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CARTER AND RAE WERE locked in a standoff, staring each other down in the late afternoon sun, neither of them surrendering so much as an inch. As the breeze stirred her curls around her, Rae brought herself up to her full height. Carter could interrogate her all he wanted. She was never going to say a damn thing.
“It’s going to be okay, Rae,” Devon whispered loudly. “Just don’t tell him about France.”
Rae shut her eyes in a painful grimace as Carter stared at Devon in complete disbelief.
“France? Did he just...?” he asked. “Miss Kerrigan, what the hell is going on?”
“I’m dating an exsanguinated idiot,” Rae muttered under her breath.
Carter leaned forward with a frown. “What’s that?”
“Nothing,” Rae said swiftly. She gestured to Devon’s wilted form. “He’s not himself. He conned the nurses into letting him donate way too much blood. We’re just heading back to Heath Hall now to let him sleep it off.”
“Nice cover.” Devon winked.
Oh, for Pete’s sake. How was she supposed to go anywhere like this?! The diplomatic flags were still clutched in her fist, and for a minute she considered stashing Devon somewhere safe and just waving them around as she started walking.
Carter raised his eyebrows, unimpressed with their new tactic of lie then self-expose. A taxi slowed down tentatively on the street beside them, but he waved it away with a flick of his wrist. Rae stared after it, watching her chance of seeing her mom drive off into the sunset. She followed it all the way until it disappeared before Carter reclaimed her attention.
“Rae,” he said softly and using her first name, “I think you should tell me what’s going on.”
Her shoulders slumped as she sighed. They had been caught. There was no way around it. It was time to face the music.
Before anyone could say a thing, Devon suddenly gripped the side of Rae’s neck as his legs buckled and threatened to give way beneath him. She quickly lowered him down to sit on the grass by the curb. Carter rushed forward and took his other arm to help. It was a testament to how out of it Devon really was that he didn’t struggle or pull away when Carter reached out to touch him. Instead, he just gripped the fabric on his boss’ sweater with a thoughtful look on his face.
“That’s really soft,” he murmured.
All at once, Rae’s heart seized up in her chest. Devon’s mind was completely defenseless, an open book. Distorted and hazy. Who knew what Carter would be able to see without Devon trying to keep him at bay? What if he saw...?!
She glanced at Carter in a moment of blind panic, only to see Carter look up at her at the same time. Her lips parted and she was about to say something—a denial, a reprimand, she didn’t know—but before she could Carter help up a peaceable hand.
“I didn’t look, I didn’t see a thing,” he said softly. The tops of his cheeks flushed faintly in shame as he knelt down and helped Devon sit up straight. “I know you have no reason to believe that, but it’s the truth.”
But for whatever reason, Rae did believe him. In many ways his face was as open as Devon’s, laid bare by the mention of her mother, honestly trying to figure out what was going on.
“Luke isn’t my college counselor,” she admitted.
Carter rolled his eyes. “You don’t say.” But he kept his peace and listened quietly.
“He works for...” She hastily edited herself. “He’s a bit of a computer genius and has access to a lot of information. He’s the one who found the box my mother left for me. It had some files and a video tape, which we watched together.”
Carter was leaning back on his heels, holding his breath as he absorbed every word. He was sure to have spotted some holes in her stories—some critical information she was omitting—but he let it go. Letting Rae tell the story, he listened silently.
“Anyway, the video was time stamped and Luke said he was going to check the footage from security tapes around the area to see if he could find any trace of my mom or any clue as to what happened. When he came to Heath Hall this afternoon, he had this in his hand.”
In a rare moment of trust, Rae extended the note. Carter read it in silence, tracing the writing with his fingers as Rae had done. There was a strange look on his face Rae had never seen before. The look of a man beyond hope who was struggling to hope again. When he finally glanced back up at Rae, that hope had been replaced with steely determination.
“Who attacked him?”
Rae ran her hands through her hair in frustration. “That’s what I don’t know. Only a few people even knew about the box. And since the video self-destructed after we watched, the only thing I was able to take with me were some old mission files of my mom’s. The files were missing when we discovered Luke passed out on the floor.”
She decided not to mention the contents of the tape or the secret code embedded in the files. There were some things that for now, at least, she wanted to keep for herself. And lucky for her, Carter wasn’t pressing.
He was quiet for a moment, thinking, then his face suddenly cleared back into the Carter Rae had grown to know and even trust over the years. The man in control. The man who could do just about anything.
“This is what we’re going to do—” he began.
“What we’re going to do?” Rae raised her eyebrows.
She hadn’t realized this was a joint mission. But as long as Carter wasn’t actively shutting her down, she didn’t know if she could complain. After all, for the next few hours Devon was going to be pretty much out of the picture. It might help to have another cognizant adult on her side.
“I’m coming with you.” There was not a shadow of doubt or shame on Carter’s face as he stared Rae straight in the eye. “I loved your mother, Miss Kerrigan, once upon a time. I loved her with all my heart. I would move heaven and earth to find her.”
Rae froze for a moment in surprise before slowly nodding her head. She believed him. And because of those feelings, on this particular mission there was no one she’d rather have on her side.
“So what’s the plan?” she asked quickly, awaiting his instructions.
He gave her a rare smile. “Jennifer and Molly will stay here at the hospital to keep tabs on your friend. Protect him from any future attacks, and keep us updated on his status.”
Rae was surprised his plan in any way included Luke. Now that she had the note and the files were gone, she didn’t understand why Carter would find him at all relevant.
Her surprise must have shown on her face, because Carter paused thoughtfully before continuing. “I know he’s important to you. I’m not going to leave him here defenseless.” He briefly met her eyes, and in a moment of enlightenment something clicked into place.
Carter cared about Rae, too—because of her mother. Carter felt protective of her.
“Thank you,” she murmured. “I appreciate that.”
He nodded briskly and turned his attention to the bustling city. The problem of the inescapable traffic must have just occurred to him, because he suddenly frowned and rubbed his chin. “Now, we just need to find a way to get out of this city...”
“Actually,” Rae triumphantly held out the diplomatic flags, “I may have an idea about that.”
Carter’s face lightened in relief before he suddenly froze. “Tell me you didn’t steal these from the royal family.”
“I didn’t steal them,” Rae bristled defensively, “I just borrowed them from Sarah.”
Carter raised his eyebrows. “Sarah? You two are on a first-name basis now?”
Rae felt the blood rising in her cheeks. “Well...if you can count ‘Sarah to Karen’ a first-name basis.” Probably best not to mention that other little secret. She was pushing the boundaries as is.
Carter simply shook his head. “Pick your battles, right?” he murmured to himself. “I’m going to pull my car around back. Wait right here with Devon. Tell no one where we are going. I’ll be back in a minute.”
As Carter disappeared around the corner, Devon leaned back against Rae’s legs and gazed up at her with a sleepy smile. “Did I help?” he asked hopefully.
She smiled and stroked his hair. “Actually, babe, you helped a lot.”
Exactly one minute later, Carter whirled around the corner in a jet black town car. The kind of car that just might believably have diplomatic immunity. He grabbed the flags out of Rae’s hand and adhered them quickly to his hood before returning to help her with Devon.
“Open the door,” he instructed as he placed his hands on Devon’s back and helped him get to his feet. Rae looked on with concern as she pulled open the door to the back seat.
“I don’t understand,” she said anxiously. “He seems to be getting worse, not better.”
“That’s because he’s been on the move with nothing to replenish his system,” Carter assured her. “Here,” he tossed her a vitamin water from the front seat, “give him this. It’ll help.”
Rae helped tip the bottle into Devon’s mouth until he was strong enough to hold it on his own. Then she climbed into the front seat as Carter pulled out of the parking lot.
“So, Miss Kerrigan,” he dodged through pedestrians and cars alike, “to the airport or—”
“The Chunnel?” she interjected hopefully.
He flashed her a peculiar look before clearing his face and fixing his eyes on the road.
“The Chunnel it is.”
* * *
ONLY ABOUT AN HOUR later, Rae and Carter were parked in the Eurotunnel Shuttle, sitting in silence as Devon slept peacefully in the back seat. Carter had stretched the power of the diplomatic flags as far as both common decency would allow, and they had made it here in record time. But now that the engine was off and they simply had to wait, the car was quickly filling up with a million unanswered questions.
Rae tried to break the awkward silence. “I came here once before, you know. To the Chunnel, I mean,” she clarified as Carter shot her another strange look. “I can barely remember it. I was really small, but I remember being so excited and then so disappointed all at the same time. I’d thought that we’d be in some kind of underwater tube and I’d get to see dolphins and fish and stuff. I didn’t realize it was a sealed compartment. My poor mom,” she chuckled, “I must have been a nightmare when I found out.”
“You went with your mother?” Carter asked with that same odd look on his face.
Rae frowned at him curiously but then shrugged. “I guess. Who else would have taken me?”
There was a weighty pause as Carter seemed to be struggling with something. He clenched his jaw and stared fixedly at the steering wheel, trapped in resigned silence. Then he suddenly shook his head with a little sigh.
“I took you.”
Rae’s mouth fell open. “You what?!” Carter looked at her with something close to pity, but she shook her head in complete dismissal. “No you didn’t. Why on earth would you take me to the Chunnel? I went with my mom.”
Carter’s voice was quiet. “You went with me. It was your fifth birthday and your mother and father were fighting. He had come home and done or said something horrible to set her off.” He shook his head as he tried to remember the specifics. “I was in town on business and Beth called me in tears. Asked me to come take you for the day so you wouldn’t get caught in the middle of it. Said it was your birthday and she didn’t want your only memory to be of your crazy father.”
Rae listened in silent disbelief. When she’d first arrived at Guilder and had met Carter, she’d assumed she was meeting him for the first time. Why would she think otherwise? He’d certainly acted like it was the first time he was meeting her. But now, what was she supposed to do with this?
“I loaded you up in my car and asked you where you wanted to go.” His eyes grew almost warm as he remembered. “You didn’t even pause—you said you wanted to go to the Chunnel. I headed straight here.” His sudden chuckle made Rae jump. “And yes—you were very upset when you couldn’t see the dolphins. But when we got to the other side, I bought you some ice cream at a rest break and you seemed to calm down. When your mother called to check in on us a few hours later, she couldn’t believe I’d taken you to France. ‘Babysitting my daughter for a few hours doesn’t mean skipping the country, Andrew’,” he quoted.
A lingering smile faded from his face as he turned to Rae—still sitting dumbstruck in the seat beside him.
“So yes,” he said in conclusion. “I took you.”
There were so many things Rae wanted to say. So many questions she wanted answered. Why didn’t Carter tell her these kinds of things when she first got to Guilder? Why did it seem to be the policy of everyone she’d ever met to keep seemingly innocuous secrets from her—secrets about her own past?
In that moment, Rae suddenly realized that it couldn’t have mattered less. What was done was done. They were all here now. There was no going back.
Instead of ranting or interrogating, she simply glanced at Devon still dozing in the back seat before turning her eyes front.
“If I was to tell you that, when we get there, I’d actually like some ice cream...”
“We’re not pulling over.”
“Understood.”
* * *
THE FRENCH CITY OF Marquise was only about twenty minutes from the Chunnel, and despite Carter’s previous statement they did in fact pull over. Devon had woken up and was staring around, quite surprised he was in another country, and Rae and Carter realized none of them had eaten a thing since breakfast. Carter pulled into a pub and the three of them piled out and headed inside.
The first thing Rae did was head to the bathroom. There was a distinct possibility she was about to meet her long-lost mother and she realized she had no idea what she was even wearing.
Thank goodness she did.
Streaks of dried blood laced up her arms, making her look like some sort of serial killer, and there was a dark red stain from Luke’s head wound on the side of her shirt.
“Great!” she muttered as she began scrubbing it furiously. “She’s going to take one look at me and think I take after my dad.”
Once she’d removed the majority of the blood and rolled up her sleeves, she scooped her hair up into a stylish ponytail and gave herself a once-over. It was lucky that she’d dressed for a debriefing today. She was still in the same sky blue shirt and fashionable slacks as before. And while she and Devon may have done their best to undermine it, her makeup was holding up remarkably well. Altogether, she’d have to say that she looked refined. Grown up. Exactly the way she’d want her mother to see her.
If she was in fact going to see her today.
A flurry of butterflies filled her stomach, and she floated back to their table at the far end of the bar. Carter was at the counter, ordering for the lot of them, so Rae slid into the booth next to Devon as they waited for him to return.
“Why didn’t you tell me there was blood on me?” she hissed through her teeth.
He looked up at her in surprise. “I didn’t notice,” he said honestly. “I mean, lately you usually have at least a little. I guess it doesn’t jump out at me anymore.”
“What does that say about me?” Rae shook her head in dismay. “I only look like myself when I’m dripping in somebody else’s blood? What a perfect way to present myself. I’m no better than freaking Kraigan.” She crossed her arms over her chest and pouted.
Devon raised his eyebrows in alarm. “Slow down there, turbo. What on earth are you rambling about?”
Rae blew a loose curl off her face in a huff before casting a sideways glance at Devon. “I want to look... I don’t know. I want to look like the daughter she left behind. Not some trained up, callous, killing machine for the Privy Council. Not like my dad.”
Devon took her hands kindly and tilted her chin up to look at him. “First of all, and I’ve been trying to tell you for years now, Rae, your dad did not work for the Privy Council. Most definitely not. Get it straight.”
She couldn’t help but giggle a little at his teasing.
“Second,” he said as he tucked the runaway curl behind her ear and stroked the side of her face. “You are the most beautiful, extraordinary, loving person I’ve ever met. If we do end up meeting your mom today, there’s no way she’s going to miss that. You just need to relax, sweetie.”
Rae sighed and leaned into his arms when he offered. “I’m just nervous.”
He kissed the top of her head. “I know. But it’s going to be all right, I promise.”
Just then, Carter came back carrying three trays of burgers. Rae and Devon slid automatically to opposite sides of the bench and Carter rolled his eyes. “Yep. Because that’s still a secret, right?”
“I think it’s a little soon for you to be making accusations.” Devon glared at him.
Carter flushed, but pointed an authoritative finger at Devon’s plate. “You—get your blood sugar up. I’m done carting you across international borders. And you,” he pointed at Rae, “we need to figure out how you want to do this.”
Rae nibbled on the end of a chip. “What do you mean?”
Carter paused, and when he spoke it looked like he was treading carefully. “Your friend got knocked out before he could tell us anything about the address on that note. It could be your mother, it could be someone that has information about your mother. It could...” His face grew suddenly grave. “Rae, it could be that you’re walking straight into a trap.”
“It’s not a trap,” Rae said firmly. “I trust Luke. If you’re going to do this with us, you’re going to have to trust me.”
Carter studied her for a long moment before he nodded. “Fine. Then while you go to the door, I’ll keep an eye on the front while Devon circles around back to monitor the perimeter. And use a strong tatù, Rae. We don’t want to take any chances.”
Much to the men’s surprise, Rae broke out in a huge smile. Did she detect some stalling here? It looked like someone was just as nervous to see her mother again as she was.
“This isn’t a covert mission,” she reminded him gently, “this is a reunion. I’m not going to have the two of you going all black ops on my mom. You can both come to the front door, just like normal people.”
Devon reached over and wiped something off the side of Rae’s neck. “Normal people don’t normally have someone else’s blood on them,” he teased.
Rae’s hand clapped to the spot in terror. “I’m sure it’s just ketchup.”
Devon grinned. “I’m sure.”
They finished eating quickly, and before Rae knew it they were back in the car. No one said much of anything as they headed away from the town and out into the open countryside.
The roads got smaller and smaller as the houses grew farther and farther apart. Towering beech and oak trees shaded the side of the road, filtering the golden sunlight in a surreal, almost dream-like way. Rae pressed her face against the window. Could this little wonderland really have been where her mother was living all these years?
“Shouldn’t you call your Uncle Argyle?” Devon asked suddenly.
Rae looked up in surprise. She actually hadn’t even thought about it. After a moment’s consideration, she shook her head. “I don’t want to get his hopes up. I mean, I keep thinking we’re going to see my mom, but Carter’s right. We don’t really know what’s waiting for us.”
In fact, the closer they got to their destination the more convinced Rae became that their spectacular journey was only going to lead to another clue. It was too much to believe that her mother could really be just minutes away, tucked away in this magical-looking scenery.
The nerves and butterflies had started to once again overtake her, when Carter suddenly pulled off the road and into the drive of a small cottage. Nobody said anything and Rae stared out the window in amazement.
It looked like something out of one of the fairytales her mother used to read to her as a child. Flowering vines and ivy crept up the grey stone walls towards the thatched roof, and a million different wildflowers created a riotous carpet to an old wooden door. The windows were thick-paned and clouded, but Rae could just make out a hint of a light shining somewhere inside.
“Rae.”
Rae turned to see Devon and Carter looking at her expectantly—each of them with a soft, almost tender smile in their eyes. When she didn’t speak, Devon squeezed her hand gently.
“Are you ready?”
Rae took another long look out the window before she pulled in a deep breath and gathered herself together. She had been ready for this for a long, long time.
Without a word, she pulled open the door and headed up the cobblestone walkway. The men trailed at a respectful distance behind her.
What was she going to say?
The question struck her with instant panic. In all of her wishing and planning, she hadn’t considered what she would actually do if the dream ever came true. What would she say to this woman she’d been torn away from as a child? What words could possibly make up the distance between them?
But as she raised her hand to knock, the door pulled open from the other side and Rae said the only word that came to mind. As simple as it was unbelievable.
“Mom.”
