Chapter 17
It was a Wednesday. A Hump Day. Alexis was at work using the women’s restroom. As she sat there, Rashad texted her.
Where u been? R U ok?
She had been ignoring him for weeks. But for a moment she felt curious. She picked up her iPhone, the one she used to keep in touch with him, and she called him.
“Hey, Skillet. It’s about time you answered my calls.”
“I’ve been busy.”
“What? You have never been too busy for me. What you been doing?”
“Living my life; just like you’ve been living yours.”
Alexis heard some commotion and recognized Nicole and Shyla’s voices as they entered the restroom. They were so busy cackling she figured they didn’t know she was hidden away in a stall. She thought about how she had seen Nicole and him at the restaurant that day hugged up for a photo op, and how the basic chick was always talking trash to her for no reason. It infuriated her. She put Rashad on speaker and let him talk.
“I ain’t been doing nothing out the ordinary,” he said, his loud voice echoed against the walls.
“Shhh,” Alexis heard one of the ladies say.
Alexis continued talking. “It’s me. I know you. If you ain’t fucking one bitch, then I know you’ll be fucking another. That’s how you do—with your fine ass.”
A hush fell over the restroom.
“Skillet, you spazzing out.” He laughed. “You ought to let me get some loving again. You act like your legs are closed up to me. You been letting anybody else hit that?”
“As a married man, you have zero jurisdiction over me, sweetie. You can’t be asking me questions like that.”
“You better not be fucking anybody but me,” he said.
Alexis emerged from her stall. She whipped back her weave and stared Nicole dead in the face. The woman’s mouth was all twisted up in anger and disgust.
“You don’t run me, Rashad!”
He laughed. “Okay, sweetness. We’ll see. Meanwhile, let’s plan to go see Hayley and do something fun with her.”
“Sure. Anything for your child . . . I mean anything for you with your childish self.”
She hung up.
“Who is Hayley?” Nicole demanded.
“Mind your business.”
“He is my business, bitch.”
“If he was really your business, you’d already know.”
Alexis washed her hands and ignored the two women as she calmly left the restroom.
A little while later, Alexis looked up from her desk. She saw Nicole emerging from Kiara’s office. Then she saw Kiara walking down the hall in her direction. Her face looked distressed.
“I need to talk to you, Alexis.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
Alexis wanted to cry. She hated Nicole. The chick just didn’t know when to stop.
Kiara closed the door behind her and watched Alexis take her seat.
“Um, this is an odd question, but what kinds of dealings do you still have with my husband?”
“Barely any, to be honest.”
“Are you sure about that?”
“Yes! Why do you ask?”
“Nicole told me she overheard—”
“Shouldn’t you be questioning Rashad? Isn’t he more of your concern than me?”
Kiara looked taken aback. “Well, yes, but I always like to hear both sides of the story.”
“My side is that there is no side. I’ve been doing my best to avoid him. Unless it’s absolutely necessary.”
“What would make it necessary for you to see Rashad?”
Alexis said nothing.
“Does it have to do with a child?”
“Excuse me?”
“Nicole seems to believe that a child is involved.”
“Oh really? Nicole doesn’t know what the fuck she’s talking about!” Alexis was on the verge of tears. Kiara was standing over her. She felt like a trapped animal.
“Alexis, if there is a child, and I hope there isn’t, you should come clean.”
“There is no child!”
Kiara stared at her and said, “All right then. You may return to your desk.” Alexis left Kiara’s office.
As soon as she was gone, Kiara placed a call to Rashad. He answered on the first ring.
“Hey—”
“What’s this I hear about you having a child with Alexis?”
“What?”
“People overheard conversations, so there are rumors going around.”
“People don’t know what they heard.”
“But you don’t know what they heard either, so how can you even assume? Either you do or you don’t.”
“I don’t.”
She stared at the phone and fell into silence. And then she hung up.
Alexis couldn’t wait till lunchtime. For the first time in a long time, she was ecstatic to meet up with a man on Hump Day and she was so happy that it wasn’t Rashad.
She tried to hide her grin as she stood out in the employee parking lot next to her building. She could see Varnell approaching her. This felt good. This was how a woman ought to be treated.
He carefully parked next to her. Hopped out the car and opened her door for her.
“Thank you,” she said. “You are a rare one.”
He laughed and told her, “I’ve been out of practice for a minute so forgive me if I’m rusty.”
Varnell asked her what she had a taste for.
“I love Cajun food.”
“You got it.”
She directed him to a downtown diner that she’d always heard about. Once they parked, got in line to order their meals, and took their seats, Alexis couldn’t stop smiling.
“Why you look like that?” he asked.
“I’m glad we finally got to meet up. This is a nice way to break up my day, which has been pretty hectic so far.”
“Oh, then I’ll make sure that you have a good lunch, how about that?”
He sat across from her and, from the way he wolfed down his food, she liked that he appreciated a good, solid meal. The more she discreetly observed Varnell, the more she liked him. His skin was the color of a walnut. He had strong hands, twinkling eyes that were filled with compassion, and a gentle way about him that reminded her of her daddy.
“You know, Alexis, if anything, I must thank you for having patience. I know most women don’t like to wait on guys.”
“Tell me about it,” she said. “It is hard for me to be patient. I like for things to stay popping.”
“Well, thanks for the last-minute casual lunch. I was in the area and I just wanted to see you. Make sure you’re okay. And let you know that I hadn’t forgotten about you. I don’t like to tell people one thing and do something else. So get ready for the first of many dates that I want us to have.”
Alexis grinned and nodded. She sat and enjoyed her stuffed pork chop and jambalaya, and she daydreamed about a better future. A more realistic life that didn’t depend on married men who played games. Alexis didn’t want to be a mistress forever who had to hide. She wanted the best that life could offer to her and Hayley, and she could only hope that she was on her way to getting it.
Alexis sat on the edge of her seat in the darkness of the Hobby Center. She mouthed the lines to the Broadway musical as she watched the actress playing Sofia in The Color Purple.
She clutched the program tightly in her hands. She heard the tittered laughter of the audience that surrounded her on both sides. She sat smack in the middle of the aisle with a perfect view of the actors.
“You enjoying yourself?”
Alexis gently nodded, her eyes steadfast on the breathtaking production, her ears taking in the dialogue, the heightened sounds of the auditorium. She was moved to tears, thinking of the need to fight, and how you must battle in order to win.
When it was all over, and the audience rose to its feet in loud and enthusiastic applause, Alexis finally exhaled. The lights went up. Varnell grabbed her by the hand and escorted her to the crowded lobby where theatergoers were purchasing gift items and mementos from the popular musical.
She was so grateful that her mother had agreed to watch Hayley that Saturday afternoon. Earlier she told her mom she had a date with a single man. And thankfully, for the first time in a long time, her mother was excited for Alexis.
They went down the escalator, through the exits, and walked on the sidewalks amidst the crowds.
“I see you have a huge smile on your face,” Varnell said. “I hope that means you were okay with this official first date.”
“I am. It’s just what I needed.” She was thinking, Maybe you’re just what I needed, but her cautious heart kept those words from escaping her mouth.
They took a leisurely stroll to a downtown Houston outdoor café. When Varnell pulled out her chair for her to sit down, Alexis fought hard to act calm and like she was used to good treatment. She relished how good it felt to be with this man.
“Let it out. Your facial expressions are saying all kinds of things . . . things I’d like to hear.”
Alexis felt self-conscious when a blush spread across her cheeks. Varnell was so different from Rashad. He was polite, strong yet gentle, and a teensy bit shy mixed with humbleness.
“No, really. I’m just having a great time. It’s been awhile.”
“Really? A pretty woman like you ain’t used to having a good time every day?”
She shrugged. “Story of my life. Everything that glitters isn’t gold.”
“Well, somehow I knew that. From the first time I laid eyes on you in that grocery store, I knew there was a story underneath those beautifully sad eyes.”
She didn’t know how to respond.
“I’m glad we met, though. You are more chill than I thought.”
“Oh, really?”
“You look high maintenance—”
“I can be,” she admitted.
“I knew that, too, but I decided to take a chance. To not judge you by your pretty face, your nice clothes, your perfect hair.”
“It’s not all real. But I like it,” she replied, sifting her fingers through her long strands.
“I know that. Some women these days think you gotta wear all this weave and . . . silicone booty and five-thousand-dollar boob jobs.”
She laughed. “I know what you mean. It seems like you’re not getting the real woman, right?”
“Correct.”
“And I completely understand that, Varnell. It’s just that when you give someone the real you, and you still get rejected, well, a little bit of Indian hair doesn’t seem to matter that much. Some women do what they think they need to do to make themselves feel and look good.”
“I know, but it always seems like it’s something you slap on yourself. On your head. On your body. On you. Over you. Covering you. Men just like to know what they actually getting, that’s all.”
“I hear you. And I hope my weave doesn’t make you want to stop seeing me.”
It was his turn to be surprised. “You want to see me again?”
“Why not? Don’t sell yourself so short, boo.”
“Oh, it ain’t that. I just thought I moved a little too slow for you.”
“Slow is good sometimes. I’ve done fast. Fast only speeds up heartbreak.”
“Tell me about it.”
They ordered seared salmon with mashed potatoes and broccoli. By this time, if she’d been with anybody else, she’d had retrieved a cigarette by now, lit it up and smoked away her nerves. But Alexis wasn’t really nervous right then. She enjoyed her date’s company so much she felt she didn’t want to ruin anything. She wasn’t sure what their new relationship would lead to, and God knows she didn’t want to scare the man away.
“You got a man?”
“Whoa, I did not expect that abrupt question.” She paused to take a long sip of green tea.
“What’s your answer?”
“I have a . . . I have a situation.”
“A situation.”
“Yeah, you know one of those things where it’s hard to explain exactly what it is and even if you do know what it is, you still aren’t ready to explain it? One of those.”
“One of those. Well, it happens, especially if you live in this world long enough.”
“How about you?”
“Never married. I’ve had some long-term relationships. They were good . . . in the beginning. Now I’m kind of chilling. When you’ve been there and done that, you feel you already know what’s going to happen. I’m waiting for a nice surprise to come my way.”
“I love how that sounds. Nice surprises instead of the normal B.S.”
He concentrated on eating his food then asked, “What do you want out of life, Alexis McNeil?”
“I-I just want to . . . um. I just want.”
“You don’t have to answer now. We have plenty of time to figure it out. Together.”
She offered Varnell a grateful smile. She knew what she wanted to say, but right then she lacked the courage to tell him that her life was a mess and she was in the process of fixing her “situation”; that she wanted Varnell to meet Hayley, and how she wanted a true, authentic relationship that was acceptable to her mother.
Alexis hoped that one day the fragmented pieces of her life would eventually click together and make perfect, happy, unsurprising sense.
When the following weekend arrived, Alexis made a random decision to go to the Home Depot. She needed to get some fertilizer for the backyard. She found a parking place, got out of the car and started walking toward the entrance. But as she passed through the lot, she saw Rashad’s new sedan. She knew his license plate number. The windows were rolled down. Alexis peeped inside. The car was empty. The key was in the ignition. She knew Rashad had a bad habit of leaving his windows open. And apparently now he was forgetting and leaving keys in the car too. She reached inside, removed his key, and hid it in her hand.
She decided to go in the store and look for Rashad. Alexis quietly walked around the huge store until she saw the back of his head. He was in the appliance department. Nicole Greene stood next to him pointing at a refrigerator. They stood close together and were talking.
Alexis walked up to Rashad. He didn’t see her. But Nicole stopped talking the second she saw Alexis.
“We have a visitor.”
“What you mean?”
“Turn around.”
Rashad slowly turned around. His face turned white when he saw Alexis.
“Yo, what’s up?”
“Yo, what’s up?” Alexis said.
“Yeah, I am saying hi. What’s up?”
Alexis glared while Nicole grinned. “He and I are busy right now. He’s helping me pick out an appliance.” Nicole grabbed Rashad by his hand. He hesitated but let her pull him away from Alexis.
No wonder he can’t keep his mind on what he’s doing, Alexis thought as she discreetly placed his car key in her purse.
“Rashad, are you seriously letting her hold your hand too? Oh, hell no.”
“What you mean ‘hell no’? This man ain’t yours.”
Alexis was sick of Nicole. It was time to pay Rashad back.
“He’s my child’s father. That’s what he is.”
Nicole dropped Rashad’s hand. “What did you say?”
“Ask him yourself.”
“I thought you told our boss that there is no child. She came back and told me you denied it and that I need to stop spreading rumors before something bad happens. What the hell is going on? Rashad?”
“So you never told her, either?” Alexis asked. “Are you honest with any woman that’s in your life?”
“Alexis, look. This is not the time or place. I’m with my client.”
“She’s way more than a client. It’s obvious y’all two got something going on.” Alexis whipped out the photo of them at the restaurant. “You do not pose like this with all your clients. Stop playing us for a fool. And tell the truth for once in your life.”
“Rashad, baby, it’s okay. We cool like that. You can tell me anything. It doesn’t matter. I’m riding with you regardless.”
“Alexis, I don’t need you to dictate when I should tell Nicky what I want her to know. Now, if you don’t mind, we got some business to take care of. I’ll hit you up later, okay?”
Alexis felt sick to her stomach. She couldn’t believe Rashad as he protectively placed his arm around Nicole right in front of her.
“Fool, you are not going to disrespect me in front of this ugly-ass bitch.”
Nicole laughed. “It’s funny that he spends a lot of time with this ugly-ass bitch. He don’t want you. That’s why he’s always with me. A long, pretty weave is not enough to keep a man. And apparently a baby with you isn’t enough, either.”
Alexis rolled her eyes. “I don’t have to fight over this Negro or any other one. Bye, Rashad. You are a bigger fool than I thought you were.”
Nicole gave Alexis a triumphant look the second she saw her backing away from them.
Alexis stormed out of the store. She began walking toward her car. But when she saw Rashad’s sedan, she went and jerked open the door handle. She got in the car, retrieved the key, and started the engine. Alexis backed Rashad’s car out of the parking space. She quickly sped away from the Home Depot. She kept wiping hot tears from her eyes as she drove down the street and ignored the calls that began making her cell phone beep.
The texts started pouring in.
Forget what just happened. Little Shorty feeling me, that’s all.
Answer ur phone. She in the ladies room. I only got 5 mins.
We can talk.
Alexis drove and drove. Each time she saw a police car, she held her breath and her stomach felt tense. “He can’t call the police on me. He doesn’t know I have his car. But what if he finds out? Could I go to jail?”
She drove until she reached a corner gas station. She pulled next to a pay phone. She stepped out, put money in the slot, and dialed Rashad’s number. He didn’t pick up the first time, but he answered the second time.
“Hello?”
“I can’t believe you are fucking that psycho—”
“Alexis, I wanna tell you all about that, but I got an emergency right now. Somebody stole my car.”
“What? Are you kidding me?”
“No. It’s fucked up. I came out here and the car was gone.”
“Wow, karma is a nasty bitch.”
“Did you do something to my car?”
“Nope.”
“Please don’t lie to me.”
“Please don’t lie to you? That’s funny, Rashad.”
“You sure you didn’t do anything to my car?”
“I haven’t done anything to your car.”
She hung up. He called her cell phone. She didn’t answer. Logic and sensibility had no place in her head. She thought about herself, then thought about Nicole.
“Filet mignon versus a hot dog. J. W. Marriott versus Motel Six. Neiman Marcus versus Walmart. Hell, not even Walmart. More like the Salvation Army. He must be out his mind.”
Alexis decided to drive to Glynis’s. She couldn’t think of any other place to go. Once she arrived, it took Alexis longer than normal to locate a parking space. The street that was typically clear from traffic was now filled with parked vehicles up and down the block. Alexis found an available spot at the very end and briskly walked until she reached her sister’s house. The door of the fence was wide open. Alexis timidly went up to the front door. Before she could knock, Hazel, the center’s co-operator, answered. Hazel looked a hot mess, sweaty and funky like she’d been running from the police.
“I’m shocked you got here so fast. News spreads fast.”
“What are you talking about? What news?”
“Your sister. She’s dead. She passed away an hour ago.”
Alexis’s knees buckled. She sunk to the ground, her head hitting the concrete.
Rashad and Nicole took a taxi to her house. Once he paid the driver, he impatiently asked Nicole if he could drive her car.
“I need to report that my ride’s been jacked. I would let you drive but you drive too slow.”
“Okay then.” She handed him the keys and smiled while he took the wheel. He hadn’t driven too far when he got another call from an unrecognized number.
Hazel identified herself and told Rashad about Glynis.
“Aw, damn. I’m sorry to hear that. Where’s my baby?”
Nicole gave him the side-eye.
“I’m on my way.”
Nicole was silent for the majority of the ride over to the north side.
“So you really do have a baby?”
“Yeah, I do. Her name is Hayley. What about it?”
“Oh, so it is true. Damn. We been rolling a long time and you could have told me that.”
“I didn’t want to tell you. I still don’t. That’s my private business. I just didn’t know when to tell you.”
“But what man denies his child?”
“I’ve never denied my kid.”
“I’m just saying. We tight. You can trust me.”
“I can trust you to do what?”
“I won’t tell a soul.”
Rashad didn’t say another word until they pulled up on the block and ended up having to park the next street over.
By the time they walked into Glynis’s house and Rashad saw Alexis nursing her head injury, he went and knelt beside her. “I heard what happened. You all right? You gone be okay?”
He grabbed Alexis in a bear hug. She let him hold her. Nicole stood to the side with her arms folded. Alexis didn’t care about the hateful looks Nicole shot at her. When Hayley stumbled into the room with her arms outstretched saying, “Mama,” Alexis scooped the precious little girl into her arms. She squeezed her tight. She knew Hayley was looking for the woman who had always acted as her mother.
“Mama,” she cried out as she squirmed and curiously stared at all the people that began to congregate throughout the house.
As the house started to fill up with family, friends, and associates, Alexis heard in bits and pieces the details about her sister’s passing.
“She was driving to the store and she passed out at the wheel and crashed through the front of a Starbucks. Her blood sugar dropped too low and she blacked out. She died instantly.”
Alexis felt so sad and dry inside, she had no tears. She and Glynis had butted heads off and on for years, but she’d never wish death upon anyone.
“This is shocking and so unexpected,” Alexis said. “I knew she had seen the doctor about her blood sugar and she was on insulin. I thought she could beat this disease. Now this.”
“Thank God the baby wasn’t in the car with her,” another person said.
“Speaking of cars . . .” Alexis told Rashad. “Did you find yours?”
“No. I was on my way to the police station when I got the phone call about this.”
“Thank you for making this a priority.”
“No problem.”
“And I know where your car is.”
“You do?”
“Follow me.”
Nicole tightly held onto Rashad’s arm as he rose to his feet. Alexis told her, “This has nothing to do with you. It’s just me and him. Have a seat.”
Nicole defiantly kept standing.
When Rashad proceeded to walk out of the house, Nicole was right behind him.
Alexis told him, “Please handle this.”
“Chill, Nicky. I got to take care of my business real quick. And I’m warning you, don’t ever tell anyone about my child. She’s innocent and doesn’t deserve to be in the middle of a scandal. If you tell anyone, especially Kiara, we are through, you got that?”
“Okay, I won’t tell a soul. I love you, Rashad.”
“Good. Now go get something to eat. I’ll be back.”
Nicole gave Alexis a hostile look but she smiled at Rashad and said, “Okay, babe.”
Most women wouldn’t put up with Rashad’s reckless ways, but Nicole wasn’t most women. She knew he wasn’t a perfect man, but she could sense he was a man who tried to act like he had it all together. But she knew he had his fears about life, yet he tried anyway. He had a strong work ethic. And he was generous and thoughtful. Nicole felt she understood him. When he previously told her about the clashes he had with his own mother, and how disappointed he was at not receiving his mom’s full support when he became a young man, Nicole wanted to hold him in her arms and let him know that she would ride for him no matter what. She believed in his potential. She knew that, if he had the right woman, he could excel. She felt he lied because of fear, and fear was something Nicole understood well.
Once Nicole left them alone, Alexis and Rashad stepped outside the house and walked down the block. Alexis cleared her throat. “What the hell is going on?”
“I told you, she’s my client.”
“Cut the bullshit. I can tell by y’all’s body language that you’re fucking her.”
He scratched his head and looked away in the distance.
“It is only because you had a death in the family that I will ignore that accusation. Meanwhile, we got something serious on our hands. I am assuming you will take Hayley with you at some point till I figure out what to do.”
“Rashad—”
“Here, take this.” He handed her a wad of cash. She tossed the bills in the air.
“This is what you can do with your guilt money.”
She proceeded to head back toward the house but he grabbed her.
“Okay.” He couldn’t look her in the eyes. “I messed up. I messed up.”
“That’s all I ask is that you be real with me. I know you too well for you to try anything else.”
“We kind of fell into a little thing; before I knew it, I was in deep. It wasn’t planned.”
“No wonder you disappeared on me. But it’s cool. Hayley and I will be just fine.”
“This does not mean I have abandoned you, nor Hayley.”
“Save it, Rashad.”
He apologized again and reached down to pick up the money. When she turned around to walk back to the house, he called out after her, “What did you want to tell me about my ride?”
“Nothing, Rashad. I know nothing about your ride.”
She started to walk away but she turned back around and looked him in the eye. “Except that you can find it parked all the way down the street on the right-hand side. Next time roll up your windows, lock your damn doors, and remember to take this with you.” Then she reached in her purse and retrieved his key.
Alexis returned to the house where her relatives were grieving and swapping stories about her sister. By the time evening arrived, Alexis grew completely exhausted from all the talking and asking questions. Rashad told her, “Come on. We’ll take you to Home Depot.”
“We?”
“I meant me. Alexis, go and get Hayley’s things so she can spend the night with you.”
“She’s not just spending the night. She’s going to live where she always belonged.”
While Alexis packed, Rashad fielded calls from Kiara, who’d been trying to reach him all day. Nicole stood around trying to listen to his conversation but he ducked inside another room. Alexis and Nicole were left alone.
“Sorry about your sister.”
“Shut up, Nicole.”
“You know what, I’m trying to be nice to you.”
“I don’t need you to be nice to me.”
“You are one stupid ass—”
Alexis shoved Nicole up against a wall and held her by her wrists. “You and I are not friends. Got it? We have nothing in common. Nothing!” Alexis was close enough to spit on her.
“What are you doing? Get your hands off me. I’m gonna scream for Rashad, you better stop.”
“Trust me. That man can’t even save himself let alone you.”
Alexis let her go. She had more important things to deal with.
Glynis’s funeral was held a few days later. Rashad insisted on driving Alexis. She hadn’t seen the family since Tandy had died a few years ago, but everyone in the family was happy to talk to her. Hayley sat perfectly still until she noticed the blown-up poster of Glynis stationed close to the casket. She pointed and yelled, “Mama,” but Alexis didn’t mind. She got up and carried her daughter to the open casket. As instructed, Hayley dropped a pack of Starbursts on top of the corpse, Glynis’s favorite candy.
When the memorial service ended, Rashad drove them home. They were silent during the ride. Hayley was leaning all the way out of her car seat, snoring like a hundred-year-old woman.
Even though Alexis and her sister hadn’t been particularly close, she still felt the loss. She wished she could hear Glynis’s voice again . . . and wished she could say all the things that division and pride kept her from voicing during the times that she could.
Finally Rashad spoke. “I told myself I’d never let you ride in my car again, yet look at what I’m doing.”
Alexis gave a small smile. “We always gotta try and do right by family, no matter how mad we get at them.”
“Yeah. I guess . . . Fam.”
“And, Rashad. I-I am sorry for getting pissed off at you . . . and taking off in your ride. I’ve never done anything like that before. But, hey. It was fun.”
“You ain’t right, Skillet.”
She could tell from the sound of his voice that he wouldn’t hold a grudge. He never had.
“I learned you never know what you’ll do when you’re in a certain situation. You only know when that thing is right in your face, when you’re in the moment.” Death always made Alexis think about life. And making sure life was right before it shifted into death. She paused and searched for the words she wanted to say. “You may not want to hear this, but I think two years is long enough to keep this situation from her. The longer you wait, the worse it’s going to be, Rashad.”
“Tell me about it. Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about my life, my daddy, my son, Hayley, you, Kiara. I kind of wish I was a Mormon.”
“You sound crazy.”
“Who says I’m not? Seriously, you may not believe this, but I don’t know what I’d do if I lost the most important things in my life. I wonder why things can’t be the way I want them to be.”
“But that’s not fair, Rashad. There’s something called ‘order’ that is supposed to rule everything in this world. And if you don’t live life in the right order, well, things will be messed up. I sure wish our daughter had been born under better circumstances . . .”
“Hell, I do, too. But what’s done is done. I’ve already hurt enough people. You really think I want to hurt her?”
“Think about it, Rashad. With everything that’s happened, you already have.”