It wasn’t quite five thirty in the evening, but the sun had already set when Julian pulled his SUV into his mother’s driveway. He parked, then pulled out his phone, typing out a quick message to Chandra.
Made a quick stop at my mom’s. Be home soon.
A flicker of joy bubbled in his chest at the thought of him and Chandra calling the same space home.
They hadn’t discussed living together. That was his Plan B conversation if Chandra didn’t accept his marriage proposal. Still, waking up with her in his arms that morning had been a slice of heaven. And knowing that the CEO-to-be mother of their child wanted to make him a meal and that she planned to spend another night in his bed made his usually cautious heart feel full in ways it hadn’t before.
Julian had admittedly avoided making deep connections in his life, having learned early that the people he loved could be snatched away from him in a flash. And there was nothing he could do about it. But he’d felt an almost instant affinity for Chandra. And little by little, he’d been opening himself up to her and letting her in, and he was thankful that he had. Because being with her made him happier than he’d ever been.
When he knocked on the side door, his mother seemed pleasantly surprised to see him.
“I wasn’t expecting you tonight.” She opened the door to let him in. “I just made a gourmet grilled cheese sandwich for dinner, but I’d be happy to make you one.”
“Thanks, Mom, but I’ll only be a few minutes. Chandra is making dinner.” He followed her into the kitchen, not missing the hitch in her step when he mentioned Chandra.
“So she’s back in town.” His mother pulled two bottles of water from the fridge and handed him one.
He opted to save his speech about the ecological dangers of bottled water and accepted it gratefully.
“Ray must be happy.” She rubbed at her forehead and sighed quietly. A sure sign that she was carefully calculating how to phrase her next statement. “So I guess that means you two are back on?”
“We were never really off.” Julian swigged water from the bottle. “It was more of a misunderstanding.”
“Clear, frequent communication is vital in any relationship, son.”
“Like ours?” Julian frowned, hiking an eyebrow.
His mother ignored the jab about their dysfunctional, though improving, relationship. She folded her arms and leaned against the edge of the counter. “I’m serious, Jules. It’s difficult enough to keep the lines of communication open in a traditional relationship. But in a long-distance one—”
“Chandra accepted Ray’s offer. She’s going to be Valentine Vineyards’ CEO.” He tried, unsuccessfully, to strain the smugness from his tone. “She put her house in San Diego up for sale, and she’s already moved here to Magnolia Lake. She’s staying at the villa with her dad and sister.”
“For now.” It wasn’t a question, so he didn’t deny it.
“You just don’t like Chandra.” Julian set his water down. “You tolerated her because you thought she’d return to California and I’d move on.”
“That isn’t true.” She set her bottle on the counter, then smoothed her hand over her shoulder-length salt-and-pepper gray hair, pinned up in a bun. “I like Chandra very much. She’s sweet, thoughtful, accomplished. And my heart can’t help but go out to a woman who’s been through so much. Abandoned by her mother, stepmother and fiancé. Being tasked with practically raising her brothers and sister when she was only a kid herself.”
“But—”
“But she is much older than you. Of course, there’s no crime in that.” She raised her palms to halt his objection. “But I think maybe you have different goals in life. You’re a young man just beginning your career as a physician with an independent practice. Maybe you haven’t given it much thought, but I’d imagine you’ll eventually want to start a family. Chandra’s nearly forty, right? So having kids might not be part of her trajectory, which is also fine. But that puts you two at—”
“Chandra’s pregnant, Ma.” Julian practically blurted out the words, punctuated by a nervous laugh.
He collapsed against the counter behind him after finally revealing the secret he’d carefully guarded all day. He hadn’t intended to state it so bluntly without preamble. But he’d wanted to stop his mother’s descent before she could dig herself any deeper with her Chandra’s too old to give me grandchildren routine.
“I’m going to be a dad.” Julian placed a palm over his heart, then dragged his fingers through his hair and shook his head. “I can still hardly believe it.”
“So the news came as a shock, but isn’t necessarily unwelcome.” His mother nodded; her arms folded. “Is that why Chandra came back?”
“Neither of us knew before yesterday.” Julian drank more of his water. “Chandra moved here to be a part of her family’s new venture at the vineyards and to give this relationship a legitimate shot.”
“Well, it’s good you were at least part of the reason Chandra chose to relocate here.” His mother propped her chin on one fist. “With a baby on the way, it’ll be tempting to hurry your relationship along. But there’s no reason you two can’t still take your time and—”
“I asked Chandra to marry me.” Julian rubbed the back of his neck and tried to ignore his mother’s shocked expression.
“I see. And what did she say?”
“She’s considering it. But regardless of her answer, I need you to understand that I care deeply for this woman. And I want her to be part of my life.”
“Congratulations is in order, then, I suppose.” She squeezed his arm and gave him a soft smile. “If this is what you both truly want, then I’m happy for you.”
Now wasn’t the time to unpack his mother’s conditional congratulations. Then again...maybe it was.
“I came here tonight because I wanted you to be the first person I told about the baby and about asking Chandra to marry me. But I also came to say this... I want to be a good dad. No, a great one. Like Dad was. But I can’t do that if I’m drowning in guilt and resentment over the way things have been between us since Dad died.” A knot clenched in Julian’s gut. “So we need to stop pretending like everything is fine and talk about this.”
“I’ve been thinking about that a lot lately.” His mother’s brows furrowed, and her eyes were suddenly watery. She stared down at her clasped hands. “The state of our relationship...I realize it’s my fault.”
“I didn’t come here to toss blame, Ma.” He really hadn’t. But he appreciated her acknowledging her role in all of this.
“You didn’t toss blame, sweetheart. I’m just owning up to my mistakes. Something I should’ve done a long time ago.” She sighed softly. “When you stopped coming home for the holidays, I said I didn’t mind. But the truth was...I was devastated that my only child couldn’t bear to endure Christmas with me. It forced me to reexamine my life and contemplate how royally I’d screwed up as a mother. I handled your father’s death poorly. I was so consumed with my own grief and—”
“Blaming me for Dad’s death?” Julian clutched the counter behind him, his forehead tensing.
“Yes,” she whispered. The lines around her eyes seemed to age her a decade.
Julian had been ten and was running late for school and had missed the bus again. His mother insisted that he walk the two miles to school and endure detention for being late. But his dad had met him around the corner and given him a ride to school. Said it would be their little secret.
Julian had arrived at school just before the late bell rang, feeling smug because he’d outsmarted his mother. But the unplanned side trip made his father run late for work. His dad had been speeding when he hit an oil slick on the road and spun out, colliding with a logging truck. He’d been killed instantly.
Julian had revisited that day in his head again and again. Thought of all the things he would’ve done differently.
What if he’d heeded his mother’s warning about staying up too late so he wouldn’t oversleep? What if he’d laid his school clothes out the night before, as his mother had often admonished? What if he’d obeyed his mother and just walked to school that day?
Then his father would still be alive.
But he hadn’t done any of those things. And though he hadn’t caused his father’s accident, had he been a more considerate, compliant son, his father would likely still be alive to celebrate the news of expecting his first grandchild.
“What happened to your father was an unfortunate accident.” His mother’s pained words broke into his thoughts. “I’m sorry for the irrational blame I laid at your feet. It was wrong of me. We were both grieving, and I should’ve been there for you instead of accusing you of...” She sucked in a deep breath, her lower lip wobbling. “I can’t even imagine what a burden you must’ve been shouldering all this time. I’m so sorry, Jules.”
“I appreciate that, Ma. But I didn’t come here to revisit our painful history.” He rubbed unconsciously at the ache in his chest. “I’m only interested in how we move forward from this.”
“Maybe I can’t make amends for the past. But if I don’t at least try, we’ll never break down this wall between us. And we’ll never be able to build a bridge to a better future.” His mother sniffled and swiped a knuckle beneath her glistening eyes. “When you didn’t come home these past few years, it made me realize how much I’ve been missing out on your life. And I can’t help thinking that if your father could see what’s become of our relationship...it’d break his heart. This isn’t what I want for us, sweetie.”
“Me neither.” Julian swallowed back the pain bubbling in his chest. “But after a while, I gave up.” He shrugged. “It just seemed...hopeless.”
She stepped forward and cupped his cheek, tears streaming down her face. “It isn’t, I promise you. I didn’t mention it before, but I started going to therapy a few months ago.” She squeezed his hand. “I’m trying really hard to change. Please, be patient with me.”
“I will.” Julian pulled his mother into a hug. This was the most optimistic he’d been about their relationship in twenty years. “Love you, Ma.”
“Love you too, son.”
Julian’s cell phone dinged with a text message. He read the message from Chandra.
We really need groceries.
True. But he loved that she’d said we.
When the three dots, indicating that she was writing a reply, danced on his phone, Julian’s smile broadened.
Think your mom can spare cucumbers and tomatoes?
He showed his mother the screen.
“For the woman who’s made my baby so happy and who’s finally going to make me a grandmother? Anything.” She winked, then rummaged in the fridge and handed him the requested vegetables. “My future daughter-in-law is waiting. You’d better get on home.”
Julian kissed his mother’s cheek and headed for the SUV, hoping she was right and that Chandra Valentine would agree to be his wife.