We stayed behind closed doors for a couple of weeks. The radio reports had said that Nazi troops were patrolling in every city in Ukraine. But as far as we knew, no soldiers had been near our house. Not that we could be absolutely sure, as we kept the curtains drawn. Mama would occasionally pull them apart to peek outside, which was the only time that natural light entered our home. I wouldn’t have had any sense of whether it was day or night if it weren’t for our grandfather clock, which continued to chime on the hour as if nothing had changed.
Nadia played with her string and thread, and when she ran out of those, she moved on to collecting bits of fabric and cloth that she pulled from Mama’s sewing kit. She claimed she was making a quilt for one of her dolls. She lined up a patchwork of irregularly shaped cloth pieces that Nina was helping her sew together.
Mama’s headaches were growing worse. I could tell in an instant when a headache was starting. First, her eyes would cloud over. Then her brow would crease and she would drop her head into her hands. Finally, she would excuse herself and retreat to her bedroom to try to sleep it off. I knew she was worried all the time. I figured that would make anyone’s head hurt!
I spent most of my time reading, though it seemed as if I had already read every single book in the house and was starting to reread some. In between, I played with the baby, helped Nina, and tried to make each day pass as quickly as possible. It helped to have a schedule for myself: wake up early, breakfast, clear the dishes, stretching and exercises, reading, lunch, clean-up, play with the baby, read some more, dinner, clean up, and bedtime. But even with my schedule, there were still long stretches of time that moved slower than a turtle walking up a hill. Those were the worst times, and in those moments, I missed Esther desperately. I missed our time together at school, our conversations about anything and everything, our picnics in the park. All of it was gone. I didn’t even know how Esther was, if she and her family were safe. And there was no way for me to find out.
The only bright spot came when the baby began to take her first steps. She had been pulling herself to a standing position for some weeks. And then one day, she just launched herself forward and waddled across the kitchen, her arms spinning in circles to help steady herself. We cheered and laughed and Mama threw her high in the air just like Papa used to do. It was a moment of celebration, and Galya squealed with delight as if she knew she had just done something really important.
After two weeks, food began to grow scarce in the house. Nina prepared soups and stews that magically stretched our provisions to last more than a few days. But the baby needed milk, and when the last drop of that was gone, Mama came to Nina with her purse in her hands.
“We’re going to need some things to tide us over.” She didn’t say for how long and no one asked. “Nina, I’m going to have to ask you to go to the market for us.”
“Is it safe for Nina to be outside?” I asked.
“Nina can go,” Mama said to me. “If there are soldiers about, they won’t be interested in a Christian woman.” She turned back to Nina. “I just don’t want you to talk about us—that is, if anyone asks.”
“Of course I’ll go,” Nina said without a moment’s hesitation. “And I would never say a word about the family.” She had already removed her apron and was walking to the door to get her shawl.
Mama followed and handed her several bank notes, shaking her head as she counted out the money. “We have to be so careful with our spending. Please, Nina, make sure you shop wisely and look for the best prices.”
I disappeared into my bedroom, leaving Mama to discuss with Nina the items that we desperately needed. There was something I wanted Nina to do for me, and I knew I only had a few minutes before she would leave the house. I pulled some writing paper from a box in my cupboard, grabbed a pen, plopped down on my bed, and began to write furiously. When I emerged a few minutes later, Mama and Nina were just finishing up their conversation.
“I know which merchants to go to, and which ones to avoid. Don’t worry, Mrs. Sternik.” Nina was wrapping her shawl around her shoulders and tucking the money carefully into the pocket of her dress.
I waited until Mama had gone to sit at the table with Nadia. Then I approached Nina.
“I have something to ask you,” I said softly. “You can say no, but I hope you won’t.”
She paused and waited. I could tell that Mama was listening in to my conversation.
“I’ve written a letter to Esther,” I continued. “Do you think you’d be able to go past her house and drop it off?”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Mama interjected from the table. “I want Nina to come straight back here after she goes to the market.”
“Esther’s house is practically on the way,” I said to Mama. Then I turned back to Nina. “As I said, you don’t have to do this if it’s not safe.” I looked into Nina’s eyes and waited, holding my breath, hoping. She turned the letter over in her hands.
Finally, Nina placed the letter in her pocket and looked at Mama. “I won’t do anything foolish, Mrs. Sternik. If I think it’s too dangerous, then I won’t go.” Finally, Nina looked at me. “I’ll try.”
I waited anxiously the whole time Nina was gone. I paced the length of the house, back and forth at least a hundred times, until Mama finally stopped me.
“Please, my darling. You’ll wear a hole in the floor if you continue to pace like that. Nina will be fine. Just do something.”
I sighed and went to my bedroom. There, I flopped down on my bed and opened one of my books. But I couldn’t focus and I ended up rereading the same page over and over until I finally tossed the book aside and just lay there.
Mama had said that Nina was safer outside than any of us or any Jewish person could be, but we knew nothing of what the Nazis had on their minds: who they might target, or what they might do to any citizen of Proskurov. What if Nina didn’t come back at all? We needed her more than ever, now. On top of that, I was nervous about Esther and what was happening to her. Maybe I had been wrong to ask Nina to deliver the letter to my friend. Maybe it was selfish of me to want information about Esther when I might be putting Nina in more danger. I turned those thoughts and others over and over in my head as the minutes ticked by to the sound of our grandfather clock.
When I heard the front door open, I flew out of my room, relieved and thankful to see Nina. She carried a small parcel of food, which she set on the kitchen counter. Then she removed her shawl. I was practically jumping out of my skin, anxious to hear what had happened in town.
“Tell us what you saw,” Mama finally asked.
Nina’s face, when she looked up at us, was pale, almost as white as Mama’s was when she was at the peak of one of her headaches. Nina pressed her hands together in front of her mouth and took a deep breath. But when she began to speak, her voice shook.
“There are no Jewish people anywhere in the marketplace,” she began. “No Stars of David to be seen on any clothing. I think your whole community has disappeared behind closed doors.”
Everyone had likely shut themselves away, just like us. “And soldiers?” I asked. “Did you see any?”
Nina nodded. “They were everywhere. They were carrying guns and they walked around as if they owned the city.”
Nina said there was less and less food in the marketplace, and citizens were desperate for anything they could get.
“There were long lines in front of every stall and every shop—lines that were twenty or thirty deep,” she said. “But the soldiers didn’t care about the queues. They didn’t care that people had lined up at the crack of dawn and had been waiting for hours to buy a loaf of bread or a liter of milk. They just shoved people aside, even women who were standing there with their babies in their arms. The soldiers grabbed whatever they wanted. They didn’t pay. They just took, as if they owned it all.” Nina’s voice was graver than I had ever heard it. “No one stopped them. No one dared.”
The silence in the room stretched for minutes.
“I stayed far away from Mrs. Timko,” Nina finally continued. “I thought that she might ask whether or not I was still working for you. I worried she might make trouble. But I managed to get a bit of milk for the baby and a few other things for the rest of us. I’m not sure how long they will last. And I’m not sure what will be left in the market if I go back.”
Those words hung uneasily in the air. Mama’s face was pale, like she was starting to get one of those headaches.
“Thank you, Nina,” she finally said. Then she just picked up the baby and disappeared into her bedroom, as if she couldn’t bear to be part of the conversation any longer. Nadia left her patches of fabric and went to sit in a corner of the room. She pulled her knees up to her chest and rested her forehead against them. I felt just as discouraged and hopeless as she looked. But I needed to know—had Nina delivered my letter? I looked at her, waiting, wondering. That’s when she reached into her pocket.
“This is from Esther,” she said, pulling out an envelope and extending it to me. “I waited while she wrote an answer to your letter.”
I threw my arms around Nina and hugged her hard. I was just about to retreat to my bedroom with the letter when she stopped me.
“There’s one more thing.” She went over to the counter and rummaged in the package she had carried home. When she turned back to me, she was holding a book in her hand. “I also went by the library. I thought you could use something else to read.”
I nearly cried when she placed the book in my hands. It was another Heidi story—one that I hadn’t read. I pressed it to my chest, unable to say a word. Then I turned and walked into my room, sank down on my bed, and tore open the envelope to read the letter from Esther.
Dear Dina,
I was so happy when your housekeeper arrived with your letter. I’ve missed you too! I can’t believe we haven’t been able to see each other and haven’t been able to talk. So, to answer your first question: we are safe and as fine as we can be, for now. My father is doing a bit of tailoring here and there so he can make a little money. And one of our neighbors—a kind elderly woman—is buying us food from the market. So, we’re not starving!
Do you believe everything that’s happening, Dina? My parents don’t talk much about it, but they certainly aren’t as positive as they used to be. I can see how worried they are now. And I’m just as scared. I can be honest with you about that. I wish you were here so that we could talk. You’re so much braver than I am. You’re the one who stood up to Ivan and to Mr. Petrenko. I could never have done that.
I know your housekeeper wants to get going, so I’d better end this letter. Maybe she’ll bring me another one from you if she goes back to the market. Stay safe, Dina. I know that my parents aren’t thinking that things will go back to the way they were. But I’m going to keep hoping that all this will end soon. We’ll see one another. We’ll go back to school. I’ll race you to the park. I can’t wait for that.
Esther
I must have reread that letter a dozen more times before finally tucking it under my pillow.