ON THURSDAY, Matt lounged on the chaise under the portico behind Sebastian’s house. Sebastian had invited him over for a late lunch. It wasn’t unusual for them to have lunch, but today Matt could tell Sebastian had something on his mind other than his grilled salmon.
It had been perfect, along with the green beans and almonds Sebastian had served with it. Now, full and sated, the two men lounged in the afternoon heat.
“So what’s up, Sebastian? You seem worried. Is anything bothering you?” Matt asked. He rolled to his side and looked at the older man, sitting in the chair across from him. “Is it Raymond?”
Sebastian blushed. Matt noticed he blushed every time anyone said Ray’s name, and, in fact, Sebastian blushed even when they weren’t talking about the elderly Asian man. Perhaps Raymond constantly filled Sebastian’s thoughts. Interesting. Matt cocked an eyebrow, waiting for an answer.
“Oh, lamb, I’m all up in the air.” Sebastian sighed as his hand fluttered in the air. “I’m not sure what to do about him. At all.”
“Do about him?” Matt took a sip of the white wine Sebastian had served at lunch.
Sebastian looked around the patio as if someone might be lurking and overhear. He lowered his voice, narrowed his eyes, and said, all drama, “He wants me.”
Matt grinned. “That’s great!” Then, at the look of panic on his landlord’s face, he sobered. “Isn’t it? I thought you liked him. From all the evidence—”
“What evidence?” Sebastian interrupted, then put the glass to his lips for a drink.
“Really? The sighs, the blushes.” Matt looked down at Sebastian’s groin. “And if I wasn’t completely crazy, I’d say you’ve been walking around here half-hard since you met him.”
Wine burst forth in a fine mist from between Sebastian’s pursed lips, nearly hitting Matt. Matt broke into laughter. “Oh man! Do you have it bad!”
Sebastian pulled out his hankie and wiped his face and dabbed at his shirt. “Dear boy, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Chin.” Matt gestured. Frowning, Sebastian wiped the last drops of wine off. “I think it’s marvelous. Go get him, tiger.” He raised his wine in a salute.
Sebastian put his now damp hankie in his pocket. “There’ll be none of that ‘tiger’ business.”
“Why not?” Matt sat up, holding his wineglass as his hands dangled between his knees. He looked up into Sebastian’s eyes. “Sebastian, you’re not dead. You’re far from decrepit or feeble. For God sake, besides your arm, you’re healthy as a horse. You know what the doctor said. Just take your meds and you’ll be fine.”
“But….” Sebastian paused, took a deep breath, and let it all spill out. “Ray wants sex. Real sex. I’m just not sure. It’s been so long.”
Matt heard the desperation in Sebastian’s voice and decided to take this seriously, despite his urge to make a quip or two. “Well, I’m sure it’ll be the same as jerking off. Just someone else’s hand. Or mouth.” Matt winked.
Sebastian stared at his slippers.
“You do still jerk off, right?”
The old man hunched his shoulders just the slightest in answer. If Lane were here, he’d dance around the issue, but since he wasn’t and Matt was, he decided to handle it the best way he knew how.
“How long has it been, Sebastian, since you’ve had ‘real’ sex?”
“Frank was my last partner.” He glanced up and met Matt’s gaze. “And he was sick for nearly a year before that.”
“Frank died—” Matt sputtered. “No one since then? What about blow jobs? Hand jobs?”
Sebastian shook his head after each question. “I was grieving. No one could replace Frank. I was guilty and lonely, but no one did it for me. I looked at other men, and nothing. I just shut down, sexually.”
Matt reached out and touched Sebastian’s knee. “I’ll bet you were terrified.”
“What?”
“That the same thing would happen to you. AIDS.” Matt gave him a soft smile, meant to encourage and show understanding.
Sebastian nodded, then drank the last of his wine. “I was. It should’ve been me, you know. I was the promiscuous one before I met Frank. I had the long line of lovers, the anonymous partners. Frank had always been a one-man man, except when he wasn’t.” Sebastian frowned. “After he died, it was the height of the AIDS epidemic. People were dying; everyone looked sick to me.”
“I can understand that.”
“After a while, I just stopped feeling… horny, as you boys call it. I jerked off some for several years, but it grew less and less frequent, until it stopped.”
“When?”
Sebastian shrugged. “Five, ten years. I’m not really sure. And I’ve been perfectly fine with it. Until now.”
“Until you found a man who made you want all that back.” Matt gave his knee a gentle squeeze. “That’s so wonderful. Really.” Tears threatened, and Matt was surprised that Sebastian and Ray’s story touched him this way.
“Yes. Until Ray.” Sebastian sighed. “I want him, but I’m scared.” He looked down at his crotch. “What if it doesn’t respond?”
“I’d say, from what I’ve seen, you’re halfway there.” Matt grinned. “Just take it for a test drive.”
“And what if he wants to go all the way?” Desperation tinged the man’s voice.
“Anal sex?” Matt asked.
Sebastian nodded. “I’ve always been a bottom. I’ve topped some, but I preferred to receive. But now? At my age?” He rolled his eyes heavenward and shook his head.
“If you’re really worried, why don’t you go to the doctor? Ask him about it.”
“The doctor!” Sebastian’s voice went an octave higher. “Ask my doctor about having anal sex?”
“Okay, okay.” Matt held out his hands in a calm-down gesture. “Forget the doctor. Is there any reason you can’t?” Matt had no idea how to phrase this, except to dive into it. “Is your prostate enlarged?”
“No! I’m fine. Down there.” Sebastian swallowed and closed his eyes tightly.
“If that’s the case, what is it? What’s really got you so upset?”
Sebastian looked up, fear welling next to tears in his eyes. “I’m frightened. I don’t want to know if I can’t. What if I can’t? What if he tries to… and it hurts? What if Ray doesn’t want me then?” He clutched at the arms of the wicker chair. “I’ll just die!”
“Calm down, honey,” Matt drawled. He leaned forward and lifted Sebastian’s chin so they could see eye to eye. “Ray is crazy about you. Give him a chance. Give yourself a chance. Most of all, give your dick a chance.” Matt laughed, giving Sebastian a playful wink. “It might just surprise you. I’m sure Ray will go slow, but you have to tell him.”
“Tell him?” Sebastian gasped.
“How long it’s been. Don’t lie to him. If you do, you will get hurt.”
Sebastian’s cheeks went from pink to deep red. “You’re right, of course.” He stood and extended his hand for Matt’s empty glass. “More wine?”
“Are you trying to get me drunk?” Matt laughed. “Is that your plan? Get me drunk and have your way with me?” He looked up at Sebastian under half-lowered lids, giving his best come hither look.
Sebastian smiled, the first truly jaunty one all day. “Rats. Foiled again!” He sashayed into the kitchen to put away the glasses as Matt laughed.
Matt stood, went to the door, leaned on the frame, and looked in. Sebastian stood at the sink, rinsing out the glasses.
“You know, Ray’s a lucky man. I almost envy him.” Matt smiled.
“Go away, dear boy. You’ll make an old queen cry.” Sebastian winked, dried off the crystal, and set it to the side.
“Wonderful lunch, Sebastian. Thank you.”
“Thank you, Matt. I think if I had spoken to Lane about this….” He trailed off.
“Lane? He’d have had a cow!” Matt laughed. “You’d have shocked the poor boy into next week. Anytime you need to talk, just call.”
Sebastian nodded. “Thank you.”
“I’ll see you later.” Matt nodded and left, heading back to his and Lane’s slave quarter apartment across the patio. He skirted around the fountain and, as always, he admired the bronze figures of a dancing youth, of Sebastian in his heyday.
“Blast, Ray’s a lucky bastard.” Matt smiled and went inside. Lane would be home soon, and Matt planned to jump his bones.
Matt swore, no matter what, he’d always have sex, no matter how old he and Lane got. He couldn’t even imagine not wanting Lane. Ever.