I went to bingo tonight with Nan and Clement. It’s funny going places with them ’cos they are proper old and think about everything in a different way than young people do. They don’t ever get too stressed about nothing like guns or knives or gangs or respect or homework grades or how Martin Luther changed the face of organized religion in the 14th century or whether or not Shakespeare meant to portray Henry IV as lazy or whether no one has left them any MySpace messages or what sort of lipstick Tabitha Tennant is wearing or how fat or thin they look in their sensible cardigans. They never think about nothing like that. It must be quite good fun being old.
All they’re into is bingo, bowling, crosswords, nice cups of tea, and having a laugh. “Ain’t nothing in this life much worth shooting each other over,” my nan said when I told her about the “Increase the Peace” campaign.
“No, that’s not true,” said Clement sounding proper serious, “I’d shoot a man clean between the ears if he tried to keep me from one of your sponge cakes.” Then Clement winked at Nan and they both laughed proper loud like kids and Nan poked Clement for teasing her and he poked her back just like you’d do if you fancied each other a bit which I’m sure they don’t. Nan won £50 in bingo and they put her name on the big screen and gave her a cheer so it was well exciting.
It took my mind a bit off today’s assembly we did for Years Eight and Nine. I mean, it went OK and everything, but it just wasn’t the same as the one we did for Year Seven. It was as if the Year Eights and Nines weren’t properly listening. They were just there ’cos they had to be. And when Joshua got them to shout out the stuff at the end they did it sort of half-heartedly and some of them never answered at all.
“I think you gave them so many ideas to think about you stunned them into silence!” said Mr. Bamblebury afterward.
Mmm. Yeah.