Things were different, as they always were after a Memory Visit. Dal, Lech, and Ori still stood in front of me, watching the Memory Visit show, but they weren’t in the same positions as before. Dal stood right next to Ori while Lech stood slightly apart from them. I met Dal’s gaze first, his big blue eyes looking at me now instead of at the ground, the anger gone from his face. Ori showed no trace of the pained expression she had right before my Visit. Lech, too, looked more composed. Less anger, less worry, less sadness were all to be expected now that I had returned alive and well. However, this wasn’t enough. I didn’t expect a parade, but where were the relief, joy, and gratitude?
Haruhi loosened the probes and lifted the heavy helmet off my head. The helmet painfully took some hairs with it. When I went to smooth the strays back into place, I noticed my long frizzy mop was back.
Haruhi stepped around in front of me to check my eyes. Instead of the red kimono, she wore a long white lab coat over a peach blouse and dark-brown slacks. Her makeup was subdued, and her hair was swept back into a relaxed bun. I quickly scanned the room. The geisha assistants from before were gone. Everything from the floor to the walls to the equipment was clean and gray and modern. The concrete walls had no windows. Some exposed ventilation pipes protruded from the ceiling. We were in the basement of a legitimate Memory Visit lab. I hadn’t killed Petrov in the Visit. Yet, so much had changed.
Everyone looked at me expectantly. “Well?” Ori said.
I shook my head, which was enough of an answer for them.
“I knew she couldn’t do it,” Lech said. There was derision in his voice. How quickly his admiration faded when I couldn’t live up to his standards of the kick-ass girl.
Dal looked just as disappointed as Lech, which surprised me. I had ended up right back here in the dentist chair, safe and sound. Wasn’t that what he wanted?
“This confirms it,” Ori said. “Your sister is nothing like you.”
What did she mean by that? Dal gave Ori a disappointed shrug, like he had known all along that I would fail. If he had known, why was he so worried before I took the Visit?
Everything was off. Another clue was seeing Ori and Dal on speaking terms again. In fact, they stood very close, angled in toward one another, looking like more of a team than they had in a while. I gave my head a shake to knock some new memories into place. Each time I returned from a Memory Visit, it took a few minutes to understand all the changes in my new reality. Nothing came right away except a sadness I couldn’t give a reason for.
The hairs on my arms stood up at the sound of footsteps from the hallway.
“Hey, I’m back.” The voice sent shockwaves through my system. Evin entered the room, out of breath. His presence took my breath away as well. I drank in his every feature: his strong jaw, his broad shoulders, his confident stride. And his eyes, gray eyes that could thrill me and calm me all in the same instant. I sat frozen in the chair, thinking I must be dreaming. I must not have woken up from the Visit. This had to be some sort of half-conscious state somewhere between the Memory Visit and reality. If I moved, if I spoke, would I wake up for real, causing him to disappear?
“How’d she do?” He stood blinking at me.
God, those eyes. My whole body warmed under his gaze. I bit my tongue to test myself. Sure enough, I was awake. I tried to stand in an attempt to rush over and embrace him, but my legs wouldn’t cooperate. My hands gripped the armrests tighter, keeping me firmly in my seat. My body knew something that my mind didn’t yet grasp.
“Fail,” Lech said.
“Oh,” Evin said. His body seemed to deflate in front of me. He stared at me without really seeing me. “Now what do we do with her?” He asked the question like I was a stray dog they picked up on the side of the road. Tears stung my eyes. He and I should be embracing, kissing, stumbling over our words to express how much we missed and loved each other. Instead, I sat glued to a chair while his beautiful gray eyes looked right through me.
“I don’t know,” Dal said with the same indifference. “Send her back to NorCoast, I guess. I don’t want her getting into more trouble up here.”
“We’re in Oasis?” I said more to myself than anyone else.
“Uh, yeah,” Dal said looking from me to Haruhi for some explanation for my memory lapse.
“Are you feeling okay, Rain?” Haruhi’s tone was kind.
I nodded, trying to make sense of it all.
“Do you know who I am?” she asked.
I nodded again.
“How about the rest? Do you know them?” she asked, motioning toward the group.
“Yeah, I know everyone. It’s just … things are different.”
“Different? How? What’s different?”
“Does it really matter?” Lech said. “The only difference we were counting on is Petrov dying, and that didn’t happen.” At least my mission to kill Petrov was the same as in the original Memory Visit.
“It does matter,” Haruhi said. “Even if she didn’t kill Petrov, she changed something in the Visit. We should know what that was.”
Dal approached my chair. “Tell us what’s changed, Rain,” he said, more as an effort to satisfy Haruhi’s curiosity than his own.
“This room, Haruhi’s clothes … my hair.” I didn’t know how to explain the differences in their attitudes toward me. How could I tell him or any of them that before the Visit, they were worried sick that my life would be ruined once I killed Petrov. Now they didn’t seem to care.
“Your hair?” Lech said with a scoff. “Come on.”
“What else?” Dal said with a sigh.
“Evin … he’s alive,” I whispered.
“Well, that is important,” Evin said with a nervous laugh.
“What do you mean, Evin’s alive?” Dal asked. I ignored the question and asked one of my own. My mind needed a trigger. “Why do I live in NorCoast? I used to live here in Oasis.”
“Yeah, you lived here until you were ten,” Dal said.
“No, I mean I grew up here. I worked at WaterPure with you and Evin.”
Dal shot Evin a look. I had their attention.
“You lived and worked here with me?” Dal sounded incredulous.
“Yes. I don’t remember moving to NorCoast. My mind is trying to play catch-up from the Memory Visit. It will take a little time, but if you give me a few details…”
“You attacked Mrs. Munroe during Petrov’s speech and were expelled. What did you expect the school to do, give you a medal?” Ori was losing patience. “We were hoping to channel your rage against her into rage against Petrov. It looks like you went after the old lady again, though, doesn’t it?”
“Again? This was the first time I hurt her. She was trying to stop me from charging Petrov. I knocked her down when I was trying to get away.”
The room fell into silent confusion. As far as any of them knew, I had hurt Mrs. Munroe almost eight years ago, not just minutes ago in the Memory Visit. They stared at me in disbelief.
“Why would I hurt Mrs. Munroe? Has that ever made any sense to any of you? You’ve got to believe me. This just happened!”
“How can we believe you?” Ori said. “You’re violent and unstable.”
“Calm down, Ori, and let’s get to the bottom of this,” Dal said. He turned to me, sounding almost compassionate, like he actually felt sorry for the stray little dog. “This is what happened. The school expelled you, but Mom fought back. She used her high status at WaterPure to convince the school to have the incident wiped from your record. In exchange for this favor, she removed you from the school and transferred you to the WaterPure-sponsored sister school in NorCoast. You agreed to live with our Aunt Garda.”
“In order to be given a second chance at a promising future,” I said, repeating the words I had so often heard my mother use to explain the transfer. The new memories rolled in. NorCoast gave me the opportunity to start clean and make something of myself—as long as I never came back to Oasis. Over the last eight years, I did just that. I proved myself in my academics and worked my way up to the WaterPure training program, just as I had on the original timeline when my mother abandoned me with Garda after Dal drowned in our pool.
My mother saved me from the shame of failure in school and failure in life. There were very few options for an expelled kid and none of any promise. I resented the consequences, though. I had a good job and a bright future, but the people who meant the most to me were strangers. While I lived in NorCoast, my mother made sure that I had very little access to her and even less to Dal. She may have saved my future, but I was convinced that she did it for herself. She couldn’t tolerate a derelict daughter tarnishing the image of her and her brilliant son. The occasional video chat did nothing to build a relationship between me and Dal. He barely knew me. Same with Evin. As far as Evin was concerned, I didn’t even exist until I showed up here in Oasis.
“Wait, if I live in NorCoast, how did I get here?”
“I found you at one of the encampments in the drylands outside of NorCoast, helping the outcasts,” Ori said. “It didn’t take much to lure you here.”
“Right,” I said. “I’d do anything to help Dal.”
“Helping outcasts, helping her brother … doesn’t sound violent or unstable to me,” Evin said. It seemed I was starting to win over at least one of them. Dal’s cool gaze had started to warm up as well. Lech and Ori, though, were not as understanding.
“Let’s head to the train station,” Ori said, starting for the door.
“I’m not going back,” I said.
All heads turned to the stray dog.
“You brought me here to stop Petrov. If I can’t do it through a Memory Visit, I’ll do it another way.”
“What the hell are you talking about?” Lech sneered. “You’re useless. You’ve proven that. Let’s go.” The Lech from the other timeline knew a Rain who would run head-first into danger to help those she loved. She would fire a gun, commandeer a van, and volunteer to ruin her life so that the ones she loved could live the lives they deserved. That Lech admired and desired her. This Lech assumed I was soft. He assumed I cracked when things got tough. For all I knew, the rest of them felt the same way.
I stood, my legs finally working. “You have no idea what I can do,” I said, looking from one surprised face to the next. Except Evin’s. I couldn’t handle the lack of recognition in his eyes. I needed the Evin who knew me, not the Evin who looked at me with little more than a hint of pity. None of these people knew me, not even my own brother. I’d awoken into a nightmare.
“We’re invading WaterPure headquarters,” Lech said. “We don’t need to be babysitting your unpredictable temper.” Those were the exact words written on the psychiatrist’s report after the incident with Mrs. Munroe. Dal must have warned them about me.
“Unpredictable temper? Look, I’ve explained that. I have no record of violence since moving to NorCoast. I’ve been a model citizen, high-achieving and philanthropic. For eight years.”
“It’s not just your temper, Rain,” Ori said. “You blacked out when you hurt Mrs. Munroe. We can’t have that happening when we go into battle.”
Dal’s eyes hardened. “We’re headed into dangerous territory, Rain. Peoples’ lives will be on the line.”
“Don’t you see what happened?” I said. “You sent me back in my Memory to kill Petrov. The ten-year-old me blacked out because of the Memory Visit—I was controlling her. She wouldn’t remember anything that happened between the time I took control and the time the Memory Visit ended.”
They stole quick, questioning glances at each other. Then, they looked past me to Haruhi.
“Yes,” Haruhi said. “That’s absolutely true. The Visited person would have no memory of the events that took place. It would feel like a black-out.”
“This is starting to make sense,” Evin said. “Most of it, anyway. One thing still bothers me, though. Why were you surprised that I’m alive?”
This was going to sound ridiculous, but I had to give it a shot. “Mrs. Munroe was a re-Mark,” I said, addressing the whole group instead of Evin individually. “A few days ago, she shot and killed Evin while trying to kill Dal. I don’t know what stopped her—her injury from my Visit or the fact that I haven’t been around. Either way, Evin owes me his life.” I regretted saying it as soon as it was out of my mouth. Evin didn’t owe me anything. Being present in his life was the reason why he was constantly under attack. I was so hurt by his apathy, I needed to get a reaction out of him somehow. This wasn’t the way to do it, though.
My cheeks burning with shame, I looked from one stunned face to the next and realized the truth behind my thoughts. Being out of Evin’s life kept him safe. Being out of Dal’s life kept him safe as well. From the moment I was sent to NorCoast at the age of ten, WaterPure stopped its assassination attempts on everyone I loved. All this time, I thought Ori was the one to blame. Yet, here she stood with both Dal and Evin, alive and well. The only changed variable in this equation was me. When I was out of the picture, no one was a target, it seemed. On this timeline, I hadn’t had to take any Memory Visits to save Dal or Evin. Now that I was back, would they be in danger again? Was I selfish to want to stay?
“Mrs. Munroe shot me?” Evi whispered to himself. He studied me with a furrowed brow, and I remembered a time he would have immediately believed anything I told him.
“She’s messing with you, man,” Lech said.
“Could that nice lady really try to kill me?” Evin said.
“Anyone can turn into a killer when WaterPure gets a hold of them,” I said.
“That’s true,” Haruhi said.
“Besides, why would I lie?”
“To make yourself seem more important than you are,” Lech countered.
“Stop,” Ori said. “I believe her.”
Holy crap. Of all the people to be on my side right then, Ori was the last one I expected.
“I do, too,” Dal chimed in. He gave me a small smile that brought tears to my eyes. My brother having faith in me was just what I needed. I glanced at Evin, hoping for another miracle. Dal and Ori turned to him, too, for final approval.
“I don’t know what to believe,” Evin said. “I mean, I get it—Rain’s a Mark, and she can change the past which affects the future. It’s just hard to imagine that things were so different before she took the Visit … so different that I was dead.” He let out a low, incredulous laugh. “It’s possible, though. I’m a Mark, too, after all. I’ve witnessed this sort of thing firsthand.”
I was disappointed in Evin’s lack of conviction, but at least he believed me. Sort of.
“Good, because I’m telling the truth, and I want to help,” I said. If I was bringing danger to my friends and family just by being there, I had to do something to stop it. Invading WaterPure and taking out Petrov might ensure that I never have to take another Memory Visit again to save someone I loved.
“Time out,” Lech said. “I don’t care what you believe about the Memory Visit, but you better not allow this little girl to go with us.”
“Why not? I don’t black out. I’m not unstable.”
He took a step toward me and looked me up and down. “Maybe not, but you’re also not a warrior like the rest of us.”
“But I am,” I said. “Not on this timeline, but I have been on all the others.”
“Others?” Dal said, raising his eyebrows.
I breathed a deep sigh. I was so tired of having to explain myself. “Yes, others. I’ve been in more battles than you can imagine.” Not all of my battles had been fought with weapons, but I truly felt like a warrior.
“So, you think you can fight?” Lech said as more of a challenge than a question. He took two more steps, closing the distance between us. He snarled and moved his hand to his gun. He was testing me.
I didn’t shy away. I stared at him without blinking. When he pulled the gun and pointed it at my head, I didn’t move.
“What the hell are you doing?” Dal shouted and started toward us. Ori grabbed Dal’s elbow at the same time that I motioned for him to stop. He did.
“I might not be as skilled with my fists or with a weapon as you and Ori,” I said. “But…” I took a step toward Lech. Did I imagine it or did the gun, just two decimeters from my head, move slightly? Had Lech flinched when I started forward? Had I taken him by surprise?
“But what?” he said, a seductive smile playing on his lips.
“But you need me,” I said in a low voice just for him.
“Tell me why I need you,” The intensity in his eyes increased, his disdain turning into desire. I wondered if the others heard that he used I instead of we.
“Because I’m not afraid.” To prove it, I leaned forward until the gun pressed into my forehead.
His stare drifted from my eyes to my lips, and I thought for a second that he might kiss me right there in front of everyone. In front of Evin. Instead, he dropped the gun and turned to the others.
“I’m sold,” he said with a laugh. “She comes with us.”