It's been a few days, since I showed up and had my breakdown with Easton. My mom was in tears by the time I called her. We talked, and by the end of the conversation, she promised to stop trying to set me up or push me on any guys. I guess we will see how long that lasts.
Apparently, after I walked out, my dad blew a gasket and kicked them all out, and then went off on my brother, who sobered up real fast, when he realized what exactly had happened.
He then called apologizing, but I'm still mad at him the most. It will fade, it always has. I just need time. This is what he does. He screws up, Mom and Dad clean up his mess, and eventually, we all forgive him and move on. Rinse and repeat. But I shake all that off, as I go to visit Easton.
I expect to find him sitting in the chair today, but he isn't. He's standing looking out the window. I can tell Molly is put off, because she’s at my side, looking up at me with a 'what is going on Mom' look on her face.
"Easton?" I ask softly, hoping he's okay.
He turns his head to look at me, and then takes a deep breath.
"Let's go for a walk." He says, and I'm pretty sure my jaw drops to the ground.
He walks slowly over to where I'm standing in the doorway, and other than handing him the meatloaf that day, this is the closest I've been to him. His gray eyes haven't changed a bit, but the beard is still new to me, and I want to reach out to touch him so badly that my hand twitches, but I stop myself. This isn't about what I want. Though we are just going for a walk, this is a big step, and I won't mess it up.
I clear my throat. "Do you want to hold Molly's leash?"
He shakes his head, "No, but I'd like her to come with us. Just to the lobby."
"Lexi is at the desk out there, so we can go say hi, and then come right back here."
He nods, and I back out of the door to the other side of the hallway.
"You set the pace, and remember, Molly and I have your six," I say, using the military term that means we have his back.
It seems to loosen him up just enough that he takes that first step out of his room. "Want me to talk?" He nods, his jaw clenched, and his fists closed tightly at his side. Molly is right there next to him, touching her nose to his hands, letting him know she's there, too.
To distract him, I talk about the conversation with my brother, what my father did after I left, and how my brother even called to apologize. By the time I finish, we are standing in the archway that leads from the hallway to the lobby.
To our left are floor to ceiling windows that overlook a courtyard. Ahead of us is the desk Lexi is sitting at, and the lobby is in front of us and to our right. When Lexi looks up, she does a double take, seeing Easton out of his room.
Looking behind him, I see another patient coming down the hall, so I hold my hand up, and he stops. Holding up a finger in a one-minute motion, he nods and goes back down the hall.
"Still want to go say hi to Lexi?" I ask him.
His eyes are searching over the lobby, and I know he's taking it in, planning.
He nods and takes a step forward. His steps are slow and measured. When a woman on the other side of the lobby laughs a little too loud, he jumps, and Molly is right there, licking his hand. She switches sides and puts herself between him and the lobby, and that seems to relax him slightly, but not by much.
A few more steps, and someone walks by a little too close, and he tenses, but Molly forces the guy away by getting in his way. I make a mental note to spoil her rotten tonight.
Noah walks up and stands by Lexi at the front desk in as much shock as Lexi is, even though he tries to hide it. Once we reach the desk, Easton reaches out and grips hold of it, like it's the only thing anchoring him to this world, and it might be, I don't know.
"Hey, Easton," Noah says, offering him a big smile.
Noah doesn't make a big deal out of this, and I'm thankful. I think the last thing he needs is to be the center of attention no matter how good natured it is.
Easton is breathing hard, his jaw and fists are still clenched, and Molly is right by his side.
"We can go back, Easton. You did really well." I say in a soft voice, and he nods again and turns back towards the hallway, but he doesn't move right away.
Lexi looks at me and mouths 'Wow,' and I mouth back 'Talk later,' and she nods. Noah catches my eye and mouths 'Thank you,’ and I give a slight nod and turn back to Easton.
"Ready?" I ask.
He doesn't respond, just starts walking. He walks a bit faster to his room, like he can't wait to get back there, and I can understand, since that’s his safe place.
Back in his room, he heads right for his chair and sits, and Molly is in his lap a second later.
"Close the door, please." He says, as I step into the room.
I do as he asks and sit down in the chair across from him.
"You did really good, Easton. I very much wish I could give you a hug and hold you right now." I almost whisper the last part.
He stares at me for a moment, before he speaks. "I know how you feel. When you came in here after your brother’s party, I felt it and wanted to hold you so badly."
Watching him, I nod, and he slowly relaxes.
"I'm trying, Paisley. I'm trying... for you." He says, and my eyes snap to him, but he's looking out of the window.
I almost wonder if I imagined it, until his eyes meet mine, and in them, is a vulnerability that I know is hard for him to show.
"I’ll be here every step of the way," I tell him.
***After my visit to Easton and Oakside, I head home to drop off Molly and pick up Atticus, and then go to Amanda's house. Amanda is the one who got me into training dogs. She’s a friend now, and the one I always turn to for help.
In the beginning with Atticus, she helped me train him. Now that I think he's ready, we’re going to put him through his paces. She has this obstacle course set up at her place, but it’s not a normal obstacle course.
This one is designed with noises, distractions, and tests to see if a service dog is ready. It's not foolproof, but it's a good indicator.
I love my time with Amanda, though. We talk about anything and everything, and I really want to get her to take on Easton, because I'm feeling a bit guilty about keeping it from my brother, even though I'm still mad at him.
"Hey there, Atticus," Amanda says, as we get out of the car. She always greets the dog first, as she is so much more of a dog person than a people person.
"Hi, you." She stands up and hugs me.
Amanda is in her early forties. Older than me, but not quite old enough to be my mom. Well, I guess if she had been super young, maybe. She has blonde hair that is turning to gray at the roots, and is a very easygoing person, who always prefers to be comfortably dressed.
"Let's put Atticus through his paces. He can nap, while we chat. You're staying for dinner, right? I have a pot roast slow cooking you’ll die for."
"Well, if I wasn't I certainly am now." I joke.
We both know there’s no way I'm passing up some of her home cooking.
We take Atticus to the obstacle course and run him around obstacles, distractions, loud noises, and things that would scare most dogs. We have him react to commands, interact with other dogs, and more.
He passes his tests with flying colors. I fill her in on the pool test, and how he did with Easton.
"I think he's ready to start training with his new owner."
"I thought so. I’ll let him know," I say.
The next step will be to work one-on-one with his future owner, so they’ll get to know each other. Teach his owner all his commands and cues, and then find the best ways Atticus can help him. This is my favorite part of the whole job.
We spoil Atticus with some attention, before heading inside to give him some water and treats, as well as get ready for dinner. I help set the table, and before we even sit down to eat, Atticus is already passed out on Amanda's couch with his feet in the air, head hanging off the couch, and tongue hanging out of his mouth.
I snap a few photos and send them to Jake, Atticus' owner.
Me: Passing his training test was hard, but he passed with flying colors.
Jake: Really? What's the next step?
Me: Training with you every day that’s possible.
Jake: I'm ready. Let's do it.
"Well, Jake is excited to take the next steps," I say, as we sit down to eat.
"So, tell me about this Easton."
I've been texting her highlights here and there, and how I took Atticus to see him, so now I fill in the bits. I start at running into him at Oakside, and a bit of his history as a POW. I talk about how Molly took to him, and the progress he's making.
She studies me for a minute. "There’s more to it than that." She points her fork at me.
"Easton was my brother's best friend growing up. They lost contact over the years and with his deployments."
"And?"
"And I had a crush on him for years, and I guess I still do," I say.
"And does your brother know he's there?"
"Nope. He doesn't want him to know. At least not yet. There’s a reason they lost contact, so when he's ready he’ll reach out."
"He’s doing good with Molly?"
"Yeah, I think he’s more interested in Molly's visits than mine, but he talks to me. I'm the only person he lets in his room other than his nurses and doctors as needed."
"That's because he knows you. You’re from his past life, the one before his military time. You’re safe. Have you thought about getting him his own dog for when he gets out? I’m sure it would be a good thing, and give you a reason to be around him, when he gets out. Just a thought." She smiles.
We dig into our dinner some more, before she starts up again.
"Now, what happened at the pool party? I only got the Reader’s Digest version." She says.
By the time I'm done telling her about getting pimped out by my mom, hit on by the drunk guys, my brother encouraging it, and then my leaving in a yelling fit, Amanda is laughing hard.
"I'd have paid anything to see that," she says. "When I was in school, the frat boys were all the same. A few friends of mine would get together, and we'd go to the frat parties just to watch them, and it was the best entertainment you could get."
I just shake my head and smile. She studies me for a minute, as we finish eating.
"Honestly, you’ll forgive your brother. He's family, and I'm sure he got his ass chewed out by your mama. You’ll forgive her, because after all, she thought she was doing something that would make you happy.”
“As for Easton, just be there for him. If you stand by his side through this, then there’s a good chance something more might be in the cards. When he's ready, he’ll reconnect with your brother, but you have to respect his wishes on that one."
That's exactly what I was afraid of.