In mid-October, three weeks after Paul’s release from prison, Raylene was slowly starting to feel more secure. The hang-ups had stopped after the first week. There had been absolutely no attempt to make contact, no overt or even subtle threats. Perhaps Paul had learned his lesson, after all, and would stay out of her life. Certainly if he ever expected to reclaim some semblance of a normal life for himself, that’s what he needed to do. Perhaps he’d realized that.
She’d been feeling so reassured, in fact, that she’d actually walked all the way around the block with Dr. McDaniels the day before without a single second of panic. Though she hardly dared to let herself believe it, she thought the worst of her panic disorder was finally behind her. She’d learned to calm herself at the first sign of panic, which meant the incidence of sweaty palms and hyperventilating lasted barely more than a few seconds before she was able to control them.
Each step she took outside filled her with a sense of triumph. Working in the garden had once again become solace for her bruised soul. More important, these small victories filled her with hope that she could reclaim at least some semblance of a normal life.
None of that, however, made her foolhardy. She knew better than to wander anywhere on her own. Despite her most optimistic hopes, she knew her ex-husband was perfectly capable of lying low and then appearing when he was least expected. Carter, in fact, continued to take precautions, though of necessity the daytime crews on the street had moved on. Tom could no longer justify their presence now that the work had been completed. Carter, however, or one of their friends was almost always with her.
His sisters, however, had been told to steer clear unless they visited with him. Raylene missed Carrie and Mandy terribly, but she insisted that they needed to stay out of harm’s way.
Since Carter’s instructions to the girls had been quite clear, Raylene was surprised late one afternoon when Mandy came through the kitchen and into the backyard in search of her.
“I rang the doorbell, but then I guessed you’d be out here,” Mandy said. “I had Carter’s key, so I let myself in. Was that okay?”
Raylene regarded her with a mixture of delight and dismay. “Coming through the house was fine, but you know you shouldn’t be here, Mandy,” she said. “It’s not safe.”
“But I really missed you,” Mandy protested. “I haven’t seen you in, like, forever.”
“There’s a good reason for that,” Raylene reminded her. “I know your brother’s explained about my ex-husband.”
Mandy looked disappointed. “Please, can’t I stay? Just for a little while? The garden really could use some work. If I clean out the dead annuals, I could plant some pansies or some chrysanthemums next time I come over.”
“That would be lovely,” Raylene agreed. Against her better judgment, she finally nodded. “Okay, you can stay, but just for an hour. I’ll call your brother and tell him you’re here. Maybe he can swing by.”
Mandy grimaced. “I was kind of hoping we could talk, just you and me.”
“I still need to let him know you’re here,” Raylene insisted, dialing his number and filling him in. “I’ve told her she can only stay for an hour.”
Carter was silent for so long, she didn’t know what to think. “Would you rather I send her home now?”
“No, I suppose it’s okay,” he said with unmistakable reluctance. “I’ll see if the sheriff can send a deputy over to drive by a few times. Even though we’re stretched thin. I know he’s been trying to keep somebody in the general area most of the day. I’d come myself, but I’m on a call on the west side of the county.”
“I really do think Paul got the message,” she reassured him. “It’s been ages since I had any of those hang-up calls.”
“I hope you’re right. Don’t take any chances, though.”
“It’s not as if I’m going to wander off,” she said wryly. “We’ll be fine. I promise.”
Carter didn’t seem to be a hundred percent reassured, but he hung up with a promise to check in with her as often as he could.
“Is it okay?” Mandy asked when she’d hung up.
“He says you can stay for an hour,” Raylene told her. “Why don’t I go inside and fix us some sweet tea?”
“Sounds great,” Mandy said, already kneeling by the garden and yanking out weeds.
Raylene left her to it, then stepped into the kitchen and immediately halted in her tracks, heart hammering. Panic, which she’d almost convinced herself was a thing of the past, reached out and grabbed her by the throat.
“Hello, Raylene,” Paul said quietly.
There was an all-too-familiar fire in his eyes that had her frantically trying to locate the portable phone. Unfortunately, it was on the counter right beside him. Drawing on some last shred of inner strength, she forced herself to face him without blinking. She even managed to steady her nerves. She had to do everything she could to keep him here, in the house and away from Mandy.
“What are you doing here?” she asked, proud of herself for keeping her voice even.
“I thought I owed you a visit so we could catch up,” he said. “I know you had people watching the house, but they’ve been gone for a few days now.”
She regarded him with alarm. “How do you know that?”
He looked amused. “I don’t exactly drive around in a car with a big sign on it that says ex-prisoner, you know. I’m capable of riding through a town, even one the size of Serenity, without anyone recognizing me. As long as you don’t hang around or break any laws, no one gets suspicious. A few quick trips past the house spread out over a couple of weeks told me everything I needed to know.”
“You’ve been coming here despite the restraining order? Do you really want to go back to prison, Paul?”
He shrugged. “It hardly matters. My life is pretty much over, thanks to you.”
“No,” she argued. “You won an early release. You have a second chance. Go someplace new and start over.”
“My life was in Charleston.”
“Oh, please, that’s hardly the only city in the world. Qualified physicians are needed in all of them. Come on, think about it, Paul. You’re too smart to throw everything away like this.”
“Charleston is where I had status and prestige,” he insisted stubbornly. “At least I did until you deliberately set out to destroy my reputation.”
“You’re the one who destroyed your reputation,” she corrected. Surprisingly, her voice didn’t quaver. In fact, she felt unexpectedly calm now, despite the very real danger he represented. No matter what, she was going to stand her ground as she’d never dared to before. Somehow over the past two years she’d discovered an inner strength she hadn’t possessed during their marriage.
And, she thought with the ferocity of a mother, there was Mandy to protect. She couldn’t allow any harm to come to Carter’s sister.
“Paul, if you leave right now, before anyone else discovers you’re here, you can still have that second chance. I won’t say a word if you go and promise never to come back. You can even have your say before you go, if that will make you feel better. You do need to hurry, though, because despite your impression, there are people watching out for me. If they see a strange car outside, they’ll come in to check. If they find you here, it’s over. You’ll have blown your chance at a new life.”
“You don’t honestly think I parked out front, do you? My car’s a couple of blocks away on the town square. I strolled over here like I belonged.” His apologetic look was insincere. “Sorry, but I’m not going anywhere. We have unfinished business.”
“Let’s go into the living room and talk about this,” she suggested, needing to get him out of the kitchen. She didn’t want him to catch a glimpse of Mandy through the window. If only she’d locked the door behind her on the way in. What if Mandy wondered what was taking her so long and decided to come inside looking for her? She had to get Paul into the other room.
“Here’s good,” he said.
“No,” she said flatly and shot past him, leaving him to follow.
In the living room, she stayed on her feet. Paul was right behind her, looking annoyed. “What are you trying to pull?”
He took an intimidating step toward her, barely banked fury in his eyes. Raylene sucked in a breath and stayed right where she was. If she backed up, it would be an admission of weakness, and she refused to be weak in the face of his anger ever again. Not that she wouldn’t have fled out the front door and into the street screaming her head off if she’d thought she could make it. Unfortunately she hadn’t had enough lead time to pull that off.
“Stay away from me,” she warned. “I mean it, Paul. I’ll fight you any way I have to.”
Amazingly, it was true. The fear she’d felt during their marriage had been as much about losing what he represented—status, security, love—as it had been about the physical abuse. Now she understood that all of that had been an illusion, anyway. As for the very real pain, she’d survived that, too.
Right now, she knew if she could keep him talking, she could figure out a plan. Though Carter had expressed the hope that the sheriff would find an available deputy to send by. Raylene knew she couldn’t count on anyone showing up to rescue her. Most important, it was up to her to protect Mandy at any cost.
Fortunately, thanks to too many years of practice, she knew his likely moves. When he reached for her with a gesture that might have been meant as a caress, but too often turned into a slap, she ducked agilely out of his path. She caught the faint hint of surprise in his eyes.
She thought about what was on the table behind her…a clay bowl that Tommy had made at a craft store for Sarah’s birthday, a lamp and a stack of magazines. She pictured their placement, tried to envision the bowl or lamp as a weapon. The bowl would be easiest to grab, and it was hefty enough to cause some damage.
Despite her earlier determination to stand her ground, she took a step back. This time the glint in Paul’s eyes was satisfaction. Obviously he thought he had her on the run, as he had so many times in the past.
“You need to leave,” she said again. “I’m not going to let you hurt me, Paul. I’ll fight you with every breath I have in me.”
“You wouldn’t dare,” he said, amused. “You certainly never did before. I have to admit that made it less satisfying for me.”
Even as he spoke the hateful words, her hand closed around the edge of the bowl. She imagined Tommy’s small handprint pressed into the clay, then painted bright blue, his favorite color.
Again, Paul tried to grab her, but her quick move to the side had him lurching forward and past her. She landed a solid blow to the side of his head with the clay bowl, and he went down, sinking like a rag doll with the stuffing knocked out. Not waiting to see if he was going to get back on his feet, she ran screaming from the house.
Just as she emerged, a sheriff’s cruiser skidded around the corner, siren blaring, and Mandy came tearing around the side of the house and threw herself into Raylene’s arms.
“I heard him,” she said, sobbing against Raylene’s chest. “The window was open and I heard him. I called Carter.”
Raylene held her tightly. “You did exactly the right thing, sweetie. It’s okay. We’re both okay.”
When Deputy Callahan approached, Raylene pointed a shaky hand toward the house. She realized she was still holding Tommy’s clay bowl.
“I hit him. He fell. I don’t know if he’s okay or not,” she said, her words running together.
Callahan charged into the house, gun drawn, as another deputy arrived and urged Raylene and Mandy toward his cruiser, then followed Callahan inside.
She and Mandy huddled together in the backseat. Though she was still shaking, Mandy gave her a wavery smile. “No matter how mad Carter is, I’m glad I was here.”
“I’m glad you were, too, and that you had the presence of mind to call your brother.”
By the time the two deputies emerged with a dazed-looking Paul in handcuffs, Carter pulled to a stop in front of the house, his complexion pale. He barely spared a glance for Paul. Instead, his gaze was riveted on his sister and Raylene.
“You’re okay?” he asked in a voice that shook. “Both of you?”
Raylene nodded, suddenly unable to speak. Though she’d emerged from the cruiser at the first sight of Carter, the panic and shock caught up with her. She trembled violently. Mandy held her steady.
“I swear to God I lost ten years off my life when Mandy called,” he said, gathering them close. “I hope I never have to go through anything like that again.”
“Believe me, I hope so, too,” Raylene said fervently, then met his gaze. “Is it really over? For good this time?”
“We’ll do everything we can to make sure he’s in prison a lot longer this time.”
Raylene released a long pent-up sigh. Maybe between the certainty that Paul would be facing a longer prison term and the courage she’d found to face him down, she really could get on with her life now.
* * *
Carter had never been so terrified in his life as he had been when Mandy called, crying almost hysterically, to say she thought Paul Hammond was in the house with Raylene. He’d made the call to Dispatch, then taken off in that direction himself. He’d made the drive at a breakneck speed that even with his experience behind the wheel had seemed insane on the winding rural roads.
“What’s this?” he asked, removing the object Raylene was clutching in a death grip.
“Tommy made it,” she whispered. “It’s okay, isn’t it? Sarah will kill me if I broke it on Paul’s hard head.”
“I think Sarah would gladly make the sacrifice if it meant you were safe,” he said, smiling as he examined the lopsided little bowl that only a mother could appreciate. “But it’s okay. Not a scratch on it.”
Leading Raylene and his sister inside, he asked, “Any idea how Paul got inside?”
“That might have been my fault,” Mandy said, looking miserable. “I tried the front door when I got here, then I used your key. I might not have locked the door behind me.” She lifted her gaze to Raylene. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t think.”
Carter opened his mouth to yell at her, but Raylene’s touch on his hand kept him silent.
“Does it really matter how he got in?” she said gently. “The point is that he’s under arrest and gone now.”
“I suppose,” he conceded, still wishing he could rant and rave at somebody for allowing this to happen after all their careful plans. He supposed his little sister wasn’t the best target for his own frustration over not being able to protect Raylene. He vowed that once he had the Serenity police force up and running, he’d do a better job at keeping local residents safe. He’d fight for the resources he’d need, even under extraordinary circumstances such as this.
He gave Mandy’s hand a squeeze, then grinned at Raylene. “I think we’re due for a celebration, don’t you? Why don’t we call Carrie and the Sweet Magnolias and get everyone over here.”
“Sure,” Raylene said eagerly, but then the light in her eyes dimmed just a bit. “Carter, today is a huge milestone, but it doesn’t mean I’ll be miraculously cured.”
“I’m not counting on a miracle. I’m putting my faith in you.”
“Oh, Carter,” she whispered. “Please don’t do that. Not yet.”
He refused to be daunted. He knew she was just trying to be realistic, but he wasn’t giving up on their future so easily. He knew, even if she didn’t, that they had one no matter how long her recovery took.
“I’m not going to argue about this now,” he said. “We have too much to be grateful for. You make those calls, and I’ll go by Sullivan’s and see what kind of party food Dana Sue can throw together in a hurry.”
“We could just have hot dogs and burgers,” Raylene said.
“Nope, this is a special occasion. Besides, you know Dana Sue will be offended if she’s not asked to bring the food. Do you have all the ingredients for margaritas? Helen’s going to want to know that.”
“We always have those on hand,” Raylene told him. “We just don’t make them for the men. Margarita nights are for the Sweet Magnolias only.”
Carter shook his head at the traditions of these loyal friends. “Fine. I’ll pick up beer and wine.”
He leaned down and kissed her, lingering long enough to stir up plenty of heat. “Love you,” he said, then took off to clock out and put the party plan in motion.
Only when he was sitting in the front seat of his cruiser on his way back to the sheriff’s office did he realize what he’d said. Love you had come out of his mouth without thought, but he realized it was true. Somewhere along the way he’d fallen in love with Raylene, the kind of love that had kept his parents together through tough times and good, the kind that would get them through, as well.
Now he just had to figure out some way to convince Raylene she had the strength to love him back.
* * *
When Raylene emerged from the house and stepped into the backyard without a moment’s hesitation, an impromptu cheer went up. She stood where she was, a tray of food in her arms, and what had to be a silly grin spreading across her face. She found Carter in the crowd and saw the hope in his eyes. It would have dazzled her if she hadn’t been so scared of letting him down.
She hadn’t missed those casually spoken words as he’d been dashing out of the house earlier. He’d kissed her, then said he loved her. Oh, he could have blown it off as something any friend might say to another one at the end of a visit or a call, but she knew better. He’d meant it. She just wasn’t sure she was ready to face the implications.
And until she was, she needed to keep a safe distance between them.
It turned out that was easier said than done on a night when it seemed everyone was conspiring to throw the two of them together. There was undeniable magic in the night air, along with the sweet scent of honeysuckle.
It was nearly midnight when everyone began drifting off. Even Carrie and Mandy rode off on their bikes, leaving Raylene alone with Carter.
“Don’t you need to spend some time at home with the girls? You’ve been neglecting them lately, and I know Carrie still needs you,” she said, sidestepping him when he reached out to pull her down beside him. She picked up the last of the plates from the party and carried them inside. With an audible sigh over her evasiveness, he followed.
“You’re trying to avoid me,” he accused gently, standing directly in her path. “Why is that?”
“I told you earlier. We don’t know yet what any of this means. I don’t want you getting your hopes up or starting to make any kind of plans.”
“I know you might still have a rough road ahead, but just think about what you accomplished today. You faced down your abusive ex-husband. That took amazing bravery.”
“Knowing Mandy was outside and that I had to protect her gave me the strength I needed to do that.”
“Well, I say that makes you remarkable.”
“Carter, it doesn’t mean there won’t be more bad days ahead.”
“Can’t you just enjoy the moment?” he asked, regarding her with bewilderment.
“It’s not the moment that worries me,” she said. “It’s that look you keep getting in your eyes, as if everything’s suddenly all right.” She met his gaze. “Plus, you said you loved me,” she added, making it sound like an accusation.
He seemed amused. “Shame on me,” he said. “What an awful thing to say!”
“I’m trying to make a point here,” she said testily. “You only said it after you thought I was well—and that the agoraphobia was somehow magically behind me now that Paul’s been dealt with.”
He frowned at that. “And you think that means…” He hesitated, looking puzzled. “What do you think it means?”
“You never said the words before, when you thought I was a wreck. It felt like you were holding back, giving yourself an out in case things never improved.”
“That’s ridiculous! First of all, I never thought you were a wreck,” he said fiercely, holding her gaze until she finally gave a nod of acknowledgment. “And second, it wasn’t until this afternoon that I realized how deep my feelings for you run. I should have said it differently. I should have made some big production out of it, I guess. But it came out, because in that moment, I knew it was how I felt. Period. Don’t make some big deal out of the fact that today was the first time I’d said it.”
“Love is a big deal, Carter. I’m not sure I’m ready for that, especially if it’s contingent on me being back to normal.”
She’d known for a while now that what she felt for him was powerful. She’d even labeled it love. Acting on it, however, facing all of the implications for their future, she wasn’t prepared to go there, not when her life might no longer be on hold. If she once again had a future filled with possibilities, she wanted to explore all of them.
“Then you don’t love me?” he asked.
When she hesitated, he might have looked hurt, but instead, he merely nodded. “That’s okay. I think you do, but if you’re not ready to say the words, I’ll wait.”
Was that what she’d wanted to hear, that he would sit on the sidelines patiently waiting until she got her feet back under her and knew who she could be again?
“That’s not going to work,” she told him, struggling with real regret. “You have a family to think about. Concentrate on them. See that Carrie gets well. Don’t put one second of your life on hold for me. If I’ve learned one thing and nothing else over the past couple of years, it’s that life is too precious to waste a minute of it. Out of fear, I’ve wasted far too much.”
“And yet you’re still willing to waste more,” he said. “You’re throwing away what I know we could have.”
“I’m not throwing it away,” she argued. “I’m just not ready for it now, and I can’t ask you to wait.”
“So, what? Me telling you I love you, being here for you, is going to put some kind of pressure on you?”
“Yes,” she said, near tears. The selfish part of her wanted to seize what he was offering, but the unselfish side knew it was only fair to let him go.
Seeing the dismay in his eyes, she tried to explain. “It’s been so long since I’ve even thought I could have a life again. I need time, Carter, time to figure out all the possibilities that might be out there for me. And you need to think about whether you’ll feel the same way about me if it turns out that I’m not recovered after all.”
He looked deeply into her eyes. His were filled with hurt and confusion, but he gave her a curt nod, accepting the finality of her decision. “You want time, Raylene, you’ve got it,” he said.
Then, his back stiff with pride, he turned and walked away.
* * *
Carter wasn’t entirely surprised when his sisters cornered him a few days after the party and demanded to know why they weren’t spending time with Raylene or, more specifically, why he wasn’t, now that the danger of her ex-husband showing up was past.
“You never go over there anymore,” Carrie complained. “You just sit around here and watch me eat. Even though Dr. McDaniels has told you herself that I’m doing everything I’m supposed to do, you act like you don’t trust me.”
“I do trust you,” he said. Mostly, anyway. He could tell she’d put on a few pounds, and meals were certainly less stressful. Not only had she started baking again, she’d even fixed a few dinners and eaten her share. That didn’t mean his worry had evaporated.
“Then prove it,” Carrie challenged. “Have dinner with Raylene. Take her someplace special.”
He shook his head. “I’m giving her space. It’s what she wanted. She’s probably right. It’s for the best.”
“I don’t believe you,” Carrie declared. “And it’s not best for us. She actually gets us. We like her. Now we can’t go over there, either, if the two of you are fighting. We’d feel disloyal to you.”
“We’re not fighting,” he said wearily. We just aren’t speaking.
Carrie gave him a piercing look. “Was she just some project for you, so you could feel like a big hero or something?”
He regarded her with shock. “Don’t be ridiculous.”
“Well, what are we supposed to think?” Mandy chimed in. “You’re moping around here like you’ve lost your best friend. It’s depressing.”
“Well, this is the way it is,” Carter told them. “Deal with it.”
Unfortunately, judging from the defiant expressions on their faces as they stomped out of the house, they weren’t going to deal with it quite the way he’d envisioned.
* * *
Raylene opened the front door to find Carrie and Mandy on the doorstep. Her mood brightened at the sight of them.
“Come in,” she said eagerly. “What brings you by?”
“We want you to stop fighting with Carter,” Carrie said at once in her familiar, blunt way. “He’s miserable, and if you don’t mind me saying so, you don’t look so hot either.”
Raylene bought herself some time by going into the kitchen and pouring the girls glasses of lemonade and bringing out the oatmeal-raisin cookies she’d baked that morning. To her relief, Carrie grabbed one as eagerly as Mandy did.
“Well, aren’t you going to say something?” Mandy finally challenged, even as she devoured her second cookie.
“I don’t know what to say,” Raylene admitted. “Things between your brother and me are very complicated.”
“It seems pretty simple to me,” Carrie said. “He loves you. You love him. You work it out. At least that’s how I thought it was supposed to work. You can’t solve anything if you’re not even talking.”
Raylene tried to make them understand. “Look, you know about this panic thing, right? We’ve talked about it before. It hasn’t just vanished overnight.”
“But I thought you were better,” Carrie said, her eyes filled with concern. “Aren’t you?”
“Actually, I’ve made some improvement,” Raylene admitted. “Quite a bit, in fact. But there will be setbacks. And once I do get completely well, I have to figure out what I want. There will be options I never even considered a few weeks or months ago.”
“Why can’t Carter be one of those options?” Mandy asked, then added earnestly, “He’s a really good guy. You won’t do any better.”
“Carter’s an amazing man,” Raylene agreed. “He needs to move on with someone who’s ready for a relationship.”
“Come on,” Carrie protested. “He can’t just move on and pick somebody else like he’s choosing a cantaloupe. That’s not how it works. He’s in love with you.”
Raylene regarded her with envy. It must be wonderful to be on the threshold of becoming a young adult, when anything seemed possible and love conquered everything. “Sometimes love’s just not enough.”
Carrie groaned and exchanged an exasperated look with her sister. “I should have known,” she muttered. “Grown-ups are idiots.” She turned to Mandy. “Come on. Let’s go home and fix this.”
Raylene stopped her with a hand on her arm. “Sweetie, I really appreciate that you want to make things right between us, but it’s not up to you.”
“Well, somebody has to fix it, and it’s obviously not going to be the two adults involved,” Carrie retorted with disgust.
And then she and Mandy were gone, though not before Mandy had grabbed a fistful of cookies to tide her over on the walk home. As they walked down the sidewalk, she handed one to Carrie, who accepted it without comment and took a bite.
Raylene smiled at the sight, though she felt oddly wistful. A part of her had hoped to have a place in their lives. Carter had even offered her that. Was she the idiot Carrie had called her for saying no? Or did she owe it to Carter, and mostly to herself, to make sure there wasn’t something else she wanted more, a life she couldn’t possibly have envisioned just a few short weeks ago?