Andy
“I WORK with kids five days a week, and I’ve never been this tired,” I groan as we settle on Kyle’s couch.
“Welcome to my life. Those kids had more energy than should be legal.” Kyle laughs.
“That was a great charity event. Go-cart races and basketball—kiddie heaven. Those kids are going to benefit so much from the new rec center,” I reply. “You’re great with kids.”
Kyle shrugs. “They’re people. I’m a people person. Most of those kids are just like me. I was once their age, just needing to know someone cared. What sucks is that I only get to show them that for a day. They have to go back to whatever struggle is going on in their life.”
“I know what you mean. I worked in the inner-city school system for two years. It nearly killed me. Those kids had so much going on. You want to help to change all of their lives, but in the end there’s only so much you can do. I realized that I had to work with the hours I got each week. If I could make a difference within those hours, then I was doing the best I could,” I say, remembering how tired and sad I’d been back then.
“I can remember a few teachers that made that difference for me. Sometimes it was just the little things. Needing to hear good morning or being asked if I was okay. I wasn’t, and I never told them any different, but being asked meant something,” Kyle says quietly.
I reach to lace my fingers with his. He lifts my hand to his lips. I love moments like this. It’s been two months and I still find myself a little awestruck every now and then. Yet this… I’m beginning to live for these moments.
“It’s tough to watch some of the situations those kids dealt with. What’s harder, the lack of care some of the staff had. Some because they just couldn’t relate, others because they lost faith in the system and were to the point of just showing up to collect a check,” I huff. I can hear the bitterness in my own voice.
“What made you leave?”
My lashes lower. I suck in a deep breath and let it out slowly.
“I left for a few reasons. The children and environment weren’t among them. It was… it was the beginning of my career. I was more trusting back then.” I release a humorless laugh. “I thought some people were my friends that weren’t. It was the first time… my first time being drawn into the in-crowd.” I pause, blowing out a breath. “Long story short, I started dating the vice principal.
“He learned about my family’s connections and my past struggles, then turned into a different person. It was my first serious relationship, so I took the verbal and mental abuse from him until it started to bleed into the workplace,” I respond.
I turn to catch Kyle watching me, his brows drawn in. I can see the millions of questions in his eyes.
“How did it bleed into the workplace?”
I look away from him, my stomach rolling. My mouth waters as anxiety and bile rise. The backs of my eyes sting.
“Patrick was like a ring leader in the staff clique. All the other teachers took their cues from him. Others started to sling harsh words my way. Making reference to my eating habits and questioning why I worked there in the first place when I could go anywhere I wanted. It turned into gossip and rumors behind my back. When I broke things off with Patrick, it got worse.
“In the end, I left. I couldn’t give those kids what they needed when I had all of that drama surrounding me. I hated getting up in the mornings and felt sick every time I walked into the building,” I explain, becoming aware that I’ve been rocking with my words.
“You, Andy, are tougher than you think.”
Kyle tugs at my hand, bringing me into his side. His arm wraps around my shoulder, and he kisses the top of my head as I lean against him. The comfort I feel in his embrace spreads through me from head to toe. I also note that ever-present hum between us.
“Are you seriously going to get Mason a puppy?” I ask.
“Why? You don’t think I should?”
“No, I think it would be great for him. Another connection to you when you’re away. I was only asking because my sister has a friend who breeds dogs and has connections to a whole community of breeders. I’m sure she can help you get whatever you’re looking for,” I reply.
“Oh, cool. Can you set that up for me? I want to get him one as soon as I can.”
“No problem.” I yawn.
“Ready for bed?” Kyle asks and I involuntarily stiffen.
I groan internally because I know the moment he feels it happen. It’s the moment I’ve been dreading. I’ll find out tonight exactly how Kyle sees me, and then I’ll know where we stand.
Kyle
I’M TIRED and I should let this slide, but I wouldn’t be me if I did. My instincts tell me Andy’s reaction goes deeper than sex. It’s one more piece to his scarred past. That Patrick dude sounds like he needs his ass beat. That asshole better pray we never cross paths.
“Are you not ready to stay over? I can take you home,” I offer.
“No, I want to stay,” he replies.
I can tell he’s trying to sound confident, but it falls a little flat. I watch as he rubs his palms over his thighs. When he reaches to run a hand through the front of his hair, he completely gives himself away. It’s also one of his huge tells.
I release him, turning to face him. I smile inside when he straightens his shoulders, attempting to give off an air of confidence. I like Andy. I want to be patient and understand him. However, I’m caught off guard the moment I see his eyes mist over.
“We’ve worked out together a few times. Have you noticed I never wear short sleeves or shorts?” he says.
My brows draw. I comb my thoughts and he’s right. Whenever he joins me for a workout, he wears sweats or jogger pants. I’ve never seen him in short sleeves, but we’re well into fall. That’s not unusual.
“I guess.”
I nod. My mind turning the question over, trying to figure out where he’s going with this. Andy shifts reaching for the hem of his shirt. I go to tell him we don’t have to rush things, but my words are caught in my throat.
Andy’s body is toned and sculpted from working out. Exactly what you would expect to see from the way his shirts mold to his body. Though I can see that his torso is a lot paler than his face and neck. However, that’s not what stands out most.
He has scars on his stomach and upper arms. They’re not gruesome, but they’re noticeable. However, given what I know about Andy, I bet these scars look ten times worse to him.
“Tell me about them,” I reply.
I can see the relief that covers his face. Another note that I’m right in my assumption. He was sure I was going to run. Knowing this tugs at my heart.
My determination to see this relationship through builds. My shoulders grow heavy knowing he has been waiting for me to make an exit on him. He has no idea that with each imperfection he reveals to me, he endears himself to me more and more.
“At my heaviest, I was three hundred and seventy-five pounds. The doctors made it clear that I make the necessary changes or… I… I was dying. The fainting, the headaches, the sciatic pain… I had to do something.
“I worked out so hard to lose the weight and I did, but then I was left with the excess skin. I was hiding again but for a different reason,” he whispers, wrapping his arms around his center.
As I watch him, so much begins to become clear. The pieces click into place. I listen intently as his pain flows through his words.
“I didn’t want to fall down the rabbit hole like before, but this time I chose not to involve my family. My oldest brother was promoted to detective. Tara’s career had taken off. The family was in such a good place. I didn’t want to be a burden again.
“I also didn’t want to ask for the financial help. I couldn’t touch my trust at the time. So I went to an affordable plastic surgeon that made it all sound so easy. No scars, recovery would be a cinch. Nothing went the way it was supposed to. I flatlined twice on that table, and as you can see everything else was botched. My legs aren’t as bad, but they have scars as well.
“My inner thighs and my right calf. I’ve felt like the never-ending freak show. People are so taken with my face, but when the clothes come off, it’s always a different story.” His words trail off, and he turns his head. “I… I’ve never had the courage to go back and try to fix it again.”
I reach to turn his face back to me, leaning in to take his lips. It’s time Andy learns that I’m committed to this, to him. It’s going to take more than the scars he carries—on the inside and out—to scare me away. I have scars of my own. If I were that superficial, I wouldn’t love myself. My own scars run deep, deeper than losing my sister and feeling like I lost my way.
I kiss him with everything I am. All the love I can give here and now, I let it thread and weave a healing tether between us. I get the sense that both our healings start right here.
“Neither one of us is whole, but I’ve been feeling myself come back to life piece by piece with you. If I can give you just an inch of that, I will,” I say against his lips.
Andy groans, slipping his arms underneath mine, reaching up to latch on to my shoulders. I lean in until his back falls against the couch. Shifting, I nip at his chin before licking the sting away and continuing a trail down his throat.
I pull back and look down into his eyes. The trust and admiration there tighten my stomach. This is real love. He has become a friend I can trust, a partner I look forward to spending time with. Andy takes what I give. I never question his motives or when the other shoe will drop.
My only question is whether or not I have enough love to heal his open wounds. If this flame burning within is any indication, I believe I do. I sure intend to try.
Andy
THE FIRE in his eyes burns for me. Even after I’ve revealed my biggest secret. He hasn’t once looked at me in disgust. I reach to cup his face as he stares into my eyes.
I know I’ve fallen for Kyle. I’ve just been hiding behind my worry and fear. However, now, I can see it, I can feel it.
“Every single scar has helped to make you who you are. My present and my future. I’m not perfect, baby. I’m just like you. Finding my way and needing to be loved along the way,” Kyle says before capturing my lips again.
I open to him, surrendering to what has become us. My safe place. The words may not have been officially spoken, but I can feel the love.
Kyle starts another slow trail of kisses from my face down the center of my body. My breath hitches when he stops at the largest of my scars. The one that crosses over my stomach. His lashes flicker up. Kyle watches me through them as he places a gentle kiss to the marred skin.
I bite back the sob that wants to surface. In the past, I’ve been asked to cover up or to turn off the lights. To have this man look at me with such lust, my heart aches in a way I’ve never known, and it’s not the hurtful ache I’ve become so accustomed to.
His tongue peeks out to trail the path of the scar. A tear does slip free. I allow my tense body to relax beneath him, all except for my pulsing arousal trapped in my jeans. Kyle grasps my sides as he kisses and explores my torso.
My back bucks off the couch when he sucks a smooth patch of flesh into his mouth. My fingers strain against the tight grasp I have on the edge and back of the leather couch. I become tense all over again when he reaches for the button of my jeans and pops it open.
Kyle makes sure to keep his eyes on my face as he tugs my pants down my hips. I close my eyes as my thighs are exposed. Another tear slips free when his lips caress the long scar on my right thigh. My mouth falls open in a gasp when he shifts a few inches away from the scar, testing my sensitivity there before pulling the skin into his mouth. His teeth graze me gently when he ceases the sucking motion.
I slowly lift my lids again as he turns his attention to the other side. I feel cared for and cherished. With each kiss and caress, the hurt from past lovers seems to shrink.
My heart races when his warm breath fans against my tightened groin. I’m ready to come through my boxer briefs. Yet he doesn’t touch the one place that’s reaching for his attention.
He makes his way back up my body, kissing me tenderly on the lips. I grab his ears to hold him to me. Kyle settles his body between my legs, and I can feel his length pulsing against me.
I reach for his belt to unfasten it, but my action becomes halted by the ringing of Kyle’s phone. Frustration lines his handsome features as he backs away and reaches for the device he placed on the coffee table when we settled in. He sits back, placing the phone to his ear.
“Hey… wait. Buddy, slow down. What’s wrong?” he says into the phone, concern taking over his entire being.
I begin to straighten my clothes and redress as he listens. His face turns sad as he nods. I can just faintly make out Mason’s little voice on the other end.
“It’s going to be okay. I’m coming to get you,” Kyle says reassuringly into the phone.
After a few more minutes of talking Mas down, Kyle hangs up. He rubs a hand over his low waves. His shoulders sag.
“I’m sorry. He needs me,” Kyle’s huffs, rubbing his temple.
“It’s okay, I understand. Don’t worry about it,” I reply, reaching to massage his shoulder.