Because of Sarah, the kids, a babysitter and Travis, the house had always been filled with people coming and going, but even after they’d all moved over to Travis’s, the place was a nonstop circus. Raylene knew exactly what was going on. Everyone she knew was taking shifts—planned or otherwise—to be sure she was never in the house alone. Though she appreciated the gesture, it was getting on her nerves.
When Walter showed up and announced both he and Rory Sue were moving in for the duration, she lost it. It had been bad enough when Walter had insisted he was going to stay with her, but nothing she’d said had dissuaded him. The thought of dealing with Rory Sue for the foreseeable future as well was just too much.
“Are you totally out of your mind?” she demanded. “Rory Sue and I don’t get along that well on a good day.”
“Then now’s the perfect time for the two of you to get better acquainted,” Walter replied cheerfully, his expression unyielding.
“Why would she even agree to do this?” she asked, bewildered.
“Mostly to protect her turf,” Walter admitted. He held up a hand to prevent her protest. “I know there’s nothing going on between you and me, but she doesn’t buy it.”
“She doesn’t trust you? That should tell you something. A relationship without trust is, well…” She tried to think of an appropriate description. “It’s basically nonexistent. You might as well call it quits, throw in the towel—”
Again, he held up his hand, this time to pause the tirade. “I get the picture. I don’t think I’m the one she’s worried about. I think she’s afraid you’ll suddenly find me irresistible and that I, a mere mortal man, will succumb to your wiles.”
“As if,” Raylene muttered, then met his determined gaze. “Okay, fine. Heaven forbid that I cause a rift between the two of you. How long is this supposed to go on?”
“As long as necessary,” he said.
“You do realize this could be the answer to my prayers, don’t you? Rory Sue will probably make me so insane, I’ll be thrilled to walk out the front door and never look back.”
Walter laughed.
Raylene regarded him with a grim expression. “I’m not joking.”
In fact, nothing about this entire situation was even remotely amusing. If she weren’t quite so terrified of Paul showing up, she really would kick every one of her self-appointed protectors to the curb.
* * *
Carter stood aside as Walter and Rory Sue carted several pieces of luggage into Raylene’s. It grated on his nerves that protecting her inside the house had been relegated to Walter, of all people. Unfortunately, with things the way they were at home with Carrie, Carter knew he couldn’t do it. Raylene wouldn’t have let him if he’d tried. She’d made that clear when he’d broached the possibility. His place was with his sisters. She’d also insisted that he keep both of the girls away from her house for the foreseeable future.
“I don’t like this,” he muttered as Rory Sue and Walter headed for Tommy and Libby’s room to settle in.
“I’m not exactly overjoyed about it myself,” Raylene said. “You’re the one who insisted I needed bodyguards.”
“These are not the ones I had in mind,” he said in frustration.
“Well, Travis needs to be with Sarah and the kids.”
He met her gaze. “At least you’ve stopped telling me that you don’t need anyone. I suppose I should be grateful for small favors.”
She frowned. “I’m not stupid. I know Paul better than anyone. Sooner or later, he will turn up here to get even or at least to tell me how I’ve ruined his life.”
Carter studied her. There was no mistaking the underlying tension in her voice. It hadn’t been there yesterday or even earlier in the day today. Something had happened to shake her bravado in the face of Paul’s release.
“What happened, Raylene? Don’t even try to tell me it was nothing. I can tell from your tone that you didn’t just wake up this morning and decide to be agreeable.”
She looked flustered that he was able to read her so well.
“Don’t you dare hold back,” he said when she remained stubbornly silent.
“I don’t really know if it’s anything,” she admitted eventually. “I’ve had some calls, hang-ups. The number was blocked. It’s probably just kids or someone who’s dialing a wrong number, but it has creeped me out a little bit.”
Carter’s stomach clenched, but he tried to stay calm and matter-of-fact. “I’ll have a trace put on your line, but if it is Paul and he’s just hanging up, they may not be able to catch the number. You’d have to keep him on the line for a while.” He met her gaze. “Could you try to engage him in conversation?”
“You mean just start talking as if I know it’s him, and keep the line open?”
Carter nodded.
“If it means catching him before something happens, I’ll do it.”
Carter hesitated. “You know we’re not going to be able to arrest him just because he’s calling you, right? So far it doesn’t even rise to the level of harassment. We really need him to come over here and violate the restraining order. If he so much as steps onto your property, it will also violate the conditions of his parole. Then we can get him locked up again. This time he’ll have a good long stay behind bars.”
Raylene sighed with evident frustration. “No wonder so many battered wives lose faith in the system. They have to be attacked before they can get any kind of justice.”
Carter was no less frustrated. He’d seen too many instances where abusive husbands had gone right back home and beaten the daylights out of their wives before anyone could legally intervene. The hands of the police were often tied until too late, just as Raylene had said. Threats alone or past history weren’t enough to offer the kind of protection these women needed. Even in a place like Serenity, where the local sheriff’s department was more than willing to step in, there wasn’t enough manpower to do round-the-clock surveillance. Despite that, he was determined that Raylene wouldn’t wind up as one of those sad statistics. At least, thanks to Tom, there were extra people on the street during the day to keep an eye out for the arrival of any strangers. Even the neighbors had been alerted.
He squeezed her hand. “We’ll get him, Raylene. He’s not going to lay a hand on you ever again.”
She met his gaze. “I almost wish he’d try. This time I think I could fight back.”
He heard the grim note in her voice and almost regretted that he couldn’t grant her that chance. He didn’t want Paul getting close enough to do her any harm at all, not even a scratch.
“If he does turn up, I can always hold him and let you land a few punches before we cart him off,” he offered instead.
She gave him a tired smile. “Now, would that be fair? I want to get to him when it’s a fair fight.”
“I understand the sentiment, but he’s bigger and obviously a lot meaner. Unless you’ve been taking self-defense lessons I don’t know about, it will never be a fair fight.” He leveled a look into her eyes. “And forget about using a gun to shoot him.”
She immediately looked dismayed. “Helen told you,” she said, her tone flat.
“And I found the gun last time I was over here. It’s gone.”
“Dammit, Carter, you had no right to do that.”
“It was unlicensed, Raylene. More important, you don’t know how to use it. I couldn’t take a chance Paul would grab it and turn it on you.” He held her shoulders and looked into her eyes. “I’m not losing you like that. Understand? Keeping you alive and safe is my number-one priority right now.”
Her defiant expression faded. “I just wanted to know I could protect myself.”
“That wasn’t the way.”
“What if Paul comes over here with a weapon?” she asked.
“Did he ever use a weapon of any kind against you? Did he own a gun?”
She shook her head. “No, he only used his fists. A stab wound or a bullet would have been way too hard to explain in the emergency room.”
“Then I doubt that’s changed.” He knew she was scared and frustrated, but she’d never admit it, at least not the fear. “You need a distraction. We have no idea how long it might be before he’ll decide to show up. How about fixing some dinner? I’m starved.”
She gave him a wry look. “Do you usually ask your subjects to cook for you when you’re on a stakeout?”
Carter laughed. “No, I usually take along bad coffee and a peanut butter and jelly sandwich or a bag of doughnuts. I thought this time maybe I could throw myself on your mercy.”
“Fine. I’ll cook.” She gave him an impish look as she walked into the kitchen. “Should I have Rory Sue bring the meal out to your car?”
“No, I’ll eat at the table like the rest of you civilized folks.”
She’d opened the freezer door, but she turned at his response. “I thought you were on official guard duty here tonight.”
“I am.”
“Shouldn’t you be outside watching for the bad guy?”
“I have a couple of other guys doing that for now. I’m working inside.”
She closed the refrigerator without selecting anything. “Carter, do you think Paul’s going to show up tonight? Is that why there are extra people watching the house?”
“Just a gut instinct,” he said. “Nothing concrete. Don’t freak out on me now. We’ve got it covered.”
Before she could respond, the phone rang. Raylene jumped, then looked embarrassed as she reached for it. He noticed her hand was shaking.
After a moment, she drew herself up. “Paul, I know it’s you. Say something. I imagine you’re still furious with me for turning you in, so why not just say what’s on your mind? Rant and rave and get it out of your system. I’m actually surprised you didn’t use your phone privileges in prison to call me and tell me what an awful person I am.”
She blinked, then sighed and hung up. “He didn’t say a word, but I know it was him. I just know it.”
Carter crossed the kitchen and touched a finger to her chin. “You did good.”
“I was shaking like a leaf,” she admitted, then grinned. “But I did it anyway. That’s something.”
He heard the note of pride in her voice after the small triumph. He realized then just how much self-respect Paul Hammond had stolen from her. If he’d been able to put his hands on the man in that instant, he would have made him pay.
* * *
Going through the motions of making spaghetti and meatballs and a salad kept Raylene sane through what seemed like an endless evening. Each time the phone rang, she jumped. Except for the one hang-up, the calls were mostly from people checking on her. Tired of saying the same thing over and over—that she was fine and nothing was happening—she finally told Walter to answer.
Rory Sue regarded her with sympathy. “It’s getting old already, isn’t it?”
Surprised by the understanding, Raylene nodded. “I’m not crazy about waiting or about being the center of attention.”
“Not even in Carter’s universe?” Rory Sue asked.
“What do you mean?”
Rory Sue regarded her with disbelief. “Come on, Raylene. It’s obvious the man is crazy about you. He watches you like he’ll never get enough of you. And every time the phone rings, I swear it looks as if he’s ready to draw his gun and kill whoever’s on the other end of the line. I’m a little surprised he hasn’t shot the phone.”
“He’s just doing his job,” Raylene said, though she knew it was more than that. The connection between them was powerful. One of these days, she hoped their lives would be less complicated and they could truly explore those feelings.
Right now Carter was outside checking in with whomever he had watching the house. The plan was to send them home, and he’d take over out there. Raylene had argued futilely that he should be going home himself to get some sleep before he went back on duty in the morning.
“I’ll get by with enough caffeine,” he said. “It won’t be the first time I’ve pulled an all-nighter.”
“But have you had to go out the next day and put your life on the line?” she’d countered to no avail. The man was stubborn as a mule.
She glanced over at Rory Sue and saw a frown on her face. “What’s wrong?”
“I thought maybe, since I’m going to be staying here, we could try to be friends,” Rory Sue said. “Instead, when I asked about Carter, you blew me off. You wouldn’t have done that with Sarah or Annie.”
Raylene smiled despite the tension in the air. “You’d be surprised how often I’ve told them exactly the same thing,” she admitted. “Things between Carter and me are complicated, so I minimize the relationship.”
“Self-protection in case it doesn’t work out,” Rory Sue guessed.
“Exactly. I can’t lose something if I don’t let myself admit I’ve ever had it.”
“That’s kind of crazy, isn’t it?” Rory Sue said, looking bewildered by the concept. “Besides, what’s so complicated that you can’t work it out? Look at me and Walter. Nobody would have predicted the two of us being together, but we are. At least we’re working at it, because we think it’s worth it. Don’t you think Carter’s worth it?”
“Of course he is,” Raylene said at once. “He’s amazing.”
“And you’re as hot for him as he is for you. I can see it in your eyes.”
“Sometimes it’s still not that simple.”
“But great sex along with friendship is a pretty good basis for a relationship. That’s what I have going with Walter that I never had before. We don’t just have sex, we really talk. It’s taken me my whole life to figure out how important that is. Before, I was all about the chemistry.”
“I’d say that’s a sign of maturity,” Raylene said.
“So what about Carter? He looks like the kind of man who could set off all sorts of fireworks.”
Raylene really wasn’t comfortable with the direction of the conversation. She knew Rory Sue was reaching out, but the topic was simply too intimate. She didn’t especially want to admit that she and Carter hadn’t made it anywhere near a bed yet.
“I’m really happy if you and Walter have found something special,” she said instead. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to try to get some sleep.”
Rory Sue looked startled by the abrupt announcement. “Did I say something wrong? That’s another thing I’m lousy at, knowing the boundaries, especially with other women. My mom had the same problem.”
“Don’t worry about it. I really am tired.”
Rory Sue looked disappointed, but just then Walter came out of the kitchen, and her eyes brightened. Raylene was no longer even a blip on her radar.
Raylene went into her room, changed into her nightgown and slid between the sheets. When the phone rang, she almost left it for Walter, but decided at the last second to grab it. Her nerves tensed in that first instant after she’d said hello, as she waited for nothing more than silence in response.
Instead, Carter asked, “You all tucked in?”
“Carter Rollins, are you sitting out there in the dark spying on me?” she teased.
“Thinking about you in there stripping off your clothes helps to keep me awake,” he told her. “Are you naked? Please tell me you’re naked. That ought to be good for a couple of hours of sleeplessness, at least.”
She laughed and snuggled down under the covers. “Stark naked,” she fibbed. Anything for the cause, she thought, allowing herself a delicious shiver at his sharply indrawn breath.
“Ah, there it is,” he said softly. “The image that’s going to get me through the night.”
“Has it been quiet out there?”
“Too quiet,” he said. “It’s a little spooky. If it weren’t so dangerous, I’d try to convince you to come out here and protect me from the goblins of the night.”
“Under the circumstances, that might be counterproductive.”
“Yeah, I know. One of these days, though, this is going to be behind us, Carrie’s going to be better, and you and I are going to have our chance. I believe that with all my heart, Raylene. I’m going to fight to make sure it happens.”
“Our chance to do what?” she pressed, needing to hear the sweet promise of his words.
“Be together in that very bed where you are right now. We’ll be all tangled together after a night of making love, and we’ll talk about our hopes and dreams, and then we’ll make them come true. Every one of them, Raylene.”
She sighed at the lovely thought. “I wish—” she began.
“We’ll have that,” he said firmly, interrupting her. “Believe it. Now, get some sleep. I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Good night, Carter.”
“Night, Raylene.”
She disconnected the call and put the phone back on the nightstand, then curled up with her pillow. It was a very poor substitute for the man outside, but it would have to do for now.
* * *
The pattern established the first night after Paul’s release went on for more than a week, with only the personnel changing. Walter, Rory Sue and Carter were the only constants. Raylene was increasingly dismayed by the lack of a resolution.
As for Carter, how much longer could he go on getting little to no sleep beyond the occasional nap in the afternoons between his shift at the sheriff’s department and his arrival at her house for the night? She was worried by the lines of tension on his face, the exhaustion in his eyes, to say nothing of the fact that he seemed to be neglecting Carrie and Mandy. He flatly refused, though, to turn the night watch over to anyone else. Finally Raylene reached her limit. She started making phone calls.
Her first one to Ronnie got a promise that he’d take over surveillance outside the house that night. Her next four, to friends of Paul’s, were designed to try to rattle his cage and provoke him into taking action, if that was what he had in mind.
When Carter showed up that night and found Ronnie parked in his truck right in front of the house, he stormed inside.
“Ronnie says you called him and asked him to take over,” he said, pacing up and down the living room as he dragged his hand through his already mussed hair. “Why would you do that? Don’t you trust me to do the job?”
“You know it’s not that,” she said patiently. “Your sisters need some attention. Plus, you’re wiped out. You need a decent night’s sleep.”
“Well, I certainly won’t get it at home worrying myself sick about you and what’s happening over here.”
She’d anticipated that response. “Which is why you’re staying here tonight. I’ve arranged for Carrie and Mandy to stay with friends from school for a couple of days so you won’t have to worry about them.” Before he could argue, she added, “I’ve spoken to the parents who’ll be looking out for Carrie. They understand the situation. They’ll make sure she eats and will report back if there’s a problem.”
“Well, you’ve just thought of every damn thing, haven’t you?”
With the words ground out like that, it didn’t sound like a compliment, but she forced a smile, anyway. “I certainly tried to. I knew it was the only way you’d agree to stay here.”
He stopped pacing to stare at her as if the significance of that part had previously escaped him. “Here?”
“In my bed, in fact.”
His eyes lit up, but she held up her hand. “I’ll sleep on the sofa.”
“Like hell you will. You’ll be right in Paul’s path if he breaks in.”
“I thought the idea of having Ronnie outside was to keep Paul from getting inside.”
“It is, but you never know what could happen to change the best theory. I won’t have you right smack inside the front door. If this is going to work, you’ll have to sleep with me.”
Raylene finally grasped the flaw in her plan. She should have foreseen it. “That’s not going to work for me, Carter. You know that.” Even to her ears, her tone sounded wistful.
“It’ll work,” he said grimly. “Even if we have to put pillows down the middle of the bed or hang a blanket between the two sides. I want you where I can reach out and touch you.”
An image from an old movie came to her. “You’d do that?”
“If that’s what it takes. Though I have to admit, I’d sleep a whole lot better if we could at least snuggle.”
“I don’t know,” she whispered, as drawn by the idea as he was.
“We could try it and see how it goes,” he suggested, longing in his eyes.
That’s what did it, finally. If he’d been pushing for more, she might have been able to deny him, but to see the yearning just to be close, how could she turn her back on that? A very big part of her had been longing for the same thing, but not daring to believe it was possible.
“We’ll give it a try,” she said, making up her mind.
His gaze met hers then, and held. Then, a faint smile on his lips, he nodded.
Raylene felt as if she’d granted him a birthday wish and a miracle all rolled into one. Now she could only pray she wouldn’t let him down.
* * *
Raylene owned one pair of flannel pajamas for the rare winter nights when she couldn’t seem to get warm. She found them in her dresser drawer, put them on, then took a deep breath and emerged in her bedroom.
Carter was lying on top of the covers, still wearing his jeans and a formfitting white T-shirt but no shoes or socks.
“Are you planning to sleep like that?” she asked just as his lips curved into a smile as he surveyed the loose-fitting flannel pj’s.
“I should ask you the same thing,” he commented. “I hate to tell you, sweet pea, but those are more provocative than any nightie I’ve ever seen.”
She frowned as she looked down. “These? Why? I’m practically covered from neck to toe.”
“I know. It sparks my imagination.” He grinned wickedly. “I have a very vivid imagination. Come on over here and climb into bed.”
She regarded him warily, but she did cross the room and sit gingerly on her side of the bed.
“You won’t get much sleep sitting up,” he murmured, amusement threading through his voice. “Settle down here next to me. I promise I won’t touch you unless you want me to.”
She hesitated. Her gaze sought his. “I might want you to,” she admitted. “But it might not go very well.”
“Only one way to find out,” he said. “The first second I do something that scares you, all you have to do is push me away or say no. I promise, you’re in charge here.”
Reassured, she stretched out next to him, keeping several inches between them. Even so, she could feel his heat radiating toward her. All that solid strength beckoned to her. She rolled onto her side and dared to rest her hand on his rock-solid abs. She could feel them tighten under her touch.
“What kind of workouts do you do?” she asked, a little awed and a lot intrigued.
“Weights, resistance machines, that kind of thing,” he said, sounding slightly breathless.
She hesitated, then asked, “Would you mind taking off your shirt?”
He grinned at the request. “My pleasure. You want to do it for me?”
Raylene gave it a moment’s thought, then reached for the hem of his shirt and tugged it over his head. She knew what he’d done. He’d left the act to her so she had total control over whether that shirt stayed or went. Even as her knuckles skimmed over bare flesh, she felt the kind of yearning she hadn’t felt in years. She could feel her body coming alive, tightening and moistening in all the right places.
“What would you think about taking off your top?” Carter asked solemnly. “Seems to me you shouldn’t be the only one with a view.”
She froze, then reminded herself this was Carter, not Paul. There would be no cruel comments about the inadequacy of her chest, no rough handling that caused more pain than pleasure. She told herself she could do this.
Slowly she reached for the buttons. Once she’d undone the first one, she hurried with fumbling fingers to finish the rest. Carter’s avid gaze never left her.
“May I?” he whispered, gently pushing the flannel top aside to reveal her breasts.
To her amazement, he didn’t grab as if there was some race to be won. He just looked, his eyes filled with wonder.
“You’re beautiful,” he said, a hitch in his voice. He stroked a finger down one breast, then gently rubbed the nipple.
Raylene almost cried as desire shot straight through her. It had been so long since she’d felt that kind of tenderness, so long since she’d allowed herself to want a man’s touch. Yet Carter’s caresses felt right.
She’d never known a man to take such care, to risk a touch, then wait to assure that it was wanted before risking more. She felt her skin heat, felt the return of moistness between her legs, the stirring of her blood. It was such sweet wonder to experience it all again without fear.
Carter met her gaze. “Do you want to stop now?” he asked.
She looked at him as if he was crazy. “Now?” she asked incredulously.
A smile played over his lips. “Just checking.”
“No, I want more, Carter. I want it all.”
Because for the first time in years, she needed to know what it was truly like to make love. Maybe if she experienced that at long last, it would finally push the bad memories from her head once and for all, replacing them with memories she could cherish.