The moment of their first meeting was imminent. Who couldn’t be excited? The families must have been curious, and Rebekah most certainly must have been deep in thought. At this point, Eliezer was the only one who had seen both Isaac and Rebekah. There had been no photographs exchanged, no letters, just the tug of God in putting one link into another. As the song says, “This is the moment I’ve waited for . . .”
I know of no romantic who has not relived the moment of first meeting. I could give you the time and place my wife and I met and the words we first exchanged. I do not know how many times I have been asked the question, “Was it love at first sight?” I think the question is unfortunate because it asks the impossible. How can one truly look back from this vantage point with all that is now known and felt and has been committed to and call what one felt then, love? I can say this, however, that it was truly a tug deep within and, yes, at first sight. The attraction was more than merely looks. There was the impact of a total person. And that attraction grew with time and blossomed into a genuine desire to love and serve.
With each situation, these components may be different, and the specifics ought not to be something upon which one gets trapped into having to explain or explain away. I have also known people who say it was anything but love at first sight. Instead, it was a long friendship that at a certain point turned into devotion and an affection that led to marriage.
For Isaac and Rebekah, the facts were so different. In a very real sense, a nation’s destiny was being shaped. Abraham, as we have seen, is probably the most respected figure from that period. He is known as “a man of the tent and altar”—the tent reflecting the temporary nature of life and the altar reflecting the sacredness of life. His faith was proverbial, for at the command of God he had left his home city not knowing his destination. Now that same faith was impelling him at this stage in his life to seek a wife for his son so that together they would raise a family that would stand apart from the pagan practices of the day.
For Rebekah the moment of truth had arrived. As she and Eliezer drew closer to their destination, I have no doubt that her heart must have been beating hard with her fears and anxieties. Only when she had met Isaac could she rest in the complete knowledge that all this had been planned by God.
In the meantime, Isaac, too, had left home and moved closer in the direction to where he would meet up with the arriving party. Only, with no cell phones and no e-mail, it was anybody’s guess as to when that day of meeting would come—assuming, of course, that Eliezer had been successful in his mission. For Abraham had told Eliezer that if he did not meet with success, he would accept it as the will of the Lord. There was no guarantee when Eliezer left that he would return with a wife for Isaac.
Gradually, in the distance Rebekah deciphered the figure of a man walking, meditating, and praying. Hebrew scholars are not exactly sure how to translate the word used in this text, but the consensus is that he was in a posture of prayer. The truth is that if someone had been sent on a mission to look for a life partner for me, I strongly suspect I would have been praying at every hour of the day, as well. This is how the Scriptures describe their first meeting:
He [Isaac] went out to the field one evening to meditate, and as he looked up, he saw camels approaching. Rebekah also looked up and saw Isaac. She got down from her camel and asked the servant, “Who is that man in the field coming to meet us?”
“He is my master,” the servant answered. So she took her veil and covered herself.
Then the servant told Isaac all he had done. Isaac brought her into the tent of his mother Sarah, and he married Rebekah. So she became his wife and he loved her; and Isaac was comforted after his mother’s death. (Genesis 24:63–67)
In an earlier chapter I mentioned that there were a few recurring themes in this story and described the first one, hesed, or loving-kindness. The second prominent theme is the constancy of prayer. This entire story is bathed in prayer. Eliezer prayed as he began his mission, as he drew near to his destination, and as he returned home again. Now, as Rebekah gets her first glimpse of Isaac, what is Isaac doing? He is praying.
So often one hears the cynical remark that marriage is not what it is cracked up to be. One might well ask, then, what exactly is it cracked up to be? Is it not the sacred trust of hearts devoted to God, hearts that have experienced His loving-kindness and seek His blessing upon their covenant to each other? If that is what it is, then it is a glorious relationship.
So much is said in these few verses that we can miss the magnitude of what is happening. There is the anticipation within Rebekah’s heart. Her life was going to be forever changed. Recall for a moment the blessing with which her parents blessed her as they sent her off: “May you increase to thousands upon thousands; may your offspring possess the gates of their enemies” (Genesis 24:60).
We must not forget that this was not a happy period in the history of the region, and it was a time of serious transition with Abraham approaching his end. So much was going on in various territories, and paganism was at its peak with every tribe having its own deity. It was for this reason that Abraham sent for a wife for Isaac from among his own people: He was concerned that a marriage into a pagan family would so confuse the elements of the faith he had received from God that it would be changed in generations to come. No matter how much we think marriage involves just two people, we find out that is not so. Our times, our surroundings, our culture, economic issues—all come into play. This was a time of tribal warfare and a struggle to keep pure the worship of the true God.
Unfortunately, Abraham had already made a colossal blunder by not trusting God to provide the right heir to his name and faith. From his union with Sarah’s maidservant, Ishmael was born. These two brothers, Isaac and Ishmael, were going to change the course of all subsequent history to this very day. Anyone who thinks the violent history of the Middle East is because of recent conflicts just doesn’t know history. It all goes back to this very family.
So when Rebekah’s family sent her with such a blessing, it was with the hope that she would not be overcome by her enemies and that the promise made to Abraham would remain intact. That is why what happened from here on became so defining for that family and for the world itself.
Very little is said about how Isaac and Rebekah first reacted to each other, but it is evident that their acceptance of one another went as all had hoped it would.We are told that Isaac genuinely loved Rebekah and felt very tenderly toward her. She became a source of great comfort to him, as he was still grieving the loss of his mother.
FIRST IMPRESSIONSAND FIRST THINGS
The first meeting of Isaac and Rebekah revealed much about them. Of all the characteristics that a person needs to be looking for in a mate, I suggest that the individual’s prayer life is key to discerning his or her character. I have no doubt that it was a memory upon which Rebekah fell back many times—“The first time I saw you, you were praying.”
It is a self-evident truth that a person who truly prays and seeks God’s wisdom in life recognizes the sovereignty of God and is committed to seeking God’s wisdom in life’s important choices. It is important to understand that it is a prayer life that builds character that honors God, not one that brandishes its spirituality or seeks to use prayer as a credential or a badge of honor.
Over the years I have seen so much abuse of even this, one of the most spiritual of all acts, that it can become the worst kind of hypocrisy. I have seen those who all too often think that because they have spent an hour in prayer there is some kind of superiority in them. It would be well in keeping with Satan’s deceit of our minds to make even prayer a trap.We must resist that at all cost. Praying is not done in order to wield authority with others or to make an impression. It is done out of a sense of the poverty of one’s spirit. A genuine prayer life is one that is constantly broken before God. Such a person’s life demonstrates the humility that is born out of brokenness.
This surfaces as a critical pattern needed for a marriage that will last. We have talked so much about our expectation from the partner—kindness, purity, and all that is in keeping with those dispositions. I want to tie this all together with one single principle for you to apply to your own life as I apply it to mine. Become a man or a woman of prayer. Let your devotional life be the beacon that guides you through the tough terrain you will face. Let your heart and mind be kept close to the principal calling of your life, which is to hunger and thirst after God and His righteousness. Make your day one in which God gets your best so that others share in the rewards of your devotion. Let the thoughts and intents of your heart be shaped and guided by time spent in His presence. David talked often about how discouraged or fearful he would become at times. Then he would interject these words, “But then I entered the sanctuary . . .” Being in God’s presence affects all other relationships for the better. To have first seen her husband in prayer surely remained a cherished moment for Rebekah.
That classic description of a person walking with God is the same given of Joseph, one of my favorite characters in the Bible. When Joseph was first brought before Pharaoh, he had many qualities that impressed the king. But by far the most impressive quality was the one Pharaoh pointed out to his court. As he listened to Joseph’s wisdom and observed his manner, Pharaoh was overwhelmed and said to all of his court assistants, “Can we find anyone like this man, one in whom is the spirit of God?” (Genesis 41:38). This was the reason that Pharaoh trusted him with everything. I think it would be fair to say that any of us would trust any member of our family with a person whose standout characteristic is that the Spirit of God dwells in that individual.
There is an old parable told of a rich man who was going away on a long journey. Before he left he hired a builder and said to him, “I will be gone for many months, and I would like you to build me a house with the specifications I leave with you. I do not want you to substitute anything cheap for the genuine quality that I want. I am willing to pay the price for the best. And when I return, I will pay you for it. But be sure to build it well.”
When the rich man was gone, the builder decided to cut corners and to skimp here and there on things that would be hidden from the naked eye and would not be noticed by the owner. The months went by and the builder continued his sly ways that resulted in a house of poor quality while it looked expensive and solid.
Finally, the day came when the rich man returned and inspected the house. After reviewing everything, he said to the builder, “I have a surprise for you. Yes, I will pay for the house, but I want to present this house to you, for you and your family to live in. This is my gift to you.”
We may look at some such story and think that is what parables are made of . . . imaginary happenings. But in reality, this is not merely a parable. You may be absolutely sure that as you build your life, so you will dwell. Only for the one in whom the Spirit of God dwells is God the true builder. Only then is a home blessed by God. The single greatest lack of our time, perhaps of all time, is men and women of character, those whose lives are honest and whose transparency is real. I do not know of a stronger witness for Christ than that one be described as a person of true honor.
Some time ago, I was lecturing at a major university, and by the tremendous response both in the numbers of students attending the sessions and in their questions, it was evident to all that God was at work. As the man who had organized the event drove me to the airport, he said something that was quite jolting to me. He said, “My wife brought our neighbor last night. She is a medical doctor and had not been to anything like this before. On their way home, my wife asked her what she thought of it all.” He stopped and there was silence in the van for a moment.He continued,“She said, ‘That was a very powerful evening. The arguments were very persuasive. I wonder what he is like in his private life.’”
I have to admit it was one of the most sobering things I had ever heard. She was right. Did these lofty truths apply in private as well as in public discourse? The truth is that God calls us to first practice truth in private so that its public expression is merely an outgrowth of what has already taken place in the heart and not a decoration over a hollow life. Developing that strength of character in private is foundational.
To that end, I present three governing disciplines that must translate into life. These sow the seeds of character from which authenticity blooms.
The first is that your personal life must be ordered by prayer as a commitment each day. It should not be seen as a burden but as a privilege to seek the face of God before you face the day. However you order your life, the temptations that will stalk you and the conflicts that will confront or confound you can never be met in your own strength.
Over the years I have had the privilege of meeting many fine people and watching their lives. One such man was Daniel Lam. Daniel was a young man who interpreted for me when I preached in Cambodia in 1974, while I was in my twenties. Cambodia at that time was in dire straits. Under the siege of warring factions, the country was very unsafe. A curfew was strictly enforced. We stayed in some rather uncomfortable places as we moved around the country. When we got to Battambang, about one hundred miles northwest of Phnom Penh and proximate to the famed ancient city of Angkor Wat, he struggled to even find half-decent accommodations.We finally ended up in a building with a stairway built like a maze, with tiny rooms built at every corner of the stairway as it wound its way through that dimly lit structure. Night after night we returned to our little room exhausted from preaching and counseling in sparse churches or in outdoor meetings. Though emotionally strenuous, the week was filled with the thrill of seeing hundreds come to Jesus Christ, including Buddhist priests. One particular night Daniel and I had the privilege of praying late into the night, in a real battle for the soul of a Buddhist priest who had worn the robe for eighteen years. It was truly an emotionally draining night.
Well past our curfew, we walked back in darkness to our upstairs room at the top of the staircase, just under the roof. I figured we were as exhausted as we could ever be. Incredibly to me, at four o’clock in the morning Daniel’s alarm went off, just as it did every morning. Quietly, he got up, wound his way in the dark up the stairs to the roof, and in a language that I did not understand but a pathos I could almost touch, he prayed urgently that God would bring Cambodia to a national conversion.
As we were walking to the church later in the morning, I asked him, “Daniel, weren’t you too tired to get up this morning?” And he said, “Brother, I was too tired. But if ever I needed to be in prayer on my knees, this was the morning because we’d just been wrestling with the devil for a man’s soul.”
I have no doubt that those were extenuating circumstances, and I have no doubt that each one of us is “wired” differently, but Daniel’s response told me that his confidence really lay in the strength of the Lord. That is what a well-guarded prayer life can reveal about us, that our trust is not in ourselves but in seeking God’s strength for what we do. Prayer is not a substitute for action, but prayer undergirds action with the strength that makes the difference.
In one of the most powerful passages of Scripture, John 17, we see the Lord Jesus in prayer. We call this the High Priestly Prayer because Jesus was praying on behalf of His disciples. There are two things in Jesus’s prayer that stand out and transfer into the life of a couple wanting to be married. The first is that Jesus prayed to the Father that His disciples “may be one as we are one” (v. 11). If He prayed that for them, how much more must He desire that for a man and his wife who, from the beginning, were intended to be “one”?
But there is something more that He prayed: “That they may have the full measure of my joy within them” (v. 13). His desire was that His disciples would know and experience the fullness of joy that only He could bring within them. Again, I say, if His prayer for His disciples was unity, how much more must that be His prayer for those of us who are united together in His name? And it is only as we experience that oneness that we experience the full measure of His joy with each other. That should be our prayer right from the beginning. Many pray for the right partner but cease to pray for the right union—that they be one as Jesus and the Father are one and so experience the full measure of His joy in the relationship.
The second part of shaping character is to study God’s Word with a disciplined regularity. The Psalmist reminds us in Psalm 119:105 that God’s Word is a lamp to our feet and a light for our path. He also says in the same chapter, “To all perfection I see a limit; but your commands are boundless” (v. 96).
That is an incredible statement. We think of commands as restrictive, binding, and limiting. The Psalmist came to see God’s commands as a boundless terrain of pure delight. That is what the Word is intended to be. Early in my life, I picked up a Bible study guide written by Robert Murray McCheyne, the famed preacher from Dundee, Scotland. McCheyne went into the ministry when his brother suddenly died. He spent a disciplined life in the Word and in prayer, and before his death at less than thirty years of age, he was used by God to usher in one of the greatest revivals ever known in Scotland. McCheyne taught his parishioners to read through the Scriptures every year. That meant reading two chapters from the Old Testament and two chapters from the New Testament every day. Included in that was a repeat of the Psalms and Proverbs each year.
The advantage of a planned study is experiencing the marvelous way in which God in His sovereignty brings certain passages before you just when you need them most. The second thing about a systematic study is that if you ever miss a day of Scripture reading, you know exactly where to pick it up again. One of the tragic things about growing up in a Christian home is that often we learn so much subliminally that we fail to make a study of the Scriptures ourselves. Learning, studying, and memorizing make an inscription in the very soul. You never know when you will need a word from the Lord in a particular situation, and if you are in the Word regularly, God has a context within which to reach you.
But I caution you again. I have known people who study the Scriptures, quote the Scriptures, and have every page marked and underlined, but their single purpose seems to be to use the Scriptures to attack others or to prove anything they want to prove while their lives show anything but the grace of God. The single greatest purpose of the Scriptures is to make you “wise unto salvation” (2 Timothy 3:15 KJV), meaning that it leads you to the Savior and then becomes a source of instruction to help you grow in character and wisdom. It is to equip you and make you presentable to God.
When we lived in England for a short while, we experienced one of the most violent windstorms that had ever hit England. More than 750 thousand trees were felled in one night. Some days later we were walking in the parks past huge trees that had been completely uprooted by the wind. My wife noticed how shallow the root systems were on some of those massive trees. When we mentioned this to someone, they pointed out that in England the water table is so close to the surface that the roots of the trees do not have to penetrate deep for nourishment. As a result, the trunk grows in disproportion to the roots. When a severe storm hits, these gigantic trees are uprooted because there is nothing to anchor them.
What an illustration that is of a life without prayer. You can be sure that in every marriage the storms will hit. It is in your deep immersion into the Word that your roots will be able to hold the home together. The Word should be the foundation of your home.
It is not at all surprising that as the Church has become illiterate in the Scriptures, it has resembled the world more in its behavior, uprooted by every new fanciful philosophy and fad.
This leads me to the third step, which is active involvement in a local church, especially when the family is young and needs to grow in faith and knowledge. Being active in a local church teaches you together and builds you up with shared experiences in spiritual things. Church is also a place where you learn to relate to others and prove that in your other relationships you can keep this one relationship singularly pure. It is the place where you learn to give, to support the work of the Lord, and to gain a vision for the world in reaching out with the gospel. It is the place where you will build your memories and find a support group to stand with you. The Church is as much instituted as your marriage, and in spite of all of its failings, it is the place where you learn to worship as part of a larger community. It is the place where you sing and study God’s Word. It is the place where you meet and talk with fellow believers. It is the place where you learn to bear one another’s burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ (see Galatians 6:2). It is a place that you need, and it is a place that needs you.
We can talk all we want about dating and all we want about romance, but as I bring this challenge, I ask you: Are you willing to be a man and a woman of prayer so that as you are deeply devoted to God, He will reveal to you the partner for your life and make you to be the person God wants you to be?
For Isaac and Rebekah, the first meeting was very auspicious. From that meeting a home and a nation were built. It meant that she gave herself totally to him, even as he gave himself totally to her.
Several years ago, I read the following article on marriage in Reader’s Digest:
Marriage means handing over your whole self—your body, your soul, your happiness, your future—to the keeping of one whom you love, but who is, and remains, greatly a stranger. This tremendous act of faith is something that can unlock in each lover powers of compassion, endurance, generosity, joy, passion, fidelity and hope that no one guessed were there. That is why the confidence of young lovers is not arrogant or foolish but an expression of a basic fact about human nature: the fact that the greatest of human gifts are set to work only when people are prepared to risk everything.1
But such a risk is taken only after you have risked everything for God.