The yoga stretch pulled at the residual tension in her shoulders. Gail could blame it on the extra work she and the students did on their makeshift stage that afternoon, but in reality, she still hadn’t bounced back from her discussion with Sean the day before.
He’d said he understood—that she didn’t doubt, but the truth meant some of the old wounds had to be reopened and exposed to the air of forgiveness. As much as Sean didn’t want to deal with it, he needed to if he ever wanted to move on with his life and live it free of the ghosts of his parents.
The doorbell chimed. Gail left the spongy yoga mat in the middle of the living room and padded to the front door. She caught only a glimpse of the person dressed in a heavy jacket and knit cap standing with her back to the door.
As she swung the door open, she remembered the young woman’s name. “Jamie, right?”
The girl was quick to smile. “Yes.”
“I’m sorry but Sean’s not here.”
“Actually, I was hoping to talk to you.”
A moment’s hesitation kept her rooted in silence. Fear told her to shut the door, but hadn’t she lived enough of her life trapped by it? “Come in.”
“Thanks.” Jamie took off her hat and coat and hung them on the hooks by the door.
Gail headed toward the kitchen. “I was just about to have some tea. Care to join me?” She smiled over her shoulder.
Jamie nodded, looking around the house as she followed Mitzi into the kitchen. “Your home is so lovely. I love all the Christmas decorations.”
“Me, too. Love this time of year.” She opened the glassfronted cabinet and pulled out the two teacups and saucers. “Would you like sweetener?”
“No, thanks. Better if I don’t.”
Mitzi kept her gaze on the golden liquid flowing from the teapot into the cups. “Sean mentioned you were a dancer.”
“I am. I’m part of a dance troupe at the moment.”
“Sounds exciting.” Gail looked up as she handed Jamie her tea. The girl’s eyes remained locked on the pendant on Gail’s neck. “I’m guessing you talked to Sean.”
She set the cup on the tiled counter, shaking her head. “He’s not really talking to me at the moment.”
“Give him some time, my dear. He’ll come around.”
Jamie stared into her tea.
“Is that what you wanted to talk about?”
“No… I… I need to ask you about your necklace.”
Gail nodded. “I thought so.”
“You did?”
“Yes, so I’ll tell you what I told Sean yesterday. Maybe that will help you understand some of what he’s grappling with.” She sighed and slid into one of the padded stools at the counter.
Jamie followed her lead and sat on a stool, leaving an empty one between them.
“Sean showed me the letter you brought him. He also told me you suspected that I was your uncle’s lost love, Gail Gibson.”
She blinked and nodded, lips parted.
Gail believed the girl was holding her breath. Time to finish this quest for the truth. “You were right.”
Jamie gasped. “I knew it! You have to come see my uncle. He’s searched for you for a long time. I just know—”
She held up her hand. “Jamie, things are not as simple as we sometimes think they are.” Here came the hardest part. “I made your uncle a promise a long time ago, one I wound up breaking. As I told Sean… I fully intended to wait for Alan. I wanted more than anything to believe what he said….” She fingered the pendant. “I wanted to believe our love wouldn’t fail, but so much happened after he left.”
“I know he’d understand.”
Gail smiled. “You remind me of him. He was so sure of himself. Of life. Of his faith. I thought I would marry him one day.”
“You still could. I mean, why not?” She lifted one shoulder and held her hand out.
Gail leaned toward Jamie. “Because I betrayed him. I can’t imagine he could forgive me. You see, I was engaged when I met your uncle. To my late husband, Troy. Your uncle showed me what real love was, and it terrified me.” Her voice dropped to a whisper with her words. “I told him I would wait for him, but I didn’t. My sister, Sean’s mother, led me to believe that Alan had no intentions of marrying me. She even showed me a letter that he’d written her, telling her he was only going to marry me so that he could be close to her.”
Jamie shook her head and frowned. “But he’d never do such a thing.”
Gail smiled. “I know, but you didn’t know my sister and how convincing she could be.” She stood and paced the kitchen. “Then my ex-fiancé—Troy—was diagnosed with MS. They didn’t have the medications then like they have now. He begged me to give him just a few years, to help make the rest of his life worth something. He needed me, and in a way, I guess I needed him. He was my safety net.”
Jamie fisted her hands on the counter and frowned. “I don’t understand. My uncle loved you so much.”
She went back to the stools and sat by Jamie, resting one hand on the girl’s fist. “That’s what scared me so much, Jamie. I knew that if I loved Alan like that and he didn’t come back from the war, I’d never survive that kind of loss. I’d watched Sean’s father deteriorate so badly… I couldn’t go through that either.”
“You ran away.” Jamie swiped a tear from her cheek.
The truth stung, but having it out there was somehow cathartic. “Yes, I did. And I’m not telling you all this to justify my choices. At the time I did what I thought was best to honor my husband and to protect Sean.”
“How was this about protecting Sean?”
“When Patrick killed himself, Troy asked me to distance myself from my family, namely, my sister.” She diverted her eyes. “I did as he asked, but I kept in touch with Sean, as his godmother. That part Troy didn’t know. I’d already started using my nickname, Mitzi, so it wasn’t that hard.”
“Sean said you raised him.”
She nodded. “His mother died when he was ten. The rest of the kids had already moved out. Sean needed me as much as I needed him… my husband had died just a few months before. I don’t know what I would have done without Sean. He was the one bright spot in my life.”
“You never thought about looking for my uncle?”
“I did a few years ago. I even went to his shop. I watched him through the window… with you. At first I thought you were his sister, Tara.”
“My mom…” Jamie’s gaze bounced down then back up. “She and my father were killed in a car accident.”
Tears burst from Gail’s eyes. “Oh no, I didn’t know.” Alan had lost so much. His parents then his sister. Her heart ached for him. “I’m so sorry.”
“Uncle Alan was my rock. He kept me going… kept me dancing. Then he got sick and—”
Gail leaned forward, her heart in shambles. “Is he okay?”
“He is now. Just got a clean bill of health from the doctor. The cancer’s gone.”
The weight of it all began to crush in on Gail. Prayers started forming in her heart and formulated in her mind. So much loss. “Your uncle always believed in the blessings that came in life, even in the midst of loss and pain. He taught me that, showed me what it meant to truly believe.”
“That sounds like him—before my mother died. Since then, I think he’s struggled. He won’t talk to me much about it.” Jamie clutched Gail’s hand. “But if he saw you, knew you still cared for him, I think his hope would be restored.” She touched the pendant. “He never married, you know. All through the years he kept searching for this. For you. Now he’s closing the shop and says it’s time to move on, but I know his heart is broken.”
Despite the pleading in Jamie’s eyes, Gail shook her head. She remembered the day in Alan’s shop when she said good-bye, thinking Troy was her future. Alan hadn’t come after her. He’d let her go. He’d given her a second chance though… but she couldn’t imagine, after all he’d lost, that Alan would give her a third. He’d allowed her to make her own choice. She owed him the same respect.
“I’m sorry, Jamie. I think it’s better to let the past be and let your uncle move on. He deserves that much.”
Snow crunched under Gail’s feet on the sidewalk. Christmas tree lights glowing in storefront windows cast a wash of colors onto the snow-blanketed sidewalk like paint on a canvas.
Some of the people she passed were already dressed in formal attire on their way to various New Year’s Eve parties. She could only imagine how crowded Times Square was already.
Gail stopped just short of Alan’s shop then braved a few steps closer. The sign on the door said CLOSED. She shivered against the cold and pulled the lapels of her coat up around her neck. A peek in the window revealed only empty shelves and tables, but a light glowed from the back room.
She went to the door, all the while watching for him to come out of the back room. What was she doing here? Hadn’t she told Jamie that she should let Alan move on? But she had to know… had to make sure he was okay. Finding out about his close call with cancer had rocked her world more than she imagined. If she could have been there for him through all that…
Before she realized what she was doing, her hand was on the doorknob. It turned freely. She hedged the door open just a few inches then stopped. Her heart pounded in her chest so loud she thought surely he would hear it. Once she stepped in that door there was no turning back.
She took a deep breath and pushed the door open. The overhead bells tinkled just like she remembered. She caught a slight whiff of the cologne she remembered Alan wearing. A slew of memories flooded in and pricked her eyes with threatening tears.
Shuffling came from the back. A voice hollered out, “Sorry, we’re closed.”
His voice. Gail closed her eyes. Why had she come? She turned around and ran out the door.