Getting More Help
This book describes strategies and skills we teach in our workshops for couples. We make the point in our workshops that there are many situations in which people need a lot more help than we are able to provide in our workshops. The same is true for this new edition of Fighting for Your Marriage. Here we are hoping to teach you skills and principles that can help you build strong and healthy marriages and couple or family relationships. However, it is not designed to address serious relationship and individual problems.
Because you are taking this time to think more about your life and relationships, it may also be a good time to think about other services that you or others you care about may need. Even if your main goal right now is to improve your marriage or relationship, difficulties in other areas can make it that much harder to make your relationship work. Likewise, if you are having really severe problems in your relationship, they can make dealing with any of these other problems that much harder.
Here are some areas where seeking additional help could be really important for you and your family.
Financial Problems
- Serious money problems make everything else harder.
- Job loss and unemployment can be key sources of conflict and stress for couples.
- Although this book can help you as a couple work more as a team, you may need more help to learn to manage your finances or find a job.
Serious Marital or Other Family Problems or Stresses
- If you have serious marital or adult relationship problems where more help is needed than can be provided in this book, you can seek counseling from someone who specializes in helping couples.
- Coping with a serious, life-threatening, or chronic illness or disability in a child or adult can place a lot of stress on caregivers and their family relationships. Community resources often exist to help families with these kinds of issues.
Substance Abuse, Addictions, and Other Compulsive Behaviors
- No matter what else you have to deal with in life, you will find it harder if you or your partner, or another close family member, has a substance abuse problem.
- Drug or alcohol abuse and addiction rob a person of the ability to handle life well, have close relationships, and be a good parent.
- Alcohol abuse can also make it harder to control anger and violence.
- Other problems families sometimes face include eating disorders, sexual addictions, and gambling.
You need to decide to get help with these problems to improve your life and the lives of those you love. It will make it easier if your partner or spouse supports this decision.
Mental Health Problems
- Mental health problems come in many forms, from anxiety to depression to schizophrenia, and place a great deal of stress on couple and family relationships.
- Depression is particularly common when there are serious relationship problems.
- Having thoughts of suicide is often a sign of depression. Seek help if you struggle with such thoughts.
The good news is that there are now many effective treatments for mental health problems, with services available in all counties, including options for those with limited means of paying.
Domestic Aggression and Violence
- Although domestic aggression and violence of any sort are wrong and dangerous, experts now recognize different types. For example,
- Some couples have arguments that get out of control, with frustration spilling over into pushing, shoving, or slapping. This can be dangerous, especially if you don’t take strong measures to stop the patterns from continuing.
- The type of domestic violence that is usually the most dangerous and the least likely to change is when a male uses aggression and force to scare and control a woman. Verbal abuse, threats of harm, and forced sexual activity can be part of this pattern.
- This book is not a treatment program for physical aggression. If you are dealing with aggression and violence in your relationship, you need more help than this book can provide. That might mean seeking marital or relationship counseling or seeking the advice of domestic violence experts.
- If you have any questions about the safety of your relationship, you should contact a domestic violence program or hotline, especially if you feel that you are in danger of being harmed.
The bottom line is that you must do what you need to do to ensure that you and your children are safe. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger from your partner or others, call 911 for help or contact your local domestic violence hotline.
Where to Get More Help
If you, your partner, or your relationship experiences any of these special problems, we strongly recommend that you get more help.
There are many ways to find out about resources in your community. You can ask a therapist in your community for help or contact a local counseling center or a community mental health center. Also, members of the clergy and family physicians are usually well aware of resources for various needs in their communities, so consider asking them for suggestions.
There are community mental health centers in all areas of the United States. Other counseling centers and mental health professionals are often available as well (both nonreligious and religious).
The following are some national hotline numbers and a Web site that may be useful to some readers:
National Resources
Domestic violence hotline: SAFELINE, 1-800-799-7233
Hotline for referrals to substance abuse treatment: 1-800-662-HELP
Suicide prevention hotline: National Hopeline Network, 1-800-SUICIDE (784-2433)