Understand who I am and why I feel the way that I do.
Telling me that it’s OK to be different, and that really,
I am more than just this word – or any other word you can think of.
Same laugh, same smile, same voice.
Me.
When I first got my autism diagnosis, it kind of felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders, but was then replaced by another even heavier one. Before, I just knew that what I did was “different”, but now I know why too.
Before the diagnosis, I was ashamed of myself and how I behaved, and I’ve realized that when I got diagnosed and found out that I can’t help a lot of what I do, it was like a sigh of relief. But at the same time, having it confirmed that I really was “different” made me feel rubbish. I felt like I had lost myself a bit and that I could never go back. Before, I was someone – even if that someone had troubles. And then suddenly I was nothing but a word.
But being treated differently can be good. Having people understand what makes things difficult for you and trying their hardest to meet your needs is actually pretty incredible. It does feel weird at first to be labelled with this word, but before that I was labelled with lots of words and none of them were right. At least now I have a word that is.
The very best thing about getting a diagnosis of autism is that I’m starting to understand myself better. For now I need to get used to it myself a bit more and that’s OK. I know now that I’m not just one word, I’m lots of words and “autistic” is just one of them.