I wasn’t sure how long I’d stood in the garage, but when I came inside, my entire family stared at me like I was some crazy person.
Maybe because I felt like I’d lost my mind. My head was still spinning with confusion as I walked through the kitchen where my brother was clearing the table and my mom was doing the dishes.
“You okay, hon?” my mom asked as she put the leftover casserole in the fridge.
“Fine,” I said on autopilot. I glanced down the hall toward Tank’s bedroom and the door was closed.
“Derek said he wasn’t feeling well, so he wasn’t up for dinner.” My mom smiled. “I figured that was his nice way of saying you two ate your way through the food court.”
I tried to laugh like a normal person, but I was pretty sure I failed judging by the looks of concern. My mom’s eyes narrowed. “Are you hungry?”
I shook my head. “No. I’m just gonna…” I glanced toward my bedroom. There was no way I was going to lie in that bed and stew over Derek. “I’m just gonna watch TV.”
Tank came in to join me, and for once, I didn’t mind his nonstop talking through one terrible sitcom after another. It gave me something to focus on other than the fact that—
Derek kissed me!
I kissed Derek!
Those screaming thoughts then inevitably switched gears.
Derek walked away from me.
I’ve ruined everything.
But the worst part was… I didn’t know what I’d done wrong. No matter how I shifted my perspective, no matter how many times I replayed his weird little speech about his parents—I wasn’t sure what any of that had to do with kissing me.
If anything, it sounded like an excuse.
Oh, maybe he really was worried about his parents finding out about that silly incident at the mall. I didn’t doubt that he was. But it wasn’t like his parents had hidden cameras in the garage, right?
It wasn’t like he was breaking some law when he’d kissed me.
And he had kissed me. Sure, I’d wanted to kiss him in the hallway, but that back there in the garage? He’d started it.
I frowned down at the bowl of candy in my hands.
And he’d ended it.
Oh man, I was so confused.
It didn’t take long for Mom to come in and declare it Tank’s bed time. Which left me alone. Alone with an excessive amount of candy and my swirling thoughts. There was no way I was going to be able to sleep. So I did what I always did when I needed comfort. I put on Dirty Dancing.
The familiar scenes were comforting in the background, but I kept casting looks down the hallway toward Tank’s room, just waiting for Derek to appear.
He never appeared.
By the time Baby learned the Pachanga, my glances down the hallway had turned to glares, and my Mike and Ikes were being devoured with angry chewing. The coward. There was no way on earth he’d been so tired that he’d fallen asleep at dinnertime.
He was just avoiding me.
I swallowed down a thick lump as I turned back to the TV.
Because he’d hated that kiss? Because he regretted it?
I stared at Patrick Swayze, but Johnny didn’t have the answers. At some point between scowling at Derek’s door, watching my favorite parts, and eating my Mike and Ikes, I fell asleep. I didn’t wake up until Tank made a ruckus in the kitchen getting his breakfast.
For the second time in less than twelve hours, I startled the heck out of my family when I entered the kitchen.
“Olivia, you’re still here?” my dad said around a mouthful of cereal. “I thought you’d left with Derek.”
I scowled. My head was pounding, and that coward had left before I’d even woken and that— I glanced at the clock in horror. That totally made sense because...crap! I was so late.
I snagged a piece of toast and ran for my room to change, my blood filled with adrenaline. I used to live in the academy’s dorms, back before the expense got to be too much, and while the dorms were far from luxurious, right now I totally missed being able to roll out of bed and rush down the halls to classes.
Although this morning there was a part of me that was actually kind of glad to have to race through my morning routine. I skipped a shower, tossed on my tights, and flew out the door.
At least running late didn’t allow me time to stew. My brain needed a freakin’ break from all the stewing. I parked, raced up the steps, and saw by the crowd of ballerinas still lingering in the hallways that I’d made it with time to spare.
I slumped against a locker to catch my breath.
“Olivia, there you are,” Collette said. She wore this big, welcoming smile...until she got close enough to see me. “Um...Olivia? Are you okay?”
I nodded, but I couldn’t quite speak. Ugh, I was such a bad liar.
Cora joined us, hugging some textbooks to her chest with her red curls piled up in a neat bun. Her brows drew together in concern as she reached out toward my hair and... plucked out a smushed Mike and Ike.
I wrinkled my nose in disgust, but that was nothing compared to the looks these two were giving me.
Cora’s concern turned to sympathy. “Rough night?”
I nodded. I still couldn’t speak, and the amount of empathy coming from these two was making a knot form in my throat. Oh crap. I did not want to cry at school. Then I’d be one of those girls.
I was so not one of those girls.
Except...tears were welling, and no amount of blinking was making them go away. Collette wrapped an arm around me and pulled me into the bathroom where I burst into full-blown tears.
So yeah. I guess now I was officially one of those girls.
I cry in the bathroom now. Thanks a lot, Derek.
Collette pulled me in for a hug as Cora pushed open a stall door to grab a wad of toilet paper, which she handed over for me to wipe my nose.
“This is so embarrassing,” I muttered as I blew my nose loudly.
Collette patted my back with a small smile. “We’ve all been there.”
Cora rested a hip against the counter. “Do you want to tell us what happened?”
I shook my head. “Not really.”
They exchanged a look, and then Collette gave me her no-nonsense look that made her look terrifyingly similar to her mother who ran this school. “Too bad. You’re not leaving this bathroom until you spill.”
“We’ll be late,” I said. But even I could hear that I didn’t really mean it. What did it matter if I got in trouble for being late? My day already sucked.
Cora nodded toward Collette. “My guess is, your mom will take one look at her face and give us a pass.”
“Gee, thanks,” I muttered. But my righteous indignation was ruined when a fresh wave of tears hit, and I had to sniff loudly.
Collette rubbed my back, and I sank against her, resting my head on her shoulder. “This will all go a lot easier if you just spill,” she said.
I nodded. “Okay, fine. It’s about Derek.”
They exchanged a look of barely veiled amusement, and I supposed they’d figured that much out already.
“Let me guess. You like him,” Collette said. Her tone was gentle, but I still stiffened and pulled back.
“Why would you say that?”
They exchanged another knowing look that made me growl with frustration. Cora patted my arm. “No offense, sweetie, but you wouldn’t be human if you didn’t.”
I sniffed. She probably had a point. The guy was drop-dead gorgeous, sweet as could be, and my best friend who knew me better than anyone. A pathetic little whimper escaped. “I never stood a chance, did I?”
Another knowing glance between these two. “Cut that out,” I snapped.
“Sorry.” Collette winced. “It’s just that we’ve been there.”
“Been where?”
“In love,” Cora said.
I stared at them. “I’m not...I didn’t say...I’m not even…” I stopped talking when it became clear to all of us that I couldn’t complete a thought.
Was I in love with Derek?
The question alone made my heart race and my stomach twist.
I shook my head. I officially could not go there. Not right now. It was enough to know that I’d developed more-than-friendly feelings for Derek. That was all I could handle right now. Judging by the fact that I was currently weeping again, I wasn’t even coping with that very well.
“I’m not supposed to have a crush on my best friend,” I wailed.
“Oh honey,” Collette said as she squeezed me in a side hug. Cora took up a position on my other side until I was an Olivia sandwich.
“Do you think he feels the same?” Cora asked.
I shrugged, which was hard to do while being squished. “I don’t know. I mean, he kissed me but—”
“Wait, what?” Collette moved away to stare at me. “Start over.”
“Start from the beginning,” Cora said.
I drew in a deep breath and told them everything and left nothing out. Not even the embarrassing getting-caught-drooling-in-the-hallway part. Finally, just as the bell rang for the start of class, I’d gotten to the almost kiss at the mall. And then, of course, the real kiss in our garage.
“Wow,” Collette breathed. “So he kissed you.”
I noted the phrasing and frowned. “Yes, but not until after I’d nearly kissed him.”
“How do you know he hadn’t been planning on kissing you before you bolted?” Cora asked.
I opened my mouth and shut it. Had he wanted to kiss me too? I squinted as I tried to remember the look in his eyes before I tipped my mask back down and ran off to deal with the security guard.
Had he been about to kiss me?
I sighed in resignation. “I have no idea if he’d wanted to or not.”
“But what matters is that he was the one who initiated the kiss in the garage,” Collette said. She sounded so certain, I looked to her with new hope.
“You think that means...something?”
Collette pursed her lips. “I think the more important question here is—do you want it to mean something?”
Cora nodded vigorously. “Exactly. Let’s focus on how you feel about him, because personally, I think his feelings on the matter are pretty clear.”
I gaped at my new redheaded friend. “You do?”
She and Collette exchanged another irritatingly knowing look before Collette answered for them both. “It’s been clear from day one to anyone with eyes.”
“What has been?” I’d been leaning against the sink, but I pushed away from it now. My heart was thrumming wildly in my chest with...excitement? Fear?
Both?
I wasn’t sure, but it was impossible to stand still.
“First thing’s first.” Collette held up a finger. “You wanted to kiss him.” She arched a brow. “Just because he’s a hottie or because…” She shrugged as she searched for the words. “Or because he’s your hottie.”
I blinked stupidly as I thought of Derek—his emails, his smiles, the way he never made me feel weird or bad about my eccentricities. It took effort to swallow, and the words felt rusty coming out of my mouth. “Mine,” I whispered. And then a little louder, I said, “Because he’s my hottie.”
This was met with two beaming grins as my friends bumped knuckles. Clearly, I was the dumb one who couldn’t keep up because these two didn’t seem even a little bit surprised by my shocking revelation.
Meanwhile, I was having a hard time standing upright as I reeled from the magnitude of what I’d just admitted.
I had a thing for Derek. I was crushing on my best friend.
My breathing grew too rapid, and Collette wrapped her arm around me again. “Whoa. Calm down, Olivia. This isn’t the end of the world.”
“Isn’t it?” My voice was high-pitched and shrill. “It could be.”
Cora pressed her lips together as if she was trying not to laugh. “Liking a guy who likes you back is the end of the world in your book?”
I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the mirror and saw wide, panicked eyes and a puffy, tear-stained face. I needed to get a grip, and I needed it to happen soon. “But what if he doesn’t like me back?”
Collette didn’t look as worried as I would have liked. If anything, she looked exasperated. “Would a guy who didn’t like you back kiss you?”
I stared at her. She had a point.
“Would a guy who didn’t like you back freak out over said kiss?” Cora arched her brows.
I turned my stare to her. “Um…maybe.” They were clearly unimpressed by my answer. “What if he freaked out because he realized it was a mistake? What if he kissed me and was disgusted by it and realized he could only ever see me as a friend?”
This was met by two exasperated sighs.
“I doubt it,” Collette said.
“Why?”
Her eyes glinted with amusement. “Because I’ve seen the way Derek stares at you when you’re not looking.”
I blinked. “He does?”
Cora nodded. “He’s a smitten kitten, Olivia. We’ve all noticed.”
“Really?” My voice was a high squeak because...hope. A flicker of the bright, shiny emotion was starting to warm the cold dread I’d been feeling ever since he walked away.
“You know the only way you’ll know for sure though, right?” Collette gave me an arch look.
I sighed. “I have to talk to him.”
They both nodded, but their expressions held a world of sympathy.
“He’s probably just as freaked at the idea of ruining a great friendship as you are,” Cora said. “But one of you needs to man up and tell the other how you feel.”
My exhale was loud and weary. “I guess that means it’s up to me.”
Collette wrapped an arm around me again, this time to steer me toward the door. “Come on, let’s go show the teacher how pathetic you look so we don’t get detention.”
I gave a snort of laughter because I had been pathetic. Maybe I still was, just a little. But at least now I had a plan.
And Derek had better man up, because he and I? We were gonna have a talk.