LIBBY’S TOP TIPS ON HOW TO BE FRIENDS WITH AN AUTISTIC PERSON

1.Understand that while many of us don’t like being in new or uncomfortable social situations, this does not mean we don’t like being sociable. We might just struggle to handle the awkwardness that some social situations bring. It’s always a relief if someone approaches me and strikes up a conversation, as I just can’t cope with starting that kind of small talk myself. Bear with me if I seem unfriendly or aloof at the beginning. It’s just because I’m feeling awkward and I hate that I come across like that. I want to be one of those warm sunny people that makes friends easily, but I’m just not. Yet. Maybe I never will be and that’s OK.

2.Don’t treat us like an alien species. We simply experience the world a bit differently from you. Take all the thoughts that come into your head when you hear the word autistic and throw most of them in the bin because that’s where they probably belong. Learn about that person as an individual, not what you think the word autism means. Some of us have learning difficulties, some of us don’t. Some of us find it really easy to learn super complex stuff. Some of us don’t. Some of us talk a lot, some of us don’t. Some of us love hanging out with others, some of us don’t. Even when it comes to things like sensory differences, special interests, and so on, we may share similar traits, but we all experience them in different ways.

3.Ask us what we need. We may have our difficulties at times, but the best way to make an autistic person feel comfortable is to do your best to understand them and what they need. If you make this effort and maybe adapt a little, we can shine and be the best kind of friend.

4.Dive below the surface. This is a really difficult one I know, but if your autistic friend seems difficult or argumentative, then instead of getting caught up in it, try not to judge them but to understand that is not really them, it’s just how they are feeling at that moment. They may be feeling anxious about something or really stressed by something – it could be anything from the lights being too bright to someone having said something unpleasant to them. Instead of responding with anger, try to respond with a question like “Hey, what’s up? You seem like you’re having a hard time about something.”

5.Look in another direction while you are talking to your autistic friend so that they don’t feel under pressure to look at your face and make eye contact. That way they will feel so relaxed and they will be able to listen better.

6.Word things differently, or say them in a gentler tone of voice. Many of us are really sensitive and get carried along by our feelings. Some comments that may just wash off other people can stick with us for days and days. We may be going over something you said or we did for hours and hours every night when it is long forgotten for you. So a little bit of care and thought in the first place, even though I know it’s difficult, can make a massive difference to how we end up thinking and feeling.

7.Get interested in what we love. Most autistic people have some kind of special interest. One of mine is – you’ve guessed it – Taylor Swift. Another one is animals. I just adore them, and it may come across as annoying if I keep going on about them, but try to embrace it and just go with it – it’s part of who I am. Find out what your autistic friend loves most of all and ask them questions about it, send them pictures or interesting articles about it, and most of all – let them talk to you about it and actually listen and genuinely show interest. This is one of the best gifts you can give an autistic person – honestly, nothing will make them happier!

8.Never ever use the word autistic as an insult. Just don’t.

9.That extra bit of kindness can go a long way with an autistic person. I think because we are often being told how frustrating or difficult or annoying we are, it makes such a lovely change to hear good things about ourselves. Telling us something you really like about us, or how we make you feel good, or praising us for something we do well. Just really being warm and friendly and positive with us can really bring us out of our shell, but only if it’s genuine. We can spot a fake a mile off.

10. Look for the treasure. When you spend time connecting with an autistic person, you can help to clear their mind of all the negative stuff that has been fed in and built up over time from people who aren’t so kind. Imagine you are clearing out a basement that’s full of junk. As you clear away the rubbish that’s built up there over the years, then you just might find something wonderful, something precious and special like treasure. My treasure is that I have a really sharp sense of humour and can say the funniest things when I feel relaxed and liked. My mum says that no one makes her laugh like I do. And that makes me feel on top of the world.