Forty-Four

Mr Rae had come through the night, Elinor was told when she rang the infirmary next morning, but there was no change in his condition. No change. That meant he had not regained consciousness. When Sister Penny asked with sympathy how her father was, Elinor’s look was troubled.

‘He hasn’t come round yet. That’s no’ so good, is it?’

‘Well, it’s disappointing, but it can take time, you know. The doctors will be doing all they can.’

‘Oh, yes, I know. But I have the feeling that what’s happened to Dad is pretty serious. I mean, I’ve heard of other people having these attacks and recovering quite quickly – is that no’ right?’

‘They can, of course, but every attack is different, and patients are different, too.’ Sister Penny put her hand on Elinor’s shoulder. ‘Try not to worry, anyway. See how things are when you go to the Royal this afternoon.’

‘Thank you for giving me the time, Sister. I do appreciate it.’

‘That’s quite all right. You need to be free to see your father and we’re all hoping you find some improvement.’

Improvement. They were desperate to find it – Elinor and Hessie, with Corrie, who’d been given an hour or two off to join them at the Royal. Desperate, yet still hopeful, until they stopped at Reception and asked if they could visit Mr Rae.

‘Mr Rae?’

As soon as she saw the way the receptionist’s eyes slid away, an icy hand seemed to squeeze Elinor’s heart and glancing at Corrie she could tell by his face that he was feeling the same. Hessie, however, had noticed nothing and when she was told that Dr Drewer wished to speak to her, she seemed to accept it as something to be expected.

‘He’ll be telling us what they’ve found,’ she murmured, as they made their way to the waiting room. ‘They were going to do some tests, eh? Oh, I do hope your dad’s come round by now.’

Even when Dr Drewer asked them to step along to a smaller room where no other people were waiting, she still gave him a quiet look of expectancy, until she saw his face more clearly, when her own face changed.

‘Mrs Rae, I am so sorry  . . .’

He had pulled forward a chair and was gently making her sit down. ‘So very sorry – there was nothing we could do.’

‘What  . . . what are you saying?’ Hessie’s eyes were wide. ‘Corrie, Elinor – what’s he telling me?’

‘Oh, Ma,’ Elinor whispered, as she and Corrie put their arms around her. ‘Ma, Dad’s gone.’

‘Mr Rae had what we call a massive stroke,’ Dr Drewer was saying softly. ‘There was never a great deal of hope, but one never knows – sometimes patients rally, sometimes last for weeks – but Mr Rae never recovered consciousness. He slipped away, very peacefully, at five minutes after twelve noon.’

‘Peacefully,’ Hessie repeated. ‘Aye, peaceful at last. Poor Walt, poor Walt. No more working himself up, eh? No more finding things wrong with the world. Your dad’s found peace, you bairns. We needn’t cry, we needn’t cry.’

They did cry, though, when Dr Drewer asked if they’d like to see him and showed them into the side ward where Walter lay, looking, yes, wonderfully peaceful. The high colour in his face was fading fast, his eyes were closed as before, but a lock of dark hair lay over his brow, and he did seem more like the man they knew than when they’d seen him the previous evening. Except for the strange tranquillity which had never been his, even when in a good mood. Always, there’d been movement in his face, his dark eyes showing emotion of some sort – passion, temper, high feeling, anyway. Now, of course, there was nothing. That was what death meant. No more feeling. Only rest.

‘There is a minister here if you’d like to speak to him,’ a nurse murmured, but they shook their heads. They weren’t great kirk-goers. Later, there would be the funeral service to arrange; perhaps they would find consolation talking to the minister then. Now they just wanted a little more time with Walter, until they had to face all that had to be done.

There was so much to be done, after a death; neither Elinor nor Corrie had realized how much. Hessie, though, had had experience.

‘Aye, I buried both my parents,’ she sighed, sitting at the kitchen table that first evening they were without Walter. ‘And a struggle it was, to find the money. Made me decide to put something away for funerals every week, so when your dad’s folks went, we’d no’ be scratching round, trying to borrow.’ She put a hankie to her eyes. ‘And now it’s your dad’s turn, too. I canna bear to think of him, all alone at that undertaker’s.’

‘Ma, it’s best for him to be there,’ Elinor told her. ‘We couldn’t have brought him back here, and the undertakers are taking care of everything.

‘At least I’ll be able to give him a good send-off,’ Hessie sighed.

‘Seems to me an awful thing to spend money on,’ Corrie muttered. ‘I mean, buying coffins and that. What do the dead care about the way they’re buried?’

‘Corrie, that’s a terrible way to talk!’ Hessie cried. ‘You want your dad in a pauper’s grave?’

‘No, it’s just that this business of having to pay out to undertakers when folk have so little – seems no’ right to me.’

‘We’ve a lot to take care of tomorrow,’ Elinor murmured, changing the subject. ‘I’m wondering if I can get some time off, to give you a hand, Ma.’

‘I’d be glad if you could. There’ll be the neighbours round tomorrow, bringing what they can – folk are good like that – but they canna help with all we’ve to do.’ She rested her eyes on Corrie. ‘And you’ll get to the funeral, eh?’

‘You know I will. I don’t report to the regiment till the next day.’ He sighed. ‘And look, we’ve been through all this. You know I wish I hadn’t to go – specially now we’ve lost Dad – but I’ve no choice. It’s duty.’

‘Aye, well, let’s say no more. I think I’ll just go in the other room – be on my own for a bit.’

As her son and daughter remained at the table, Hessie went quietly into the bedroom she’d shared with Walt and closed the door. Elinor and Corrie exchanged looks.

‘What’s going to happen to Ma?’ Elinor asked, after a moment or two. ‘When the shop is let to someone else, they’ll want this flat. Where will she go? Where will any of us go?’

Corrie’s eyes glazed. He put his hand to his head.

‘Oh, God, the shop! I never thought! Dad’s gone and Ma’ll have to find somewhere else to live. And what’s she going to live on?

‘We’ll have to see how things work out.’

‘We know how they’ll work out! Somebody’ll take the shop and want the flat and Ma’ll have to find somewhere to live, without Dad’s money or mine!’ Corrie stood up and began to pace in agitation about the room.

‘Listen, I think Ma will manage,’ Elinor told him quickly. ‘She’s got her cleaning job and might do more hours, and she’s got me to help, as well. Try no’ to worry. You’ve enough to think about as it is.’

When Corrie threw himself into a chair, shaking his head, she added hesitantly, ‘About Dad, did you ever think we’d miss him so much?’

‘Miss him?’ Corrie put his hand to his brow. ‘I don’t mind telling you, there were times when I wished him gone. Maybe you were the same?’

‘I never wished him dead. Just, you know, that I could have somebody easier – for a dad.’

‘Aye, well, no one could ever say he was easy.’

‘But he did care for us, Corrie. I found that out when he came to find me that time. And he was different after that – mostly. I did love him, really.’

‘Mostly. I’m no’ sure he’d really changed. But the thing is, now he’s gone, it’s hard to imagine life without him. Funny, eh?’

‘I’ll miss him,’ Elinor said slowly. ‘He wasn’t a happy man, he knew he shouldn’t be as he was. Maybe he was only learning to change when he died.’

‘Still had a last row with me.’ Corrie fixed Elinor with earnest eyes. ‘You say I needn’t feel guilty, I still do. I wish it hadn’t happened.’

‘Corrie, it’s true, you needn’t feel guilty. The real worry now is that you’re going away.’

‘I’ll be coming back.’

‘So easy to say!’ She waited a moment. ‘You’re in the same regiment as Barry Howat, you know. I don’t want ever to see him again, but I’d be small-minded if I didn’t wish him well. You could tell him that.’

‘Elinor, I’ll be in a different battalion, I’ll probably never see him. Hope I don’t, to be honest, after the way he treated you.’

‘All over now.’ Suddenly Elinor’s face crumpled and she flung her arms round her brother. ‘Oh, Corrie, come back like you said, just come back!’

‘I promise you I will,’ he said huskily, and when Hessie came out of her room to find them both in tears, the three of them stood together, supporting one another, for quite some time.