understanding why I’m like this. He probably still tells people they’ll go blind if they masturbate.
Blind man walking here. Make way!
After that very awkward discussion with the fam last night, I turned my sights on Kyle. I told him about my encounter with Manda. Another major blowout ensued, followed by my ultimatum: “If you accept the cash, say goodbye to me.”
I meant it, too. My parents have been through hell. But so has Kyle. So have I. And no one is going to tell me we all went through that for money. Doesn’t matter if it’s millions or billions. No amount can pay for what we lost.
Yes. Fine! You got me. I finally agree with my parents. I now understand why they never let go of Joy’s death.
All those years of having raw eggs pelted at their cars. Paint cans thrown on our front porch. People yelling in our faces at the very church where Joy was baptized.
It. Broke. Me. Every second of it.
And maybe I hated my parents for those moments because all I wanted was to be a normal teen.
But now I get it.
Some things are worth fighting for. Period. When it comes to entitled bitches who kill your sister, call her a cunt, spit in your face, and laugh at your mother. Those bitches are worth the fight, too. Fighting to make them take responsibility.
Which is what I plan to do. I won’t stop, and I won’t rest until this is made right. Not because I’m angry, but because I loved Joy. My friend and my sister.