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TIME STOPPED AS RAE’S mouth fell open and her eyes filled with tears. It wasn’t just the videotape reminder or her absentminded recollections over the last ten years. Her mother looked exactly like Rae remembered her.
Petite like Rae, but strong and fit—able to take care of herself. A wild mane of dark curls, identical to the ones Rae struggled to control every morning. The same eyes, the same mouth. A warm, heart-shaped face that seemed always a second away from bursting into a smile. In a lot of ways, staring at her mom was like staring in the mirror. Just a few years older.
Only now, the reflection was complete.
Then Bethany Kerrigan said the only words that could tear it all away.
“I’m sorry...who are you?”
Oh no... Please...no, no, no...
Rae bent over as if she’d been punched in the gut. The cute little house spun around her and she literally doubled over and put her hands on her knees. As she melted back down the steps, the men surged forward. Devon gathered her immediately into his arms, while Carter simply stood in front of them—staring at Beth like he’d seen a ghost.
“I can’t believe it,” he muttered. His skin had gone shock white and his eyes dilated to their fullest extent. “I can’t believe it. You’re alive. All this time.”
Beth looked at him like he might be crazy. She stepped back, ready to slam the door closed. “Of course I’m alive. Is this some kind of joke?” She leaned past him and fixed her eyes on Rae with concern. “Is she all right?”
Rae had managed to stand up, huddled in Devon’s arms. When she saw her mother looking at her, she got caught in a full-body tremble and silently shook her head.
No. She was most definitely not all right. In fact, she thought she might be sick.
Devon took the cue and thought on his feet. “Actually no, Mrs....?”
“It’s just miss, actually.” Bethany straightened but kept her eyes trained on Rae. A slight crease formed in the center of her forehead, as if she thought she might have seen this troubled girl somewhere before. “Miss Landais. Why don’t you come inside.” She gestured to Rae with a concerned frown. “We’ll get her some water. She doesn’t look well.”
Devon smiled graciously. “Thank you, that’s very kind.”
He had completely taken over talking for the bunch, as it seemed Carter was incapable of saying anything coherent and Rae had literally crumbled the second her own mother didn’t recognize her face.
Keeping a supportive arm around Rae’s waist, Devon followed Bethany into a modest country kitchen as Carter trailed behind. Rae glanced around as she was lowered into a chair beside the table. It looked exactly how you’d think it would by looking at the outside. Decorated in light yellows and creams, it caught the last light of the vanishing sun and bounced it back on the walls through a series of suncatchers and prisms. Old, bronzed pots hung in orderly fashion from a series of nails in the stucco walls, and dried flowers and herbs dangled in a corner from the ceiling. She’d hoped to find something about her inside the house. Like a picture or some hint that she knew who Rae was. Nothing.
“I grow them myself.” Bethany caught Rae looking and tried to coax a smile. “Rosemary, lavender, thyme. Do you cook?” she asked politely, mistaking Rae’s interest for aptitude.
“No.” Rae’s voice came out scratchy and she quickly cleared her throat. “No, I don’t cook.”
Neither did her mother, as well as Rae could remember. On holidays and festive occasions, they had gone out. You couldn’t catch them on a day when their fridge wasn’t stuffed with Indian or Chinese leftovers.
“When did that start?” Rae couldn’t help but ask.
“Me?” Bethany asked. “I’ve always done it, ever since I was a little girl.” She spoke with complete confidence, but even as she did the slightest of shadows passed over her face. As if sensing a vague disconnect.
Rae latched on to this shadow with sudden fervor, clinging to it with everything she had.
She had been caught off guard at the door—who wouldn’t? You show up and your own mother doesn’t recognize your face? It was enough to knock the wind out of anyone’s sails. But what happened to Beth had been done to her. Why doesn’t she remember me?
A woman didn’t just show up after a decade of being thought deceased in a storybook cottage in France, thinking herself an aspiring chef named Landais. She didn’t just inexplicably not remember the face of her own daughter. There was more to the story. There was someone behind the curtain, pulling the strings.
“Actually,” Rae said with a smile, “instead of water, do you think I could have a cup of tea?”
Every night when she was growing up, her mother would make her a cup of chamomile tea—Beth swore by it. Rae would sit on her lap and slowly sip it down as Beth combed out her messy curls before tucking her into bed. Even after all these years, it was one of the few things that could settle her stomach and calm her nerves.
“Sure.” Beth looked surprised, but pleased. “I know I have a box here somewhere.”
As she got up and began rummaging through the cupboards, Devon squeezed Rae’s hand gently in his own. “Are you all right?” he asked too quietly for anyone else to hear. Not that they were listening. Beth was busy in the spices and Carter only had eyes for her. “Rae, I don’t know what to do,” he said with a touch of anxiety. “I don’t know how to help you here.”
“It’s okay,” Rae whispered back, keeping her eye fixed on her mom. “I’m working on it.”
Beth returned a moment later with a steaming mug. Rae glanced at the label on the bag and couldn’t resist a small smile. Chamomile. So her mother was still in there somewhere. They just had to find her.
“Thank you.” She smiled and took a sip. At once, a flood of memories went coursing through her and she dropped her eyes quickly to the tea so no one could see them fill with tears. When she looked up a moment later, she was fine.
Once it was clear that Rae was going to be all right, Beth perched on the edge of the table and regarded them all in a critical stare. “Well then, what can I help you people with today?”
There was a moment of silence as Devon and Carter shared a panicked look.
Rae, however, remained perfectly calm. “Actually, I was just feeling a little dizzy on my way back to school. Guilder. Have you ever heard of it?”
That same shadow passed across Beth’s face but she shook her head. “No, I haven’t.”
Rae’s heart sank a little but she kept going. “It’s near London. We were just driving back there when I felt like I might faint, so my...” She glanced at Carter apologetically out of the corner of her eye as she tried desperately to simplify things. “My dad pulled over.”
Carter shot her a look of supreme agitation, while Devon bit his lip and quickly dropped his eyes to the floor.
Beth missed the entire exchange. She stared at Rae like she was trying desperately to place her. The two of them locked eyes and Beth diverted her gaze with an embarrassed smile. “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to stare,” she murmured. “I just can’t shake the feeling that I’ve seen you somewhere before.” She brightened with a casual shrug. “It must be because we kind of look alike, right?”
“Must be,” Rae mused, soaking in the precious details of her mother’s face.
“You know,” Beth continued, “my mother had frequent fainting spells. It started when she was pregnant with me and carried on through her entire life.”
“Really?” Rae tried not to smile. She certainly did know that, hence her strategic story.
So the damage to Beth’s memory only went back so far. She still remembered her mother and her life before meeting Simon and having Rae.
“Yeah, it’s pretty draining,” Rae continued her fabrication with the self-righteous suffering of a martyr. “I’m sorry to just barge in on you like this. I guess we should be getting on our way.”
Beth frowned as she glanced out the window. Night had fallen, and the world around them was growing darker by the minute. There were next to no road signs out this far in the country, and she was obviously worried about Rae’s weakened state.
Rae watched the dilemma present itself on her mother’s face with bated breath. She almost wished she still had some blood on her to complete the ‘defenseless girl’ image.
“Where are you staying for the night?”
Carter glanced at Rae and took over, catching on to her scheme. “We have reservations at a place about two hours from here.” He squinted out into the darkness with a speculative look. “I’ll just need to find some sort of rest stop first so we can get a map...”
Rae watched as Beth silently struggled with the predicament. The inherent danger of allowing three strangers to sleep in her house versus the well-being of a sickly young girl. In the end, her eyes fell on Rae and she seemed to make up her mind.
“That’s nonsense,” she intoned, waving her hand dismissively. “You three should stay here for the night. Save yourself the trouble of a hotel.”
“We couldn’t impose,” Carter said at the same time Rae spoke.
“Are you sure?” Rae feigned a look of hesitation. “We wouldn’t want to impose.”
“Not at all.” Bethany gave her a kind smile. “If you’re anything like my mother then you need to rest, young lady. There’s a room upstairs where you can sleep.”
“That’s so generous of you, thank you so much!” Rae exclaimed. At least now, while she came up with a plan to return her mom’s memory, they’d be sleeping under the same roof. “I’m sure my dad will be fine on the couch, and my boyfriend can just come up with me.”
“He most certainly will not!” Both Carter and Bethany said at the same time.
They glanced at each other in surprise before fixing their attention on opposite sides of the room. Rae smothered another smile and took a sip her tea. It was worth a shot.
“Your boyfriend can sleep on the couch in the living room,” Beth said sternly, giving Devon a once-over that made him straighten in a hurry. “And you,” she flashed Carter a suspicious glance, “the one with the crazy eye twitch. You can sleep in the car.”
Casting a triumphant glance at the men lingering behind her, Rae followed her mom up the stairs and down the hall to a small but cozy guestroom. A tall wooden dresser stretched up against one wall while gauzy, lace curtains hung over the windows that occupied the other. A neatly made bed sat in between them.
Rae fingered the thick handmade quilt that covered the mattress. “Did you make this?”
Bethany shook her head. “It was here when I moved into this place a few years ago.”
“Oh yeah?” Rae’s head cocked in interest. “Where did you move from?”
Her mother’s lips opened and closed like she was going to say something as the same dark shadow passed over her face. However, nothing came out. Strangely enough, she seemed even more perturbed by this than Rae was. Eventually, she simply shook her head with a quick smile and headed to the dresser.
“I’ll get you some pajamas,” she said softly, pulling out a pair of striped sweatpants and a periwinkle camisole. “Let’s not bother the boys to go to the car for clothes now. If you like, I can wash what you’re wearing so it’ll be clean for you tomorrow.”
“That would be wonderful, thanks,” Rae answered, taking the pajamas and holding them up appraisingly against her body.
“What do you know?” Beth smiled. “A perfect fit.”
Rae shook her head with a small smile herself. “What do you know?”
Beth turned around as Rae quickly slipped into the pajamas, but when she bent over to pick up her slacks to give to her mom, Beth’s eyes grew wide.
“Is that a fairy?” she asked curiously.
Rae’s heart skipped a beat as she froze. Well...what was the harm? Might as well figure out what other latent memories her mom might still be carrying.
“Yeah, it is,” she said brightly. She turned around and lifted her shirt, but kept a careful distance from Beth’s hands. She didn’t know what exactly was holding her back, especially because every fiber of her being was aching to reach out and touch her mother, but she somehow sensed that she should wait. When the time was right...she would know it.
“Wow,” Beth remarked admiringly, “that’s beautiful. The detail is exquisite.” Then she gave Rae a speculative look. “When did you get it?”
“On the morning of my sixteenth birthday.” Rae gulped and tried to act casual. “Do you have any ink?”
Beth chuckled softly. “Actually, I do. And it’s in the exact same spot as yours. Oddly, with a bit of a similar pattern.” She turned around and lifted the back of her own shirt. Rae’s eyes widened as she was finally able to see her mother’s tatù for herself. It was absolutely spectacular—a swirling, looping, blinding sun. Rae could almost feel the heat coming off of it. It was closer to her own tatù than she had ever imagined, just with even more detail due to its size.
“That’s amazing,” she breathed. Again, she resisted the urge to touch her mother and turned instead to her bed. She felt her fingers burn and quickly shoved them behind her back, afraid fire would shoot out of them. “Thank you again so much for letting us stay here tonight, Miss... I’m sorry, I actually never got your first name.”
“It’s Beth,” her mother answered cheerfully, grabbing the little pile of Rae’s clothes. “And yours?”
Rae had to take a quick, steadying breath before she could speak. “It’s Rae.”
“Rae?” Her mother frowned thoughtfully. “That’s a lovely name. Does it run in your family?”
Unwelcome tears started pooling in Rae’s eyes and she did her best to ignore them. “I honestly don’t know. I never got a chance to ask my mom.”
Beth smiled distractedly before gesturing to the bed. “Well, goodnight. Hopefully you’ll feel better after a good night’s rest.”
“Yes, thank you.” Rae couldn’t quite keep all the pain from her voice. “Goodnight.”
The second the door closed behind Beth, Rae fell onto the bed in a mess of silent, hysterical tears. What had happened? How could her own mother not know her? What had they done to her??
She muffled her sobs in the quilt, vaguely aware that Devon was sure to be able to hear them, quartered in the living room directly below. Sure enough, after a few minutes a soft whisper floated up through the floor boards.
“Rae, honey, are you all right?”
Rae pulled herself together with a shaky breath. “Yeah, I’m fine. Sorry to wake you.”
“You didn’t wake me.” She could almost see his concerned eyes as he spoke. “Do you want me to sneak up there?”
She snorted. “I don’t think that would be the best idea. I mean, you heard my mom. She and Carter would have a fit if they caught you.”
Devon laughed softly. “Yeah. I can’t believe I was actually banished to the couch by your mom. It seems so...normal, for us.”
Rae shook her head with a smile. “Trust me. Nothing about this is normal.”
“What’re you going to do in the morning?” he asked quietly.
She sighed. “I’m not exactly sure.”
But as she looked down at the tearstained quilt, a sudden idea popped into her head. She stroked the material with trembling fingers as a small smile began creeping up her face.
“I think I have a plan...”
The next morning, Rae woke up to the smell of bacon and scrambled eggs. Her clothes were sitting folded on a chair by the bed, and she put them on quickly before hurrying downstairs. Carter and Devon were already sitting at the table as her mother flew around the kitchen. Pouring some coffee here, prodding something on the grill over there. She was a blur of nervous energy.
“Good morning,” she said brightly as Rae took a seat by Devon. “How would you like your eggs?”
“Uh,” Rae glanced at the men’s plates and followed suit. “Scrambled is fine. Thank you.”
With a grand flourish, Beth tilted some eggs onto her plate and watched as she took the first steaming bite. Rae’s throat closed up automatically to protect itself and she struggled to keep a smile plastered on her face. It was like biting into the bottom of a dumpster.
“S’good!” she choked, her mouth still full.
Beth turned around with a satisfied smile and Rae quickly spit them into her napkin. She cast a tortured glance at Devon, only to see him smirking back at her, shaking his head as he poured some of his into a crack in the floor. Only Carter was immune—gobbling them down and staring at Beth like her cooking was God’s gift to the world.
When they’d finally finished—or pretended to finish—Rae stood up in a sudden rush. “Well, thank you so much again for breakfast, Beth, and for letting us stay. But we should really get going.”
The men looked at her in confusion as Beth blinked quickly, caught off guard by the sudden rush. “Oh, okay, of course.” She slowly got to her feet and stared around the sudden flurry in her kitchen as everyone gathered up their jackets and scarves. “Well, are you sure you don’t want some more coffee?” she offered hopefully.
“Nope, we’ve got to hit the road,” Rae answered. “Thanks again.”
The three of them headed out the door and down the cobblestone path with Beth trailing along behind, staring after them in a daze. Without understanding why, Carter and Devon slid obediently into the car and started up the engine while Rae turned around for a final wave. Beth was standing halfway up the walk, that same shadow clouding her lovely features.
“’Bye, Beth,” Rae called breathlessly, preparing to drive away from her long-lost mother. “Thanks for everything.” She paused for a moment, waiting, but Beth said nothing and she slowly turned back to the car.
It felt like a knife was lodged in her ribs, keeping her heart from properly beating.
Come on, Mom, she thought. I’m your daughter! You know me!
Nothing happened.
In what felt like slow motion, Rae pulled open her door and began to climb inside.
“Wait!”
Rae whirled around to see Beth running after her. She froze beside the car as her mother took her by the arms and spun her around.
“Why did you call me ‘Mom’?”
Rae’s heart leapt as silent tears ran down her cheeks. It had been a gamble, but this is what she had been counting on. The only emotion strong enough to pull Beth back to them was the utter heartbreak you feel when you lose someone you love. It was a pain Rae had quietly lived with for the last twelve years. She knew exactly how powerful it was.
“Because your name is Bethany Kerrigan. You’re the ex-wife of Simon Kerrigan. Your brother attended Guilder, and when you turned sixteen they realized you were marked instead of him so they sent him home. You joined the Privy Council in England. You’re a fighter, a badass, and an honestly terrible cook.” She stared straight into Bethany’s lovely eyes, her chest heaving. “I know all that...because you’re my mother.”
There was a long pause as Bethany stared back at her in the brilliant sunrise. The first rays of light shone down on them, banishing the shadows and illuminating what had been dark just moments before.
“I am.” Bethany didn’t say it as a question, more like an affirmation of things she knew deep in her heart to be true. Rae’s breath caught in her chest as her eyes welled with emotion. In a rush of adrenaline, she pulled up the back of her shirt and again showed her mother the sparkling fairy dancing in a bed of suns on her back. Without Rae even having to think about it, a blinding array of blue flames sprang up from her hand and began travelling up her arm.
Beth gasped, but didn’t pull away as Rae reached for her.
“And this,” Rae took her mother’s hand and watched as the flames spread harmlessly across both their bodies, uniting mother and daughter, “is not a tattoo.”
