Oh my gosh it’s the 15th already!! I ain’t done none of my shopping! Not one present. Sonia Cathcart has done all of her Christmas shopping, fancy-wrapped it in special bows and got it all under her Christmas tree! “I’m sooooo glad I was organized this year!” Sonia Cathcart keeps saying. “I’d HATE to be rushing around!” she keeps saying. “Now I’ve got more time to party at Christmas,” she keeps saying, 227 times a day.
“Oh shut it you annoying cow!” I feel like shouting, “You don’t even know what partying is! You won’t even risk drinking the Cup-a-Soup with the spicy croutons in your variety pack ’cos you reckon you’ve got food allergies and high blood pressure YOU SILLY BINT!” I don’t say it though. I just think it.
All I’ve done so far is make a list:
Mum: CD of covers by Pop Idol winners.
Dad: 3-pack of vests from Macy’s (dark color to hide curry stains).
Murphy: Page 3 Model Calendar from the supermarket.
Carrie: Tabitha Tennant Underarm Roll-on—“Pong-Gone by Tabitha T.”
Cava-Sue and Lewis: A book about traveling TO REMIND THEM TO GO.
Penny: Cadbury’s Chocolates box (large) and bag of Purina Lo-fat Science Diet.
Nan: One of them novels she likes with a picture of a woman in a Victorian bodice being groped by a geezer in riding jodhpurs on the front.
Clement: Entenmann’s marble loaf cake.
I’ll do all that after school one night.
11PM—Wesley! Oh God, I forgot about him: something from Best Buy or Sports Authority.