SEBASTIAN GOT out of the chair and went to the bookcase. He didn’t have to search. Even blindfolded he could reach right for the old photo album, the one he always sought for comfort. Once in his hands, he caressed it, held it to his chest, and went back to the chair.
He sat and laid it on his lap.
“So much time has passed, Frank.” Sebastian sighed. With a shaking hand, he opened it and gazed lovingly at the pictures. He and Frank at a club. Frank and he dressed as nuns on Mardi Gras. With friends in a sailboat on Lake Pontchartrain. Frank in a bathing suit on the beach in Biloxi. He and Frank celebrating one of their birthdays here in the cottage.
“Our time together was too short, beloved.” He turned the pages, watching as both of them aged, growing from their thirties to their forties and at the final pictures, the year before Frank died, their fifties. Two decades spent together, and it hadn’t been enough.
He closed the album and rested his hands, palms down on top of it, soaking in the love he felt just holding this part of Frank, images of their times together. Mostly happy times.
Mostly.
Every couple had their fights, and they had been no exception. But they’d always made up, always said I’m sorry and Forgive me and I love you.
“It should have been me, beloved. I’d been the promiscuous one, the one with all the lovers. The history of unsafe sex. You were always so careful, weren’t you? Even after you swore to me you’d never been with anyone once you and I found each other.”
Sebastian sighed. “We both know that was a lie.”
He’d known it from the moment Frank had told him about the test results. That the cough wasn’t pneumonia or bronchitis, but worse, much worse.
All their vows had been for nothing. Frank had cheated, and his betrayal came with a death sentence.
“We would have been safe, Frank. We would have still been together.” Sebastian wiped tears from his cheeks with his hankie, knowing that might not be the truth. Things happened, couples grew apart, split up, argued and didn’t forgive.
He’d forgiven Frank. Forgiven him for cheating. Forgiven him for getting sick. Even forgiven him for dying and leaving him alone.
Now he tried to only remember the good times, their love, and their friendship. The laughter, the dancing, the dinners, and the quiet nights. All the love they’d made.
“FRANK, LET go!” Sebastian pulled on the towel and laughed.
Frank let go and ran, Sebastian hot on his heels. They raced around the moonlit courtyard, circling the fountain. Frank reached in and flicked water at Sebastian.
The cool drops chilled Sebastian’s naked skin. “That’s cold!” He splashed back at Frank, who hopped out of the way, but not in time.
“Shit,” he shrieked, “that is cold.” Frank wore his briefs. He’d chased a naked Sebastian out onto the patio from the bedroom’s french doors.
Holding his hands out, he said, “Truce. We’re here at the fountain. Now prove you’re the model.” When Sebastian had told him of the statues, Frank hadn’t believed him, said he needed proof, needed to compare the statues with the real thing.
Sebastian laughed. “All right. Here’s the proof.” He strutted over to one of the statues and motioned for Frank to come closer. “See? That mark? The one on the left cheek?”
Frank bent down and stared at a small raised spot. “Good God, it’s a mole!”
“That’s right. My mole.” Sebastian turned his ass so Frank could get a better look.
Frank gasped. “It is your mole.” His heated gaze flew to Sebastian’s. “I love that mole. It’s sexy.” He reached out and ran his hand over the statue’s ass. “Not as warm or as soft as yours. Yours, my love, is an ass worthy of epic tales. Greeks would have sailed to their deaths for that ass of yours.” He straightened. “I’d sail around the world for it.”
“Would you?” Sebastian laughed.
Frank grabbed Sebastian by the waist and pulled him close. “I would, beloved. I love you. You have captured my heart as no man has ever done.”
Sebastian smiled, loving the formal way Frank spoke. He’d always had a weakness for educated men. When Frank spoke, it was like poetry; he even made their shopping list sound wonderful.
Sebastian’s heart pounded as he gazed into his lover’s eyes. So much love. He’d waited a long time before falling in love again. The experience with Phillip had marred him, left his heart closed to anyone; he’d returned to meaningless sex with nameless strangers rather than risk his heart again. He had the occasional boyfriend, but he never chose well and they never lasted.
But Frank? Frank had pursued him. Chased him, just as he did around the fountain here in his courtyard, refusing to take Sebastian’s no as an answer. He burrowed under Sebastian’s defenses, won his heart, and captured his soul.
“And you’ve captured me. All of me. Body, heart, and soul.” Sebastian leaned in, seeking Frank’s lips and the taste he craved.
They’d only been together for six months, but Sebastian already knew this time it was forever.
Frank, a few inches taller than him, broke the kiss and laved his tongue down Sebastian’s neck, nipping, making his lover shiver. Frank’s body was more heavily muscled than Sebastian’s, strong and virile, yet the man held such tenderness in his touch.
Running a hand down Sebastian’s back, Frank caressed and stroked, soothing and arousing Sebastian with his touch. Frank always took his time, working hard to pleasure Sebastian, as if it were his sworn duty to do so.
Sebastian had never felt so loved, so adored, so cherished as when Frank’s brown eyes gazed down at him, or when Frank’s trembling hand stroked him to completion.
Everything with Frank was intense, deep, and weighty, as if Sebastian’s feelings were the only ones that mattered. Frank consumed him, but never in a bad way. Frank gave him space, gave himself, and took only what Sebastian offered.
Sebastian had offered him everything. Not at first, no; that had taken time. Frank wasn’t a man who gave up easily. When he saw what he wanted, however, he pursued it, just like he’d pursued Sebastian.
And right now, from the look in Frank’s eyes, he wanted Sebastian.
“We should go in, Frank. We’ll give the neighbors a show.”
“Let them watch.” He leaned his head back and yelled, “Are you watching, Mrs. Hartman?”
There was a muffled shriek and a shutter slammed closed.
Both men laughed. “She’s so nosy; might as well give her something to talk about,” Frank said.
Sebastian shook his head. “You’re bad, Frank. Wicked. That’s what I love about you.” Sebastian buried his face in Frank’s neck, inhaling his scent.
“No, beloved, not wicked. Just tired of snooping and prying eyes.” He glanced again to the two-story house that loomed over the cottage, giving it a perfect view into the courtyard.
“She’ll tell everyone.”
“Tell them what? That we’re queers? Dearest, everyone already knows that.”
“Let’s go in. I’m freezing.” Sebastian pulled at Frank’s arm, urging him indoors to the bedroom.
Frank followed, laughing. At the door to the house, he turned back and gave the fountain a last look. “Those statues really are you. How did that come to be, Sebastian?”
“I’ll tell you later. Right now”—Sebastian ran his fingers around the band of Frank’s briefs—“you need to get naked.”
Frank grinned and wiggled out of them, then pushed Sebastian down onto the bed. “I’m naked. Now what?”
Sebastian kissed him, pulling him down on top of him. His cock pressed against Frank’s belly, insisting on being touched.
“Well, if I have to tell you what to do….” Sebastian smirked.
“How’s this?” Frank took Sebastian’s cock in his hand. “Should I keep doing this?”
Sebastian moaned as Frank stroked him, smearing the tip with precum, then massaging the wad of nerves under the head. Frank knew just what turned Sebastian on; he’d been studying and practicing for the last six months.
And Sebastian had enjoyed every single moment of it.
“Frank, my love, you’re so good,” Sebastian whispered as Frank ran his tongue from throat to a nipple, nipping and teasing at it. Sebastian arched into it, pressing Frank’s head down to his chest.
“God, I love you.” Frank’s breath whispered over Sebastian’s skin as he moved to the other nipple and attacked it with the same fervor. “I love the way you taste, the way your body responds to me. You’re the most beautiful man I’ve ever laid eyes on, and I’ll love you forever.”
“Forever? That’s a long time.”
“Not long enough.” He moved lower, until his mouth claimed Sebastian’s aching cock.
Sebastian shuddered when wet warmth surrounded his dick and the hard sucking began. He thrashed his head back and forth as his hands clutched the sheets. Frank worked him over, bringing him closer to the edge of release.
The sucking stopped, and Sebastian opened his eyes. Frank gazed down at him.
“God, I love the way you look when I make love to you. So aroused, and yet so free.” Frank licked a line up Sebastian’s cock.
“Free?”
“Free. Uninhibited. As if everything falls away from you… no worries, no cares. You’re right there in the moment with me.”
“You make me feel….” Sebastian paused, searching for the words. “You make me feel as if I deserve to be loved by someone as wonderful as you.”
“Deserve? Of course you deserve it. What makes you think you don’t? Have I ever said anything to make you feel that way?” Frank’s face fell, his brows furrowed.
“No, no, beloved. Not you.” Sebastian turned away. “Others. You know there were others.”
“Well, you’re thirty-four, so of course there were others. I don’t care, goddamn it.” Frank swore, something he rarely did. “Damn those men who hurt you, Sebastian. They were wrong. Whatever they told you, whatever they led you to believe, they were wrong. You’re worthy of being loved.”
Sebastian’s eyes filled with tears. Of all the men he’d been with, no one had ever treated him as an equal. To Phillip, he’d been a model and a warm body. To Derrick, he’d been a meal ticket. To John and Mark, just a pretty face, nothing more than eye candy to strut with at the clubs.
But Frank? Frank hadn’t wanted anything from Sebastian but to be with him.
He’d met Frank at Café Du Monde early one Sunday morning. The streets were being cleaned, and they’d rushed across the street to the café together, jostling each other as they ran through the doorway to take a seat.
Sebastian had turned to say something rude.
Frank had smiled at him, and the harsh retort died on Sebastian’s lips. Frank’s smile still took Sebastian’s breath away. Frank had asked to sit with him, and they spent the next three hours talking. Just talking. Sebastian had never talked to anyone for so long, not even his former lovers.
They’d wanted sex, yes, hours of sex, but none of them had just wanted to talk.
But Frank wanted to know all about him, what he thought about politics, music, art, and the best places to eat. God, typical New Orleanians, they’d talked restaurants for two of those three hours.
“Because of you, I know I’m worthy. I love you, Frank. Move in with me.” Sebastian kissed him and waited for his answer. He’d been wanting to ask Frank for the last month.
“I love you too, but I won’t move in.” Frank kissed the tip of Sebastian’s cock. “Not that I don’t want to, but it’s too soon.”
“Too soon?” Sebastian pushed himself upright. Usually Sebastian’s lovers were the ones asking to live with him.
Frank sat up also. “Look. I love you, and you love me. Nothing’s going to change that. But I just don’t think we should rush into this.”
“Oh. Do you want to see other guys?” Sebastian prayed for Frank to say no.
“No, absolutely not.”
Sebastian let out his breath. “Good.”
Frank crawled up the bed and took Sebastian in his arms. “Come here, beloved.” He tucked Sebastian under him and threw one leg over Sebastian’s legs. “You’re mine, and I’m yours. I don’t want to see anyone else but you, and I don’t want you to see anyone else but me.”
Sebastian squeezed Frank’s arm.
“However, I know you’ve got trust issues. I know some of the guys you’ve been with have hurt you bad. Used you. Treated you like you were trash.”
Sebastian opened his mouth to speak, but Frank put his fingers over Sebastian’s lips. “Shh. Let me finish.”
Sebastian nodded.
“I want you not just to love me, but to trust me, and that takes time. I don’t want to mess this up, Sebastian. I want you in my life forever. As long as I take a breath, I want you with me. We need time to let this thing between us grow and strengthen. I don’t want you to think I want you for any other purpose than to have your love in my life.”
“I trust you.”
“You barely know me. I barely know you.”
“We talk all the time.” Sebastian hated the way his voice sounded, on the verge of begging.
“We do, and it’s great. But before you lose yourself in me, I want you to get to know exactly what you’re getting. I’m not perfect, you know.”
“You’re not?” Sebastian gasped.
Frank gave him a squeeze and a shake. “No. Far from it. I’m just like you, and I’m scared.”
“Scared? Of what?”
“Of this. This you and me. This wanting that envelops me when I’m around you. This comfortableness, laced with desire. Everything I feel when I’m with you, Sebastian, is so much more than I’ve ever felt before. And it scares the crap out of me.”
“I thought I was the only one who was afraid.” Sebastian sighed and sat back. It had never occurred to him that Frank would be frightened about the relationship. Frank seemed so together, so sure of himself, of who he was and what he wanted out of life.
“Oh, beloved”—Frank kissed his temple—“let’s be afraid together. When it’s right, we’ll move in. When we’re ready, okay?”
“Okay.”
“Now, where were we?” Frank pushed Sebastian down and covered him with his body.
“You were about to fuck me.”
“Language, beloved. Watch your language.” Frank chuckled.
“Sorry. You were about to make incredible, mind-blowing love to me.”
“Right. Let the mind-blowing begin!” Frank shouted and claimed Sebastian’s mouth as his, thrusting his tongue in, showing him what he planned to do to the rest of his body.