CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

SEPTEMBER 30th

FRIDAY, 10:40PM

JANET

 

“Mama if you can hear me I love you. I need you to know I love you.” I thought I was dreaming when I heard Kelsi’s voice. That was until I woke up. I wonder if this is what Delonte meant when he said there’s something I have to tell you. Maybe dead men don’t tell lies. My eyes were swollen shut. I can barely see through one of them and I only try to open the other when I hear him talking to me. It hurts too much otherwise. I was sitting on a cold floor with nothing on but my bra and panties. My back was up against a pole and my hands were tied behind my back.

Once again I’d been taken away from my home and I still wasn’t sure how he got in. It was as smooth as if he lived there. The last thing I remember was preparing to meet Lorenzo, so Kelsi and I could handle business. The next thing I know, I was being forced into a scenario I hadn’t planned for. A scenario I hadn’t planned for. That sounds so weird because I plan for everything. I try to teach Kelsi to plan for every possible scenario too, but never in my wildest dreams did I see this one coming.

Kelsi, I’m so sorry, baby. I’m so sorry for this life I’ve gotten you into. Please forgive me. I wish you could hear me. I feel your love. Can you feel mine?

“Helena Hope, you ready to die?” He interrupted me from my thoughts.

“Yes,” I said trying to form full sentences even though my lips were split and twice their size due to him constantly punching me. “Please don’t hurt my son. He ain’t have shit to do with this.”

“I know he didn’t. This all you, Helena. You should’ve stayed out the game. I tried to warn you but you didn’t listen.”

“But he was blackmailing my son! I had to fucking kill him!”

“Blackmailing him for what? You lied to me, Helena! You told me he was blackmailing him to fuck with my product. You knew how I felt about that shit! But it wasn’t true was it? He was blackmailing him because he knew he killed that dude.”

“He didn’t kill him. I did.” I was spitting up blood and my stomach hurt because he used it as a punching bag. Getting punched in the stomach and hit in the eyes were pains I could do without and he did both of them over and over again.

“You lying but it’s cool. I’m not the fucking cops but you should know that all of this is your fault.”

“I know, oh God I know,” I said crying so hard every muscle in my body ached. “And I’m ready to accept my fate. All I ask is that you spare Kelsi’s life.”

“But, Helena, it’s been about Kelsi all along.”

He was calling me by my alias trying to remind me of my past but lately I thought about it everyday.

“I don’t get it. What do you mean it’s all about Kelsi?”

“I mean, the night I saved you, I knew exactly who you were but you didn’t remember me. Maybe if you weren’t so scared you would have. I don’t know and to be honest, I don’t give a fuck,” he said as he circled around the pole I was tied against. His voice sounding like surround sound speakers that ripped through me.

“There was a party one night that you and your man gave. You were supposed to make all of his associates feel comfortable. You were so high that night that honestly I didn’t know it was possible. Popping those E pills had you fucked up. Anyway, you all high and shit, took one look at me and said, “I ain’t fucking that black mothafucka. I can’t even see him.” You thought you were hilarious. My friends laughing, and Jarvis’ friends laughing. I was the butt end of your mothafucking joke!

I was trying to remember that night but I couldn’t. Maybe he had me confused with someone else and this was all a mistake. Please God let it be a mistake.

“Maybe it wasn’t me because I honestly can’t remember.”

“Shut the fuck up and listen! That’s your problem, you wanna be a man so much you love disrespecting one. Well I’m not Jarvis, bitch.”

I was so scared that I couldn’t move. The warmth that came down my leg felt comforting at first and then it started to run cold. Here I was, on the floor, sitting in my own piss, realizing I was about to die. To top it off, I had to worry about Kelsi being unsafe. I wish it was a way to tell him how much I loved him. I wish it was a way to tell him how proud he made me. But in my heart, I felt he’d never know. I kept many journals when I stayed with Jarvis and one at the apartment in Maryland. I wanted him to have them because I talked so much about him. I’m sure Skully would never give him anything from the apartment.

“Like I said, you said to me, “I ain’t fucking with that nigga!” See, I wasn’t worried ‘bout it for real. You had already fucked five dudes that night and I wasn’t feeling like standing in line to be number six. Still, I ain’t appreciate how you played me in front of my boys and I ain’t appreciate how Jarvis ain’t put you in your place, but I didn’t expect him to because I never liked that nigga. Anyway, I was going to the bathroom and went to Kelsi’s room by mistake.”

“Lil shawty looked right at me and said, ‘What up, nigga!’ I kicked it in his room for a minute just shooting the shit. He had a personality. I thought about the kind of person you were and how you had him around all that shit, so I made a pact with him. I told him just as long as I’m alive, he’d be safe. You know what he told me? ‘Just as long as I’m alive you’ll be safe too.’ “You think he’ll keep his promise now?”

Silence.

“Anyway, he said it with passion in his voice and everything! So when I saw you all fucked up that night, similar to what you look like now, I saw an opportunity to make good on my promise. I mean, its not his fault his mother’s a whore. I figured he was somewhere by himself that night and I needed you to go get him. I just didn’t know where he was. Trust me, I would have killed your sneaky ass myself that night.”

I was weak. I couldn’t believe Skully plotted against me this entire time. He was never down for me. Once again, somebody I trusted turned on me, but I still wasn’t understanding the reason for wanting Kelsi! Was he tryna make him his son or what? It didn’t make any fucking sense. What hurt the most was the last thing I said to my son regarding Skully was that I trusted him. He asked me if I trusted him. He probably sensed something was up and I said, yes. I trust him. Damn!

“You left us, I mean you left Kelsi without nothing for the first few months we moved into the apartment in Maryland. If you were so down for him, why you do us like that.”

“Janet, who in the fuck you think sent Delonte? I did. That’s why he was so persistent; I kept sending his ass back. I knew he wasn’t no good but I needed somebody to look after Kelsi and I needed somebody to keep an eye on you. He did everything I told him to besides fuck you with my dick.”

Damn. That would explain why I always felt he never belonged to me. Like he was a robot or something.

“But what do you want with Kelsi? I still don’t understand.” I was crying but the tears couldn’t fall from my swollen eyes and the ones that did, burned my face.

“I want his passion!! Do you realize you have created a fucking killing machine? I can have him do anything for me in your name. See the last thing you said to him was that I saved your life, so when you’re gone, who do you think he’ll trust?”

“Skully, be real with me! What in the fuck do you want with Kelsi?” I screamed not caring about the pain in my body. The pain in my heart took over that in my body. He wasn’t telling me shit. All I gathered was that he met Kelsi and wanted to look after him, but why?

“Okay since tonight is your last night alive, the least I can do is tell you the entire story.” He laughed. “I’m tired of Jarvis’s shit! Do you realize I found out that this mothafucka was skimming off the top of product I bought from Kyope? I found out that mothafucka had been doing that shit for years! I go over Jarvis’ head to Kyope, tell this mothafucka what was happening and he tells me he’ll talk to Jarvis, like we fucking brothers and shit! This MOTHAFUCKA STOLE MY SHIT!!! Now the nigga stopped hitting my pockets but what about all the money I could’ve made? A pound of coke every time a drop is made adds up to thousands. Now normally I’d murder his ass myself, but he’s Kyope’s right hand man and I ain’t trying to fuck up my connect, but if Kelsi does it, nobody will suspect him.”

“But why would Kelsi go after him? That shit happened years ago!”

“Because I’ll tell him it was Jarvis who pulled the trigger tonight.”

“Skully you could pay somebody to take out Jarvis and then you wouldn’t have to get Kelsi involved.”

“But it won’t be any fun. Do you realize how much money I’d pay to see Kelsi kill that nigga?”

“Fuck you, you bastard!!!! I can’t believe this is happening. Please wake me up. This is not really happening! If you gonna kill me go ahead cuz I can’t take this any more!”

“Not yet. I have one last treat for you. I want you to meet the person who’ll look after Kelsi while you’re gone.”

When I heard female shoes clicking, I tried to open my eyes. I can’t see shit. I need to see the woman who would be in my son’s life forever. Maybe if she can see me, she’ll take pity on me and be easy on Kelsi.

“Hey, Jannneeett! Ooooo I’m gonna take such good care of Kelseeee!” she said sarcastically.

“No!!!!!!! Not Kenosha!!!!! Nooooo!!!!”

“And just so you know, I’m very educated bitch. I play dumb for those who like it that way.”

This is not happening. This is just like all those other bad dreams I’ve had in the past. I’m reliving a nightmare I didn’t even know existed. Please wake me up.

“Janet!”

“What do you want, Kenosha? If ya’ll gonna kill me get it over with! I was dead the moment I found out Skully turned on me. And you, you got rid of that shit at Delonte’s house didn’t you? His mother didn’t do it.”

“Yes, sweetheart. Who else do you think did it?” She started laughing hysterically. “I can’t have you gathering all of the product and re-selling it to Skully can I? It was his anyway!”

“Yous a no good ass slut!! Both of you are grimy!”

“And you should know what one looks like,” she said as she slapped my face.

It didn’t hurt. I was too angry to feel any pain.

“So what, you gonna try to put the moves on my son now, bitch? He won’t ever want you!! I taught him how to find a snake. He smelled you the moment you introduced yourself.”

“No, baby, I don’t want your precious baby boy. I’ll just have a little fun with him. I’m Skully’s leading lady.”

“That’s right, Janet,” he said with a confident tone.

“How you gonna be anybody’s anything?”

“I’m just like you were only better.” She laughed. “You played the game but played it wrong. But it was nice knowing you,” she said as she cocked the gun. “And don’t worry about us getting back in your place, I got the keys.”

“Kelsi, I love you!!”

“Good night, bitch!”

Click … Bang! Bang! Bang!

Pulling for breath…pulling for breath. Isn’t it amazing how life turns out? The same man who saved my life. Pulling for breath. Just ended it. Breathless.