Kyle
I WIPE the sweat from my face as I climb the stairs from the basement. I’ve been working out while Andy and Mas went out for ice cream. Emma is taking a much-needed vacation before life gets crazy around here. I’m grateful for all of the time she’s put in with me and Mas.
Emma’s vacation has also given Andy and me time to see how we’ll all adjust to Andy living with us full-time. So far so good. If I were to be honest, Mas seems to be happier than ever. Rumor has it he even has a little girlfriend at camp. He’s been asking for an extra snack every morning.
So much for me shielding his innocence. That kid is seven going on twenty-one. I think I’ll settle for protecting him and his happiness rather than covering him from the world. He’s wise beyond his years and teaches me something new every day.
The doorbell rings as I get to the top of the stairs. A smile comes to my lips. Andy must have forgotten his key. Mas was talking his ear off when they left. I watched him have to double back for his wallet.
I jog to the front of the house. When I open the door, my smile falls from my face. I go from zero to hundred in seconds. I was peaceful and content. Now, I’m raging mad, praying Andy returns soon to calm me down.
“Please, I just want to talk,” Aunt Bethany pleads when I go to slam the door in her face.
“Have your lawyer call my lawyer,” I say, continuing to shut the door.
She steps in the doorway barely quick enough to keep me from closing the door. Her eyes look up at me pleading. I only pause because a memory of my mother singing and dancing around the living room enters my head.
I frown and hold the door open enough for her to enter. She moves slower than I’m used to. Instead of making her way to the living room, she takes a seat in one of the gold-and-white decorative wingback chairs I have in the foyer. I lean up on the door with my arms folded across my chest.
I take a few minutes to observe her. She looks winded. Her skin is uneven, and she looks smaller than she was the last time I saw her. I’ll be real. She doesn’t look well at all.
Aunt Bethany pulls a handkerchief from her purse and starts to dab at her forehead. Guilt rises. Savanna and my mama would still want me to be civil to this woman. I clear my throat, pushing off the door.
“Can I get you something to drink?” I ask.
“Please, baby. Some water,” she says softly.
Her words paralyze me for a moment. I remember when she was this gentle with me as a boy. There were times when we first arrived in her home that she was comforting and loving.
I shake it off and go to get her a glass of water. I rinse a glass, stopping to grab the edges of the sink. I drop my head between my shoulders and take a minute to collect my thoughts. I feel like an elephant has taken residence on my back.
As much as I want to hate that woman out there, she’s my aunt. The last blood relative I have outside of Mas. She looks as bad as Savanna did near the end. I can’t ignore that as much as I would like to. Pain rocks my body as I think of all my sister went through. I made sure she had the best to ease her pain.
Aunt Bethany has nothing. From what Mitch says, they haven’t released the insurance money yet. Until seeing her like this today, I told myself I didn’t care. Now, I can’t say that with a straight face.
“You always did take your sweet time,” I hear behind me.
I turn to find my aunt sliding onto one of the barstools at the kitchen island. I move to put water and ice in the glass from the refrigerator door. Placing the glass in front of her, I take the seat next to her.
“I didn’t come here to upset your life any more. I’m in no shape to take that child from you. I didn’t want to go through with it in the first place. When I found out Rodney gambled the deed to the house away and I couldn’t pull the money I needed from it, I was crushed. Then that man showed up offering us all kinds of help and information—” She breaks off to give a dry cough.
She lifts the glass with a shaky hand to take a sip of the water. Her hands are so frail.
“Don’t,” she whispers. “I don’t deserve your pity.”
“Why are you here?” I ask.
“I did my sister’s children so wrong,” she says on a small sob. “I didn’t want to believe the things you two said. Rodney was the only man I ever knew. He sweet-talked me right out of my mama’s home. Mama told me he was the devil in a dress suit. I was grown and knew it all. I wanted to be married like my big sister.
“Your daddy was so good to her. He worked so hard for you all. The night they were killed in that car accident, your father was going to tell her he got a promotion that was going to allow him to be home more, to spend more time with you kids. I knew because he’d come to me, planning something special and asked me to babysit.
“I was so jealous. I had a husband that took me to church every Sunday. He was adamant about our following the Lord, but when he wasn’t home, I knew he wasn’t working hard like your daddy. I was so guilty when your mother died.
“I couldn’t have kids of my own, so I thought the Lord was punishing me for my jealousy by making me raise my sister’s kids. You two were so perfect. It was killing me to sing you to sleep at night, braid your sister’s hair.” She stops for another coughing fit.
“So you let him abuse us because you hated us?” I say to my hands in my lap.
She sips the water quickly, then shakes her head.
“No, no, no. When I tell you I didn’t know, I truly didn’t see what was going on. I knew he was stepping out on me. When your uncle started bringing me weed and alcohol, I thought he was just trying to distract me from the woman down the block he’d gotten pregnant. At that point, I was so low, I never thought it was to take my focus off of you two.
“He’d feed me that shit, then tear me down and tell me to go to church to repent for my weak and sinful ways. I hated that man, but he always gave me enough of everything to be content. I never learned how to be on my own. I never had a job. I never paid a bill in my life until the month after that man was murdered. I had two children to look after. I couldn’t leave him.” She stops as tears roll down her face.
“You really didn’t know?” I ask with disbelief dripping from my words.
“I should’ve seen the signs. Now, when I think back, I know I should have.
“I wasn’t going to take you two at first. I didn’t feel I deserved you. He had me sold on the dream of finally having the children we always wanted. He had an entire family down the block. I thought if we were the perfect family he’d choose to take care of us, not them. It’s why I started being so hard on you two. I was so selfish,” she sobs.
“I won’t deny that,” I mumble. “Why believe me now? Is it because he’s dead?”
“That day… when you told me what he made you do. I… I wanted to believe you were lying. I went home and prayed that you were lying. It was in the middle of praying that I lost my mind and started tearing the bedroom apart.” She gives a bitter laugh.
“Be careful what you ask the Lord for. I found a hidden hole in the wall. That son of a bitch had pictures of you as a little boy, naked. My sister’s precious baby boy. That motherfucker was touching you from damn near the time you entered my home. Then I found pictures of your sister and others—other children, women, men—”
“You can stop.” I hold my hand up.
“I need to tell you this,” she presses. “I never agreed to take Mas. I never signed those papers to take him from you. Rodney went behind my back and did all of that. The day I found all of that shit, I gave up trying to save my life. I had no use for that money. This is the least of what I deserve. But that son of bitch wasn’t going to be left on this earth to bother you for another minute. I had planned to pour bleach down his throat in his sleep.
“What time do I really have left? I would have gladly finished my days in prison. That still wouldn’t be enough to right what I did or what I allowed to be done. But that smug-ass lawyer came back and said he’d take care of Rodney. All I had to do was get him to the location he gave me,” she reveals.
“But why would he do that?” My brows furrow.
“I think Rodney was threatening him for more money or to get the money that was promised to me if I went through with taking Mason,” she replies.
“Okay,” I say, looking up from my hands. “But why shame me for being gay? Why’d you take me to that church and make me feel like I was the most disgusting human on earth?”
“Damaged people damage people. I thought I did something to mess you up. I had failed my sister and her children. I truly believed God would fix you—”
“I wasn’t broken!” I bellow. Tears stream down my face. “Being gay wasn’t what needed to be fixed. I didn’t need God to make me straight. I needed to get away from your husband. For so long in my life, I didn’t want a man or a woman. I couldn’t stand to be touched. That has nothing to do with being gay. It had everything to do with being raped and molested repeatedly.”
I point to myself and continue.
“I’m a praying man. I talk to God daily. Never once have I felt in my spirit that He doesn’t love me because of who I love. You had that pastor try to break my soul because you thought I was gay. You never asked me, you never talked to me about it. I told you I wasn’t because I didn’t realize that I was. I was thirteen! I’d been confused about sex and relationships for years. Had you talked to me, you could’ve helped me understand my way through it all.
“You took that monster’s word for it. Your husband fed you that shit to taunt and abuse me and you threw me to the wolves to quote unquote fix me,” I say angrily.
“And I will forever be sorry for that,” she murmurs through her own tears. “We always take the most beautiful things and destroy them. I did that with God, you, and your sister. You’ve built a beautiful life for yourself. You were there for Savanna when she needed you, and you’re doing a wonderful job with her boy.
“That—” She points to my heart. “That’s a blessing from God himself. You have a heart of gold. You always have, you always will. I didn’t come here for forgiveness, but I wanted you to know I’m sorry—”
“Well, you’ve said it.”
She purses her lips and nods her head. Lifting her handkerchief she wipes her eyes. I don’t know how to feel. I have so many warring emotions going on inside me.
“You’ve always been just like your mother. I never learned my lesson. I envied a child, and because of that I lost the opportunity to be the mother I always wanted to be. That’s the real reason I treated you so poorly. This is a house of my own creation.” She laughs bitterly.
I feel my brows wrinkle and my head jerks back. The one emotion that becomes prevalent is pity. Not because she’s dying, not because she’s sick. I pity her because she’s sitting here admitting that many lives were ruined because that narcissistic spirit lives inside of her.
“Thank you,” I hear myself say.
She looks up at me, confused. I, on the other hand, have never seen things clearer in my life. I feel like I’m seeing life for its true meaning as I sit here.
“For?” she asks.
“Showing me that it’s not about me. There are bigger things in this world, people who need us more than we need to please ourselves. Mas deserves better than me protecting me or me pleasing me. Thank you,” I say.
“I know I had nothing to do with it, but you’re a great man, Kyle. Nothing and no one can take that away from you,” she says and stands. “Whoever you find to love will be blessed to have you.”
“I know I am,” I hear Andy say.
I turn to see him standing a few feet away. I get up to walk over to him, wrapping an arm around his waist. I place a kiss to his forehead before turning back to my aunt. I’m surprised when I don’t find a look of disgust on her face.
“I’ve said my piece. I won’t disturb your life anymore,” she says.
“Aunt Bethany, wait,” I huff.
Maybe we can find a treatment for her that will help. I can do some research and make a few calls for her. I go to tell her as much, but she raises her hand.
“I’ve been sick for years. I won’t waste your time or your money. I didn’t come here for that. All I ask is you don’t let them bury me anywhere near that man. If my punishment is to see him in hell, so be it, but I will not have my bones lying next to that piece of shit,” she mumbles.
“You sure have been cursing a lot the last two times I’ve seen you,” I tease.
“I’m sure you’ve heard worse. Besides, who’s gonna spank me? My mama been long gone,” she says with a ghost of a smile. The small smile wobbles before she places her next request. “Can I say bye to the baby?”
“Sure.” I nod. “You can say hi.”