I gave a little cry of admiration as Mother came out of her bedroom that morning. ‘You look lovely, Mum,’ I said. ‘That dress I bought from London suits you, and the hat.’
‘Thank you, Emma. I feel grand. I’ve never had anything as smart as this before.’ She moved towards me and we embraced, laughing but also close to tears. ‘Mr Baker said he would be here at eleven, and the cars are booked for a quarter past.’
‘We’ve been through all this, Mum,’ I said teasing her. ‘Everything is going to be all right. There’s no need to worry.’
She nodded but still looked anxious. ‘Are you sure you don’t mind staying here alone?’
‘I’m not in the least nervous. Besides, it won’t be for long. Ben is leaving next week. Mr Smythe is going to sort everything out for me, and then he’ll let the shop to a tenant, who will buy the stock at valuation. I’m going to give that to you and Bert, Mum. It’s my wedding present to you.’
‘You’ve already given me this dress and …’ She smiled as I shook my head at her. ‘All right, if it’s what you want, love. You’re quite sure about leaving here?’
‘I’m sure.’
She nodded, then looked thoughtful.
‘You did invite Mr Reece to the wedding?’
‘Yes, Mum. I invited Jon.’
‘But you haven’t heard anything?’
‘No. He hasn’t replied to my letter.’
‘That seems a bit odd.’
It was so easy to read her mind. She wanted me to marry Jon, because she thought I would be safe with him.
‘There may be lots of reasons. Jon isn’t like Paul. He’ll be in touch as soon as he can. Stop worrying about me, I’m a big girl now. I can look after myself.’
‘Of course you can.’ She laughed at herself. ‘I don’t know what’s wrong with me. It’s wedding nerves, I expect.’
‘Yes, I expect so.’ We both heard the shop doorbell. ‘I should think that’s Mary and Mr Baker now at the door. I’ll run down and let them in. Sit down and relax, Mum. I promise you, nothing is going to go wrong.’
I was singing to myself as I went downstairs and through the shop. It was closed for the day because Ben was coming to the wedding with his parents. I stared at the silhouette of the man outside the shop window. That wasn’t Mary’s father …
Opening the door, I hesitated as I saw the distinctive uniform of the RAF. Then its wearer turned and I realized it was Jon. My heart took a flying leap as I stared at him in surprise.
‘You’ve been called up!’
‘Actually, I didn’t wait for the summons,’ he said. ‘I volunteered for service as a navigator. I’ve been away for a couple of weeks, Emma, being assessed and going through the medical checks. That’s why I didn’t get your letter until now.’
‘Come in,’ I said, standing back to admit him. ‘I knew there had to be a reason, but I didn’t expect this. You look very splendid, Jon.’ I moved towards him impulsively. ‘I’m proud of you. I think it was a wonderful thing to do.’
‘You look lovely,’ he said, ‘but then, you always do. I’ve missed you, Emma.’
‘I’ve missed you. Very much.’ We moved closer, then Jon bent his head, kissing me very gently on the mouth.
‘I love you.’ His eyes sought mine. ‘Paul came to see you?’
‘Yes. He came, and I sent him away.’
‘When he told me he was going to ask you to marry him, I thought perhaps you might accept?’
‘I could never marry him, Jon. Surely you know that?’
‘He told me you had refused him. Are you sure about that?’
‘Quite sure.’
‘Does that mean …’
We were interrupted by the arrival of Mary, her father and her husband. The frustration in Jon’s eyes made me want to giggle, but I controlled the impulse.
‘If you’d like to go upstairs,’ I invited, ‘Mum is waiting for you.’
I caught Jon’s arm as they went past us, holding him back.
‘We can’t talk properly now,’ I said. ‘Can you come back here this evening, after everyone has gone?’
‘I have two weeks leave before training begins,’ Jon said. ‘I thought we might possibly spend them together?’
‘We’ll talk about it later,’ I promised. ‘Come on, Mum will be wondering where I’ve got to and she’s already in a fret.’
Despite Mother’s fears, the wedding went smoothly. I shed a few tears as she took her vows and I thought about my father and all the wasted years. Then Jon took my hand in his and I smiled up at him as the regrets slipped away. There was no point in looking back. The past was over and done. I was free now, free to choose my own way.
The ceremony was soon over. We followed Mum and her new husband from the church to the sound of pealing bells. People were outside waiting to throw confetti and taking photographs.
Jon took several with his own camera, including some of me holding James, who had slept throughout the service. Everyone was laughing and talking excitedly. It was a happy occasion and I could see the love in my mother’s eyes as she looked at her new husband. I felt so glad that at last she had found something to make her life worthwhile.
The reception was being held at a nearby hotel. Mum and Bert went in a car with flowers and ribbons all over it, but it was a nice day, warm and sunny, so most of the guests walked across the road and round the corner.
‘We’ve only invited a few friends,’ I told Jon. ‘And there isn’t going to be an evening party. Just a sit-down meal for twenty of us.’
‘Which means we’ll be soon be alone.’
The smile he gave me made my heart jerk. Jon was obviously intending to ask me to marry him again and I didn’t know what answer to give him.
I watched as he moved amongst the other guests at the reception, meeting our friends, all of whom were strangers to him. He had an easy, friendly manner. People laughed when he made a joke. It was obvious that he lived in another world from most of them, yet they weren’t uncomfortable with him.
Jon was truly a gentleman, much more so than Paul. He was kind and generous, and I couldn’t imagine him ever raising his hand to anyone in anger, especially a woman. He had an air of authority about him, and I thought he would scarcely need even to raise his voice to make himself heard. He was the kind of man others looked to with respect.
He turned at me as the toasts were drunk, and smiled. ‘To Greta and Bert,’ he whispered. ‘And to us, Emma.’
I nodded and sipped my drink. ‘To happiness,’ I said, ‘for all of us.’
It was past six o’clock when we returned to the shop together. Jon had driven my mother and Bert to the station, then returned to the hotel to fetch me after I’d seen all our guests on their way. Mary had taken James home with her earlier and had promised to give him his bottle.
‘I’ll bring him round later,’ she’d told me. ‘After you and Jon have had a little time together.’ She cuddled James to her, kissing the top of his head. ‘Perhaps I’ll keep him. He’s such a little love, Emma.’
I smiled, thinking that Mary was getting broody. It wouldn’t be long before she wanted a baby of her own.
‘Yes, he is. I’m very lucky.’
It was odd, but after all the pain and grief of the past months I was beginning to feel very different. I loved my son and life seemed sweet, full of promise for the future.
Jon was no longer using his uncle’s old car, but a smart Rover.
‘I thought I’d treat myself,’ he told me when I mentioned it that evening. ‘I’ve got some money put by, Emma. And things may be difficult soon. I doubt if there will be many new cars available soon, or the petrol to run them. We all ought to make the most of the next few months.’
A shiver went through me. Caught up in my own problems, I hadn’t given much thought to the threat of war, which had been looming for a while now.
‘Is it really coming then? You don’t think it will all go away if we cross our fingers and wish very hard?’
Jon laughed, then his expression became serious. ‘No, Emma. I don’t think we can wish it away, however hard we try.’
I nodded, swallowing hard as I led the way upstairs. I was frightened, by the thought of war and also by what Jon was about to say to me.
‘I’ll just put the kettle on. I don’t know why, but hotels never make a really good cup of tea.’
Jon nodded but followed me, watching as I filled the kettle and put it on the stove.
‘I know it’s too soon,’ he said. ‘You’ve been through so much. I can’t expect you to give me an answer yet. But do you think you might feel like marrying me one day?’
I took a deep breath, then turned to face him. ‘It is too soon, Jon. I wasn’t in love with Richard. There were times when I came close to hating him, but I did marry him. And I believed I was in love with Paul when we were together. I’m not quite ready to marry again just yet.’
‘You do care for me?’
I smiled and moved towards him. ‘You are the nicest man I’ve ever met, Jon. I care for you very much. Forgive me if I can’t give you my promise now. I need time to catch my breath and think about things, what I want to do with my life. I’ve been hurt …’
‘I know that,’ he said swiftly. ‘Of course I do, Emma. I’m willing to wait, for as long as it takes.’
‘Oh, Jon,’ I sighed. ‘Please kiss me.’
‘Emma …’
He drew me into his arms, his kiss gentle at first, then more demanding. I felt the pleasure intensify into desire and I smiled as I gazed up at him.
‘I want to spend the next two weeks with you,’ I said. ‘I want us to be together, to get to know each other. We don’t have to rush things, do we? It would be easy to throw myself into your arms, Jon. But this time I want to do it right.’
‘I wouldn’t have it any other way,’ he said. ‘I love you, Emma. I want to be with you for the rest of my life, if it’s what you want, too. But most of all, I want to make you happy.’
‘Thank you. You really are the dearest man.’
‘Where would you like to go for our holiday?’
‘To the sea, but not to Yarmouth. Somewhere I’ve never been.’ I laughed, pushing back my hair from my face. ‘Which gives you plenty of scope. I’ve never been anywhere much.’
‘I’ve always loved Cornwall.’
‘That sounds wonderful. Yes, let’s go there, Jon.’
He kissed me again, then the kettle began to whistle behind us and he let me go, laughing ruefully.
‘I think I should leave now, for the sake of your reputation, and my sanity. Sleep well, my darling. I’ll pick you up at seven in the morning. It will give us a good start.’
‘I’ll see you out then.’
Downstairs in the shop, we kissed again, parting reluctantly. It would have been so easy to let Jon take me to bed, but we both wanted to do this properly.
I locked the door after he had gone. Mary would ring the bell when she brought James back. I was going to ask her if she would look after him for me while I went away with Jon, and I knew what her answer would be.
As I turned to go upstairs, I saw a letter lying on the counter. Someone must have picked it up earlier, probably Ben when he came in to do the morning papers. I bent down to retrieve it. The postmark was London, and I tore open the flap as I went back upstairs. I read the contents as I made tea.
‘Dear Mrs Gillows,’ Solomon Gould had written. ‘I read of your husband’s death in the papers. It must have been very distressing for you. However, I have some news that may be a comfort to you …’
His next words took my breath away. He had been offered three thousand and two hundred pounds for the coins.
‘If you wish, I shall sell on your behalf,’ he went on. ‘Again, if you wish, I can invest all or part of the money for you. I am myself about to open a new factory, making uniforms for the Armed Forces. In view of the uncertain times that face us, I feel these will be in ever greater demand. I have secured various contracts, which I should be happy to show you, should you be interested in becoming my partner in this venture.
I folded his letter, returning it to its envelope. It was a surprising offer and one that did interest me. I should have no immediate need of my legacy, for I was beginning to accumulate money from my share of Mrs Henty’s business. And I would soon have rent from Father’s shop, which was, of course, now mine.
And I intended to find myself work in London, but not just yet. For the moment I had other things on my mind.
We drove down to Cornwall in easy stages, stopping to eat lunch, then tea, planning to spend the night at a little bed and breakfast place in Exeter. I telephoned Mary and was told James was well. She held the phone to his ear to let me talk to him, and I could hear his gurgle of pleasure.
‘You should have brought him with you,’ Jon said that evening as we went out to dinner. ‘I wouldn’t have minded.’
‘I thought we should have a few days alone,’ I said. ‘We might collect him and go up to London towards the end of your leave, Jon, if that suits you?’
‘Anything you want, Emma.’ He smiled at me. ‘I shall enjoy getting to know your son.’
‘And I’m enjoying being with you, having a holiday,’ I said, smiling at him. ‘This is an adventure for me, Jon. I want to go everywhere and see everything.’
‘We will,’ he said, laughing at my pleasure. ‘I’ll show you all the places I know and love, Emma.’
We continued the next morning, reaching the hotel Jon had booked after stopping for lunch on the way. I had never dreamed life could be so easy, so relaxed. Nor had I ever enjoyed myself this much.
Jon had booked two rooms, just as he had the previous night. It was a modest hotel, right on the sea front at Torquay. My room was comfortable, and the view out over the bay was magnificent. I could see the sea boiling and crashing around a spur of rock below, hear the cry of the gulls as they circled overhead. Wonderful! I felt as free as those birds circling over the sea. I unpacked, then went to meet Jon in the lounge for a cup of tea.
‘Is your room all right?’
‘Very nice. Comfortable, and the view is lovely.’
‘I’ve been here once or twice as a child with my parents. I thought it would suit us.’
‘Are your parents still alive, Jon?’
‘My mother is. She lives with Grandfather in Hampstead. My father died years ago. He wanted me to be a lawyer and he managed to set me up as a junior partner in a respected firm. It wasn’t really what I wanted, but I’ve always felt obliged to carry out his wishes.’
‘Yes, I think you would,’ I said and smiled at him. ‘What would you have liked to do, given the choice?’
‘I think I should like to farm. Does that surprise you?’
‘No.’ I laughed, then admitted, ‘Yes, actually it does. I can’t see you working on the land. But perhaps you’re going to be a gentleman farmer? Now, that might suit you. You could ride around your land and smile at the labourers, charm them into working for you.’
‘Is that how you see me?’ He frowned, then saw the mischief in my eyes. ‘You’re pulling my leg!’
‘Yes. Do you mind?’
‘No.’ He looked amused. ‘I think I rather like it that you want to tease me. You have hidden depths, Emma. There’s more to you than meets the eye, my girl!’
‘Yes, I think perhaps there is,’ I agreed, becoming serious for a moment. ‘You see, I don’t think I really know myself, Jon. All my life people have taken care of me, whether I wanted them to or not. I’ve been told what to do, what to think … watched over, protected, ordered to do what other people felt was the right thing for me. My father, Gran, even my mother always did what they thought best for me. Everything was for my sake. I suppose that’s why I was such a fool over Paul. If I’d been allowed a little freedom, things might have been different.’
‘Yes, I do understand.’ Jon looked thoughtful. ‘It wouldn’t be that way for us, Emma. I love you. I want to share things with you. I don’t want to make you my prisoner.’
‘I’m beginning to feel that,’ I said. ‘But I need a little time, Jon.’
‘Yes, of course you do. We’ve plenty of time, Emma.’
The next few days were as near perfect as life can ever be. The weather was kind to us as we walked on the beach, our bare feet sinking into the warm sand. Jon encouraged me into the water, but he couldn’t persuade me to swim. I splashed around and had fun, but kept both feet on the bottom.
‘Cowardy custard!’ Jon teased. ‘Just let yourself go, Emma, and you’ll float.’
I tried once and sank, coming up spluttering with indignation. ‘I thought you said I would float!’
‘Oh, my poor Emma!’
Jon rescued me, sweeping me up in his arms and carrying me up the beach to our rug. He set me down, then knelt above me, gazing into my eyes before drawing me close. His kiss was tender and sweet, making me want to swoon with love for him. I felt my resolve weakening. Why was I holding out? Jon loved me. I was happier now than I had ever been. Why didn’t I just give in to this feeling between us? All I had to do was say yes and I could be Jon’s wife. I would be secure, adored, taken care of for the rest of our lives.
And yet a little voice in my head warned me to wait. If I married Jon now, I might never come to know the real Emma.
‘Why so serious?’ Jon asked as we lay side by side on the blanket, the sun warming us after our swim. He bent over me, touching my mouth with the tips of his fingers before lowering his lips to mine. ‘Are you worried about something?’
‘I was wondering …’
‘What?’ He kissed the tip of my nose. ‘Are you missing James? Do you want to collect him and go up to London? I ought to see my mother. I could telephone her. We could stay with her for a couple of days, if you would like that?’
‘Does she know about me?’
‘She knows there is someone special, but nothing more.’
‘Don’t you think it would be best if I took James to a hotel? I’d like to meet your mother, Jon, but it might be a shock for her when she discovers who I am. I’ve been married. I have a child, and my husband’s name has been in the papers.’
Jon silenced me with a kiss. ‘She will love you, because I love you. I promise you, Emma.’
I reached up and kissed him on the lips. ‘I’ve loved being here with you, Jon, but I think I’ve left James for long enough. I need to fetch him and to take care of a few things at home. Why don’t you drop me off, go to visit your mother, and I’ll come up to London for the last few days of your leave?’
‘If it’s what you want,’ he said. ‘We’ll go tomorrow.’
I sensed his disappointment. The peace and tranquility of our time by the sea would be broken as soon as we returned to our own lives, but I knew it was too dangerous to go on as we were. Jon had behaved impeccably, but it wasn’t fair to expect such restraint. If we stayed here much longer we would become lovers. In town there would be more distractions. Besides, I was beginning to feel guilty about leaving my son, and I was missing him.
‘We’ll have the last few days together, Jon,’ I said. ‘And there will be other leaves, other times when we can be together.’
‘Yes, of course.’
I sensed I had hurt him. He couldn’t really understand my reasons for holding back, even though he accepted them. But why should he, when I hardly understood myself? I felt guilty because I knew how much he loved me, and also angry that I was being so foolish. I touched his cheek.
‘Don’t be angry, Jon. I do love you. You know that.’
‘Yes, I know, and I’m not angry.’
He kissed me again, but I knew that he was holding back. He was hurt because I wasn’t prepared to throw my hat over the windmill and marry him.
‘I told you I would wait, Emma, and I will.’
‘You needn’t have come back for another week,’ Mary said. She handed James over reluctantly. ‘He was no trouble, I promise you. I loved having him.’
‘I’m very grateful,’ I said and kissed my son as he gazed innocently up at me. ‘It was lovely having a few days on our own, but I missed James. And I’ve got to pack some bits and pieces Mum wants from the house and my own things, too. Most of the furniture will stay for the benefit of whoever takes the shop over, but Mum will store my things.’
‘Are you really going to London for good?’ Mary looked upset. ‘I’ll miss you, and little James.’
‘I’ll come back to visit,’ I said. ‘I’ll still be buying stock for Madge Henty. I dare say we’ll see each other almost as much as we ever did.’
‘Well, that’s all right then.’ She looked at me curiously. ‘Are you going to marry that nice Mr Reece?’
‘He has asked me,’ I admitted. ‘I’m not sure yet, Mary.’
‘I would if I were you. You’d be mad to throw away a chance like that, Emma.’
I laughed and shook my head at her, but Sheila said much the same when she called at the shop the next day.
‘I saw you in here,’ she said. ‘Ben told me the shop would be closed after he left last Saturday.’
‘It is, really,’ I replied, ‘but I’m listing the stock for Mr Smythe and I thought I might as well leave the door unlocked. I’m going to London the day after tomorrow. The shop will be closed then until we find a tenant. I’ve decided to let it, but I don’t know what kind of a shop it will be.’
‘I wanted to ask you …’ She looked uncertain. ‘Eric has a bit of money put by, and you know I’ve always fancied working here. Do you think we stand a chance of taking it over?’
I was too surprised to answer for a moment, then I nodded. The idea of Sheila running my father’s shop would make him turn in his grave, but I thought it was marvellous.
‘I think the stock is going to be valued at between three and four hundred pounds, Sheila. And the rent is two pounds ten shillings a week, that’s for the upstairs as well. If Eric thinks he can manage that, I’d like you to have the place.’
Her cheeks went pink with excitement. ‘I’m sure he will,’ she said. ‘I’ll talk to him this evening and let you know. And while I’m here, I’d like some of those toffee pieces, please.’
‘You’ll have to watch you don’t eat all the profits,’ I said and laughed. ‘Don’t pay, Sheila. I was going to put the jar out anyway. I’m only listing the full ones.’
I went back to my task as she left, pedalling off on her bike at a terrific pace. I wondered what people would say if Sheila took over the shop. Father would have been horrified, of course, but he couldn’t stop me now. I could do whatever I liked.
‘I’ve decided I would like to sell the coins,’ I told Solomon Gould when we met for lunch three days later. I had invited him to lunch at a modest restaurant, nothing as grand as the Savoy but well recommended. ‘And I would like to invest all but two hundred pounds of the money with you – if that’s all right?’
‘I shall be delighted to have you as my partner. I’ll get my lawyer to draw up an agreement for us both to sign.’
‘Good. That’s settled then.’ I smiled as we raised our wine glasses. ‘I wanted to ask your advice about finding work in London.’
‘What kind of work?’
‘In the clothes trade if possible. I’m not sure what I could do. Work in a shop, or perhaps as a machinist in a factory. Mum taught me to sew, but I’m not as good as she is.’
Sol looked at me thoughtfully. ‘Would you be interested in learning the trade? You would have to start at the bottom, but I could find a place for you.’
‘Would you?’ I stared at him in surprise and pleasure. ‘That’s what I would really like. I’m going to be buying for Mrs Henty from now on. She says trade has gone up since I picked out those dresses, but I should like to know more about the business at this end.’
‘What about your son?’
‘James will be weaned on to soft foods soon. He doesn’t need so many feeds now. I’m going to find somewhere decent to live, then I shall employ a nurse to look after him while I’m at work. Mum was always at home, but she’s married now. Besides, I want to live in London. I want a chance to make something of myself, learn about life.’
‘Well, London is probably the right place to do that.’ He nodded, seeming amused but approving. ‘I can see you’ve got it all worked out. Would you consider living with us? We could never have children. Margaret loves them. She would enjoy having James around, and you could still employ your nurse. You would have your own rooms, and be independent.’
‘I should like to think about that,’ I said. ‘Perhaps I could talk to Margaret this afternoon when we have tea together?’
‘Why don’t you do that?’ He signalled to the waiter. ‘The bill please.’
‘I’m going to pay,’ I said after the waiter had gone. ‘This is my treat, Sol. If we are going to be partners, I have to pay my way.’
‘You are a very determined young woman, Emma,’ he said, his eyes glinting with amusement as he put away his wallet. ‘I have a feeling I am going to gain a great deal from knowing you.’
‘Don’t look so nervous,’ Jon said, glancing at me as we stopped outside the large, red brick house at the edge of the heath in Hampstead. ‘No one’s going to eat you.’
‘You didn’t tell me your grandfather lived in a house like this!’
‘Don’t be fooled by appearances,’ Jon said. ‘It’s a nice house, but Pops doesn’t have a lot of money. He has an income, as Mama does, but there’s no huge fortune tucked away.’
‘Who is Pops?’
‘My grandfather. Everyone calls him Pops. You’ll see why when you meet him.’
An elderly, white-haired man wearing a pair of worn corduroys and a loose brown cardigan was working in the garden as we went in through the wrought iron gates. He glanced up and smiled as we approached, wiping his muddy hands on his breeches.
‘Ah, there you are, Jon,’ he said. ‘Your mother is waiting. Go in, my boy. I’ll be along later, when I’ve cleaned up a bit.’
‘This is Emma, Pops. Emma, my grandfather.’
I was too surprised to answer immediately. I had taken him for the gardener.
‘Welcome, my dear,’ he said, a twinkle in his eyes. ‘I’m actually known as Sir Roy Armstrong, but you can call me Pops or Roy, if you would prefer.’ He glanced at James. ‘And who is this little charmer?’
‘This is my son, James,’ I said, finding my tongue all at once. It would have been impossible to be shy with this man. ‘He’s being good at the moment, but he can be less than charming at times.’
‘No doubt, no doubt. They all can, when they like. Go along in, my dear. Anne has been fretting all day. She thinks you’re some kind of a miracle. This young feller here has dragged his feet in the courting game. We had begun to despair of ever getting ourselves a grandchild to spoil. Now here you both are to order, so to speak.’
I blushed, then laughed.
‘You’re scaring the life out of her,’ Jon said and took my arm, steering me towards the front door. It opened as if by magic. A woman dressed smartly in grey stood in the doorway.
‘There you are, Mr Jonathan,’ she said. ‘Mrs Reece is in the parlour. She’s in such a state. You’d best go in to her straight away.’
‘Yes, Mrs Chalmers.’ He winked at me as she stepped aside to allow us to enter. ‘Mrs Chalmers keeps us all in order,’ he said to me but loud enough for her to hear.
She turned, giving him a quelling look. ‘You will have your little joke. I’m Sir Roy’s housekeeper, madam. I’ve been with him for some years.’
‘I’m very pleased to meet you.’
I almost giggled as Jon gave me another wink.
Then we were entering the parlour. It was a large room with high ceilings, furnished in soft shades of green and blue, but slightly shabby in a comfortable, lived-in way. A woman was sitting in a chair by the window. She was small and looked fragile, dressed in a flowing gown of some silky material. I thought how sad and wistful she seemed. Then she smiled and stood up, coming towards us with her hands outstretched.
‘Jon, my dearest,’ she said and kissed him before turning to me. ‘And Emma. I am so pleased to meet you, my dear. Jon has told me all about you. I know he loves you, and I’m sure we shall get along. Is this your son? May I hold him?’
‘Yes, of course.’ I passed James to her. ‘He’s rather heavy, I’m afraid.’
‘I’m quite strong,’ she said, looking down at James as she cradled him. ‘Oh, how lovely he is. He reminds me of someone. I’m not sure who, but it doesn’t matter. Sit down, Emma, and you, Jon.’
James let out a wail. She laughed and gave him back to me as I sat on the sofa. I rocked him and his cries ceased.
‘He knows what he wants,’ she said, and sat down herself. ‘I’ll ring for tea when Pops gets here.’ She smiled as if well satisfied with what she saw. ‘So tell me, Emma, when you are going to put my son out of his misery and marry him?’
‘Mama!’ Jon said and frowned at her. ‘I told you – Emma hasn’t said yes yet.’
‘And why not? It makes sense to have the wedding soon, before this wretched war starts.’
‘Mama …’
‘We’re still getting to know each other,’ I said. ‘I’m sure that’s best for both of us.’
Mrs Reece hesitated, then smiled as her father came in. I sensed that despite her fragile looks, she was used to having her own way.
‘There you are, Pops,’ she said. ‘Now I can ring for tea.’
‘I’m so sorry, Emma,’ Jon said as we left later that afternoon. ‘I can’t think what Mama was about. I told her you needed time before you made up your mind, that you hadn’t said you were going to marry me yet.’
‘It doesn’t matter,’ I replied. ‘I liked your mother, Jon. And Pops is absolutely lovely.’
‘They liked you, Emma.’ He looked at me expectantly. I knew he was hoping the warm reception from his family would help me to make up my mind.
‘Shall we go out this evening?’ I asked. ‘Margaret Gould said I could leave James with her. She is very nice, Jon, and both Sol and Margaret are looking forward to meeting you. We could have a drink with them and then go on to the theatre. Make it special as this is your last night in London for a while.’
‘It’s the last time I shall see you for some weeks,’ Jon said. ‘We’re not likely to get another pass until training is over.’
‘But I’ll come to the station tomorrow to see you off?’
‘No, Emma,’ he said. He reached out to touch my cheek. ‘I don’t like tearful farewells. We’ll enjoy this evening together, and leave it at that for the moment.’
‘You will write?’
‘You know I shall. As you said, there will be other leaves. We can see each other the next time I’m in London.’
‘Yes, of course. And I’ll write often and tell you how we are.’ I smiled at him, but I could see that he was disappointed.
He had hoped that I would make up my mind to marry him before this, that we would be planning our wedding by now.
I woke the next morning feeling uneasy and a little weepy. Jon had kissed me tenderly as we parted the previous evening. I had clung to him, reluctant to let him go.
‘Take care of yourself, Jon.’
‘Of course. You too, Emma.’
I glanced at the clock as I fed James. He was slow taking his feed that morning. It was half past nine, and Jon’s train was due out of Liverpool Street at a quarter past ten. It would probably be months before I saw him again. My thoughts began to wander. Supposing the war started and he was sent on a mission? Supposing his plane was shot down? Already the papers had begun to talk about how awful this new war would be. I had read of the tragedy of the Thetis, a submarine which had sunk during trials in Liverpool Bay. Aeroplanes were no safer.
Jon could be killed in an accident even before the war started.
I was shocked at the pain that thought caused me. All at once I realized how much he meant to me, what it would be like if he never came back to me.
What a stupid fool I had been, wasting these last precious days! Yes, I wanted a little freedom, but Jon wasn’t like my father or Richard. He knew and approved of my wanting to learn about the clothing business. He would never try to dictate to me as the others had.
The time was creeping by. Jon hadn’t wanted me at the station to say goodbye, but I had to be there. I had to tell him how much I loved and needed him.
Grabbing my son and my purse, I ran down the hotel stairs and out into the sunshine. A taxi was passing. I waved frantically at him from the side of the road and he pulled into the kerb.
‘Where to, love?’
‘Liverpool Street Station. I’ve got to get there before quarter past ten.’
‘Bit tight,’ he said. ‘You’ve left it late.’
‘My … my fiancé is catching a train. He’s in the RAF. I shan’t see him for ages, and I need to tell him something.’
‘Had a bit of a tiff?’ He grinned as I nodded. ‘Jump in. I’ll do my best but I can’t promise.’
I got into the back seat, clutching James. My heart was pounding wildly and I was terrified I was going to be too late.
I mustn’t be! I had to see Jon. I had to tell him I loved him. Why hadn’t I agreed to marry him after Mum’s wedding? Everyone had told me I was a fool. I was stupid. Stupid!
I thrust a pound note at the cab driver when he stopped and jumped out of the car, not stopping for change. Where would I find Jon? Which platform? There were three minutes left … where should I look?
I was close to despair, breathless, my heart pounding madly. I didn’t even know exactly where he was going. Every platform was busy as I looked frantically from side to side. It was impossible. I would never find him. And then I saw him. He was standing next to a train, which looked almost ready to depart, obviously about to board.
‘Jon!’ I screamed at the top of my voice, uncaring of people turning to stare. ‘Jon! Wait!’
He turned as I rushed up to him, surprise mixing with pleasure in his eyes as he saw me. Then he moved to catch me in his arms.
‘Emma,’ he said. ‘I was just wishing I’d let you come. You must have known how much I wanted to see you, my darling.’
‘I had to come,’ I cried, tears beginning to trickle down my cheeks as he kissed me. ‘I couldn’t let you go without telling you I love you. I will marry you, Jon, on your next leave.’
‘My darling,’ he said, hugging me so tightly that James protested with a wail of outrage. ‘I love you so much. You don’t know what this means to me.’
The guard was slamming doors. Jon kissed me again, then released me and jumped on to the train as the whistle was blown. He let the window down, leaning out to me. I began to walk beside the train as it lurched forwards. I was crying and laughing at the same time.
‘Take care of yourself, Jon. Write to me soon.’
‘I will.’ He blew several kisses. ‘I love you, Emma. I love you. And James, too.’
‘I love you …’
The platform was running out. I couldn’t go any further. The train was taking him away from me. I stopped walking and stood waving to Jon until the train was finally out of sight. For a moment I was desolate, filled with regrets for what might have been. We might have been lovers. We might have been married. I had been such a fool to waste those beautiful, sunlit days by the sea.
‘Please come back safely,’ I whispered. ‘Come back to me, Jon. I do love you. I do …’
I thought wistfully of what might have been had the war not been imminent. Jon loved me and I loved him, there was nothing to stop us being happy together. I hated the train that had taken him away from me, and the war that meant we could not be together for weeks or even months.
Then, as I left the station, emerging into the sunlight, I began to smile. It was settled now. All the doubting and hesitation were over. I was going to marry Jon on his next leave. In the meantime, I would move in with Margaret and Solomon Gould, and tomorrow Sol was going to start teaching me all there was to know about cloth and the ‘rag’ trade.
The future looked bright, full of interest and new relationships. I held my life in my own hands, to shape as I wished. From now on, I could do it my way …