CHAPTER 14
After a long morning on the beach, the kids were clearly starting to fade from the combination of sun, swimming and salt air. Elliott suggested they find a casual restaurant Dana Sue had recommended, then head on home since Monday was a school day.
“No,” Mack protested, though he could barely keep his eyes open. “I want to swim and swim and swim.”
“You turn blue every time you go in the water,” Daisy said. “And all you do is complain about being cold.”
“But it’s still the best fun we’ve ever had,” Mack enthused.
Elliott smiled at his exuberance. “And you, niña?” he asked Daisy. “Have you had fun?”
She nodded. “I can’t wait to tell Selena. She’s going to be so jealous. Ernesto never takes them to the beach.” As if realizing that she’d touched on a sore topic, she frowned. “Maybe I shouldn’t say anything, after all.”
“I think you can tell Selena about what a great time you had,” Elliott told her. “But maybe you could think about asking her if she’d like to come along next time. That way she wouldn’t feel as if you’d left her out or were bragging about something she doesn’t get to do.”
Daisy’s eyes lit up. “There’s going to be a next time? And she could come?” she asked excitedly.
Elliott turned to Karen. “What do you think?”
Karen nodded at once. “I think we’ve started a new family tradition. Whenever we have the time for a special outing, this is what we’ll do. Agreed?”
Elliott grinned at the enthusiastic shouts from the backseat. They’d needed a day like this, just the four of them. Whatever it had cost in terms of time and money was worth it. He hoped Karen truly understood that, so there could be future outings without her weighing the rewards against the expense.
At the restaurant, the kids barely made it through their late lunches before they were fighting to keep their eyes open. Karen’s eyes, however, were still brimming with a delight he hadn’t seen in a long time.
“It’s been a good day, hasn’t it?” he asked her.
“It has, and it’s been a good reminder about how important it is to leave our cares behind every now and then. They’ll still be waiting for us tomorrow, but they won’t look as daunting after a day like this. I’ve been so cautious for so long, I didn’t know any other way to be. Thank you for showing me that we can find a way to have some balance.”
Elliott gave a nod of satisfaction. “Then I’ve accomplished my goal,” he said. “I’ve put a smile on your lips and some color in your cheeks.”
“You most definitely have,” she said, then leaned forward to give him a quick kiss. “Thank you.”
Almost immediately, though, she picked up another shrimp and studied it as if it were a specimen in a lab. “What spices do you suppose they used? These are delicious.”
Elliott chuckled. “I knew you wouldn’t get through the entire meal without wondering about that.”
She winced. “I’m very predictable, aren’t I?”
“In the best possible ways,” he said, “which is why I stopped on the way in and spoke to the hostess while you and the kids were in the restroom.” He pulled a piece of paper from his pocket and held it tantalizingly out of her reach. “The chef’s list of spices.”
She regarded him with amazement. “You’re kidding,” she said excitedly, trying to grab it. “Most chefs won’t divulge their trade secrets.”
“But this one has a local cookbook and it’s all in there. The hostess made a copy of the page, when I explained how fascinated you are with recipes.”
“I knew that charm of yours would come in handy,” she teased, once more trying to nab the piece of paper.
“Not just yet,” he teased. “What’s my reward?”
She grabbed him by the shoulders and gave him a kiss that had his blood stirring.
“Not bad,” he said.
She frowned at his less-than-enthusiastic review. “That was an excellent kiss!” she protested.
“Where will it lead when we get home?”
She laughed then. “I didn’t realize this was a negotiation. In that case, I imagine we could work out something that would be mutually satisfying.”
“Okay, then,” he said and handed over the piece of paper.
She was immediately absorbed in the list of spices, the tip of her tongue caught between her lips. With her brow knitted in concentration, she looked so intense and cute, it took every bit of restraint he possessed not to haul her into his arms and kiss her again, but with her promise still ringing in his ears, he could wait a little bit longer.
That didn’t mean he didn’t hurry just a bit to pay the bill, get Daisy and Mack settled in the car and get on the road. And if they made the trip just a little faster going home, well, he thought just this once the extra speed was justified. After all, who knew what the reward might be when she discovered he’d actually bought her a copy of the chef’s entire cookbook?
* * *
Adelia had lost her last shred of patience with Ernesto. Her visit to his office had accomplished nothing, except perhaps to make him more defiant than ever. He obviously hadn’t believed for a moment that she would end their marriage. And the truth was, as desperately as she wanted to reclaim her self-respect, she wasn’t sure she could do it, either.
Just imagining the fallout with the family was daunting enough, to say nothing of what might happen if Ernesto somehow turned the tables in court and managed to slip out of any obligation to provide well for her and the children. She’d never held a meaningful job, and while she wasn’t afraid of hard work, adjusting to a work schedule after being a stay-at-home mom would be a difficult transition. She couldn’t help thinking she’d be shortchanging her children, and yet, other families did just fine with the mother working. Look at Karen and Elliott, for instance.
She knew she ought to make an appointment with Helen Decatur-Whitney, who had a reputation for winning big for her clients in cases like this, but that would make the whole possibility of divorce a little too real. On some completely unrealistic level, she kept thinking her husband would come to his senses. So far, though, there was no evidence of that happening. Either he didn’t care or he was counting on her devotion to her faith to maintain the status quo, which clearly suited him just fine. She provided him with the perfect excuse to make no commitment to any of these women who wandered through his life.
In some ways the worst part of all this was not having anyone she could confide in. Mama was out of the question, as were her sisters and Elliott. She thought of Karen, who’d offered more than once to listen without making comments or judgments, but after the way Adelia had behaved toward her sister-in-law before Karen and Elliott had married made just the thought of it too embarrassing. Still, that might eventually be her best option. Karen was certainly the only one within the family who had experience with divorce.
Adelia wished she’d maintained some of her friendships from high school, but once she’d gotten involved with Ernesto, she’d centered her life around him, then later around their children. She saw now what a huge mistake that had been. She had a lot of acquaintances from her volunteer work, but no one she felt close enough to that she’d be willing to confide her deepest fears and secrets to them.
“What I need,” she decided one morning after the kids were off to school, “is a job.” A part-time job would be the perfect transition just in case things progressed to the next level and she actually filed for divorce. She suddenly wanted the sense of independence that would bring.
However, just expressing the thought aloud was so shocking, it took her a minute to absorb what she was considering. She had a degree from college in business, though the diploma was so dusty and her memories of her schoolwork so far in the past, she wasn’t sure it mattered. Who would hire her based on that? What would she list on her résumé—a dozen school committees and volunteering at the library?
And who in Serenity would be hiring these days? The town had been hit by the economic downturn just like every place else, despite town manager Tom McDonald’s best efforts to revitalize the community’s downtown area. His cousin Travis’s country music radio station and Raylene’s boutique were the newest businesses on Main Street. She doubted either were hiring or that she’d be qualified for the work, anyway. Thinking about her lack of skills combined with the likely lack of opportunity was discouraging, which had her reaching for the cake she’d baked just that morning.
Sadly, that was another habit she’d gotten into—eating to stuff down her frustrations. She still had twenty pounds of so-called baby weight, even though her youngest was now in second grade.
“Well, I can’t just sit here eating cake all day,” she muttered, shoving the plate away in disgust. She needed to do something positive, something to boost her spirits, something she could control, since it was evident that for now the fate of her marriage was out of her hands.
“What I ought to be doing is exercising,” she said, though the idea was utterly abhorrent to her. She’d never understood her brother’s fascination with the joy of sweating. How many times, though, had he suggested that a good workout could relieve stress? Wasn’t that what she needed as much as losing those extra pounds? Maybe she’d even splurge on a massage and a facial, while she was at it. At least if she eventually walked away from Ernesto, she could be in great shape and thumb her nose at him as she left.
Twenty minutes later she walked into The Corner Spa. She was hesitating in the reception area when Maddie Maddox stepped out of her office, smiling when she saw her.
“You’re Elliott’s sister, aren’t you? Adelia, is it?”
Adelia nodded.
“Did you come by to see him? I think he’s with a client, but he should be free in a minute.”
“Actually I wanted to sign up for a membership and then maybe see if you have a personal trainer other than my brother who could work with me? Letting Elliott boss me around might be more than I can take right now.”
Maddie laughed. “I can understand that, and I can certainly help with the membership. Jeff Matthews is our other trainer, and I’m sure he’d be happy to work you into his schedule. Why don’t I start you on the paperwork, and I’ll bring him in?”
She left Adelia filling out forms in an office that smelled of lavender and other scents that seemed to have a relaxing effect on her. Adelia couldn’t be sure if it was those or just taking a positive step that had her feeling better already.
Twenty minutes later, she’d signed up for a six-month membership, scheduled her first session with Jeff for the following morning and made an appointment for a massage after that. She was on her way out when Elliott spotted her. He regarded her with surprise.
“Hey, sis, what are you doing here?”
“I signed up,” she announced, thinking he’d be pleased that she’d finally taken a step he’d long ago recommended. “And Jeff’s going to work with me.”
Elliott frowned. “If I’d known you were interested, I’d have worked you into my schedule for free.”
She shook her head at once. “Not what I wanted.”
He grinned, finally getting her decision. “Does your baby brother actually scare you?”
“You have a reputation as a tough taskmaster,” she admitted, “but it wasn’t that.”
“What then?”
“I was afraid you’d take pity on me and let me get away with it when I don’t feel like doing something,” she admitted. “I figure if I’m paying Jeff, I’ll listen to him. I need somebody who won’t cut me any slack.”
“Good thinking,” he conceded. “And Jeff knows what he’s doing.” He studied her with concern. “Mind telling me what brought this on? Ernesto hasn’t said something about your weight, has he?”
“Ernesto doesn’t speak to me about much of anything these days,” she said before she could stop herself, then winced at Elliott’s immediately angry expression. She held up a hand before he could respond. “Don’t mind me. I was having a bad morning, and I just decided I wanted to do something positive. This was it.”
“Do I need to—”
“Speak to my husband?” she finished, cutting him off. “Absolutely not.”
“But if he’s disrespecting you…”
“We both know he is and that he isn’t going to change. I just have to figure out what I’m going to do about that. Now, please, leave it alone, okay?”
“I’m just saying—”
Again she cut him off, this time by pressing a kiss to his cheek. “Understood. Thanks for the offer of backup, but I’m dealing with this in my own way.”
Though he didn’t look happy about it, Elliott backed off.
She forced a smile. “I hear you, Karen and the kids ran off for a day at the beach on Sunday. Mama was surprisingly pleased about that. She didn’t grumble once about you all missing Sunday dinner.”
“I think she understood how badly we needed it. Next time you and the kids should come along. Being outside in all that salt air and sunshine was great. Daisy and Mack had a ball.”
“So she told Selena.”
Elliott frowned. “Selena didn’t get upset or feel left out, did she?”
“No. In fact, she came home bubbling with excitement because Daisy said she could come along next time. It made me realize that I need to start looking out for my own kids. I think I take great care of them, but with everything that’s been going on at home…” She shrugged. “It has to be taking a toll, though so far the only one who seems tuned in is Selena. She’s very angry. I worry about what she might do. You know how rebellious she is already. What if some boy shows an interest and she does something crazy just to be noticed?”
Elliott’s expression once again filled with concern. As the only man among the siblings, he considered it his duty to look out for not only his sisters, but their children, just as their father would have done had he lived.
“Have you talked to her about that?” he asked.
“Not that exactly, but I’ve told her she’s not to even consider sex until she’s at least thirty,” she said, grinning. “Wishful thinking, I know, but maybe if I say it often enough she’ll understand what a big deal it is. I certainly didn’t. I got pregnant way too young, and I was almost twenty-one.”
“Do you think you would have married Ernesto even if you hadn’t gotten pregnant?” he asked.
Adelia considered the question carefully. “More than likely,” she conceded. “I was crazy in love with him. I had no idea it would turn out the way it has.”
Ernesto certainly hadn’t been a serial cheater back then, or if he had been, he’d kept it well hidden. That wasn’t something she intended to share with her protective brother. Elliott probably knew all about what was going on now. He’d certainly hinted that he knew, but she wasn’t going to confirm it. He might feel compelled to have a chat with Ernesto, and no good could come of that.
“I’ll see you tomorrow,” she told her brother. “And you might want to warn Jeff that I’m a wuss when it comes to exercise.”
He grinned. “A prediction? You’ll be addicted in a month.”
“And you, my dear brother, are a dreamer!”
She’d be lucky if she didn’t collapse in exhaustion after the first session and never show her face here again.
* * *
Karen was beginning to really count on her morning visits with Raylene. They never lasted more than a few minutes, long enough for a cup of coffee and a quick conversation, but for the first time in her life she felt as if she had a real girlfriend. Best of all, she’d discovered that she and Raylene had quite a lot in common.
Both of them had had troubled relationships with their mothers. In Raylene’s case, her mother had withdrawn and, as Raylene now realized, had shown signs of the same agoraphobia that Raylene herself had dealt with, keeping her confined to home. Karen’s mother had been an alcoholic, who refused to see the devastating effect drinking was having on her or on her daughter.
Both of them were living in blended families, though the circumstances weren’t the same. And both of them had overcome serious psychological issues and struggled to reach the point of living full and normal lives.
“When you look back a year, can you believe all the changes in your life?” Karen asked Raylene as she sat on a stool and watched while Karen chopped vegetables for the stew on the day’s menu.
Raylene laughed. “No way. Every time I walk out the front door and make it all the way into town, I consider it a miracle. And then there’s Carter. After the disaster that was my first marriage, he’s like some fairy-tale prince—kind, considerate, sensitive.” A wicked grin spread across her face. “And very, very sexy!”
Karen chuckled. “I landed one of those, too. There’s absolutely no comparison between my first husband and Elliott. He’s good to me. He’s responsible. He’s great with my kids.”
Raylene studied her over the rim of her cup. “Mind if I ask you something personal?”
“Anything,” Karen responded.
“Have you and Elliott talked any more about him adopting Daisy and Mack?”
“We’ve talked about it,” Karen said, though she was aware of a certain tightness in her voice even as she said the words.
Raylene obviously picked up on it. “Then it’s still a touchy subject?” she asked.
Karen nodded. “I’ve managed to avoid actually dealing with it. I just can’t seem to make up my mind.”
Raylene looked puzzled. “Why? Like I said before, I would think it would be great for the kids to know that Elliott loves them that much. Maybe it would be different if Ray—is that his name?—if he were still around, but he’s not. Are you thinking he could turn up? Or does Helen think it would be hard to get him to relinquish his parental rights?”
Karen flushed guiltily. “I haven’t even approached Helen. Ray did relinquish his rights when we got divorced, so it’s probably not an issue.”
“Then I really don’t get it,” Raylene said with the sort of candor that Karen had come to appreciate. “Not when you say yourself what a great stepfather Elliott’s been.”
Karen struggled to find an answer that would make sense to either of them. “I think you were right the last time we talked about this. A part of me keeps waiting for the other shoe to fall.”
Raylene regarded her with understanding. “You’re honestly afraid things might not work out with Elliott?”
Karen nodded. “Crazy, isn’t it? Every day I thank my lucky stars for him, but there’s this one tiny part of me that still thinks it’s too good to be true.”
“I’m in no position to give marriage counseling, but I do think marriage isn’t something you can do by half measures. You have to be all in. Otherwise those tiny doubts can create a crack that will eventually turn into a huge fissure.”
“My heart gets that,” Karen responded. “It’s a hundred percent onboard. It’s my head. I can’t turn off the part that questions my judgment. I made a terrible mistake once. What if I’ve done it again?”
“So, are you constantly looking for evidence that you made another mistake?” Raylene asked, frowning.
Karen hesitated, then nodded. “That’s exactly what I do,” she admitted. Every little slip Elliott made—especially when it came to finances or evidence of macho behavior—triggered panic and went into some mental lockbox, stored away for some future time when they’d all be added together to prove that once again she’d chosen the wrong guy.
“You know that’s not healthy, right?” Raylene asked, her concern evident.
“I know,” Karen said bleakly. “I just don’t know how to stop it.”
“You saw the same shrink I did, didn’t you?” Raylene asked. “Maybe it wouldn’t hurt to talk this over with her.”
The suggestion completely threw Karen. “I thought I was past the need for that.”
“You probably are,” Raylene consoled her. “Most of the time, anyway. But people like us who’ve been through traumatic ordeals should know better than most the value of asking for help before it’s too late.” She stood up and gave Karen a hug. “I’ve got to run. And please don’t look so panicked. It’s just a suggestion. I certainly don’t mean to suggest you’re unraveling or anything like that.”
Karen forced a laugh. “Good to know. And I do appreciate the suggestion. I’m beyond being able to see things clearly, so an objective point of view was definitely welcome.”
But as Raylene left to run across the town green in time to open her boutique, Karen sank onto the stool at the kitchen counter in Sullivan’s and worried that maybe she didn’t have herself nearly as together these days as she’d thought she did. And what would Elliott think if she told him she thought she ought to seek counseling to work through some of these unresolved issues that were impacting their marriage? Though he’d never judged her for her near-breakdown in the past, would it shake his faith in the woman he’d married? Was she prepared for that?
* * *
With the last-minute crunch to finish the renovations at the gym, Elliott was usually the last to reach home. Thank goodness Dana Sue had been accommodating and had given Karen mostly day shifts, so the children weren’t constantly left with his mom in the evenings. Not that she would have minded, but the child care would have come with increasingly strident lectures about them working too hard and neglecting not only Daisy and Mack, but each other.
When he came in at nearly midnight, he was surprised to find Karen waiting for him, a cup of coffee—hopefully decaf—in front of her.
“Hey, you,” he said, dropping a kiss on her forehead. “Why aren’t you already in bed?”
“I wanted to wait up for you,” she said. “It feels as if it’s been days since we’ve seen each other for more than a minute.”
“Because it has been,” he said wearily, pouring himself a glass of juice and joining her at the kitchen table. “Everything okay around here?”
“Fine,” she said, though she looked as if it were anything but fine.
“Then you stayed up hoping you could seduce me?” he inquired hopefully.
She smiled. “While the idea definitely holds a lot of appeal, I was thinking we could talk.”
“About?”
“Just talk,” she said with a touch of impatience. “About what’s going on, how we are, the normal stuff.”
Elliott set his glass on the table and leaned forward. He took her hands in his. “Are you upset about something? Because I have to tell you, you’ll need to spell it out for me. I’m too exhausted for guessing games.”
She leveled a look into his eyes, her own eyes sparking with a surprising glint of anger. “That’s exactly the problem,” she said unreasonably. “There’s never time for plain-old talking.”
“Isn’t that why we’ve been scheduling date nights?” he said, trying his best not to get drawn into an argument, especially when he couldn’t figure out why they were fighting in the first place.
“And when was the last time we had one?” she demanded.
“I don’t know. A week or two ago? You know how crazy it’s been, getting these renovations done. And we just had an entire day to ourselves with the kids at the beach.”
To his shock, her eyes welled with tears. “Querida, what’s going on?” he asked, dismayed.
She swiped at her cheeks as the tears began to fall. “I’m being impossible,” she said.
“You’re not being impossible, but you’re obviously upset, and I don’t think it’s about date nights.”
She shook her head. “It’s not. Raylene and I were talking this morning and she said something that scared the daylights out of me.”
Elliott was at a loss. “What?”
“That maybe I should see my shrink again.” She gave him a look filled with panic. “Do you think I’m losing it?”
“Losing it?” he asked incredulously. “No. Why would Raylene say such a thing? I thought the two of you were friends.”
“We are, and it wasn’t some kind of indictment. She just picked up on a few things I mentioned and said she thought an objective outsider might help me put things in perspective.”
Elliott was still struggling to put the pieces together. Whatever had been said, it had obviously shaken his wife. “What things?”
She didn’t reply right away. In fact, she was careful to avoid his gaze, but eventually she heaved a sigh. “I told her how scared I am that we might not make it.”
Shock settled over Elliott. “Us? You think we’re not going to make it? Why? Sure, we have our share of disagreements, but we’re both committed to this marriage. Whatever comes along, we can handle it.”
She gave him a watery smile. “You sound so sure of that.”
“I am sure of that,” he responded. “Aren’t you?”
“Most of the time, yes, but then something happens and I start to question everything.” She met his gaze. “It’s crazy, I know. You’re the best husband I could ever have hoped for. You’re amazing with Daisy and Mack. It’s almost as if it’s too good to be true, so when we fight, it makes me question if anything so good can possibly last. Then I act crazy and wonder why you put up with me, like now.”
Elliott stood up, gathered her into his arms, than sat back down with her cradled against his chest. He kissed the dampness on her cheeks.
“We’re going to make it,” he said, holding her gaze. “We’ll have ups and downs like every other couple, but we’ll get beyond them.”
She sighed and tucked her head on his shoulder.
As he stroked her back, he said, “I thought Raylene was crazy in love with Carter.”
“She is. And she was just trying to be a good friend. She said maybe my old shrink could help me figure out why I can’t trust what we have a hundred percent.”
“I can answer that,” Elliott said without hesitation. “That idiot Ray made it impossible for you to believe that any relationship could be what it seems.” He met her gaze. “But if you want to see your shrink again so she can tell you the same thing, it’s fine with me. I’ll even go with you.”
She regarded him with surprise. “You’d do that? I thought you’d completely freak at the idea of seeing somebody.”
“You’re thinking of my father, I believe,” he teased.
“Maybe so,” she admitted.
He caressed her cheek, saw the fear in her eyes give way to something else. “Ah, querida, don’t you know by now that there’s nothing I won’t do for you?” he murmured.
A faint smile finally played on her lips. “Does that include making love to me tonight?”
A full-fledged smile broke across his face. “You don’t have to ask me twice.”
He stood up with her still in his arms, flipped off the light switch with his elbow and headed out of the kitchen. After all, who needed sleep when he had a woman like this in his bed?