People on the Internet Are Being Mean (Maybe it’s even you)

Anonymity is crucial for many fans to feel comfortable discussing sensitive or controversial issues online. Anonymity, however, also allows Internet users who would never be so rude in person to say hurtful things online. User Srinitya D commented on a YouTube video, “The internet, which started out as a haven for us socially awkward/introverted/shy people, has now become a platform for horrid and mean comments . . . it’s our duty to actually try and curb this.”

The following four guidelines for online behavior are adapted from “Roger’s Rules” by media lawyer Roger Dubar. He’s also a gamer who founded the multiplayer online game Nanvaent in 1991. (It was like World of Warcraft with no graphics.) Dubar writes, “Anyone who sends anyone abuse about anything is wrong. . . . That can be illegal. At the very least it’s rude.”

1. Humility: Keep in mind that you might be wrong. The other person might be wrong too. You both might be wrong! Cut yourself and the other person some slack: leave room for humor and apologies.
2. Respect: Remember the other person has feelings, like you. Imagine you’re talking face-to-face. Assume they have good intentions if they say something annoying. Online communications often sound worse than intended.
3. Compassion: Be kind. You don’t know what others are going through. Even if they’re being prize-winning jerks, it doesn’t hurt you to treat them with courtesy.
4. Context: Consider the circumstances. Is the person joking? A joke is rarely meant to insult you. Even if it is, that’s not an excuse to abuse someone else.

How to Deal with Online Bullies

If you’re playing nice but someone else refuses to, you don’t have to put up with it. Everyone has a right to express an opinion, but you don’t have to agree or even listen.

1. Don’t feed the trolls. Ignore mean comments, as long as they’re minor. They’re not about you. They reflect the person who wrote them. Often bullies are acting out of their own insecurities and low self-esteem. They may take any reply as encouragement to keep commenting, so don’t give that to them.
2. Tell someone about it. Discuss annoying or scary comments with a parent, teacher, or someone you trust. Some online behavior, such as stalking, is illegal and should be reported to the police.
3. Consider talking face-to-face. If the meanness comes from someone you know and if it feels safe, talking to them in person may work better than replying online, where it’s easier to be misunderstood. People don’t always realize how hurtful they are being online.
4. Block or report the bully. Unfriend, unfollow, screen, or otherwise block all communications from users you don’t want. If their behavior is abusive (not just annoying), report it to the site administrator. All social media platforms and phones have these options.
5. Keep a record. Print a hard copy of hostile comments in case you need to show them later.
6. Protect your online privacy. Never post your information publicly. Set social media privacy setting to Friends or Friends of Friends. Sites that are open to the public are more likely to receive hostile comments. Create strong passwords, change them regularly, and don’t share them.