Life Lessons Single Parents Can Learn from the Bible
She was . . . and then she wasn’t.
She had funny, lovable, laughing kids . . . and then she didn’t.
She could sponsor a child for church camp or a mission trip . . . and then she couldn’t.
She would laugh and joke with her friends and co-workers . . . and then she wouldn’t.
She fell into a deep, dark hole where there wasn’t a way out . . . and then there was.
In the five statements above is my story, and if you are a single parent, in some ways it might be your story also. Whether you are a single dad or a single mom, you have a story. We all have different stories, and our stories need to be told.
They need to be told to encourage each other and to lift up one another. They need to be told so others won’t make the same mistakes some of us made. Our stories need to be told now, while we remember them, so that later we can tell them to our children and our children’s children. Your story could be just the hope someone needs to keep moving forward in his or her life.
Being a single parent isn’t all about surviving. Oh, maybe the first few years of parenting alone might focus on survival, but as time goes on, wonderful and funny things happen. As long as a night can be, joy comes in the morning. “Weeping may linger for the night, but joy comes with the morning” (Psalm 30:5 NRSV).
My Story
Allow me to share a little more of my tale, so briefly sketched in the five lines above.
She was . . . and then she wasn’t.
I was married and then I wasn’t. It was a shock to my system. I had never believed in divorce—still don’t—and yet I’m divorced. I was no longer a wife. I no longer had a mate. I was no longer a part of someone. God had pulled us together, and man separated us.
She had funny, lovable, laughing kids . . . and then she didn’t.
My children were funny and lovable little kids. I really enjoyed their sense of humor and their personality quirks. It seemed like they were always laughing and kidding around. Then all of sudden they were not happy. They were sullen, angry, depressed, defiant, and worried.
She could sponsor a child for church camp or a mission trip . . . and then she couldn’t.
When my children were preschool and early elementary age we sponsored a lot of teens by paying their deposits for church camp. Sometimes we paid the entire amount for church camp or for a mission trip. In other words, we had the funds to help others. And then I found myself barely able to feed my own children. I could no longer help others at church.
She would laugh and joke with her friends and co-workers . . . and then she wouldn’t.
I owned two child care centers and loved my job. I enjoyed joking and laughing with my staff. I loved going to church and visiting my brothers and sisters in Christ. I was the first one to throw my head back and laugh uproariously at a joke. And then I didn’t. I was in such turmoil and kept everything inside—it seemed as though the world around me no longer existed. Nothing was funny anymore. I wept late at night. I mumbled my way through my day at work.
She fell into a deep, dark hole where there wasn’t a way out . . . and then there was.
I fell into such a pit that I felt I would never be able to claw my way out of it. I thought it was the end of my life—and it was the end of the life I had known for many years. I tried to pray, but my prayers seemed to reach only the ceiling of my bedroom. I tried to read God’s Word, but the words just blurred on the page.
What I thought was a nightmare that would never end eventually did end. I won’t bore you with all the details of my story, but I want you to know that through the Holy Spirit ministering to me, through Christian brothers and sisters mentoring me, and through God’s Word, ever so slowly a new me and a new life emerged. There was a way out of the deep, dark hole after all.
What Happened to My Kids and to Me along the Way
My kids were seven and eleven years old when their dad left the first time. (He moved out more than once.) Those two kids grew up to be wonderful contributing adults in our society today. My daughter, Julie, has recently retired from the air force. While in the air force she received many accolades. She served our country well and with honor. My son worked his way through college and medical school and today is Dr. Brian Ranson, an anesthesiologist in Texas.
Both kids are married and have given me outstanding grandchildren. We survived. We laughed. We found joy in the midst of trials. We prayed together. We read God’s Word together. We supported each other. The kids brought their friends home to talk to me when their friends couldn’t talk to their own parents. We created family. (More later on how we accomplished these feats.)
Through my journey as a single parent, I found I had skills that I didn’t know I possessed. Other than in a college speech class, I had never given a speech before my divorce. Now I speak at children’s ministry conferences, at family ministry conferences, before schools, at retreats, and at blended family events. I even spoke before a legislative task force once and also at the National Technical Assistance Center for the Children’s Mental Health Training Institute at Georgetown University. Why am I telling you these things? Not to brag, but to let you know that I stand in awe of what God has done. I am still amazed, all these years later, at what God did, is doing, and will do with my life.
I also didn’t know that I could write, but through all those trials I learned I could. I’ve had articles published in Children’s Ministry, Focus on the Family, and KidzMatter magazines, and I can’t even remember where else.
I wrote and developed DC4K,1 DivorceCare for Kids, a curriculum kit and program for children whose parents are separated or divorced. I also write a blog, Kids & Divorce,2 which has over three hundred articles for church leaders and children’s ministers. I’ve written an e-book3 and print book,4 both aimed at church leadership, and now this book, The Single Parent: Confident and Successful.
Allow me to encourage you. Don’t limit yourself or put yourself in a box. Don’t try to put God in a box either. He has plans for you. “For surely I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future with hope” (Jeremiah 29:11 NRSV).
The Single Parent is not a book about how to survive a divorce or the death of a spouse. It’s not about how one becomes a single parent. It is a book to help you learn how to be a better single parent and to encourage you through the Word of God.
Some stories in this book may hit you head on. You’ll empathize and connect with the people in the stories. Other stories may not apply to your particular situation, but my prayer is that you’ll remember them so God can use you to help another single parent. At the end of each chapter is a “Going Deeper” section, which you can use to help you invest in the Scriptures and to gain a better understanding of the issues presented. Or you can use the “Going Deeper” section in a small-group study.
Whether you are parenting alone due to a death, divorce, adoption, or some other situation, this book is designed to encourage you in your journey of parenting alone and to help you avert problems before they arise. Real-life stories are told in this book—my stories as well as those of the many single moms and dads who have come across my path through the years. While The Single Parent won’t answer all of your questions, it will help you be creative in your parenting abilities.
When I became a single parent, I didn’t know there were single parents in the Bible. I didn’t realize there were Scriptures that would apply to me, that would grow me and help create a closer relationship with Father God. I thought that God had more or less deserted me after my divorce. But God was there all the time.
Is He there all the time for you? I hope you find out that He is through the stories and Scriptures in this book.