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Blake watched Sarah leave with the hopeless feeling of a man whose engine had just quit in the middle of the desert. He moped around the townhouse alone for most of the morning, taking care of business emails and trying to decide what to do.
One side of him wanted to surrender. If Sarah could think such negative things about him, if she didn’t recognize who he really was, then trying to build a relationship was doomed. He couldn’t talk her into it. She had to see the truth. Even if she gave him another chance, the way things were now, he’d always be waiting for her to accuse him of something awful, and she’d constantly be expecting him to let her down.
He should walk away and find someone else, as she’d suggested. If only he didn’t care so much. But it was inescapable. In a way, he was addicted. Already, in the background, his devious mind was cooking up ideas for how to get her back.
For a while there, he’d connected with her on a deeper level. They’d been together in a whole new way, a beautiful, compatible joining. Not just sexually intimate but in a “kindred spirit” manner. She’d let down her guard, and they’d looked each other in the heart. It was like nothing he’d ever felt before, and he wanted it again. Craving Sarah was almost a physical sensation like hunger or thirst. He pictured her as she’d been when he snuck upstairs to get clean clothes that morning, lying asleep under the top sheet of his bed. One long bare leg had been exposed, her blond hair spilling over the pillows. His chest actually burned with longing. He clutched at it, trying to breathe calm and serenity back into his mind.
All the cheesy old songs are true. I’m totally hung up on her, and my heart... aches. I told her last night, at the bar. I wonder if she heard me.
Blake texted her a funny little apology, even though he didn’t know what he was apologizing for. She didn’t reply, though the message was marked “delivered.” Then he tried email, with the same nonresult. Then he went on Facebook and shared a cool recipe for chocolate popsicles to her page and sent her a private message begging her to let him explain what had really happened. He could see she was online around lunchtime, since her icon was on the list of active users, but she still didn’t respond. At least she hadn’t unfriended him, though. There was still hope.
By the time he was ready to put Kahlua in the truck and drive over to the factory and check on the day’s orders, he had become a desperate man. Sitting in the parking lot, he caved in and sent her a message.
HotNCold: I’m sad and lonely, I need a friend. How are you? Hope all is well.
Then he sat and waited, staring at his phone until a few minutes later, when he turned the key to start the engine, and a miracle happened.
CocoLvr: Hi HotNCold! I miss U. Meet tonight? Lots to talk about. xo Coco
Blake’s eyes opened wide as he read her text, and the rush of relief was dizzying.
HotNCold: Sure thing! Miss U 2.
Then he fist-pumped and startled Kahlua with a joyous hoot. The dog grinned, tail wagging, and jumped over to head-butt him and slip under Blake’s arm to lick his face, wriggling with excitement.
So much for the idea of sitting her down and confessing my double identity.
That was no longer an option, anyhow, since she basically wasn’t speaking to him. The real him, that was. But maybe he could finagle this differently. He had an idea that might work. It was worth a try, since he didn’t seem to have any other choices.
What the hell, I’m going for it.
Blake turned the radio up and drummed on the steering wheel as he drove down the road.
* * *
LATE THAT NIGHT, AFTER Sarah came home from work and checked on Devon, she changed into her nightshirt, got into bed with her laptop, turned out all the lights, and went to meet the only man she currently trusted, except for her grandfather and her son.
HotNCold’s letters appeared on the screen.
HotNCold: Hi sweetheart. How R U?
It glowed green and reminded her of the green glow she’d seen through her closed eyelids when she lay right here in this same bed just two days ago, with Blake.
CocoLvr: Not great.
Her lip quivered. No more crying, please, she scolded herself and sat up straighter, bunching up a pillow to support her back.
CocoLvr: I did something really stupid, and then, just to make sure I’m the biggest idiot in the world, I did it again.
HotNCold: LOL!!! You are too much.
He added a cyber-hug emoji.
CocoLvr: Really. All true.
She felt like such a jerk, but the gloom did brighten a bit from confiding in a friend.
HotNCold: It can’t be that bad. Tell me all about it, girl? <Pats her hand and pours them each a cup of tea>
He added a couple of teacup emojis.
CocoLvr: <Sips her tea> Thanks, cute and delicious! Well, remember that guy I told you about? The one who likes me?
She pictured Blake’s face looking down at her, inches away, his green eyes hypnotic, and despite her melancholy mood, she smiled.
HotNCold: Whatever happened, it’s going to be fine, Coco. You need to relax, baby. <Massages her shoulders gently, forcing her to unclench>
CocoLvr: Mmmmm...
She shrugged and heard her shoulders crackle.
CocoLvr: Wow, I am a little tense.
HotNCold: <Continues to massage> So, what terrible horrible awful thing happened with the guy?
Sarah relaxed her shoulders, pretending she could feel his virtual magic fingers, and it actually seemed to help.
CocoLvr: Well, first we had sex, and then we had sex again. Several times.
HotNCold: Uh-oh. Doesn’t sound much like you, does it? The chick who’s embarrassed by cybersex?
CocoLvr: No. Not like me at all.
She wondered if that was a good or a bad thing.
HotNCold: Maybe doing something different is what you need.
Her eyebrows shot up.
CocoLvr: That’s exactly what I was just thinking! Are you inside my head or what? I’m pretty confused. Let me explain...
So Sarah typed out her story, bit by bit, starting at the beginning. She told him about her father, and about her ex-husband, and about Jim taking her back to court. HotNCold commented here and there but mostly let her ramble. He said things weren’t as disastrous as she thought and urged her to give her new suitor another chance.
HotNCold: Sounds like you’re prejudiced against him for stuff he had nothing to do with. He’s probably a good guy, someone kind of like me.
CocoLvr: Yes, he’s good and sweet, a kind person. I’m just so freaking vulnerable all the time. It’s ridiculous, how I overreact. It’s... me.
HotNCold: Geez, woman! You need to chill.
Sarah laughed out loud, for real.
CocoLvr: Yup.
HotNCold: Don’t give up on the new guy. It’s not like you have someone better waiting in the wings. Being alone is no picnic, or we two wouldn’t be chatting right now. We would never have joined the site. You and I are lonely people, Coco. I’d come over right now and hold your hand in person, if I could.
CocoLvr: Where are you located, anyhow?
She’d never thought to wonder before and pictured him somewhere tropical, near a beach, where they didn’t wear many clothes.
It took a few minutes for his reply to appear, though the row of moving dots showed he was typing something.
HotNCold: I’m in a little town in Massachusetts, Ashford. Never heard of it, right?
Sarah sat straight up, as if a bolt of lightning had struck her, and stared at the screen. She bent over her laptop. Quick, she thought, lie! Her heartbeat raced, and she started sweating.
CocoLvr: Sure. I’m down in New York. Not too far away.
She racked her brain for who HotNCold could actually be. Maybe it’s someone I know. Can’t let him find out that I’m me.
HotNCold: It’s raining here now. Kind of gloomy.
She looked outside and listened to the gentle rushing sound.
CocoLvr: It is here too.
She needed to find out who he was.
CocoLvr: Hey, what do you do for work, anyhow? We never spoke about that.
Again, there was a slight pause before his answer came through.
HotNCold: Don’t laugh. It’s kind of a weird career. I make ice cream. My brother sells it, and I run the factory.
Sarah’s jaw dropped, and she held her breath, shaking her head in horror.
HotNCold is Blake Harrison? Ohmigod!