OK, I’ll come clean: I’ve been dragging my feet over this whole Increase-the-Peace-Prince-Charles-thing. I’ve been seriously busy with studying and seeing Josh. And if you want me to be properly frank I’ve got no bloody idea where to even start bringing the worlds of royalty and anti-gangster rap together for a national media audience type-thingy. In fact, I’m proper scared. Not that I’ll admit that, ’cos I do a pretty good job around Mayflower of acting totally nails.
So anyway, I get to school today and I’m well shocked to find my Joshua has stuck up posters all around the Sixth Form saying:
INCREASE THE PEACE—ROYAL EXTRAVAGANZA—MEETING TODAY—1PM AV ROOM
And I’m thinking, ’Ere, that’s weird ’cos when I mentioned this to Joshua last week he just made all sorts of sarcastic comments about chav rap and how the Royals should all be taken round the back of the palace and shot for scrounging our money. Then Josh said he’d already done one “Help the ASBOs” campaign and he was too busy.
But here he is today in the AV room, suddenly holding a meeting that I don’t even know about, like it’s all his project! So I say, “Josh, you never said you were organizing a meeting!” So Josh says, “Oh, babycakes, yes I did. You need to get your ears checked out.” And I say, “No Josh, you DEFINITELY said you were too busy!” And Josh says, in front of everyone, “Shiz, seriously, book an appointment with the doctor. Those bling-bling hoops you used to wear from Ilford market have affected your eardrums!” Then everyone in the AV room burst out laughing and I tried to join in too, ’cos I didn’t want him to see I was hurt. I don’t even wear those hoops no more. Or my locket. Or my bracelet. Or any gold at all. Just ’cos Josh is the best-looking boy in the whole school he thinks he can say anything he wants to anyone, even to his girlfriend. I know he doesn’t mean it though, he’s just showboating. He’s proper lovely when we’re on our own.
Anyway, as soon as Sean, Luther, and Nabila and everyone arrive, Josh starts talking.
“Right everyone,” he says, “So basically, we’ve got Prince Charles coming to the school to present a plaque, y’know, yada, yada, whatever,” he says. “And there’s going to be loads of national media here. So we’ve got to put on a bit of a show, or whatever,” he says, sounding quite bored, “So I’m thinking, let’s get some of the rudes in Year Ten to jump about a bit and do some of their shouting, sorry, I mean ‘rapping,’ then we can maybe show Prince Charles the mixing desk, then some of the other chavster kids who use the music room can do some of their tracks, then we can unveil the plaque…”
Everyone sort of nodded and mumbled in agreement.
“And I’m thinking,” says Josh a lot more forcefully now. “That I’ll help Prince Charles unveil the plaque. And I’ll give a little speech about how my, I mean sorry, our ‘Increase the Peace’ campaign has turned the school’s fortunes around and how we’ve collected loads of money. And how hard we’ve worked to set a good example to the younger kids and keep them in school and overcome their backgrounds, y’know, blah blah blah, that sort of thing. Agreed?!”
No one tried to argue with Josh, they all just sort of nodded. Suddenly I couldn’t stop thinking about what he said in the library at Christmas about doing stuff to look good on university application forms.
“So, Shiraz?” he says. But I’m proper miles away now thinking, how can someone so handsome and funny be sometimes such a FAKER and I’m thinking about my mother saying about how Josh would need two faces and a slithering tail to be a politician. Then Josh says “SHIRAZ!” again and I say, “Sorry, what?!” Then he says, “So can you and Carrie find some Year Nines and Tens who can rap or dance or something? It doesn’t matter who really…”
So I say, “Well, I think if we’re going to do something for Prince Charles, we should do it properly!” Then Josh just sighs and goes, “Whatever.” So I say, “So I’m thinking we need to ask someone to help us this time who we never asked last time. Someone who really knows about street-culture and all that type of stuff. We need to ask Uma to get involved.”
“Uma Brunton-Fletcher?!” said Joshua.
“Uma Brunton-Fletcher,” I said. “’Cos at least she knows what she’s talking about. I think we need this whole thing to sound, y’know, like we mean it? Like we’re being sincere. Like we’re not FAKERS.”
Josh just ignored the word faker. Like I wasn’t meaning him.
I asked Uma. She is properly over the moon. She’s already started making plans. Joshua says we can all do what we bloody want, but he’s definitely helping Prince Charles unveil the plaque. End of.