Nothing Is Impossible with God
Rebecca is a friend of mine. We met at church, and after she found out part of my ministry is to single parents and the divorced, she came to visit with me. She and I met several times while she was trying to keep her marriage together. Rebecca is a woman of God who loves her heavenly Father, and she agonized over what to do. She prayed and consulted with more than one person about her situation, but when she realized that her children were suffering, that was when it was time for her to let go and let God reign in her life, even if it meant facing a divorce.
I think you’ll see through Rebecca’s story that God can indeed be glorified in the single-parent life.
Here it is in her own words.
Every little girl has dreams about her wedding day. The dress, the groom, the cake, the kiss—it is all on her mind as she plans years in advance. But not this . . . not the deep feeling of regret. Of all the things that I had dreamed about on the day of my wedding, this feeling of deep regret certainly wasn’t one of them.
The name-calling and degradation should have been enough for me to decide to walk away before walking down the aisle, but I chose to marry my abuser. I chose to commit my life to someone who wasn’t committed to me, or to my safety. As the years passed, the abuse escalated and it was no longer just a harsh word but a shove, a choke, and a punch to the side and chest.
I asked myself “why” a million times in the last twenty years but I’ve yet to come up with a valid reason why I chose to stay in an abusive relationship. Maybe I was convinced that my dedication and prayers would change this man from abuser to dedicated, loving husband and father. Maybe I was convinced that God would perform a miracle even if the one He was performing the miracle on wasn’t a willing soul. Maybe, just maybe, my love is what would finally change him.
I was married seventeen years to a man who was unwilling and unable to love me the way I deserved to be loved. From day one, I felt such heartache over my decision. Our lives were hard but I was determined to make this marriage work. I wanted to honor God by my dedication and I wanted to show this man that my love was unconditional. Year after year, the abuse continued.
My love and my dedication didn’t change him, nor did my prayers. Although I knew that true, authentic change came from an inward desire to change, I was convinced that God would still change this man for me and our three children. And when that didn’t happen, God and I had a deep conversation concerning my expectations of Him. He is God! He can do all, but if He forced himself on my ex-husband, He would be no better than my abuser who pushed himself on me and manipulated me many times throughout the years.
God is a gentleman and desires a relationship with people who truly want that relationship. Manipulation is of Satan, and God ever so politely asked me to step down from playing His role.
After seventeen years of abuse, I listened to God and walked away. The heartbreak was so severe, and I wasn’t sure that I would ever heal, but I did. Although it was a long process, God was so good to me and so faithful to lovingly heal the brokenness inside.
I remember praying and telling God, “If this is your will, use it for your glory. Please don’t ever allow this story to die within me without it changing someone’s life.”
After my divorce was finalized, I began ministering to abused women while I was still healing. I began speaking at different women’s events and having many one-on-one conversations with women who needed advice and encouragement.
Although God never wanted His daughter to live in an abusive marriage, He is using the situation to present a new way of living for other women. He is showing me and others that there is healing and love on the other side of abuse. Nothing is impossible with God.
Rebecca
Can God Use Your Situation?
While Rebecca’s story mainly applies to women, we know that men can also be emotionally and physically abused. We know that women can be just as controlling and abusive in some marriages.
How can men and women whose ex-spouses were controlling, manipulative, and sometimes downright mean honor God? Is it possible that these stories and lives can bring glory to the heavenly Father? Nothing is impossible with God.
Many parents consult friends, co-workers, and family, asking them what they think should happen with the marriage. Others go to counseling, hoping a counselor or therapist will tell them what to do. Sometimes a person will go to their pastor, hoping he will tell them what to do or give them a magic solution for changing the other person. As Rebecca finally realized, no one can make another person change.
When my ex-husband left, one of my son’s teachers told him, “If you’d just pray harder, your dad would come back home.” My son agonized over this. Eventually he came to talk to me about it. He said he had been praying really hard and wanted to know why God didn’t make his dad come home. Was he not praying enough?
I explained to Brian that the Lord doesn’t make people do things. God did not create us to be puppets He controls, or marionettes for which He pulls the strings. He loves us so much that He gives us the gift of free will. I said, “Even though God didn’t want the divorce to happen, He allowed your dad to make his own decision. It has nothing to do with how hard you pray. And by the way, what exactly is hard praying? Is it better than easy praying?” With that, Brian smiled. This could have been one of those situations where I lambasted his dad or got angry with his teacher, but instead God allowed it to be a teaching moment when a little kid could be relieved of any guilt he might have felt about his home being disrupted.
As single parents, we have many opportunities to show our children about God’s mercy and grace. Sometimes, with our busy and hectic schedules, we might not see those moments flash by, but ask the Lord to reveal them as they arise.
Other times God uses our story or our situation to change someone else’s life.
Jesus Brings a Widow’s Son Back to Life
There are many instances in the Bible where Jesus allowed a single parent’s situation to glorify Him, such as this story found in Luke 7. Jesus was traveling, preaching, and teaching when He came upon a funeral.
Soon afterward, Jesus went to a town called Nain, and his disciples and a large crowd went along with him. As he approached the town gate, a dead person was being carried out—the only son of his mother, and she was a widow. And a large crowd from the town was with her. When the Lord saw her, his heart went out to her and he said, “Don’t cry.”
(vv. 11–13)
Even a large crowd of friends could not console this mom in her grief. Her son was dead, and they were carrying him to be buried.
The Lord’s heart went out to the mother, and He had compassion on her. God loves the single parent.
Then he went up and touched the coffin, and those carrying it stood still. He said, “Young man, I say to you, get up!” The dead man sat up and began to talk, and Jesus gave him back to his mother.
(vv. 14–15)
Jesus gave the woman her son. He could have called the son to come follow Him, but He knew the woman needed him. God is sensitive to the single parent.
They were all filled with awe and praised God. “A great prophet has appeared among us,” they said. “God has come to help his people.” This news about Jesus spread throughout Judea and the surrounding country.
(vv. 16–17)
This situation brought glory to God. Can God use your situation to bring glory to Him? He probably does more than you realize. I’m finding out now, years later, how much my life impacted various single parents.
I remarried in 1997, and my husband died of cancer. This brought me into a new realm. I’ve always had the mind-set that if I have to go through something, then I want the Lord to use it to help others.
Several years later, a man from where I worked in North Carolina found out he had cancer, and I immediately connected with his wife. While every situation is different, I knew my story could help. After her husband, Vinnie, passed away, I got a note from her:
As stuff settles and I ease into some kind of normal life, accepting each day that I have a new role in life, I cannot help but think back on all the advice you gave me on this journey! I cannot even begin to tell you all the things that come to mind—the power of attorney papers, the will, the conversation with family, the signs and preparations. It was invaluable and as I’ve said before, I hope to pass [it] on to someone else one day.
Gail Sanseverino
Gail has passed on what she learned in her time of struggle, and now hundreds of widows and widowers are being helped as she brings hope and encouragement through her ministry, The Widow’s Peek. Here is what she says on her Facebook1 page about this ministry: “God’s plan for The Widow’s Peek has become increasingly clear over the first seven years of its birth: discipleship. Every resource we provide and continue to produce is meant to encourage the widow and widower to press on, to know that they aren’t alone. God is working in their lives and hearts, and His people are cheering them on.”
In the story in Luke 7:11–17 we don’t know if the widow knew who Jesus was.
It appears this widow was well known in her city, as she had many friends with her. Being a widow meant she likely would have had to depend on her son to support her. You can imagine how overwrought she must have been.
The Jewish custom at that time was for the coffin to be open as it was carried. It is important to note that Jesus went up and touched the coffin, not the dead man. But He commanded the dead man to sit up, and he sat up and started talking. Think about this—if God’s voice can do this, how much more should His Word be a source of comfort and confidence for us today? God’s voice had power then, and His voice has power today. Jesus still speaks to us. While you might not hear an audible voice, He can speak in your heart, through your pastor, through godly friends and counselors, through music, and through His Word.
Elijah Brings a Widow’s Son to Life
In the Old Testament there is another story about a child being raised from the dead. In 1 Kings 17:17–24, we read of Elijah bringing a widow’s son to life.
Some time later the son of the woman who owned the house became ill. He grew worse and worse, and finally stopped breathing. She said to Elijah, “What do you have against me, man of God? Did you come to remind me of my sin and kill my son?”
“Give me your son,” Elijah replied. He took him from her arms, carried him to the upper room where he was staying, and laid him on his bed. Then he cried out to the Lord, “O Lord my God, have you brought tragedy also upon this widow I am staying with, by causing her son to die?” Then he stretched himself out on the boy three times and cried to the Lord, “O Lord my God, let this boy’s life return to him!”
The Lord heard Elijah’s cry, and the boy’s life returned to him, and he lived. Elijah picked up the child and carried him down from the room into the house. He gave him to his mother and said, “Look, your son is alive!”
Then the woman said to Elijah, “Now I know that you are a man of God and that the word of the Lord from your mouth is the truth.”
Let’s look at the parallels between these stories in the New Testament and the Old Testament:
You can probably find other parallels that you can write about in the “Going Deeper” section at the end of this chapter.
Not about Faith
The story in the New Testament is not a story about faith. It is a story about Jesus’ power and authority. It is a story about people being filled with awe at something Jesus did. It is a story that was talked about and told many times, and it spread throughout the area and even into the surrounding country. But through this story of Jesus’ power, we develop our faith that He can be in control of our lives.
Have you ever wondered why you were experiencing trauma, crisis, or tragedy or even questioned why you were having a bad day? Sometimes what we are going through is not about us but about God. In John 11:1–44 the story about Lazarus being brought back to life isn’t about Lazarus or Martha, but about Christ and that He was sent from God.
Jesus told Martha to open up the tomb where Lazarus had been dead for four days. Martha objected because she feared there would be a bad odor from the decaying body, but Jesus asked her in verse 40, “Did I not tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?”
Before Jesus brought the dead Lazarus back to life, He thanked His Father. Jesus knew to thank the Father, a lesson each of us can learn.
“Father, I thank you that you have heard me. I knew that you always hear me, but I said this for the benefit of the people standing here, that they may believe that you sent me” (John 11:41–42).
Think of a time when you were going through something difficult. Did you take time to thank Jesus that you might be influencing someone else through trials you were experiencing?
When you are in the midst of a trial, it might not feel like what you are experiencing is of any value, but look at the widow in the Luke account. Do you think she thought about how the loss of her son could be of any use to anyone? More than likely she was too upset to care about anyone else. Through the ministering of Jesus and the raising of her son, however, people were filled with praise for Jesus.
“They were all filled with awe and praised God” (Luke 7:16).
Rebecca, who started this chapter with her personal story, has gone on to influence hundreds of women who are being abused or have been abused. She has a closed Facebook page where she constantly encourages women to trust in God and to live their lives for the Lord. Who knew six years ago that her pain would be an encouragement to others? God knew.
Through our pain, our experiences, and living out our faith as single parents—both moms and dads—we can choose to glorify God. And when we do, not only do we help others, we also influence our children, and that will impact our children’s children. Faith is the strongest heritage we can pass on to the next generation.
On Mother’s Day, Emmi, Rebecca’s thirteen-year-old daughter, sent her this message:
Dear Mom,
Thank you for being a role model to me. Thank you for making me stronger. Thank you for being an inspiration. Thank you for fighting for Tyler, Jacob and I. Thank you for protecting us. I am so so so blessed to have you for my mom and dad. When I get angry or upset, you always set an example by being calm and firm in our faith. When I become a mother, I aspire to be as loving and caring as you are. No matter how much we fight and argue (sorry for my attitude with you), you still love me. I appreciate all the things you have done to ensure our happiness. Thank you for literally being the BEST mom in the world. Happy Mother’s Day.
Love, Emmi
GOING DEEPER
1. Why do you think Luke recorded these various facts in Luke 7:11–17?
2. Have you ever known or found out later that something you were going through impacted another’s relationship with our heavenly Father? If so, journal about the situation and how you found out God was using you to impact His kingdom.
3. How has a single-parenting crisis, trial, or bad day you’ve experienced glorified God?