Raylene had a bad night wondering if she was ever going to get better. Nothing Dr. McDaniels, Carter or even Sarah had said to her had reassured her that she was making real progress. For every step forward she’d taken, literally, it seemed she’d taken another one back. She tossed and turned most of the night and eventually wandered into the kitchen well before dawn, probably looking as frazzled and out of sorts as she felt. Sarah was already there having coffee before heading to the radio station.
“You look like hell,” Sarah commented cheerfully. When Raylene merely scowled and poured herself a cup of coffee, Sarah winced. “Okay, definitely not in a good mood.”
“Sorry. I didn’t get much sleep.”
“Because of what we talked about last night, the way your session with Dr. McDaniels went?”
Raylene nodded. “But, please, leave it alone. I don’t feel like rehashing it this morning.”
Sarah opened her mouth, then shut it again.
Raylene smiled. “Thank you.”
“If I didn’t have to get to work, I’d make you talk about this some more.”
“Go. Entertain. Laugh. Have a good day.”
Sarah paused. “You will be okay, right? Should I send someone over to cheer you up?”
“No,” Raylene said firmly. She needed to work through this on her own. She’d felt a few glorious glimmers of hope about the future recently. She had to figure out how to cling to those, rather than sinking into despair over her failures.
But despite what she’d told Sarah about wanting to be alone with her thoughts, a few hours later she opened the door and found Carter on the doorstep. She had a feeling his arrival wasn’t a coincidence.
“Sarah called me earlier,” he said. “She said you might be over here freaking out. What’s that about?”
“Just more of the same old, same old,” she said, dismissing it. “Do you have time for something to drink? Coffee? Tea? Tell me about Carrie. Did she have her session with Dr. McDaniels this morning?” Though she was genuinely interested, she hoped asking about Carrie would redirect the conversation away from her. “How did Carrie react when you told her she had an appointment to see a shrink?”
Carter rolled his eyes. “I’m sure you can imagine. First, she threw a tantrum and refused to go. Then, when I didn’t budge, she turned on the waterworks and pleaded with me not to make her go.”
“How’d you cope with that?”
“Thankfully I was prepared. Mostly, I tuned her out, even though the tears were killing me. I felt like the worst kind of big brother ever for forcing her to do this.”
“But you had to know in your heart you were being the best kind of big brother.”
“I tried to remember that, but it was hard with tears streaming down her cheeks. I really, really hate it when people cry, especially when I’m responsible.”
“Ultimately, though, you got her to go?”
He nodded. “By then she was sulking and not speaking to me at all. The look she gave me when she walked into the office came pretty close to breaking my heart.”
“Any idea how the session went? Did Carrie say anything afterward? Or did you speak to Dr. McDaniels?”
“I have a follow-up with Dr. McDaniels tomorrow. We all do, in fact. I guess I’ll find out more then. Carrie’s still not speaking to me. She’s freezing out Mandy, too. The doc says that’s normal. Right now, Carrie obviously thinks we’ve all ganged up on her. We’re the enemy.”
“I’m so sorry.”
“Me, too, but it has to be this way. Even I can see that. It’s better than sending her to the hospital or a treatment center. I tried to make her see that, but she told me there was nothing wrong with her, that I was just being mean and freaking out over nothing.”
He looked so miserable that Raylene found herself moving closer to him on the sofa. She reached out and touched his cheek. It was the first time she’d let herself initiate any contact. She saw surprise register in his eyes.
“It’s going to get better,” she assured him. “There may be some rough patches. There certainly were with Annie. I can remember back then Ty was just about the only one who could get through to her. Everyone else was her enemy, even Ronnie, and she adored her dad. It just about killed him to be tough with her. Maybe you could talk to him sometime, and see how he dealt with her anger.”
“Believe me, I will speak to him. I need to be reminded that we will get through this. It helps to see how close Annie and her family are, even after all they went through. That gives me hope.”
Raylene squeezed his hand. “I’m just coming to realize how important hope is,” she said. In fact, even though it was hard won, hope was just about the only thing that got her through some difficult days. Maybe if she tried hard enough, she wouldn’t lose it now.
* * *
Carter checked at least once a week with the prison to see if there was anything new on Paul Hammond’s possible release date in August. Though officials had promised to alert him before any release occurred, he wasn’t inclined to take chances. Parole hearings could be delayed or moved up. While he wouldn’t mind the former one bit, he wasn’t about to risk having the date come up faster than he was anticipating.
In the meantime, he’d been doing more research into Hammond’s background. Today he’d driven over to Charleston on his day off, left the girls to shop at a mall and done a little investigating around the hospital where Hammond had worked as an orthopedic surgeon. What he’d discovered had alarmed him even more.
It seemed Raylene hadn’t been his first victim, just the only one he’d married and the only one who’d reported him to police. Most of the women he spoke with thought she’d been incredibly brave, though some had openly declared it to be social suicide.
“She’ll never be welcome back in Charleston, not by that crowd,” one of the nurses said candidly. “In that social world, wives either suffer in silence or they leave. They don’t create a scandal. Their attitude is pretty disgusting, if you ask me. It means the men just keep getting away with it.”
Carter agreed. He couldn’t imagine a world where anyone turned a blind eye to abuse. “What about Hammond? Will he be welcomed back?”
“Not here,” the nurse said fiercely. “And I can’t think of a woman who’d let him treat her or allow him to touch her kids. The men might stick by him.” She shrugged. “If it were up to me, he’d lose his license to practice, but I don’t know what the medical board will decide.”
Though Carter wanted Hammond to lose everything, he worried that if Hammond wasn’t welcomed back into that same world with open arms, it would fuel his rage against Raylene.
By the time he picked up the girls a couple of hours later, Carter was more concerned than ever about the danger Hammond might pose.
“How come you’re so quiet?” Mandy asked, giving him a questioning look as she climbed into the front passenger seat.
“I just have a lot on my mind,” he said. “How was your shopping trip? You don’t seem to have a lot of bags. Does that mean my credit card didn’t get a workout?”
“Carrie wouldn’t shop,” Mandy said with disgust.
“I don’t need any clothes,” Carrie countered, settling into the backseat.
Her sour, defensive tone was the same one with which Carter was becoming all too familiar. She’d been this way ever since she’d started seeing Dr. McDaniels. Clearly, she hadn’t yet forgiven him for making her continue to go. So far she’d been refusing to go to Raylene’s as well, obviously counting her among the enemies. He’d hoped the outing to Charleston would help, but it obviously hadn’t.
“Now, that has to be a first,” he said, his voice determinedly cheerful. “I thought you were dying to shop where the clothes have some style. Isn’t that what you’ve been telling me?”
“I just don’t want anything,” she said.
“She says everything makes her look fat,” Mandy said, turning around and giving her sister a defiant look.
Carter’s gaze shot to Carrie in the rearview mirror. “What’s that about, Carrie?”
“I never said that,” she said, casting a murderous look at Mandy. “I said I felt fat today. I ate too much at breakfast.”
All Carter recalled her eating was a half piece of toast and a bite of scrambled eggs. It was more than she usually touched, true, but hardly enough to cause her to feel full, much less fat.
Still, he refrained from responding. In their session this week, Dr. McDaniels had suggested he keep a close eye on Carrie and report to her, but not to be the bad guy by challenging her over every meal. She’d said the time would come for that, once the nutritionist became involved. That was scheduled for this week, though she hadn’t mentioned it to Carrie yet.
“Okay, let’s talk about something else,” Carter suggested. “How about stopping to see a movie before we head back?”
“That’d be cool,” Mandy said eagerly.
“I don’t feel like it,” Carrie said, clearly determined to be a spoilsport about everything.
“We could go sightseeing,” he suggested, giving Mandy a pleading look in the hope that she wouldn’t argue. “The last time you girls were in Charleston, Mom and Dad brought you. You were pretty young.”
“I was old enough,” Carrie said. “It’s boring.”
Carter felt his last nerve close to snapping. “Okay, since you haven’t liked any of my suggestions, what would you like to do, Carrie?”
“We might as well go home,” she mumbled.
“No,” Mandy protested. “We’re here. I want to do something fun. Come on, Carter. Just because old sourpuss is in a bad mood, it shouldn’t spoil the day for the rest of us. Let’s at least go to the market downtown where the vendors have all that cool stuff. We can probably find someplace to eat, too.”
“Works for me,” he said, silently agreeing with her that to give in to Carrie’s mood would be sending the wrong message. She’d just have to get it together and deal.
He wove through the crowded streets until he finally found a parking place.
“I’ll stay in the car,” Carrie announced.
He turned and frowned at her. “No, you won’t. I can’t make you enjoy yourself, but you will come with us.”
“You’ve turned into nothing but a big bully,” she accused. “I wish Mom and Dad were still here.” And then she burst into tears.
Before he could think of what to say, Mandy scrambled out of the front passenger seat and jumped into the back to hug her sister. “I miss them, too,” she whispered, burying her face in Carrie’s shoulder.
They sat like that for a while until Carrie’s sobs quieted. When they separated, Carter handed her a fistful of tissues.
“Feel better?” he asked gently.
She nodded, her expression chagrined. “I’m sorry I’ve been such a pain all day.”
“Nothing new,” Mandy taunted, poking her in the ribs with an elbow.
A smile finally broke through on Carrie’s face. “You’ll pay for that, squirt. You have to use your allowance to buy me the first thing I see that I want.”
“Okay,” Mandy said agreeably. She grabbed Carrie’s hand and dragged her out of the car.
Carter watched as they started toward the market, then sighed. Was he ever going to figure out how to deal with two teenage girls and their mood swings, much less Carrie’s eating disorder? His appreciation for what parents everywhere had to cope with had increased a hundredfold since his parents’ deaths.
He glanced skyward. “Forgive me,” he murmured, hoping his folks could hear. “I apologize for every moment of grief I ever gave you.”
And then he went to catch up with his sisters.
* * *
Raylene listened as Carter described Carrie’s outburst earlier in the day. He’d left the girls at home watching a video, then dropped by to see her to bring her a pair of earrings he’d picked up from a jewelry vendor.
“The girls told me they’d go with your eyes,” he said of the lapis stones.
Raylene chuckled at the admission that the girls had made the choice. “Did you even have any idea what color my eyes are?” she teased.
“Sure, blue,” he said.
“Which can cover anything from gray-blue to turquoise or dark blue,” she said.
His gaze narrowed. “Is the eye-color thing a test of some kind?”
“Maybe.”
“Well, all I know is that when I used to look into your eyes I’d see nothing but sadness, and now I see a whole range of emotions.”
“Such as?”
“Right now I see laughter lurking in there. Sometimes there’s joy, sometimes annoyance…” He grinned. “And when you’re not censoring yourself, I see desire. Or maybe that’s just my ego playing tricks on me.”
She hesitated, not sure she was willing to have this discussion. “It’s true,” she finally admitted. “I want you, Carter, at least a part of me does.”
“And the rest?”
Now that the door had been opened, she might as well be completely honest. “The rest of me is scared of wanting you too much.”
His mouth curved. “Is there such a thing?”
“Typical male,” she accused, then explained, “Wanting something—someone—this much is new to me.”
“You were obviously in love with your husband at one time.”
“I was a teenager with stars in my eyes. Believe me, that feeling died in a hurry. This is different. It feels real and full of possibilities.”
“You’re being very careful to avoid putting a label on it,” he noted.
She grinned. “Yes, I am.” Because if she called it what she thought it was—love—the stakes of getting it wrong would increase a thousandfold.
He studied her intently. “Is this really about the emotions, or is it about the intimacy?” he asked.
“Both,” she conceded. “Don’t you remember what happened a few weeks ago when you put your arm around me?”
He waved off the incident. “I took you by surprise, that’s all. I’ve kissed you since then and you were fine with it. In fact, I’d say it went very well.”
“Very well,” she agreed.
“And just the other day, you reached out to me. It’s obvious, to me anyway, that you’re starting to trust me not to do anything you don’t want me to do.”
“I do trust you,” she said. “But I can’t predict when all those ingrained fears are likely to kick in. What if it happens at the wrong moment? Talk about a mood killer.”
He studied her intently, then asked, “Do you feel as if I’m pressuring you for sex?”
“No, absolutely not. You’ve been wonderful. You’ve been incredibly patient, but come on, Carter. Every man expects to have sex sooner or later with the woman he’s seeing.”
“Hopes for,” he corrected. “And I do want you, but there’s no rush, Raylene. When it comes to that, you’re in charge of the timetable.”
Raylene regarded him with a sense of wonder. “Do you have any idea how amazing you are?”
His lips twitched. “Maybe I’m one of those fully evolved men you women are always hoping to find.”
“You are,” she concurred. “I’m so lucky you came into my life.”
He shook his head. “I’m the lucky one.” He hesitated, then asked, “Can I tell you something?”
She nodded. “Of course. Anything.”
“I used to basically roar through life, dating any woman who appealed to me, never thinking for a minute about the next day or the next week, much less the future. I didn’t have the patience to stay with any woman for long. I got bored pretty easily.”
“In other words, you were a typical bachelor,” she said.
“Pretty much,” he agreed. “And then my folks died. Not only was that devastating and a huge wake-up call that life doesn’t last forever, but I suddenly had this huge responsibility. It was overwhelming.”
“But you’ve coped with it,” she said. “You’ve adapted and changed your life to do what’s best for your sisters.”
He shook his head. “You’re wrong. I didn’t adapt all that well, to be honest. At least not at first. I was resentful. I was furious with God for taking my parents and leaving me to figure out how to relate in a totally new way to Carrie and Mandy. I was impatient with them, even though I knew they were grieving. I was barely getting from one day to the next. I was scared all the time that I’d mess things up. Still am. But now I’m here. That helped, just settling in this town.”
He looked into her eyes. “And then I met you.”
“A blessing or a curse?” she asked, her heart in her throat.
“How can you even ask that? You’re the biggest blessing in my life. You’ve grounded me. You’ve provided backup when I need it.”
He hesitated, then traced the curve of her cheek with a touch so gentle, so filled with yearning, that it nearly brought her to tears.
His gaze locked with hers. “You’ve taught me patience, which is pretty darn close to a miracle in my book.”
“I’ve done all that?” she asked, incredulous.
“And more,” he said. “Because of you, I have a lot more faith that I’m going to get through what’s going on with Carrie, that she will get healthy again.”
His hand still rested against her cheek, his gaze held steady. “So, if you need time, you’ve got it, because I know with every fiber of my being that you’re worth it.”
* * *
Walter had been communicating with Rory Sue by e-mail and through voice messages. He was very proud of the way he’d managed to avoid any tempting face-to-face contact with her for a couple of weeks now.
Unfortunately, if the goal had been to get her out of his head, it had failed abysmally. She was there 24–7, taunting him like one of those mythical Sirens who supposedly lured ships to crash against rocky cliffs. She was certainly playing havoc with his resolve.
He was sitting alone in Rosalina’s, alone with yet another pizza and a beer, when Sarah slid into the booth opposite him. “This is just downright pitiful,” she said, regarding him with a knowing expression.
“What?” he asked defensively.
“You in here all alone when you know you’d rather be on a date with Rory Sue.” Before he could reply, she went on. “I’m not a big fan of hers, but even I can see the sparks between you two. Why aren’t you doing anything about it?”
He gave her an odd look. “It feels really weird to be discussing my love life, or lack thereof, with my ex-wife.”
“Oh, get over yourself. We used to be friends, too, when you weren’t so busy being hateful to me.”
He smiled at her newfound ability to call things as she saw them. “You’ve changed.”
“I certainly hope so. Now, tell me why you’re here all alone instead of with her.”
“Because of you, to be honest.”
She looked taken aback by the claim. “Come on. We’ve been over for a very long time.”
He grinned. “But our marriage left a lasting impression,” he said. “I blew it big-time with you. I’ve been sort of hoping not to do that again.”
She looked confused. “So your plan is to, what? Avoid all women?”
“Heaven forbid,” he said. “No, I’m just trying not to rush into anything the way I did with you. I fell head over heels the day we met and never looked back.”
“It went both ways, you know.”
He nodded. “And look how that turned out.”
She gave his hand a sympathetic squeeze. “The problem isn’t that we fell in love, Walter. It’s that we didn’t try hard enough to make it last. Honestly, it’s sort of sweet the way you give your heart so easily, instead of running scared the way a lot of men do. Now you just have to learn to work through the rough patches.” She grinned, then added, “And maybe avoid your parents.”
He laughed. “I’m thinking that last one is the critical point.”
“So, give Rory Sue a call. Just because you get involved with her doesn’t mean you have to rush straight into marriage. Take your time.”
“Why do you sound as if there’s some urgency to this?”
“Because if I know one thing about Rory Sue, it’s that she’s not a patient woman. If you keep her at arm’s length for too long, she’ll find some other man who won’t.”
“Then it wasn’t meant to be, was it?”
She sighed at his obstinance. “Is that what you’re doing, testing her? Because if it is, you’re going to lose, Walter. And it won’t be because she doesn’t care for you. It’ll be because she believes you don’t love her. Playing games is a waste of time. Only immature fools do it.” She met his gaze. “Except when it came to me, you’re no fool.”
She walked away to rejoin Travis across the room, leaving him with plenty to think about. But, instead of thinking, he grabbed his cell phone and dialed.
“Hey, Rory Sue,” he said, brightening at the welcome he heard in her voice. “You interested in meeting me at Rosalina’s? I’ll have the pizza and beer waiting.”
“I have a better idea,” she said at once. “Why don’t you bring it over here. My folks are out of town with the baby. We’ll have the whole house to ourselves.”
His head wanted to refuse, but this time, with Sarah’s words echoing, he went with his heart. “I’ll be right there.”
He just prayed he wouldn’t regret it in the morning.