Considering the fact that it was a Sunday, I was at the mall with all my friends, and I had no homework or dance classes, I should have been in a better mood.
I was surrounded by my girlfriends, and from where I sat, it looked like Derek was fitting in great with the football guys. Ethan, Ryan, and the others were all in line at the smoothie place to grab drinks for us. Our mission was to stake claim to a table in the crowded food court.
At least, that was what everyone had said when we’d split our group into two. Boys versus girls like we were still in elementary school. It had quickly become obvious, however, that the real reason my friends wanted a moment alone was to grill me. Again.
“I don’t see how you haven’t noticed,” Collette said.
She was watching me with narrowed eyes, and I glared right back.
The grilling had taken a bad turn when it went from the annoying but harmless questions about his family and how I knew them, to the much more aggravating topic of Derek’s hotness.
“I didn’t say I didn’t notice,” I said. “I’m just saying that it doesn’t matter to me.”
Every single one of my friends was now giving me a weird stare, like I’d just spoken Greek.
“So…” Eve toyed with a stack of napkins in the middle of the table. “You’re saying you’re not attracted to him?”
I shifted in my seat. Ugh. Seriously. What was with the interrogation? “I didn’t say that.”
More quizzical stares.
“Then what are you saying?” Cora asked.
I opened my mouth and shut it. Everything in me wanted to say that I hadn’t even noticed that Derek was ridiculously attractive.
But I wasn’t a good liar, and I hated lying to friends. An omission was one thing, but straight up lying was something else altogether.
Which was why I really wished they’d quit it with the questions already.
I blinked as memory after memory came flooding back to me. I winced as I looked from one friend to the next. “Was I this obnoxious when you guys were falling for your guys?”
Cora, Collette, and Eve nodded vigorously, but Bianca spoke first, jabbing a finger in my face. “Aha! So you admit it. You’re falling for him.”
My jaw dropped as I blinked rapidly. “What? No! I didn’t say that.”
Cora put a hand on Bianca’s shoulder and drew her back down into her seat. “Easy there, tiger.”
Collette’s suspicious glare had turned to a look of sympathy that I hated. “You could talk to us about it if you were. You know that, right?”
I pushed my chair back with a huff. “There’s nothing to talk about except for the fact that you have all lost your minds.” I waved a hand in their general direction. “You all fell in love, so now you’re viewing the world with rose-colored glasses. But I’m telling you. You’re seeing things that aren’t there.”
Silence.
Then Cora’s brows drew together in confusion. “So you haven’t noticed that he’s attractive or you’re not attracted to him?”
“Yes,” I said quickly. “Both.”
Collette shook her head, and her lips were twitching with amusement. “That makes no sense.”
“You make no sense,” I muttered under my breath.
A second later we all started laughing, and I rubbed my eyes. “I’m sorry, you guys. I’m just...I don’t want to talk about Derek, okay?”
They all nodded, and some of my tension eased.
Until Bianca spoke. “I read that his dad might be running for president one day.”
“Really?” Cora leaned forward. “I heard his mom is friends with every bigwig in the dance world ever. She’s super well connected.”
“Of course they are,” Bianca said. “His mom runs that arts foundation. She must know everyone who’s anyone in the dance world.”
There was a collective sigh at the table that had me tensing all over again. To have those kinds of connections was something all five of us could only dream of. And while we all busted our butts every single day to make a career for ourselves, there was no denying reality.
In real life, there were those that worked hard to get ahead, and there were those who were born ahead.
“He’s so lucky,” Eve sighed.
“Yeah, I bet his parents could get him on any NFL team if that was what he wanted,” Collette said.
I glanced over at Derek and caught him laughing at something Ryan had said. His head was tipped back, and his smile was so perfect it hurt.
From this point of view, everything about him looked perfect. From where we were sitting, I could see him how my girlfriends saw him. His life seemed just as perfect as his smile.
But just as quickly, I had a mental flash of our time alone in the studio earlier in the week. The sadness in his eyes when he’d talked about his future. He was lucky, yes, but his life was far from perfect.
I wanted to tell my friends this, but how? I couldn’t without spilling even more about his life. And I hated the fact that Derek’s life was fair game. That everyone—even my friends—were talking about his family as if they knew them.
“I wonder if he could get us backstage at the Met,” Collette said. Her gaze grew dreamy. “I’ve always wanted to see what it’s like back there during a ballet.”
Don’t you dare ask. I bit back the words just before they slipped out. I couldn’t tell my friend what she could and could not say to Derek. And besides, he was used to it. I remembered that well from our childhood. Even back then he’d been used to people asking for favors.
Everyone except for me.
My stomach sank as I remembered our conversation the day before. I’d been so hurt that he hadn’t thought of me that I’d gone and done what I’d always said I wouldn’t do.
My insides felt all twisted up inside as guilt warred with hurt. The resulting sensation was unpleasant in the extreme.
I couldn’t sit still, and when the guys came over, their arms filled with carrying trays of smoothies, I snagged mine and tugged on Derek’s arm. “Come on,” I said. “Let’s get a head start.”
He arched his brows but didn’t protest when I made a quick excuse to the others about how I had to kick Derek’s butt in skeeball.
This wasn’t a lie. I really did intend to beat him. The fact that heading to the arcade got him away from my friends’ curiosity and me away from...well, all the thoughts I was trying to avoid. It was all around a win-win.
He was giving me the side eye as I led the way away from the food court and to the arcade on the far side of the mall. “You okay?”
I flashed him a smile that felt too bright and my voice came out way too chirpy. “Of course!”
“Okay then.” His low drawl dripped with sarcasm. He totally didn’t believe me, but I didn’t really care. I just needed to get away.
I loved my friends, and I loved Derek. But having my friends and Derek in the same place was bringing up weird feelings.
And if one of them overstepped and asked him about his parents, or worse—asked for a favor? I wouldn’t have been able to deal.
Not to mention, I could feel Collette’s eyes on me earlier when he and I were laughing. Eve’s too. All of the girls had been watching us a little too closely, like they’d just been waiting to watch me...what?
Drool?
I cringed at the memory of our awkward run-in this morning.
That moment was all I could think about when my friends were talking about how hot he was. Had I noticed?
Of course I’d noticed. I’d basically seen him naked this morning. If I’d been trying to ignore his good looks before, it had been forcibly thrown in my face this morning.
And he knew.
That was the worst part.
He knew that I’d had...feelings. The butterfly flapping, liquid lava in my veins kind of feelings that I’d heard so much about from my friends but had never actually experienced.
Until this morning.
Until Derek.
I shut my eyes. Crappity crap. Of all the bad timing. Of all the wrong people to feel a wave of desire for. My body had betrayed me. My body had betrayed him. My body—
“Eep!” My eyes flew open with a squeak as Derek wrapped an arm around my shoulders and tugged me to his side.
I fought it instinctively, pushing against him. “What are you doing?”
And why does it feel so good?
He smiled down at me, his grin wicked and knowing. “I don’t know why you’re attempting to maneuver a crowded mall with your eyes closed, but it seemed safer for everyone if I helped with the navigation.”
I blinked. I had screwed my eyes shut. But only to block out images of a nearly-naked Derek. It was his fault!
He nodded behind us. “You nearly took out an elderly couple back there.”
I glanced behind me and saw a couple walking away. “Oops. Sorry.”
“It’s all good.” He squeezed my shoulders, and it should have felt friendly.
It should have, but it didn’t. Instead, it made me too aware of his proximity. Of the way he smelled, of the heavy weight of his arm, and the heat coming from his body.
“Want to tell me what’s got you all wigged out?” he asked.
I shook my head automatically. “It’s nothing, it’s just…” I glanced up. I didn’t want to lie. For the second time today, I found myself debating whether to lie or omit facts when talking to a friend.
Who was I? I didn’t even recognize myself right now.
“Hey, Olivia.” He slowed down and half turned so he could look at me. “What is it? Why’d we just run away from your friends like that?”
I drew in a deep breath and let it out through pursed lips. “I don’t know.” That wasn’t a lie. I was confused, that much I could admit. “The girls were talking about you, and I…” I trailed off with a shake of my head.
His smile was small and just a little bitter. “Let me guess. They’d been doing some more digging on me and my family.”
I winced in response, and he laughed. “It’s okay, Olivia. I’m used to it.”
My heart pounded because...he was pulling away. I could practically see him drawing back and retreating into himself, the way he did around people he couldn’t trust.
“But you shouldn’t be,” I said. “You shouldn’t have to deal with that.” I reached out because I had to touch him. I had to get his attention.
It worked, all right. I placed a hand on his chest, and his gaze was suddenly fixed on me, so heated and intense it made my belly do a nose dive.
“I’m sorry,” I said.
“For what?”
I shrugged. “For my friends. For the fact that they found out. I’m sorry…” I wet my lips and then gasped for air when his gaze fell to watch. “I’m sorry I asked you to introduce me to Avery Queen.”
I caught the slightest flinch before he covered it with a smile. “Don’t be. It’s fine.” He was smiling now, and the smile wasn’t the one I loved. This one didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Come on.” He nodded toward the end of the mall. “Let’s see if your skeeball game’s gotten any better since the great boardwalk disaster of eighth grade.”
“That was a fluke.” I pretended to be offended, and we fell into step side by side and back into our familiar routine.
I was more unsettled than ever when we reached the arcade, and not even winning the first round made me feel better.
I’d had a chance to talk to him, and I felt like it slipped away. I wasn’t sure what I’d expected him to say about my friends finding out, or even the Avery Queen thing, but I didn’t like the way he’d brushed it aside.
“You know,” he said when we put in money for another round. “If you keep throwing the balls with so much force, you’re probably going to break the machine.”
“Maybe that’s my plan,” I teased.
“Break the game,” he said with a thoughtful nod. “Clever. And definitely the only way you stand a chance of winning again.”
I burst out in a choked laugh at the banter that was so familiar and yet...kind of new. There was a new edge to it. There was a tension between us that hadn’t been there before.
I wasn’t totally sure if I liked it. Part of me hated it, and another part of me…
He grinned down at me as I reached for my ball, and my belly went into full-fledged butterfly mode.
Oh crap.
Part of me loved it.
I straightened and took aim and—
“Are you embarrassed to be my friend?” he said suddenly.
The ball fell with a loud thud. “What?”
He gave me this sheepish smile as he rubbed the back of his neck. “Sorry. I honestly didn’t mean to screw up your turn.”
“What did you mean by that?”
He looked away toward the door of the arcade, and I followed his gaze to see our friends entering. Collette and Ethan gave us a wave. When I turned back to Derek, he still wasn’t looking at me.
“Is this because I still call you that silly nickname?” I asked. “You know I’m only kidding, right? It’s just a joke, and always has been.”
He was shaking his head before I stopped. “No, I’m not bothered by that. I meant…” He cleared his throat. “I know you’re not used to the attention that comes with my family name, and if you don’t want to be seen with me—”
I clapped a hand over his mouth. “Don’t even say that.”
His eyes widened, and I dropped my hand. “So that’s a no?”
“Of course that’s a no.” I smacked his arm for good measure. “Don’t be stupid.”
He nodded and turned back to the game, and then it happened. Like vomit spewing, the fear I’d been harboring for twenty-four hours came bursting out. “Are you embarrassed by me?”
He turned to me with his brows drawn together in confusion and horror in his eyes. “Why would you even think that?”
“You know I’ve never wanted to use you for your family’s fortune or connections, right?”
“Of course.”
“I don’t want you to think I’m one of those people who looks at you and only sees what they can get from your connections,” I continued in a spew of words.
“I don’t think that,” he said.
“But I guess I’m worried that—” I had to swallow to continue. “I guess I’m worried that because I’m not a part of your world, you don’t take me seriously. I’m not well connected, and the odds of me making it big are so slim, and I guess I was worried that that’s why you didn’t think to introduce me or...or whatever.”
I ended in an embarrassed shrug. It was the truth, but it sounded even worse out loud.
He stared at me in stunned silence for a long moment, and the only sound was the dings and bells of the games going on around us. I started to turn away. “Forget it—”
“No.” He stopped me with a touch to my cheek. It was a gentle touch, but I froze as he cupped my face between his palms.
He was so serious. So freakin’ serious. I wasn’t sure I’d ever seen him like this.
“Olivia, I am so proud of you.”
My throat swelled, and my eyes stung. Oh crap. Derek was going to make me cry. I tried to pull away, to laugh it all off, but he wasn’t done.
“Watching you dance, seeing your drive...I have no doubt at all that you are going to make it, and you’re going to be a huge success.” He licked his lips and moved in closer.
For half a second, I thought he might kiss me.
“I know you’ll make it, and when you do, you’ll know that it was all you. That you earned everything you got.” He shook his head, frustration in his eyes. “Not like me where I have to question whether I deserve anything I get or if anything I have is real.”
“Like friendships,” I whispered.
He nodded. “But I’ve never doubted you. Never.”
I could only nod in return because I was afraid if I opened my mouth to speak, I’d sob instead.
“You have such a good heart, Olivia. And you are such a good friend. But most of all, you are the most genuine person I know.” He leaned down and for a heartbeat his forehead rested against mine. “You have no idea how much I appreciate that when you look at me, you see me. And when I look into your eyes, I feel like I know who I am.”
He pulled back, and his lips quirked up in a cute smile. “That’s super cheesy, huh?”
I tried to laugh it off too, but I failed. So I just shook my head.
“Anyway, I don’t care if your friends are temporarily blinded by the fame stuff. Because you aren’t, and you never have been.”
I smiled, pulling back a bit so I could breathe. I aimed for a casual tone even though my heart was still thumping wildly in my chest. “You know that’s not who you are to me.”
His smile was so small, so sweet. But his voice was totally sincere. “Then who am I to you?”
The words seemed to hang between us. The air thickened and grew until I wasn’t sure how to breathe anymore.
Who was Derek to me?
I tore my gaze away from his in a panic. My brain was on the fritz, and my heart was running wild. And then I saw it. A way that I could make Derek smile.
I turned back to him with a wide grin. “Who are you to me?” I patted his cheek playfully. “You’re the Joker.”
He blinked. “What?”
But I was already starting to move. I was off to buy two masks from the arcade’s souvenir shop. “Be right back,” I said.