“Huff, you can’t go.” Mom’s nails dig into my arm like a python’s fangs. Total death grip. “No one’s even had time to evacuate. Their governor issued a shelter-in-place order thirty minutes ago!”
“Mom, I have to be with River.” I jerk my arm free.
“Their airport is shut down, Huff,” Dad states, like he’s won another argument today.
“I don’t need a plane,” I say—and instantly regret it. The expressions on my parents’ faces say they think I’m nuts.
Maybe I am. Fuck it. I most definitely am.
“You-you think you can fly?” Dad mutters. “You know that’s impossible.”
Surprise. I’ve already thought that a million times. I convinced myself that miracles don’t happen, that no one was listening to my pleas for a better life. I’ve looked over that cliff into the abyss, and you know what? Something bigger than me was staring back. So I can either live in denial, or I can accept that not everything in life makes sense. And, yes, that I have abilities I can’t explain.
I look at Mom and then Dad. “I don’t need explanations anymore. I don’t need to know why beautiful people like Joy die, or why idiots like me live. All I need to know is that I’m here for a reason. And this,” I sweep my arms over my body, “is real. This really happened to me. So I might be completely out of my fucking head—”
“Language, Huff!” Mom barks.
“Sorry,” I say. “I might be completely out of my head for thinking I’m going to zip off to River, but what do I have to lose?”
They stare with blank faces. They don’t believe me, and I can’t blame them.
“I’m going outside.” I figure if this is going to work, maybe it’s better not to have any walls in the way. The three times I’ve done this, I was outside.
I exit the front door and stride confidently down a walkway I’ve taken thousands of times, to a cracked concrete driveway I know like the back of my hand. But this doesn’t feel like my home anymore.
Home is more to me than the faded blue paint and the towering willow that makes mowing our crabgrass a pain in the ass. Home is the past—the good memories mixed with the hard stuff. Home is the future—where I see myself becoming a man I can be proud of.
That place is with River.
I close my eyes and imagine myself by her side, holding her hand. I see the rain pelting her window and the water rising outside.
I’m there with River.
“Huff, is that you?” In my mind, River looks right at me.
I open my mouth to speak, but my eyes open, too. I’m still in my parents’ driveway.
I cover my face and whoosh out a breath. I know what I saw. I was in her room. But I wasn’t. It’s hard to explain, but I felt my body here. My mind was there.
“I can get to her. I can do this,” I mutter to myself.
“Hudson,” Mom comes outside pleading, “let us get you help. I know we haven’t been there, but that’s all going to change.”
I look her square in the eyes. “So you think I’m crazy. You don’t actually see me changed.”
She stares at the concrete.
I’m half expecting her to say no, that they’ve all been stoking the coals of my delusions. But she doesn’t.
“Huff, honey, whatever’s happened to you is a miracle. And I’m not talking about your body. Everything about you’s changed in a week. I think we all need time to understand. It could be affecting your mind—making you see things. Maybe…” She sighs. “All this stuff with Joy has been too hard on you.” She shakes her head.
She’s struggling just like I was. She sees the impossible right in front of her, but her mind keeps telling her it’s not real. It can’t be.
My heart floods with more emotion than I know what to do with. I suddenly feel like Joy is with me right now, telling me it’ll all be okay. Just let go of the worry. Let go of the past. Just believe, Huff, she used to always tell me. Believe your life can change and it will. Joy always wanted something better for me. I think I found it. Unfortunately, she’s three hours away by plane in the middle of a storm.
“I promise you, I’m okay,” I say to Mom. “But River’s not, and I can’t sit here doing nothing. You know why.”
“I don’t. Why risk your life?” Dad says, walking out of the house, overhearing everything, I guess.
“Because…I’m in love. And I can’t live without her.”
Before I can say one more word, I’m there.
River
“Huff?” Dear God. He’s really here. In my room. This is insane! My life makes zero sense anymore. One minute I’m on my bed, alone in my room, and the next Huff is standing in front of me.
Look. I know I’ve been quiet, and you’re all wondering why I’m finally deciding to tell my side of things.
Why now?
I guess I wasn’t ready to let the thoughts out of my head. Once you do, things become real.
My feelings for Huff have always been platonic, and I admit I never saw him as boyfriend material until recently. But the night he offered up his life to save me, things changed. There was this moment when I thought he was dead and realized his absence would obliterate my heart. Unbearable. After that, I saw him differently. My feelings became more intense. Didn’t hurt that his outsides finally matched his insides.
I know what you’re thinking. How shallow of me, right? All of a sudden, he undergoes this massive transformation into the hottest guy on the planet, and now I’m magically into him.
That’s not exactly the entire story. I mean, yes, as weird as everything’s been, his transformation helped me see him in a new light. But for the record, I’ve always thought he was cute—intense blue eyes that tell you exactly what he’s feeling, a mouth that’s got this kissable perma-pucker to it, and a sense of humor that never fails to lift my spirits.
But it’s his big heart that’s always attracted me to him. He’s one of those guys who loves so deeply, almost like his heart is just so big he doesn’t know how to handle it. Like a kid with a Ferrari. Huff’s heart drives everything about him—his loyalty to his family, to me, and in his own way, to the world we live in. I see the pain in his eyes. His heart has never allowed him to accept that there are people in this world who just don’t have one.
In my opinion, that’s why those people were always so attracted to him. Not in a romantic way, but the way a flower brings in the bees. No. Wrong analogy. The people who once went out of their way to mess with Huff aren’t bees. Zombies looking for fresh brains? No, that’s not right either.
What I’m trying to say is that there are empty souls in this world, and they’re always jealous of people like Huff. But there he was, walking around all the time, wondering what was wrong with him. I told him over and over again that he wasn’t the one who was broken. It was them. And until he understood that, things weren’t going to change.
That’s why I never saw him as more than a friend. Not because I didn’t think he was good looking—because he always has been—or that I didn’t love him. Huff wasn’t ready for a serious relationship with anyone. He needed time to grow up and find himself. To become a man he could be proud of.
I just never expected it to happen like this.
I mean, I’ve seen some weird stuff in my life—like the time my friend Sara didn’t have money for tickets to see The Killers and told me she was going to win some on the radio in one of those giveaways. She dialed up and won. Just like that. But this thing that happened to Huff is not that. Or is it?
I’ve been going around and around in my head for days, and I can’t explain any of it. Some people are born with the uncanny ability to bend the universe to their will. What Huff has is a whole other ballgame, like he’s evolved to some new level and the rest of us humans haven’t caught up yet.
All I can say is that overnight, he changed. First, the fat melted off his body. Not that he was fat—maybe a little doughy around the middle, though I never said anything to him. Who am I to judge? I eat one cookie and my ass grows two sizes. But all that baby fat of his was gone.
I could tell he’d been trying to get in shape recently. The first day he got here on campus, I noticed his shoulders were broader, and his arms looked toner. Definitely some muscle tone happening.
But after that horrible night with Blake, I swear, it was like his body just popped. Instant puberty. How’s that possible? How? I don’t know.
But the biggest change of all happened inside him. All of a sudden, he saw what I saw all along: a really smart, kind, strong guy. The best.
Over the last week, though, he just kept getting bigger. More ripped. Whatever was in that water worries me.
Is it safe?
Will he get hurt?
I can’t stand thinking about it, because now I’m really falling for Huff despite not wanting to. He’s not going to be able to keep this thing a secret forever—lifting busses, hearing people a mile away, moving through space with his mind? This is some crazy shit. And he’s going to need someone to be there for him. That person is me. But how do I be his best friend and his girlfriend? I don’t know. But I want to figure it out.
“Huff!” I jump from my bed and rush toward him, throwing my arms around his neck. “I don’t know how you got here, but please don’t ever leave me again.”
He holds me tight. “I love you. I don’t even need to hear it back. Because it won’t change how I feel.”
“I love you, too. It feels so good to finally say it out loud.” I push my mouth to his. His warm lips feel like everything that’s been missing from my life. Lust. Need. Acceptance. Unconditional love.
Huff pulls back and stares down at me; his full lips are glossy and shimmery pink from my lipstick.
“I can’t believe we’re doing this,” I say. “It’s crazy.”
He flashes one of his newer smiles. It’s one part cocky, one part mischief. “It’s crazy not to do it.”
I know he’s right. I’m an idiot if I think I’m going to be able to keep my hands off him any longer. He’s been completely overrunning my dreams—kissing, showers, him stripping me naked and doing so many dirty hot things to me with his insanely huge cock. It was embarrassing to spend my nights with him, seeing us have such hard steamy sex, and then try to look him in the eyes the next day. Especially because I thought he wasn’t interested. “We’re just friends,” he reminded me every chance he got. So I put any thoughts of him and me out of my mind. I wasn’t about to ruin our friendship for something he didn’t want.
Then the evening before the football game, I closed my eyes for five minutes and nodded off. Huff had me pinned on the bed and was going down on me. I came so hard and felt so fulfilled by our intimacy that I wanted to cry when I woke up to an empty bed. I knew I needed him in my life as more than a friend. It wasn’t just about the dreams, but how we felt together in them. Like, we were meant to be together. Free to be ourselves. The love. I’ve never felt more loved by anyone.
I decided I would tell him everything that night. I had to. And then it all went sideways. Blake died. Huff pushed me away. It’s been chaos ever since, and I’ve been waiting for the perfect moment to tell him. The last thing I wanted was to spill my guts and have that memory marred by the ugliness of everything going on lately. Now I realize how stupid that was. I should have told him days ago.
I push myself up on my tiptoes and kiss his soft mouth again. He pulls me against his hard frame, and I feel myself melting into him. His touch sends spikes of tingles and heat right through my stomach, triggering a flurry of butterflies. The feeling is addictive, just like in my dreams.
I pull away and lick my lips, tasting him on my tongue. “I’m really glad you love me, because I’d be in serious trouble if you didn’t.”
He raises a brow.
“Never mind.” I don’t want to tell him that what I feel goes way beyond love. He’s part of me. My heart can’t work right without him in my life.
A loud knock on the door startles us both. “River! We’re being evacuated!”
It’s Meg. One of my sisters. I go to the door and open it.
Her eyes zero in on Huff. “Oh. I didn’t know you were here.”
“Yeah. He, uh, just got here,” I say.
She’s probably wondering how he got inside. The storm is really bad, and the streets are flooding.
“Um,” she shakes her head, “they’re telling everyone in this neighborhood to head for higher ground immediately in case the levy down the road busts. We’re all moving to the basketball stadium. We’re supposed to bring drinking water, a blanket, and some food.”
Ugh. This is a nightmare. One minute, there’s a severe storm heading west of us. The next minute, the thing takes a hard turn and comes straight for our area. It was only the difference of a hundred miles, but how did they mess up that forecast so badly?
Worst of all, they say it’s picking up speed from sixty- to eighty-mile winds. The high winds aren’t wonderful because trees are going down, but this rain is bananas. I’m really worried. My parents are texting me every two seconds, totally freaking out. Plus we have eighteen girls sick in the hospital, and God only knows where Keni is.
Psycho bitch. I knew something was off about her the moment she wanted Blake. He and I went out a few times about a year ago after he transferred in. But wow. Grade A jerk. He actually threatened a busboy at a burger place he took me to, because the poor kid left a glob of ketchup on the table. Blake got it on his sleeve. It was his damned mess, but he told the kid he was going to wait for him after closing and beat him so hard he’d piss blood.
Uh…so not boyfriend material, father material, anything-requiring-a-sliver-of-humanity material.
After that, I told him we wouldn’t be going out anymore. I made the mistake of confiding in Keni and told her he was really toxic—possessive, temper issues, and a general asshole to everyone around him. I almost felt sorry for him after Keni said she’d heard from one of the other girls that Blake was in pain all the time from a leg injury. Then I found out he’d slept with ten other girls in the house already. In a month! And they’d all come to the same conclusion, too: Loser.
It was why no one said anything to me when he asked me out. They were all too ashamed to admit they’d fallen for his little stud-muffin act. But Keni knew. Every damned dirty detail! Because that was when I called a house meeting and the rest of us girls vowed never to withhold such information again, no matter how humiliating.
Keni ignored everything we warned her about. In fact, it seemed to excite her when she learned Blake was such a nasty person.
But that wasn’t the biggest red flag. After ignoring all the warnings about Blake, Keni came in my room and told me that Blake had cried in front of her. She was disgusted by his “vile weakness.”
Girl, let me tell you; there are so many other things to be revolted about when it comes to Blake. Crying isn’t one of them.
“Okay,” I say to Meg. “I’ll get my things together. We’ll be down in a minute.” I look at Huff and his light brown hair with golden streaks. It used to be much lighter when he was little. Damn. He’s turned into a very handsome man. I love that he has no idea how hot he is. Or strong. I can’t think of anything sexier than a guy like that. The total package and totally oblivious to it.
All he needed was to forgive himself for being fifteen. He was just a kid when Joy died. I never understood why he always carried the weight of her death on his shoulders.
I guess it’s because he’s a good guy, and good guys always blame themselves for not being better, faster, stronger. They think it’s their job to save the world.
Maybe it is Huff’s job. Now. But not five years ago.
“So, you ready to camp out with two thousand other people?” I ask.
He runs his large hand down my forearm. “I think we should stay here. Alone. I can always carry you out if it gets bad.”
Crap. He wants to have sex. I want to so badly, but I’m not ready to make those hot salacious dreams into reality. Not yet. I saw what he did to that urinal in his dorm. Imagine my baby barn.
This is a whole other discussion for another day. Like, when we can develop some test scenarios, involving masturbation and a Kevlar bodysuit for me.
“I’d rather us not take any chances,” I say, pressing my finger to my cheek.
“Why are you doing that?” he asks.
“What?”
“Mulling,” he says.
“Huh?”
“You always poke your dimple when you’re worried.” He folds his huge arms over his huge chest.
I can’t think when he does that. Ropes upon ropes of tight, rippling muscle.
He continues, “What worries you about staying here with me? Tell me, Riv.” He steps in close, placing his strong hands on my shoulders. God, he smells amazing. Like an orgasm. If an orgasm smelled like something you actually wanted to sniff and not a bunch of body fluids.
“Can we please talk about this another time when we’re not being asked to evacuate?”
He doesn’t budge. His gaze is intense.
“Huff! Come on! I’m not ready to ‘be alone.’ You’re,” I step back, “really, really big, and I’m not. So just give it a rest, okay? I love you. I am in love with you. Can’t that be enough for right now?”
His solemn expression turns into a giant, gloating grin. “Yep. Just wanted the truth.”
“Ogh! You!” I sock his arm. “Stop fucking with me.”
“I wasn’t aware that we started.”
“Stop it.”
“Stopping.” He flashes a charming smile.
“I mean it.”
“How about one more kiss? I did defy nature to be here.”
I narrow my eyes. “You can have a kiss once I’m packed and my sisters are safely in the stadium.”
“You got it. What do you need?”
I blink, and he’s holding my overnight bag in his hand.
I try not to laugh. But with him, it’s pretty hard. He makes me happy. His insanity makes me happy.
If only I knew, for sure, that was enough.