“I was about your age when I stole my first diamond ring,” said Granny.
Ben was astonished; partly at the idea that Granny had ever been his age, which seemed impossible, and partly because of the obvious fact that eleven-year-old girls do not usually steal diamonds. Glitter pens, hairclips, toy ponies maybe, diamonds definitely not.
“I know you look at me with my Scrabble and my knitting and my fondness for cabbage, and think I am just some boring old dear…”
“No…” said Ben, not entirely convincingly.
“But you forget, child, that I was young once.”
“What was the first ring you stole?” said Ben eagerly. “Did it have a really big diamond on it?”
The old lady chuckled. “Not so big! No, it was my first one. I’ve still got it somewhere. Go into the kitchen will you, Ben, and fetch the Silver Jubilee biscuit tin from the shelf.”
Ben shrugged as if he knew nothing about the Silver Jubilee biscuit tin, and its incredible contents.
“Whereabouts is it, Granny?” asked Ben as he left the living room.
“Just on top of the larder, boy!” called Granny. “Chop-chop. Your mummy and daddy will be wondering where you are soon.” Ben remembered that he had wanted to rush home for Cheesy Beans and Sausage. Suddenly that seemed colossally unimportant. He wasn’t even feeling hungry any more.
Ben re-entered the room holding the tin. It was even heavier than he remembered. He passed it to his granny.
“Good boy,” she said as she rummaged through the tin, and picked out a particularly beautiful little sparkler.
“Aah, yes, this is it!”
To Ben, all the diamond rings looked pretty much the same. However, Granny seemed to know each of them as if they were her oldest friends. “Such a little beauty,” she said as she brought the ring up to her eye for closer inspection. “This is the first one I stole, back when I was a nipper.”
Ben couldn’t imagine what Granny would have been like young. He had only known her as an old lady. He even imagined she had been born an old lady. That years ago in the hospital when her mother had given birth and asked the midwife if it was a boy or a girl, the midwife might have replied, “It’s an old lady!”
“I grew up in a small village, and my family were very poor,” continued Granny. “And up at the top of the hill was this grand country house where a Lord and Lady lived. Lord and Lady Davenport. It was just after the war and we didn’t have much food in those days. I was hungry, so one night at midnight, when everyone was asleep I crept out of my mother and father’s little cottage. Under the cover of darkness, I made my way through the woods and up the hill to Davenport House.”
“Weren’t you scared?” asked Ben. “Yes, of course I was. Being alone in the dark woods at night, it was terrifying. There were guard dogs at the house. Great big black Dobermans. So as quietly as I could, I climbed a drainpipe and found an unlocked window. I was a very little girl at eleven, small for my age. So I managed to squeeze myself through a tiny gap in the window, and landed behind a velvet curtain. When I pulled back the curtain I realised I was in Lord and Lady Davenport’s bedroom.”
“Oh no!” said Ben. “Oh yes,” continued the old lady. “I thought I might just take some food perhaps, but next to the bed I saw this little beauty.” She indicated the diamond ring.
“So you just took it?”
“Being an international jewel thief is never that simple, young man,” said Granny. “The Lord and Lady were snoring heavily, but if I woke them I’d be dead. The Lord always slept with a shotgun by the bed.”
“A shotgun?” asked Ben.
“Yes, he was posh, and being posh he liked hunting pheasants, so he owned many guns.”
Ben was sweating with nerves. “But he didn’t wake up and try and shoot you, did he?”
“Be patient, young man. All in good time. I crept over to Lady Davenport’s side of the bed and picked up the diamond ring. I couldn’t believe how beautiful it was. I had never seen one up close before. My mother would never have dreamed of owning one. ‘I don’t need jewels,’ she would say to us children. ‘You are my little diamonds.’ I wondered at the diamond in my hand for a moment. It was the most gorgeous thing I had ever seen in my life. Then, suddenly, there was an almighty noise.”
Ben frowned. “What was it?”
“Lord Davenport was a big fat greedy man. He must have had too much to eat earlier because he let out the most enormous burp!”
Ben laughed and Granny laughed too. He knew burps weren’t supposed to be funny, but couldn’t help laughing.
“It was so loud!” said Granny, still chuckling.
she mimicked.
Ben was helpless with laughter now.
“It was so loud,” continued Granny, “that I was startled and dropped the ring on the polished wooden floor. It made quite a bang as it hit the teak, and both Lord and Lady Davenport woke up.”
“Oh no!”
“Oh yes! So I grabbed the ring and ran back to the open window. I didn’t dare look behind me, as I could hear Lord Davenport cocking his shotgun. I leapt down on to the grass, and all of a sudden the lights in the house came on and the dogs were barking and I was running for my life. Then I heard a deafening sound…”
“Another burp?” asked Ben.
“No, a gunshot this time. Lord Davenport was shooting at me as I ran down the hill and back to the woods.”
“Then what happened?”
Granny looked at her little gold watch. “My dear, you had better head home. Your mummy and daddy will be worried sick.”
“I doubt it,” said Ben. “All they care about is stupid ballroom dancing.”
“That’s not true,” said Granny unexpectedly. “You know they love you.”
“I want to hear the end of the story,” said Ben, frustrated. He was desperate to know what happened next.
“You will. Another day.”
“But Granny…”
“Ben, you have to go home.”
“That’s not fair!”
“Ben, you must leave now. I can tell you what happened when you come another day.”
“BUT!”
“To be continued,” she said.