The Faith of the Canaanite Woman
I was sitting at my desk one morning at my child care job when the phone rang. It was one of our parents. She was distraught and almost in tears. Her son had major behavioral issues and needed a lot of extra care. He had come to our early childhood program at three years old, having been sent to our program by a local therapist when he only had eight words in his vocabulary. Through a lot of patience and the special techniques that my teachers and I used, this child had come a long way.
Now the little boy was in public school in a special-needs classroom. He was doing pretty well for the most part. Mom was trying to apply for SSI (Supplemental Security Income) disability benefits for her son. She was barely making minimum wage. It was costly raising a child with special needs, plus she had an older son, and she was the sole provider for both boys.
She was calling because her son had been denied SSI. She was in tears and didn’t know how she was going to survive. This parent was a relatively new Christian. She had found Jesus and was turning her life around. Her son was learning to communicate, and Mom was trying as best she could to live a Christian, faith-based life. But this situation was confusing to her. She had prayed and asked God for help, and since her salvation, we had talked and prayed with her many times. One time as we talked, the Lord planted in my mind just what I needed to say. (Isn’t that just like God?) “Trish, have you ever heard of Elijah in the Old Testament? Your stress reminds me of Elijah. In 1 Kings, Elijah was experiencing a stressful time. He too was asking God for help. When Elijah went to meet the Lord, several things happened.
“It says in 1 Kings 19:11–12, ‘Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper.’
“God wasn’t in any of the big things that happened on the mountain that day—no, God spoke to Elijah in a gentle whisper and in the calm and quiet time. God might want to speak with you in this manner too. Maybe God wants you to pull into yourself and get away from work, from all the noise and even from the confusion you are feeling.
“Find a place to just sit and think about God. Thank Him for saving you. Thank Him for all He has done for you and your boys. There are times when God is a gentle God. You have been through a lot, so get away from the wind, the earthquakes, and the fire, so to speak, and wait for God’s gentle whisper.”
Trish called me later that day. She was elated. She had taken my advice. She had gotten with God. She was calm and peaceful when she went back to work. Later in the afternoon she had gotten a call and was told there had been a mistake and her son now qualified for SSI. At the time, this was unheard of. If you were denied SSI, it took forever to reapply, and there was a lot of paper work that had to be filled out and refiled.
The Canaanite Woman and Her Faith
When we have an ill child or when there is some type of trauma going on with our child, most of us will do just about anything to get the attention our child needs. We read about such a situation in Matthew 15:21–28. There was a Canaanite woman whose child was suffering from demon possession. Can you imagine what that must have been like?
One day Jesus was leaving a particular region when a woman came running up to him, asking for mercy for her daughter. Let’s see how her faith in Jesus played out.
Leaving that place, Jesus withdrew to the region of Tyre and Sidon. A Canaanite woman from that vicinity came to him, crying out, “Lord, Son of David, have mercy on me! My daughter is suffering terribly from demon-possession.”
Jesus did not answer a word. So his disciples came to him and urged him, “Send her away, for she keeps crying out after us.”
He answered, “I was sent only to the lost sheep of Israel.”
The woman came and knelt before him. “Lord, help me!” she said.
He replied, “It is not right to take the children’s bread and toss it to their dogs.”
“Yes, Lord,” she said, “but even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall from their masters’ table.”
Then Jesus answered, “Woman, you have great faith! Your request is granted.” And her daughter was healed from that very hour.
Matthew 15:21–28
This story is interesting in that Jesus was trying to keep His presence in the village quiet. He had been performing miracles and healing people. He wanted to avoid the opposition and continue to teach His disciples. He had much teaching to do before He faced the cross. But the Canaanite woman had already heard about Jesus, and she needed Him to help her.
The version of this same story in Mark says, “In fact, as soon as she heard about him, a woman whose little daughter was possessed by an evil spirit came and fell at his feet” (Mark 7:25). This woman was desperate for her daughter to be healed of the evil spirit.
We have all faced discouraging or desperate times. It might be not having enough food. It could be the loss of child support, the loss of a job, or just an event at your child’s school that you can’t get off work to attend. Most of us just roll with the punches and keep on going. We just do the best we can at the time. This Canaanite woman knew she needed Jesus, but it is important to realize this woman also knew that she was a Gentile and that Jesus had come to preach and heal the Jewish people. But she was undeterred. Not even the disciples could keep her from approaching Jesus, the Jewish healer.
“The woman was a Greek, born in Syrian Phoenicia. She begged Jesus to drive the demon out of her daughter” (Mark 7:26). Because this woman addressed Jesus as “Lord, Son of David” (Matthew 15:22), she knew who some were saying Jesus was—“Lord, Son of David” was the popular Jewish title for the coming Messiah.
This woman must have loved her daughter very much to have come to the Jewish Messiah to beg Him to heal her daughter.
What can we glean from reading about this woman?
This woman was ferocious when it came to the welfare of her daughter. Most of us in today’s world don’t have to go against society to get help for our children. Oh, you might have to go against the opinions of your family, friends, co-workers, or even your church family, but for the most part we don’t have to face down our society at large.
The Canaanite mom had the faith needed to approach Jesus, and she believed in Him. She even had the audacity to continue to pursue Jesus when He didn’t respond to her.
Do you think it was wrong for the Canaanite mom to be brave in pursuing Jesus? Keep in mind that in the society she lived in, women were not to speak out and approach men in public. It would have been especially inappropriate for a Gentile woman to address a Jewish man.
How many times have you had the audacity to pursue Jesus even when He didn’t respond to you?
In Matthew 15:23 the disciples urged Jesus to send this woman away because she kept crying out after them. However, Jesus used this opportunity to allow her to demonstrate her faith in Him. “‘First let the children eat all they want,’ he told her, ‘for it is not right to take the children’s bread and toss it to their dogs’” (Mark 7:27).
Jesus was saying that the Gospel must first be given to the Jews. This Canaanite mom understood what Jesus was implying, probably because she understood He was the Messiah to the Jews, but she was willing to settle for anything Jesus would give her—even the crumbs.
She argued, “Yes, Lord, . . . but even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall from their masters’ table” (Matthew 15:27).
“Then Jesus answered, ‘Woman, you have great faith! Your request is granted.’ And her daughter was healed from that very hour” (Matthew 15:28).
Stressful Lives1
The Canaanite woman must have been under tremendous stress. Evil spirits possessed her daughter, and she had no way of healing her. But this story could have had a different outcome. When some people are under stress, the stressful situation becomes their main focus, and instead of having faith in our Savior and our God, they allow the stress to take over.
Stress is the body’s way of reacting to challenging events. Stressors can come in many forms for the single parent. But divorce or the sudden loss of a parent to death can also cause stress in children. Stress in adults and children can affect them
For children who are dealing with divorce, separation, or loss of a parent to death, stressors can include the following:
All these things can leave children overwhelmed and unable to cope with life.
Children of divorce will experience many stressful moments—and for some, many stressful years—after their parents’ divorce or separation. Every time a child has to change homes can be stressful. Each time a child hears one parent talking to the other in a certain tone of voice can produce stress. Hearing the words lawyer, court, custody, and child support can cause stress for the child.
For some people, the first reaction to a stressful event is a feeling of being threatened or a sense of fear. Any of the following events could produce this kind of stress:
Illnesses and diseases can also trip us up. Even hearing the word cancer when getting the doctor’s report about your parent can be stressful.
Whatever the situation, your response might be one of fear or perceiving a threat to you or your child’s well-being.
The body’s immediate response to a perceived threat is to channel resources for strength and speed. The brain dulls the body’s sense of pain and looks for a path to safety.
I remember a stressful experience with my own son. I had taken him to a small clinic one Saturday morning. They took one look at him and had me rush him to the emergency room at a local hospital. When the surgeon examined him, he said, “This swelling could be several things. The first thing it could be is a cancerous tumor . . .” I’m not really sure what was said after that because I felt a rush of blood throughout my body. I think I experienced all of the symptoms mentioned above.
Because I was a single mom and totally responsible for my son, I had to quickly get ahold of myself and my emotions and calm myself down. I have a strong faith, so I went to the Lord and immediately asked God to take over and provide comfort and guidance. I couldn’t lose it. I couldn’t let the stress take over.
Another experience happened with my daughter. The summer after she graduated from high school she went on tour with a drum corps. Late one afternoon I got a call from a stranger somewhere in Alabama. The person on the other end of the line said, “I’m a chaperone on the drum corps, and your daughter, Julie, just passed out on the field. We had to call an ambulance and rush her to a hospital.” Again, my body reacted to the stress.
I had to rein in my panic. I had to confidently think through several issues:
The questions were endless and the answers few. Thanks to a special friend who purchased an airplane ticket, we were able to get her back to Oklahoma. She wasn’t as bad as they originally thought. The chaperone thought she would be okay flying home without me. The Lord opened the door to get her immediately into a heart specialist in Tulsa, Oklahoma.
I know many of you are facing worse situations. When we are under stress, though, even the smallest thing can send us over the edge. When that happens, our bodies react quickly and efficiently to the perceived or real threat.
What Living under Constant Stress Does to Us2
Some milder forms of stress can keep us alert and allow us to do well in various situations. The brain and the body quickly return to normal once we are through the event. However, it is when we live in a constant state of alertness or chronic stress for long periods of time that we can be adversely affected.
Signs of poorly managed stress, chronic stress, or stress overload include the following:
When I speak at single-parent events, I often say that it’s not unusual for single parents to be late all of the time. Because we are under stress, we can’t estimate time. Almost always a few single parents will come up and share how they are always late. I tell them to slow down and think through the situation.
As single parents, all of us have experienced some of the symptoms above. It is when we live with these symptoms on a daily basis that long-term damage can occur. Under constant stress, we catch more colds and suffer other ailments. We also can’t think as well at work or organize tasks efficiently. Emotionally, we’re all over the place—we often get our feelings hurt or think people are judging us.
Finally, our faith may wane, or when we pray we don’t feel like God is hearing us. Living with the results of constant stress can influence one’s spiritual walk. It reduces the ability to concentrate on Scriptures and Bible studies. It interferes with our ability to pray. It can usurp our relationship with God if we allow it to.
When you are under chronic stress, one of the most important things you can do to reconnect with God is to set aside some quiet time for yourself.
When my kids were teens, I’d get up really early to pray and read my Bible. We lived in Oklahoma where winters can get pretty cold. We had a two-story house, so I’d set the thermostat low downstairs at night to conserve energy. Early every morning, I’d turn up the thermostat and get a cup of hot tea, my Bible, and my journal, and then I’d sit down on the heat vent. I’d wrap up in a big blanket, and the heat would blow up around me. Many mornings I’d end up falling asleep.
For years it bothered me that my kids would come downstairs and find me asleep. It also concerned me that I was sleeping through my time with God. Goodness knows I needed His assistance! One day I was talking to a friend, and she said, “Don’t be so rough on yourself. Your kids knew you were trying, and the heavenly Father knew you were giving it all you had. And what better place to rest than in the arms of God?”
Some other ways you can connect with God:
In the blog post “How Going to Church Benefits Brain and Body,”3 Charles Stone, a pastor in Canada, writes that “God wired our bodies and brains to benefit from both attending church and developing a healthy spiritual life.” If the church “is filled with kind and caring people,” he writes, then the brain releases the hormone oxytocin. This chemical helps you bond with other people. Also, attending church can lessen one’s depression, and people who attend church handle pain better and are less likely to commit suicide.4
But back to our discussion of the Canaanite mother. We can all learn from her faith, which gave her
“Then Jesus answered, ‘Woman, you have great faith! Your request is granted’” (Matthew 15:28).
How is your faith? Sometimes as single parents we need someone to walk alongside us and be honest with us when we are facing stressful situations. We need someone we can call to pray with us during these stressful times.
We need the faith of the Canaanite mother. “Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see” (Hebrews 11:1).
GOING DEEPER