The words spoken, at a distance,
when the dance is ended
HE DID NOT RAPE ME. I had expected it of him. I did not then know the customs of the Pesh and Shajhima had claimed me as a battle prize—that also was a custom. Netaru, of course, he did not have, for he was the ally of Artepta.
I see Nimi standing before me, saying valiantly she must go with me. But she was afraid—since the giant insect on the Sun’s Isle she had mislaid her care, her bravery. I said I was no longer a Queen, and needed no attendants. Now I was a slave.
Choras stayed with Nimi, both absorbed, I have no doubt with ease, into the Arteptan court which would patronize their whiteness, but not with cruelty. The white dog had forgotten me entirely, and quietly padded away with them. The inlaid doors close upon them all.
Guarded and ministered to by Shajhima’s own people, I lived in the house on the north shore until full spring. There were only two or three women slaves to tend me. They were from the Benighted Isles, and barely spoke my tongue. But I needed their assistance. Shajhima had at once taken away my silver feet. So I could not walk, and was returned to childhood, a cripple, helpless.
Will any ask why I did not pick up a fruit-knife, or a strong silk girdle, and conclude all this. What can I say to you. I seemed to myself, as he had been, already dead. What happened therefore did not matter. Also I partly believe I thought, if I should die, the priests were wrong and I should not find him there. At least in the world I was allowed my thoughts, my dreadful searching dreams.
Klyton, the Arteptans put into a tomb. They did not burn even their own kings. In Akhemony, he would have ended as Akreon had done, on the great altar, in fire. Here, he went into a box, with his image painted on the lid. It was like him, for I saw it. And it smelled of myrrh, as he had sometimes done in life. The priests who mummified his body wrote that it was, excepting its war scars, completely perfect in all but the brain. How could they see such a thing? But there.
Before these rites, Shajhima had pared off a nail from Klyton’s middle finger, cut a lock of his hair, and dipped a square of linen in his blood, for a Muhzum. Though demented and unholy, Klyton had been a High King and died in fight.
Calistra walked at her lord’s funeral, the last time she was allowed to walk on the soil of her own continent.
I see Netaru sprinkling red flowers, like the flowers that grow after the fire is out.
In mid spring, Shajhima and his troops began their march across the Sun Lands. I was taken too, among the baggage train, which included already many captive women. I saw the armies of Pesh, sparking and gleaming in the Sunlight, covering the earth like great waters. But they meant nothing. I cannot speak either of the battles, how hard they were, or simple, what strategies were employed, how many gave their lives on either side. I have to this night no notion of the manner in which the princes of Akhemony joined to fight the Pesh. I can neither conjure or draw the picture of the twisted and wrecked un-King on his golden Sun Throne, cast down, and trampled.
Torca died, but I cannot say how.
I was a shadow.
There is only one half-colored scene, that room in the palace at Oceaxis, the King’s Apartment. I had been housed there, and some other women with me. I do not know why. Shajhima scorned for himself these royal rooms.
I looked without any feeling beyond the eternal pain that encompassed me like air, or blood. The white rearing horses, the mural of the god, the painted ceiling, the bed-frame, stripped. Men came by, carrying out the scrolls and books from another room.
As I stood in this bedchamber, the men who had been sent to the Heart Mountain, reached their goal. They had put wax in their ears to protect them from the Drum, and climbing up to the sacred cave, they saw the Drummer at his task, which few Akhemonians had ever done, bringing down the drumsticks on the enormous Drum that never ceased, save to pause at the death of a Sun King.
On the route to Akhemony, I had heard the Heart come back. The troops of Battle-Prince Shajhima had not liked the sound. It made them dizzy and they prayed to their god, who then was not mine, and who I should never have thought would ever come to be. As indeed I would never have thought the man who killed my love and took away my feet, would ever become my champion and the friend of my soul.
But what had I felt in my agony hearing the Heart? Let me be truthful. I felt no more than for another thing—nothing. I think I did not, even, strictly hear.
Yet I heard the Heart stop, and stop for ever.
Having got up close to the cave, they found a horn to blow, and did not bother with it. The Pesh warriors climbed on, up platforms of rock, through the glacial rush of a stream. Green blossoms, they said, were growing in it.
The Drummer did not see them, they said. He sat amid his own excrement, around him the pieces of food he had not yet eaten, which deaf women brought him, and which he gathered with his teeth. Above him hung the filled gourd of wine and honey he had only to tilt with his cheek to drink. His eyes were like two voids of light.
Unhindered, the Pesh moved around and behind him. Two held him and another sliced his throat. He drummed on, even as his thick gore spurted from the wound. They said he drummed a minute more than any man could, for he was immediately quite dead. Then he sank forward on the brass Drum, and it was stilled.
The precious green flowers that grew there were consumed and blackened by the blood. Or so I think someone has told me. But who, who could it have been?
In Akhemony, when the Heart stopped, a terrible mad shrieking rose. And since the Drum did not resume, the shrieking did not finish.
As birds are dashed from the sky, so men were dashed to the ground. Within the palace alone, ten or twenty persons died. Perhaps disturbed by this vibration, after about an hour, the huge gold King’s lamp came crashing down from its chain, in the bedchamber. The other captive women here, Islers, Bulotes, were merely frightened by the noise and screaming, and the lamp, which had missed us.
And Calistra lay in her chair, and she only thought, Is that all?
However, sometimes I hear it still, the Drum of the Heart of Akhemony. In the voiceless core of night. Or after the desert wind has risen and gone away.
We were at Oceaxis a year. I forget what I did. Then Shajhima marched some thousands of men back across the world to the sea, and I was carried south again, to a ship, and brought towards this land of Pesh Sandu a captive cripple and a slave, and a shadow.