SEBASTIAN FLEW down the narrow road leading to Ray’s cottage on his rented Piaggio MP3 500. On either side, fields of lavender swayed in the breeze. He inhaled their fragrance as he basked in the warm sunshine of the Provence sun.
Ray waited for him at home. Home. Sebastian had felt right at home at Ray’s house from the moment he’d walked through the door. It was everything he’d imagined it would be. A two-story farmhouse just outside a quaint town nestled on the side of a hill, its bright turquoise-blue shutters and door welcomed him each time he returned. Ray had furnished it with wonderful old French farm antiques and had enjoyed relating the story of each one to Sebastian.
In the beginning Ray had been quiet, solemn really, and Sebastian worried Claude’s ghost would come between them. Ray never said Claude’s name, but Sebastian knew, from the sadness in Ray’s eyes, he thought of his dead lover often.
Gradually that look had faded. Sebastian had worked hard, pulled out all the stops, and practiced every bit of his charms to lighten Ray’s spirits. And it had worked. Not once, after that first week, had he seen Ray looking sad or down.
Sebastian had fought the memory of a ghost and won.
Today he’d been to the market to shop for dinner. They were having a few of Ray’s old friends over, and Ray had been fussing in the kitchen all day. Sebastian had been more than happy to leave him and get some fresh air.
The three-wheeled motorcycles had been Ray’s idea. “They are the only way to get around here. The gas mileage is great, and they are fun to ride.”
It had taken Sebastian several short trips before he got the hang of the thing, but he had to admit, they were fun to drive. And he was so proud he’d gotten on it in the first place. Who knew he could be so fearless?
Six months ago he couldn’t have dreamed of riding a motorcycle down a small road in Provence, France.
He looked down at his hands on the steering bars and laughed. If Matt and Lane could see him now! Well, as soon as Ray uploaded the pictures from their road trip last week to Saint Rémy, the boys would get a gander at Ray and he, complete with helmets, on their motorcycles.
The first month had flown past. Paris for a week, then down to Ray’s home, with the next couple of weeks spent traveling all over the countryside. Ray knew just about everywhere to go, which shops to go to, the most wonderful cafés and restaurants. Sebastian couldn’t have found a better tour guide.
He slowed and turned into the long drive that led up to the farmhouse. Through the almond trees that surrounded it, it peeked out at him. The blue shutters always made him smile. Ray had a penchant for color; he’d seen it with Ray’s house in New Orleans.
Sebastian parked his cycle next to Ray’s and got off. From the attached carrying case on the rear, he pulled out the bag of groceries he’d gotten.
When he opened the door and entered, the aroma of the chicken stew Ray had slaved over hit him.
“That smells delicious,” he called out. He walked through the living room to the kitchen.
Ray sat at the large wooden farm table with his head in his hands. His shoulders shook, and a brief sob escaped.
“Baby, what’s wrong?” Sebastian rushed to him, threw the bag on the table, and wrapped his arms around his lover.
Ray turned to him and crawled into Sebastian’s embrace. For a while he said nothing; then he took a deep breath, exhaled, and pulled away.
“I am sorry. It just came over me.” He wiped his eyes with a corner of his white apron.
“What did?”
Ray turned away. “You will think I’m an old fool.”
Sebastian sat back. He’d never heard Ray talk like that before. “Ray, you’re many things, but an old fool is not one of them. Tell me—what’s the problem?”
“I had just pulled the casserole from the oven and set it on the top of the stove. I lifted the lid, inhaled, and all the memories came back.”
“Memories?” Sebastian rubbed his hand over Ray’s back.
“Of Claude. That night. I wanted to serve this stew. He wanted fish. We fought, and he threw the chicken on the floor and stormed out. I cleaned up and fixed the fish.” Ray sniffled.
“Oh, I see. I’m so sorry.”
Ray looked miserable. So unhappy. Sebastian was lost and had no clue how to make it better for Ray.
“We should have never come here. I cannot do this!” Ray stood, the chair crashing to the floor, and bolted out of the kitchen.
A stalk of lavender could have knocked Sebastian over. His mouth dried up like a faded flower in the sun and his stomach churned.
This? He and Ray? Coming to France? Fixing the chicken?
Sebastian’s heart thudded in his chest as his throat constricted. His hands clutched the edge of the table and the room swam. He blinked back tears and stood on shaky legs.
He felt every one of his seventysomething years.
Who would think your heart could break at this age?
He stared in the direction Ray had gone. Ray might have run, but there could be no running away or ignoring this. No matter what was going on, Ray needed him. He went to the bedroom they’d shared since arriving.
Ray lay face down on the bed with the pillows clutched under his body.
“Ray?” Sebastian sat on the side of the bed and put his hand on Ray’s back. “I want to help, but if you don’t tell me what you need….”
Ray reached out and took Sebastian’s hand in his but didn’t say a word.
“If you’re not over Claude, I understand. I’ve been there.” He sighed. “Look. I’ve seen France, so why don’t I just go home?” It killed Sebastian to say those words, but if it helped Ray, he’d walk away right now, bag packed or not.
Ray rolled halfway over. “Leave?”
“I can’t stand to see you like this, so hurt.” Sebastian’s tears gathered again. “If you want me to go, I will.”
“I don’t want you to go, but….” He floundered. “It’s just too much the same. The house, the dinner party, the chicken.”
“But not me? I’m not Claude.” Sebastian looked down at his hands, afraid to see Ray’s eyes.
“My problem could never be you. And no, you are not Claude. But that is good.” Ray reached up and pulled Sebastian down next to him. “I love you. Deeply. I am sorry for my outburst. I had a moment, is all.” He stroked Sebastian’s face. “I am sorry if I made you think I did not want you here.”
“I love you. I just want you to be happy, and when I see you crying….” He frowned. “When you said, ‘We should have never come here. I cannot do this!’ Well, I had no idea what to think.”
“Forgive me.” Ray kissed him, sliding his tongue along the seam of Sebastian’s lips. Sebastian melted, opened, and Ray swept in, tasting and caressing with this tongue.
Sebastian was so relieved. Ray still loved him. Still wanted him here. To tell the truth, Sebastian wasn’t ready to go home, not yet.
He still had a few things he wanted to do first.
And this would be the perfect time. They had hours before anyone showed up for dinner.
“Ray?” He kissed his lover deeply, then pulled away.
“Yes, my love.” Ray ran his hand over Sebastian’s hip.
“I’m ready.”
Ray moaned as his hand caressed Sebastian’s ass. “Ready for what?”
“Why, to go all the way, silly boy.”
Ray froze. “Are you sure?”
“I am.” Sebastian cupped Ray’s face in his hand. “I want you inside me.”
“Take your clothes off. I want to watch you.”
Sebastian slipped off the bed and began unbuttoning his shirt as Ray watched. He’d stripped for Ray before. The man had a serious thing about watching skin being revealed, and Sebastian knew the slower he went, the hotter Ray got. Sebastian skipped the bump and grind show and went for serious and slow.
He would do just about anything to see the fire in Ray’s dark brown eyes.
The last piece of cloth, his shirt, fluttered to the ground, and he stood naked in front of his lover. Three months ago he’d have sworn he’d never do that, and certainly not in broad daylight, but the love and lust in Ray’s eyes had told him each time that he was still beautiful. At least to Ray.
It was a daily affirmation, and if he could see himself reflected in Ray’s eyes until the end of his days, he would die a happy, content man.
Ray rolled off the bed, stripped off his own clothes, and came to him. As Sebastian stood still, Ray walked around him, running his fingertips over Sebastian’s skin. Across his shoulders, down his arm, over the side of his hip. Instead of tickling, his touch trailed sparks of fire that excited Sebastian.
At times like this, Sebastian felt as if he were twenty again—young and alive.
Soft kisses peppered his back, shoulders, and neck as Ray’s hands caressed him, gliding to touch his nipples.
“I want to prep you, just like this,” Ray whispered.
Sebastian nodded. His body vibrated with need as Ray went to the bedside table, opened it, and got out a tube of lube. He watched as Ray circled him, intent burning in his gaze.
The top popped open. Ray caressed one cheek of Sebastian’s ass; then his finger slipped down between the globes.
Sebastian moaned, rising up on his toes as Ray lathered the lube, teasing him with every pass. Ray pressed his body against Sebastian’s as he glided one hand up and down his rigid shaft; then he pressed a finger inside.
A pinch. Sebastian remembered how to do this, to breathe through it, to relax and not fight it. Ray held him tighter as he worked deeper inside. A brush across Sebastian’s sweet spot nearly knocked his legs out from under him.
Ray held him steady with one hand. “Good?”
“Good Lord, yes,” Sebastian whispered.
“I think we should move to the bed.”
“That might be a good idea, if you plan on doing that again.”
“I do.” Ray guided him to the bed. Sebastian climbed in and stretched out, facedown on the covers. Ray tucked a pillow under his belly and pushed his legs farther apart.
“So beautiful.” Ray ran his hands over Sebastian’s body. More lube, and Ray applied it in gentle pushes that turned Sebastian on. He whimpered at the pleasure of Ray touching him there, circling and pressing, just teasing him.
“Ray….” Sebastian couldn’t keep the plea out of his voice. If Ray didn’t do it soon, he’d lose his mind. And at his age, that wouldn’t be a good thing.
“Shhh, lover. Do I need a condom?”
“No. I don’t want anything between us.” He knew they were both negative.
Ray’s fingers disappeared, and Sebastian felt the nudge of Ray’s flared head. He relaxed, breathed, and Ray slid inside.
Sebastian’s eyes watered as he gasped and his hands clenched the covers of the bed. “Stop! Wait!”
Ray held himself in place. “Did I hurt you?” He caressed Sebastian’s hip to soothe him.
“No. Just let me get used to it. It’s been… well, a long time.” Sebastian exhaled. “Slow, please.”
Ray took it slowly. His hand moved in gentle motions over Sebastian’s back, and he kissed a random pattern as he eased in. He wrapped his arms around Sebastian and rolled onto his side, spooning Sebastian. “Move your leg forward.”
He did and it felt better. “It’s good.”
“God, you are so hot. So tight. I am burning up inside you.” Ray’s shudder made Sebastian smile.
“I’ve still got it.”
“God, yes.” Ray nuzzled his neck. “My love.”
Ray moved, and Sebastian trembled at the pleasure. They rocked, locked together. Slow and steady, Ray pushed Sebastian higher with each glide, each stroke, until Sebastian stood on the edge of the cliff, trembling with need. Ray reached down, capturing Sebastian’s rigid shaft in his hand, and stroked him, matching the rocking.
That touch was all Sebastian needed, and he cried out as he took the high dive off into pure pleasure. Ray, right behind him, thrust, froze, and then groaned.
Unaware of it, Sebastian had gathered up the covers in his hands. Ray ran his hand over Sebastian’s and his grip relaxed, only to have Ray’s fingers thread between his.
“I love you.” Sebastian sighed.
“I love you.” Ray kissed his shoulder, then yawned as he snuggled against Sebastian’s back.
“Okay, tiger, just a short nap. Just to rest our eyes.” Sebastian chuckled.
“You need one too. Do not deny it.”
“I don’t, but a boy needs his beauty rest.”
“Shhh. Too late. You are already beautiful.”
They were silent for a while. Sebastian wanted to say something before Ray fell asleep. He took a deep breath and rubbed Ray’s hand.
“Nothing is going to happen tonight at dinner. You know that, right?”
“I know.” Ray shifted behind him.
“I’m perfectly healthy and I’m not leaving you, now or ever. Unless you tell me to go.” Sebastian pulled their linked hands to his heart.
“Never going to happen.”
“Good. I don’t handle rejection well.”
“Shhh.” Ray nuzzled the back of his neck.
Sebastian fell asleep smiling.