Chapter 22
On Thursday of that week, when Alexis was at work, she lowered her head and peered in the darkness underneath her desk. She placed one finger against her lips, signaling to Hayley that in order to win this little game they were playing she must be perfectly quiet. She handed her daughter a miniature flashlight to play with so it wouldn’t be so shadowy when she hid in the corner. The space under the elegant U-shaped hardwood desk offered ultimate privacy. Hayley would be safe from view.
All that morning Alexis tried to act like everything was normal. She had to do her job plus make sure Hayley wasn’t seen or heard.
When Shyla and Nicole scurried past mid-morning, Alexis felt Hayley playfully tapping her leg. Alexis ignored her. Hayley began to hum and persistently yanked on her mother’s skirt.
“What’s that noise?” Shyla asked, stopping to listen. “Did you hear that?”
“What noise? I didn’t hear anything.”
“Lessie.”
Alexis wanted to correct Hayley but couldn’t.
“Hey, ladies,” Alexis said in a loud voice. “Some nice person brought kolaches and doughnuts to work this morning. A dozen of them are still left in the kitchen.”
“I can’t eat that shit. Remember I’m watching what I eat these days.”
“Oh, chile, you so wrong for that.” Shyla laughed at Nicole’s catty remark.
“Well, why don’t you get on about your business and do some work, since you’re making all this money these days.”
Nicole plopped her new leather purse on top of Alexis’s desk.
Hayley poked her little head from the side of the desk. Part of her head was hidden but Nicole still could look directly into the little girl’s eyes.
“Oh, my God.”
“What?”
“She’s what I heard.”
Hayley completely emerged from her hiding place. Aware that she had an audience, she rocked back and forth in her tan suede boots. She wore a dark brown knit dress and some textured tights. A little purse was hanging off her arm.
“What’s she doing here?” Nicole asked. Nicole lifted up the little girl and held her. “I can’t believe this. She’s grown since the last time I saw her.” Nicole wanted to be nice to Hayley. This was her lover’s child, sort of her stepchild. Plus, she really did love children.
Alexis felt protective of Hayley. She wanted to tell everyone that this was her kid, but the workplace environment had treated her so unfairly.
At that moment, when Alexis saw her big, looming desk, she saw her sister. The desk was a custody agreement, a keeper of secrets, the hider of a Freakum Bag, and a clever way to conceal her truths. She was sick of burying truth inside of lies.
Hayley’s eyes lit up. She gurgled and seemed so happy, so accepting, no matter what was going on around her.
“This beautiful child is my daughter, Hayley. I’m in the process of obtaining full custody of my baby. And the day care center has admitted her, but they won’t have an opening until tomorrow. I chose to bring her here where I could watch her. And I—”
Why am I explaining my situation to them?
“Hayley will be here as long as I want her to be. You got a problem with that?”
“I know all about it. You’re just doing what you have to do.”
Nicole ruffled the little girl’s hair and set her in Alexis’s arms.
Shyla stared at Hayley and smiled. “She really is a cutie pie. Just like her mommy.”
The two women walked away, leaving Alexis alone with her daughter.
Alexis allowed Hayley to sit next to her on a guest chair that she positioned on the side of her desk. She did her work for the remainder of the morning and was surprised that none of her coworkers gave her odd looks. But when lunchtime arrived, she quickly scooped the girl up and whisked her out the door. She drove Hayley to her cousin Fendi’s apartment. Mona Hooker, who normally watched her, was tied up all day at several doctor’s appointments and couldn’t keep her. So Alexis had to make other plans.
“I have a meeting that I need to attend . . . Thank you so much,” Alexis told her cousin and handed her some cash.
“I got a hair appointment later—”
“Don’t worry. I will pick her up. Just let me know when. Text me.”
“All right, cuzzo.”
Alexis drove back to work feeling more at ease. She was someone’s mother. She knew it was time to start acting like it. She wanted to phone Rashad but resisted the urge. She needed to learn how to face tough situations on her own.
Approximately an hour before she was scheduled to get off work, she heard a commotion down the hall near the entrance of the building. She tried to concentrate on her typing, but couldn’t.
The sound of multiple voices disturbed her.
“Whose little girl is this? She’s so cute! Look at those little Timbs.”
“Aww, she’s got some pretty ole eyes. This baby is too precious.”
“I got next when you’re done holding her. I love babies.”
Alexis was mildly curious. She loved babies, too. She was about to rise up from her seat when she saw a silhouette of someone creeping down the hall. Two shapely figures. She heard the soft pitter-patter of tiny feet. Then the sound abruptly stopped.
“Mama.”
Hayley’s unmistakable voice. Alexis saw Fendi rushing behind Kiara. Kiara whisked the little girl in her arms. She held her and talked sweetly to her.
Alexis froze on sight, unable to talk or think.
Kiara set the child down. Hayley burst into a wild sprint and zigzagged through the corridor. Kiara laughed and began to chase her.
Hayley stopped in front of Kiara’s office, then dashed inside.
Alexis reclined in her seat and shut her eyes tight.
Soon she heard, “Dada. Hi, Dada.” Alexis presumed her daughter saw the family photo with Rashad in her boss’s office.
After that, the sound of cruel silence.
Until Fendi interrupted. “Cuzzo, you all right?”
“Why are you here?”
“I had to pee and now I’m ’bout to go. I told you I had to get my hair did. I’m already late to my ’point-ment. . . holla.”
“I. Was supposed. To pick. Her up,” Alexis spoke to the shadow of her flaky cousin, who quickly left the building and disappeared out of sight.
“I paid you. I . . . ugh.”
Not long afterward, Kiara slowly traipsed down the hallway. This time she was holding Hayley in her arms. The little girl patted Kiara’s cheeks with her fingers as she softly sang. Kiara silently marched until her long trail ended at Alexis.
“So this is my husband’s daughter.”
This time the boss didn’t want to meet with Alexis in her office. This time she demanded the woman follow her down the hall, through the exit doors, down the steps, and away from the four walls of their building and onto the college campus.
Kiara, still holding Hayley in her arms, trooped ahead like she was Sofia in The Color Purple wearing her flowered hat. Her loud footsteps banged the pavement, her neck straight, as she headed to a place unknown. She finally stopped at an empty wooden bench that was seemingly planted in the middle of nowhere. Trees with swirling leaves towered over them. Students rushed past, headed to classes. The air was cold and brisk, and the wind howled like it was scared.
Hayley coughed and shivered.
“This won’t take long.”
“Kiara, I’m so, so sorry.”
“Are you?”
“Yes. This.” Alexis mournfully sighed like it finally hit her. “This. This.”
“I don’t know. I don’t know what to say. What can you tell me to make this situation good? Acceptable?”
“I understand if you hate me, Kiara. I’d hate me too if I were in your shoes. I wanted to tell you, I was dying to tell you but he—”
“I just wonder why it’s taken me so long . . .”
Alexis nervously rubbed her hands together. Her face was pinched, her normal portrait of a confident, beautiful, sexy, desired woman gone.
“But I always knew.”
“You knew?”
“When a woman really wants to know, she knows. He can lie as much as he wants. I can lie as much as I want. I didn’t know everything, but I knew something. The hints were there. My God, she favors him.”
“Again, I wish things had been different. Everyone has faults and does things they regret. I’m no different and I—”
“I don’t need the speeches. I hate speeches. Worthless, meaningless, this shit ain’t gonna change nothing speeches. My heart feels like a big pile of dust right now.” She looked Alexis squarely in the eye. “Do you know what that feels like? To realize that everything you’ve ever believed in, everything that ever made you feel warm inside, and safe, and loved, and significant, is all questionable? No, you don’t know. I don’t care what you say. You have no idea.”
Hayley squirmed in the tight clutch of Kiara’s arms. Alexis’s impulse told her to grab her daughter. Get her. Save her. She reached for the child, but Kiara coldly turned her back to the woman.
“I guess this is what I get,” Kiara said. “What I deserve.”
“No, don’t say that—”
“No, wait. I’m not done yet.” She faced Alexis again and spoke. “When my husband and I first met, I was single. But he was already in a relationship. Not married, nothing serious, but he was casually dating someone. And I saw him. We talked. We clicked. I went after him. I spoke us into existence. That’s what I do. And I worked hard at it. We were married. I probably loved him more than he loved me at first, but he grew to love me. He grew to understand the things I wanted and needed from him. And he gave them to me. He did an excellent job making me, us, look good. But after we had the baby, things shifted. I started feeling like a single mom. His contracting business felt like the new ‘outside’ baby, a kid by another woman that I had to learn how to deal with because he was spending so much time with the ‘kid.’ He was loving that kid, and I felt like he loved that other child way more than he loved me. I got scared. I hold on to the ledges when I’m scared. And maybe, just maybe, the tight grip I had made him feel trapped, and it scared him away.”
“Look, I already feel like crap and listening to you pour out your heart, Kiara. All I can say is, thank you for sharing that with me. We seem like two different women, but I think we have more in common than you think.”
“Oh, thank you very much for that. That really makes me feel so special.”
“No, I need you to please believe that I’m as much a victim as you are. But I’m not like Nicole. I won’t cause you any trouble. I-I—”
“I-I, shut up!”
Kiara handed Hayley to her mother and gave the child a stony, miserable look. Even she couldn’t deny the resemblance. Rashad’s lips, eyes, and ears, the dimples in her tiny fingers.
“Ghetto twins.” She laughed and discreetly caressed her belly. “My husband, the overachiever. Who else can go from one child to four in a few months? I gotta get out of here.”
Alexis was still full of questions. Did she still have a job? Would she be forced to type up her own termination letter? But a blank expression rolled down Kiara’s face like a theater curtain going down after the final act, except Alexis couldn’t hear any applause.