Two Mothers—One Son
One day my friend Kim told me her story, and I knew immediately it fit this chapter. While all single parents’ stories are different, each story has something in common—either there is a hurting child or there is a hurting parent. Kim is a hurting parent.
Kim’s ex-husband lived far away, and per their agreement she had to travel across the country to take her daughter to stay with Dad for the summer. Mom had entertained the thought that they might get back together since they had been talking about the possibility of reconciling. When she got there, she realized he didn’t love her. He continued having affairs, and Kim decided she couldn’t go back into that marriage. She left her daughter for the summer as planned.
By the time summer was over, he had remarried, was being transferred out of the country, and was taking their daughter with him. He had money and could purchase just about anything his daughter desired. Kim didn’t have the funds to purchase a lot of things for her daughter, but she did, however, provide a good home for her—it just wasn’t full of all the expensive electronics the daughter wanted. Plus, it sounded exciting to this teenage girl to go live in another country. Kim said she knew her daughter would be safe with her father and that he would meet all of her financial needs.
When Kim returned home at the beginning of summer she found out she had cancer. She didn’t have the funds to fight for custody of her daughter, and since she was being treated with chemo, she didn’t have the energy to fight either. She was very sick all summer, and when her ex moved overseas, she lost contact with him and her daughter.
Through some maneuvering and searching, she finally found her ex-husband, but according to him their daughter now refused to talk to Kim and refused to come home. Kim never told her daughter about the cancer because she knew her ex-husband would say she was making it all up to get their daughter to move back to the States. As of the writing of this book, Kim has not talked to or heard from her daughter. It is a sad situation for my friend.
She is not the only parent who has lost a child. It happens many more times than we like to think. Sometimes as the result of a judge’s proclamation awarding a child to the other parent, and at other times, as in Kim’s situation, the other parent disappears with the child.
Baby Moses
If you went to church at all as a child, you probably heard the story of baby Moses being put in a basket and floated down the river. A princess finds the baby and takes him in as her own. As a child, I couldn’t figure out why a mother would put her baby in a basket and float him down the river alone, but as an adult and after my divorce, I came to realize what a powerful story this is in so many ways.
First, we learn God had special plans for Moses’ life. God was in control the entire time. But the story also jumped out at me as a single mom. I began to realize through this story that my children were going to have a life that had nothing to do with me. They were going to meet people who would influence them whom I didn’t know. When my ex-husband remarried, I didn’t know his new wife. While I might have wanted to sit and chat with her about the kids, that opportunity was never afforded me.
My kids seemed to like their dad’s new wife. They talked about her favorably. They went to see their dad every other weekend, and she was always there. As they became older teens, because of jobs and school they didn’t visit their dad as much, but I finally got to meet his wife at my son’s college graduation. The funny thing is my kids never considered this lady to be their stepmom. She was just a lady in their dad’s life, but she was still a part of their life that didn’t include me. For us moms, that is quite difficult to accept.
Two Mothers and One Son in the Bible
You may remember from the first chapter of Exodus that Pharaoh had issued orders for all the Hebrew babies to be killed. For a more in-depth understanding, read the entire first chapter of Exodus, but we will pick up the story here:
Now a man of the house of Levi married a Levite woman, and she became pregnant and gave birth to a son. When she saw that he was a fine child, she hid him for three months. But when she could hide him no longer, she got a papyrus basket for him and coated it with tar and pitch. Then she placed the child in it and put it among the reeds along the bank of the Nile. His sister stood at a distance to see what would happen to him.
Then Pharaoh’s daughter went down to the Nile to bathe, and her attendants were walking along the river bank. She saw the basket among the reeds and sent her slave girl to get it. She opened it and saw the baby. He was crying, and she felt sorry for him. “This is one of the Hebrew babies,” she said.
Exodus 2:1–6
Pharaoh’s daughter knew this was a Hebrew baby, the very nationality and age group her father, the Pharaoh, had ordered killed, and yet she felt sorrow for this infant. She could have adopted a baby from her people, but she was drawn to this Hebrew baby.
What do you think went through the mind of Moses’ birth mother when she knew there was no way to get around Pharaoh’s command?
We can only imagine what she thought when her beautiful baby boy was born. How on earth did she hatch this plan to float her baby down the river Nile? Do you think maybe God planted that in her mind? I believe He did, just like the Holy Spirit plants thoughts in our minds today regarding our children.
This mom kept her baby hidden for months, and then she did what she thought was best for him. She was taking a big risk putting her baby in a basket and floating him on the Nile River—the basket could have turned over, drowning her baby, or soldiers could have found the baby and killed him. She was a desperate mother who loved her baby so much she was willing to do whatever it took to save his life.
In our world today, we have desperate moms. Some are
But they all are moms who want to protect and care for their children. Many will take desperate measures to protect them. Moses’ mom had to find a way to protect her baby and shield him from death.
While most moms today are not in that dire a situation, they do want to shield their children or limit exposure to unsavory people such as a parent who has been incarcerated or a parent with drug or alcohol addictions, but because of custody arrangements their hands are tied, and they have no choice but to send their children to the other home. Some moms who have to share their children with the other parent can’t protect the children when they are at the other home.1
As we continue to read the story, we find that Miriam, Moses’ sister, stood by and kept a close eye on her baby brother.
When Pharaoh’s daughter opened the basket, she cared about the baby. She could just as well have called the soldiers or even the Pharaoh himself to deal with the baby, but she didn’t. God had plans for Moses.
What can we learn by reading this passage about Moses?
God has plans for your children just as He did for Moses. It might not seem like it, or even appear that God remembers your children, but don’t usurp God’s authority in your life and in your children’s lives by making your children follow your dreams. You don’t know what is in store for your children ten, fifteen, or even twenty years down the line.
Do you think Moses’ birth mother, the Levite woman, knew what was going to happen to her son? I doubt it.
As we read the story we see that Miriam suggested to Pharaoh’s daughter that she go and find a woman to nurse him. Of course, we know that this “nurse” she was going to find was Moses’ birth mother.
Then his sister asked Pharaoh’s daughter, “Shall I go and get one of the Hebrew women to nurse the baby for you?”
“Yes, go,” she answered. And the girl went and got the baby’s mother. Pharaoh’s daughter said to her, “Take this baby and nurse him for me, and I will pay you.” So the woman took the baby and nursed him. When the child grew older, she took him to Pharaoh’s daughter and he became her son. She named him Moses, saying, “I drew him out of the water.”
Exodus 2:7–10
Isn’t it interesting that the princess names her child “I drew him out of the water,” and years later water would play an important role in the children of Israel leaving Egypt? The Lord would use Moses to turn the water into blood to help convince Pharaoh to let the people go. Then the Lord would use Moses to take the children of Israel across the Red Sea, their escape from Pharaoh.
We don’t know anything about the period when the baby lived with his birth mother. However, we can draw some conclusions.
I imagine she prayed for her son continuously. As was the custom then, she might have even offered sacrifices in worship to God.
What lessons can we take from this Levite mother?
We now know from brain research that babies hear when they are in the womb. Babies connect with the mother right after birth, and while they might not remember these things, we know that memories from before the child can speak are kept and stored in the brain. If young babies are neglected, are not fed, don’t get their diapers changed, etc., that can affect them the rest of their lives. Children must attach to a primary caregiver. While we don’t know for sure, it is likely that, as is typical with newborns, baby Moses connected with his mother when she nursed him before she put him in the Nile River. More than likely he continued growing in his attachment to her after the Egyptian princess asked the mother to nurse Moses for her.
The life of Moses and his relationship with his adopted mother, the Pharaoh’s daughter, and with his birth mother, is a good example of how mothers who have to share their children with another woman can survive.
This lesson in the Bible accentuates the feelings many of today’s parents experience when a stepparent or girlfriend (or boyfriend) enters the picture.
We can’t know for sure the interactions of the two women in Moses’ life. But the Egyptian mother must have allowed Moses to know his Hebrew heritage and roots because when Moses grew up he knew he was of Hebrew heritage.
One day, after Moses had grown up, he went out to where his own people were and watched them at their hard labor. He saw an Egyptian beating a Hebrew, one of his own people. Glancing this way and that and seeing no one, he killed the Egyptian and hid him in the sand.
Exodus 2:11–12
I doubt the Levite mother had much say in what happened to her son. Today’s single parents need to realize they can’t control what goes on in the other home. You can’t control your adult children either, and by the time your child is fifteen or sixteen, your role becomes one of coach and influencer. Your parenting and instilling of morals, biblical truths, etc. should be done when they are younger.
Think Ahead about What You Can’t Control
As a single parent, you need to know how you are going to handle different situations that your child might come home and report. There are some things you will not be able to control.
For example, what are you going to do when your child tells you he met Dad’s or Mom’s new friend?
When my kids came home all excited one Sunday evening and told me they had helped their dad rearrange his apartment because his girlfriend was moving in, I was devastated. I was still holding out hope we would reconcile. And to be truthful, it hurt that they were all excited and helpful in this situation. It only took me a short time to realize they were just happy for their dad and all caught up in his excitement.
I had to get up extra early the next morning for a longer prayer time. I had to work through this new turn of events, and only the Lord could do that with me.
What about when your child reports something you don’t approve of but that is not illegal, such as playing video games late into the night?
What about when you tell your child not to do something, but it’s the other parent’s weekend and he or she tells them yes?
When my daughter was turning fifteen, we sat down and made up our dating rules.
One of my rules was she couldn’t date until she was fifteen and a half, and it had to be within a group. One day she came home and said, “Oh, Mom, I’m going to the fall dance with Trent.”
I said, “What do you mean? You can’t date until you’re fifteen and a half, and that won’t be until February.” She replied, “Well, that’s my dad’s weekend, and there is nothing you can do about it. I asked him, and he told me I could go.”
I learned early on that when things happened with my kids, I had to step back and take time to think about them. I didn’t say anything to her then but just turned and walked away. I prayed about it. I thought about it. Then I went to her a few days later and said, “You are right—there is nothing I can do about this. However, you know I don’t want you to do it. So after much prayer I want you to know that I can’t have any part of this. That means I won’t buy you a dress or shoes or spend any money on this event because I don’t approve of what you are doing.”
Her Bible study teacher from church called me and told me I was being unreasonable and that she was going to give Julie a dress for this event. Our neighbor and church friend also thought I was being unreasonable, so she had the dress cleaned. Her dad’s wife purchased some shoes, a purse, and a jacket.
On the weekend of the big dance, Julie and her friend got all of her stuff together, and when her dad came the two teens walked out the door giggling. I sat there alone all weekend wondering if I had done the right thing.
When she came home Sunday evening, I didn’t ask about the dance. I didn’t act mad or sullen. I was just myself. Life went on.
Years later, my daughter apologized and told me she didn’t enjoy going to the dance at all. When I asked her why, she said, “Because I knew I had robbed you of seeing me go to my first dance. Didn’t you notice that guy never asked me out again? I made him miserable too.”
A Rift between Your Child and the Other Parent
How will you handle things when your child reports that they don’t like going to the other home, and that they are not going to go back because the other parent has stepkids at their home?
When my friend Bobbi’s son went to visit his dad and stepmom, he had no bedroom and no bed. The stepmom’s twins had a bedroom and their own beds. The stepmom always treated him differently than her twins because she didn’t like his mother. For years he spent every other weekend and summers at his dad’s, and his father also treated him differently so as not to upset his wife. Bobbi didn’t have a choice. All she could do was tell her son to talk to his dad about upcoming visits.
We can assume that Moses knew his birth mother, his sister, Miriam, and his brother, Aaron, because when God called Moses to lead His people out of Egypt, Moses complained that he couldn’t speak well enough, and God sent his brother, Aaron, to speak for him.
Moses said to the Lord, “O Lord, I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue.” . . .
Then the Lord’s anger burned against Moses and he said, “What about your brother, Aaron the Levite? I know he can speak well. He is already on his way to meet you, and his heart will be glad when he sees you.”
Exodus 4:10, 14
God meets all of our needs, even before we know what the need is. He will meet your children’s needs also, if you allow it.
For Moses, God provided Miriam, the sister who watched Moses float down the Nile River and turned out to be a prophetess who led the people in singing when they were in the desert.
“Then Miriam the prophetess, Aaron’s sister, took a tambourine in her hand, and all the women followed her, with tambourines and dancing” (Exodus 15:20).
Today Pharaoh’s daughter could be called a “choice mom.” She made a choice to take in baby Moses as her own son.
Today “choice moms” consist of many different types of mothers. Many choice moms, or SMCs (Single Mom by Choice), are women who, for whatever reasons, have not found a suitable husband or mate but want to have children. Maybe you are a single mom by choice.
We know from research that the outcomes for children raised by mothers alone and with no father in the picture are not as good as those for children in two-parent homes or in stepfamilies. In “The Science of Dad and the ‘Father Effect’” we read, “Children with involved dads are less likely to break the law and drop out of school. Guided by close relationships with father figures, these kids disproportionately grow up to avoid risky sex, pursue healthy relationships, and hold down high-paying jobs.”2
An article published by Huffington Post suggests, “Studies show that if your child’s father is affectionate, supportive, and involved, he can contribute greatly to your child’s cognitive, language, and social development, as well as academic achievement, a strong inner core resource, sense of well-being, good self-esteem, and authenticity.”3
Many single moms raise healthy, functioning kids. Some do it by bringing in male mentors or strong Christian couples to influence their children. Others do it by depending on nearby relatives, such as grandparents, to advise them. Some single moms raise their kids to be successful by reading books on how to be a confident and successful single parent. For me it was depending upon the Lord and studying His Word when I was struggling with various situations. Many times, I would pray and then wait. I would wait for the Lord to speak to me or for myself to calm down so I could think logically. While it is difficult for single moms, and dads, to raise healthy, functioning kids, it is not impossible.
We don’t know a lot about Moses’ upbringing except that his adopted mother must have loved him very much. She also must have allowed him to know his Hebrew heritage because he knew his people were Hebrew. We don’t know if Moses had any stepsiblings at his Egyptian home.
What we do know is that Moses was in God’s hands. God had a plan for him, and He saw that His plan was executed. He did this by using the very people who wanted to kill all the Hebrew baby boys so the Hebrew nation couldn’t survive and thrive—the Egyptians. And God used Pharaoh’s own daughter to fulfill His plan.
Sometimes God uses the very people we might think are the enemy—the other woman, the other man, the foster parent, or the grandparent. Nothing is impossible with God. It might be hard to believe, but other people might be brought into your child’s life who have nothing to do with you. We can pray God’s intervention for every area of our children’s lives.
“At that time Moses was born, and he was no ordinary child. For three months he was cared for by his family. When he was placed outside, Pharaoh’s daughter took him and brought him up as her own son. Moses was educated in all the wisdom of the Egyptians and was powerful in speech and action” (Acts 7:20–22 NIV).
Moses did hear the Lord’s call on his life. When he was called back to Egypt to rescue the Lord’s people, he went. He led the people of Israel out of Egypt. We also know from reading Scripture that Moses rejected the earthly kingdom life of riches to live a life full of trials and tribulation for the Lord.
By faith Moses, when he had grown up, refused to be known as the son of Pharaoh’s daughter. He chose to be mistreated along with the people of God rather than to enjoy the fleeting pleasures of sin. He regarded disgrace for the sake of Christ as of greater value than the treasures of Egypt, because he was looking ahead to his reward. By faith he left Egypt, not fearing the king’s anger; he persevered because he saw him who is invisible.
Hebrews 11:24–27 NIV
Moses saw “him who is invisible.” As single parents we need to keep our eyes on the One who is invisible.
Single moms and dads today can learn grace, humility, and gratefulness when dealing with stepmoms or stepdads helping to raise their children. Single fathers or stepdads can learn to appreciate the difficult role each mother is placed in when trying to share a child.
Dads, have you thought and prayed about how you will handle with dignity lifting up and honoring your child’s birth mother if you decide to remarry or date? Whether you have a relationship with your child’s mother or not, it’s important to remember you still play an important role in your child’s life. Focusing on the Lord, as Moses did, is key.
We know that Christ died on the cross to save us from our sins and from ourselves. After He rose, He left the Holy Spirit here to intercede for us, to guide us, and to draw us closer to the Lord. Open the Word this week and allow the Holy Spirit to fill your mind and thoughts toward Christ. Get to know the Lord and share that knowledge with your children.
Here are a few Scriptures to get you started:
GOING DEEPER