Raylene was just putting the pitcher of tea back into the refrigerator, when Walter walked into the kitchen.
“Do you have any idea what you’re doing with those girls?” he asked, his expression filled with concern.
“Being a friend to them,” she responded, unable to keep a defensive note out of her voice. “What’s wrong with that? And, by the way, why were you eavesdropping? My relationship with Carter’s sisters is none of your business.”
“I wasn’t eavesdropping, at least not on purpose. The kids are watching a video. I came to get cookies for them.”
“Cookies will spoil their supper,” Raylene said, mostly just to be contrary because she was annoyed by Walter’s observation. It was two hours till dinner and one cookie each would hardly matter.
Walter merely lifted a brow, picked up two cookies and left the room. Unfortunately, he wasn’t gone long.
“Shouldn’t you stay in there with the kids?” she asked testily. She wasn’t sure she could face another inquisition this afternoon, especially from someone who knew her well enough to see right through her. If even a man as insensitive as Walter recognized that getting entangled in Carrie’s problems posed a risk, maybe she should be thinking twice about it. She just wanted so badly to find a way to prove to Carter—and even to herself—that she could play an important role in his family. Lately that hope was what kept her going.
Unfortunately Walter wasn’t fazed by her attempt to discourage his meddling. “Laurie’s with Tommy and Libby,” he reminded her with exaggerated patience. “They won’t get into any mischief. I’m more concerned about you.”
“Why?”
“Because you’re getting too involved with those girls and their problems. What’s going to happen when things don’t work out with their brother?”
“Why wouldn’t things work out?” she demanded irritably, though it was a question she’d asked herself more than once.
“Because you won’t let them,” Walter said, taking her by surprise with his insight. “I saw you with him at the barbecue. It’s obvious you’re crazy about him, but you were pushing him away, as if you had no right to grab on to any happiness that comes your way.”
“The same way you were pushing Rory Sue away?” she inquired, hoping to redirect the conversation. “For the same reason, I might add.”
“That’s entirely different,” he said, disagreeing with her. “For once in my life I’m trying not to rush into something for all the wrong reasons.”
“Maybe that’s what I’m doing, too,” she suggested. “After all, I could be afraid that I’m only attracted to Carter because he’s the first man to come along since my marriage who’s shown an interest in me.”
“Oh, I do believe you’re scared,” he said. “And who could blame you? It’s not as if your marriage to Paul was any kind of picnic. It’s natural for you to be skittish. But I think your fear runs a lot deeper than just thinking that the attraction is superficial. I don’t think you’re anywhere close to being ready for a real relationship, and you know it. But that’s what Carter wants, isn’t it? The real deal?”
She couldn’t deny that. “Look, I’m working through my issues, okay?” she told him. “I’m getting more comfortable with Carter every time I see him.” At least she hoped that was true. She wanted it to be, because the attraction ran deep. So did her respect for him. She didn’t want her problems standing in the way of a real relationship.
Walter obviously wasn’t satisfied with her response. “How comfortable?” he pressed. “Enough to have an honest-to-goodness, long-lasting relationship with him, because if that’s not where this is heading, then you shouldn’t get too involved with those girls.”
“I don’t know,” she admitted. “Why are you pushing this? What does it matter to you if I mess this up?”
“I’m worried about you getting hurt. I’m even worried about a couple of teens who’ve obviously lost too many people they cared about. Carter may know your history. He may have the patience of a saint, but if you send mixed signals long enough, he may get tired of it and walk away. Then where will you be? Especially if you’ve gone and fallen in love with him.”
“I’m a big girl. I can handle a broken heart.”
Walter looked skeptical. “Okay, let’s say I believe that. Can you handle breaking his heart? Or hurting his sisters? What if they’ve learned to count on you?”
“Are you saying I need to back off?” she asked, her heart sinking at the thought. That reaction, as much as anything, told her she needed to fight for the future she was just starting to envision.
“That pretty much goes against the popular wisdom around here,” she told Walter. “Everyone else thinks it’s time for me to start living again.”
“I’m all for you starting to live. Getting out of this house would be a fantastic start. Rushing into a relationship might be asking too much of yourself. I just want you to be sure you can handle all the consequences.”
Raylene knew deep inside that he had some valid points, but as she studied him intently, she realized something else. “You know something, Walter? I don’t think we’ve been talking about me at all. I think you’re scared spitless that you’re getting too involved with Rory Sue and that one of you is going to get hurt.”
To her surprise, he didn’t deny it.
“Guilty,” he admitted.
“What’s the problem? She seems very taken with you.”
“She’s nothing like Sarah. And contrary to what all of you probably think, she’s a lot more vulnerable than she lets on. There’s a good chance I’ll let her down. That’s what I do. I was a lousy husband to Sarah, and I’m just finally getting a grip on being a halfway-decent father. It’s probably way too soon for me to try to figure out how to have a mature relationship with another woman.”
“If you’re thinking that clearly, it obviously means you’re making progress,” Raylene told him. “Stop selling yourself short.” She waited, thinking about the situation. “Or are you really worried that Rory Sue’s just playing a game, and you don’t want to put your heart at risk?”
“Damned if I know,” he admitted. “It could go either way. It’s just too soon to tell, which is why I’ve been trying to put some space between us.” He shrugged. “Rory Sue’s not much interested in space. She wants what she wants when she wants it.”
“Just like her mama,” Raylene said, smiling at the thought of Walter trying to hold a determined Rory Sue at bay. “Mary Vaughn went after Ronnie Sullivan more than once despite all the odds against her. I suppose that kind of determination could be flattering.”
“No, it’s terrifying,” Walter said. “I’m a man. It would be very easy to give in. The woman is amazing. But I’m trying to use my brain here, not my…well, you know.”
Raylene laughed. “Yes, I do know, and I admire your restraint.” She met his gaze. “Not to change the subject too much, but how’s the hunt for a house going? Once you find something, you could stop seeing Rory Sue altogether if that’s what you really want.”
“I found one, as a matter of fact. Rory Sue said it was perfect, and she was right. I put in an offer. We should know something tonight.”
“Congratulations! The kids are going to be so excited.”
“I know. I can’t wait until I can take them to pick out whatever they want for their rooms.”
“Is Rory Sue going to help with that?” she asked.
“Probably. She does know where the best stores are.”
“Really?” she said, amused. “And you haven’t been in every furniture store in the region to sell advertising for the radio station?”
He frowned at the question. “What’s your point?”
“She’s becoming every bit as involved in your life as Carter and his family are in mine. I’d say the danger signs are posted for both of us.”
But as clear as she was on the dangers that lay ahead, she wondered if she, any more than Walter, would heed them.
* * *
Carter drove up just as Walter was leaving. He exited his sheriff’s cruiser with a take-out bag in hand.
“I came with dinner,” he told Raylene. “Can I stay? I figured you deserved a respite from cooking after dealing with my sisters today.”
“Your timing’s great. I was going to start cooking any minute,” she said, aware that the mere sight of him had stirred up her senses. Given the conversation she’d just had with Walter, it was disturbing. Maybe she really should think things through carefully before she allowed herself to get any more involved in his life. He and his sisters represented the unattained dream she’d envisioned for herself, a ready-made family. She finally dared to meet his gaze.
“I hope Sarah and Travis like Chinese food,” he said. “I brought enough for them, too.”
“That’s very thoughtful of you,” she said. “Travis will probably just grab a quick bite. He has his show to do tonight.”
“Then maybe we should leave everything in the to-go containers. He can take whatever he wants with him.”
“Perfect,” she said, then studied him. “Aren’t you still on duty? Can you really take a break?”
“Dispatch can reach me.” He patted the radio and cell phone at his hip. “And I gave Gayle this number, too. It’s fine. I have some news I wanted to share.” He leaned down and kissed her cheek. “And I just wanted to see you, make sure you survived an entire day with Carrie and Mandy.”
Raylene sighed. “We do need to talk about that,” she admitted. “Let’s go in the kitchen. We have a little while before Sarah and Travis will be here.”
Carter frowned as he followed her. “Was there a problem? They didn’t bug you about me staying over here last night, did they?”
“That wasn’t the problem.” She told him about the discussion she’d had with Carrie. “She got extremely defensive. I might have made matters worse by pushing so hard. She’d agreed to take the job here, but now I’m not so sure she’ll be back.”
Carter sighed. “I’m glad you spoke up. I’ve been on her case lately, too. She needs to know we’re paying attention.”
“But she must have felt as if we were all ganging up on her. Mandy chimed in, as well. I’m not sure all that pressure at once is good.”
“Isn’t that exactly the way those interventions work?” he said.
“But those are usually handled by professionals,” Raylene said. “A psychologist would have known what to do when Carrie fought back. They might have been able to stop her from taking off.”
Carter’s expression turned grim. “She left?”
Raylene nodded. “Mandy went after her. I should have done it. That’s what a responsible adult would have done.”
“Come on. There were extenuating circumstances,” he said. “To say nothing of the fact that helping my sister is my job, not yours.”
“But you don’t upset a kid and then let another kid deal with the fallout,” she said with self-derision. “I tried calling earlier, but Carrie wouldn’t take my call. Mandy said she’d shut herself in her room.”
Carter muttered a curse and immediately stood up. “I’d better get over there and check on things. A rain check on dinner, okay? I guess that news of mine will have to wait, too.”
“Do you want to take the Chinese food home with you? The girls would probably like it.”
“I don’t think walking in the door with food right now is a good idea.” He gave her a frustrated look. “What’s it going to take to fix this? I’m at a loss.”
“Do you want to talk to Dr. McDaniels? I’m sure she’d be happy to give you some ideas. She’ll be here tomorrow at one. You could drop by, say, around one-thirty.”
He nodded. “I might do that.” He leaned down and kissed her again, just a quick brush of his lips across hers. “Thanks for caring.”
He paused in the doorway. “It means the world to me that you care about what’s going on with Carrie. The past couple of years have been tough. I’ve been totally out of my depth with everything that’s happened since my folks died.” He gave her a lopsided grin. “Who knows? Maybe with a little help from you I’ll figure out this parenthood thing, after all.”
* * *
When Dr. McDaniels arrived for their session, Raylene immediately filled her in on what had been going on with Carrie. “I told Carter he could stop by to speak with you, if that’s okay. He’ll be here at one-thirty.”
To her surprise, the psychiatrist frowned.
“Is it a problem?” Raylene asked, puzzled by her reaction. “Would you rather not speak to him? Did I violate some code of ethics or something?”
“It’s not that,” Dr. McDaniels said. “I’m happy to help. What worries me is that you’re putting your own situation on the back burner to deal with his sister’s problems.”
“But this is important,” Raylene said.
“So is your recovery.”
“I’m not skipping a session,” Raylene argued. “At least not all of it. We have a few more minutes before Carter will be here.”
“Not long enough to spend the time in the garden that we’d planned,” the doctor said. “Are you sure you didn’t intentionally plan it that way?”
Raylene shook her head. “That never even crossed my mind, I swear it. In fact, I’d even offered Carrie a job spending time out there with me. The rest of this kind of came to a head after that. I saw how worried Carter was, and it seemed this would be the perfect chance for him to speak to you. The offer to let him use part of my time with you was impulsive. I’m sorry if it was the wrong thing to do.”
Dr. McDaniels didn’t look entirely convinced, but she nodded. “Okay, then, let’s see what we can accomplish before he gets here. In fact, why don’t we try going outside to wait for him. We’ll spend time in the garden next time.”
“Okay,” Raylene said. Maybe on some subconscious level she had hoped to put off an extended period outside, but maybe it was better this way. She’d have to just do it, ready or not.
She led the way to the door and grasped the handle.
“Deep breath,” Dr. McDaniels encouraged. “Don’t think about what’s next. Just open the door. Concentrate on the fact that it’s a beautiful summer day. You’ve been doing this a lot lately. It’s nothing new.”
Raylene released the latch on the door and pushed it open. So far, so good. Her palms weren’t sweating. Her breathing was steady. All she had to do was take a step and she’d be outside. It should be second nature by now, but there was always that one instant, just before she took the first step, when she wondered if she’d be able to do it.
She counted slowly, tried to time her breaths to a nice even rhythm and took that next step. Then a few more.
“There, that wasn’t so hard, was it?” the psychologist asked.
“I haven’t fallen apart yet, if that’s what you’re asking.”
“Then keep going. Let’s cross the grass so you can wait for Carter to turn in to the driveway. Think about how pleased he’ll be to have you waiting for him. It’s only a few more feet. No big deal. And you’ll still be close to the house. I’m right here with you. You’re perfectly safe.”
Raylene swallowed hard, but she took the first step onto the grass. She couldn’t help glancing back toward the house to make sure she hadn’t strayed too far away from her sanctuary. Dr. McDaniels nodded encouragement.
“You’re doing great,” she told Raylene. “What kind of car does Carter drive?”
“A pickup,” Raylene responded, her breath catching. “A silver one.” Suddenly she couldn’t seem to get another breath. Her chest heaved. It felt as if her heart was going to pound right through her ribs. She hadn’t had a setback like this in days. Angry with herself, she forced herself to take slow, deep breaths until her breathing steadied and her heartbeat slowed.
“You’re just fine,” the doctor soothed. “You heard the sound of Carter’s truck, that’s all. See, here he is, turning in to the driveway right now.”
Carter stepped out of the truck, amazement on his face, as if he’d caught her turning somersaults down the block. “Well, look at you,” he said, grinning as he had on the day he’d discovered her on the patio. “Going for a walk, are you?”
She frowned at the hopeful note in his voice. “Hardly.”
Even so, he looked thrilled, as if he’d been waiting for a moment like this since the day they’d met. As he came around the car, a part of her wanted to run to him, but the panic stirred yet again, then took over. She was rooted in place, hyperventilating, close to passing out.
Dr. McDaniels obviously recognized the symptoms, because she moved in close and took Raylene’s arm. She must have given Carter a subtle nod, too, because he was immediately beside her, as well. They half walked, half carried her back to the house. It wasn’t more than twenty feet or so, but it seemed like miles. The psychologist murmured soothing words until they were safely inside. Raylene nearly collapsed with relief.
Carter went for water while Dr. McDaniels continued to talk to her. Slowly, Raylene’s breathing returned to normal. The panic receded and her pulse rate slowed.
“You did great,” the doctor said as Raylene sipped the water, her face flushed with embarrassment.
“You call that great? What happened? I’d been getting better. I should be past these attacks by now.”
“There will be days like this, Raylene.”
“Forever?” she asked plaintively.
“Not forever,” the psychologist assured her. “Think about what you have accomplished, not about today’s minor little setback.”
“It’s not enough,” Raylene said despondently. What counted was getting well enough to have a normal life, a full life with Carter. Being able to be there for Carrie and Mandy the way she should be, not sitting on the sidelines, but truly involved in their lives. Maybe even kids down the road. Not a life where success was measured by stepping a few feet outside of her own front door.
She gathered the few bits of her composure remaining and stood. “I’ll leave the two of you alone to talk. I’ll be in the kitchen if you need me.”
She saw the dismay on the psychologist’s face and the worry on Carter’s, but she had nothing to say that would reassure either one of them. In fact, she didn’t even have words to reassure herself.
* * *
“You should go to her,” Carter said, his gaze following Raylene. He’d never seen her look so defeated, not even after he’d found her in a similar state in the backyard.
Dr. McDaniels shook her head. “She won’t hear anything I have to say right now. Besides, she’s very anxious for the two of us to talk about your sister. Tell me what’s going on with her.”
Carter shook off his worries about Raylene and described everything he and others had been noticing about Carrie’s behavior. “I’m really scared for her, but she denies there’s a problem and I have no idea what to do next.”
“You know she needs help,” the doctor said. “That’s a great first step. I’d like to speak to her myself. Do you think she’d agree to come to my office?”
“Not willingly,” he said grimly. “But I could make it happen.”
“What about the nutritionist at the hospital? Would Carrie see her willingly? Maybe you could suggest that you know she’s been worried about her weight and that the nutritionist is someone who could help her develop a sensible eating plan.”
“She’ll see right through that. Right now she’s touchy about any mention of food.”
“What about insisting she get a physical for school with a general practitioner? I’d like to see some kind of clinical evaluation so we know where her health stands. If she really is anorexic, more than likely there will be evidence of it.”
“Again, she’s so sensitive to every suggestion even remotely related to her health, she’ll probably balk at that, too.”
“Okay, then, here’s where tough parenting is required. You may have to insist. It probably doesn’t matter which of those steps you take first, as long as you take one of them.”
“That’s it? There’s no other way?” he asked.
“You won’t like the alternative any better, and neither will she,” the doctor said, her expression grim. “I’d recommend that you put her into the hospital or a residential-treatment program to be evaluated. If a teen is simply in denial, usually the first mention of a hospital or treatment facility is enough to get them to start taking the situation seriously. She may be angry, but you’re the responsible adult. You can’t let anger or tears sway you from doing what needs to be done.”
Carter closed his eyes, trying to envision Carrie’s reaction to being committed somewhere for treatment. He wasn’t sure he could do that. He was too afraid she’d feel as if he’d betrayed her.
“I’d like to make an appointment for her with you,” he said. “The first opening you have.”
“Tomorrow morning at ten,” she said at once.
“We’ll be there.”
“I’ll want to talk to her alone,” she told him.
“Not a problem. But I’ll be just outside the door in case she decides to try to bolt.”
“She’s going to be furious with you.”
“I can handle that, as long as she gets well.”
Dr. McDaniels regarded him with concern. “I know she’s your sister, not your child, but it’s awfully hard to see anyone you love look at you as if they hate you. Be prepared for that. Maybe you should talk to Ronnie or Dana Sue Sullivan and see how they coped with that when Annie was in treatment.”
“I’ll do that. I can deal with hard. It’s just as difficult to watch her wasting away and not have any idea how to help,” he said, grimly determined to get them both through whatever lay ahead.
“I’ll want to have some sessions with you and her sister, as well. Family counseling is an important part of the recovery from anorexia, if that’s what we’re dealing with.”
“Whatever you need. It’ll probably be good for Mandy, too. I think they’ve both dealt with a lot since we lost our parents. I’ve done the best I could, but I’m sure there’s a lot they’ve kept bottled up inside.”
“Grief could be a big part of Carrie’s behavior,” she said. “If it is, we’ll find better coping mechanisms.”
Carter nodded, relieved to have someone with real expertise on his side. “I’ll see you in the morning then. Do you want to see Raylene before you go, or is it okay if I spend a few minutes with her?”
“I think she probably needs you more than she does me right now,” Dr. McDaniels said. “Tell her I’ll be back day after tomorrow at the regular time.”
Carter nodded and walked her to the door. When she was gone, he drew a deep breath and braced himself for seeing Raylene. He knew she’d probably spent the past half hour beating up on herself over falling apart. It was what she did. She set her expectations too high, then berated herself for failing.
When he went into the kitchen, he found her sitting at the table, her cheeks tracked with dried tears, her gaze distant.
“You doing okay?” he asked, though he could see that she wasn’t.
She merely shrugged.
“I had a good talk with Dr. McDaniels. She’s terrific. I’m going to take Carrie to see her tomorrow.”
A flicker of interest stirred in her expression before she shut down again. “I’m sure that will help.”
“Raylene, about what happened earlier—”
“I don’t want to talk about that,” she said, her cheeks flushing. “It was humiliating.”
“No,” he said adamantly. “It was brave. Every time you step outside, you’re fighting a fear I can’t even begin to imagine.”
“You face down worse fears every day when you go to work,” she said. “I’m practically scared of my own shadow. It’s crazy. I’m crazy.”
“Don’t you dare say that,” he said furiously. “You have a treatable panic disorder. You’re going to get better.”
She regarded him with a bleak expression. “What if I don’t? What if this is the rest of my life, shut up in this house?”
“Then we’ll deal with it,” he said.
“Not we,” she said adamantly. “It’s my problem.”
“Sorry, it doesn’t work that way. You and me, we’re friends, no matter what else happens. Friends stick together. If you have a problem, I’m right here with you.”
“But you have Carrie to worry about,” she protested. “You don’t need to take on my situation, too.”
He held her gaze. “Yes, I do,” he said solemnly.
There was a faint flicker of hope in her eyes, but it faded. “But, Carter—”
“No arguments,” he said. “I’m not walking away from you. You can push all you like, but I’m staying.”
A smile touched her lips. “Maybe,” she began softly, “maybe you’re the crazy one.”
He grinned. “Could be, but that’s just the way it is.”
He stood up. “I need to get to work. Are you going to be okay?”
“Laurie and the kids will be back soon, and I think Sarah’s coming home early. I’ll be fine.”
He leaned down and touched his lips to hers. This time, though, a casual kiss wasn’t enough. He lingered and when she didn’t pull away, he deepened the kiss, tasting and savoring until he heard a low moan in the back of her throat.
He pulled away, then met her gaze. “That’s worth fighting for, don’t you think?”
She touched her fingers to her lips, which had curved finally into a full-fledged smile. “It just might be.”
He left then, feeling more optimistic than he had in weeks, not just about his sister’s future, but his own.