MENTAL NEWS OF THE YEAR ALERT: my nan is getting married to Clement! She is seventy-three and he is seventy-eight but Nan says that finding him makes her feel seventeen again, so they’re going to get hitched to show the world they’re in love. Nan says he cooked her a chicken round at his place tonight and she was helping with the spuds, then when she turned round at one point she found him down on one knee by the sink and she thought, “Oh Christ Almighty, he’s having a stroke!” but then she noticed he was holding a ring in a ring box. They’ve set a date for July!
I wasn’t so lucky today. It seems my Josh meant that thing about the “capitalist conspiracy.” I spent tonight sitting indoors with my mum and dad.
Josh said there was no way he was booking any restaurant tonight ’cos it would be full of mushy couples. Josh said he’d rather spend the night in Fat Freddy’s Foodstop in Romford with all the superchavs and that’s saying something. “There’s nothing wrong with Fat Freddy’s Foodstop!!!” I wanted to yell, but I didn’t want him to know I’d ever been.